I managed to snap out of my shocked state, grabbing hold of the pills Nick had left on the top of his drawer. I felt so ashamed in that moment as I walked down the stairs, I didn't notice Alex saying goodbye. Instead, I slammed the door and walked back home.
Nick knew about my pills. He would tell everyone. Maybe he thought I was a druggie, judging by how desperate he knew I was to find them. The embarrassment made my cheeks tingle, and that might have been the first time I ever blushed.
Nick had known all along. He knew what I was looking for, and he just played me. What was even more pathetic and degrading was that he pretended to go along with it, with each lie. I felt so angry at him, but mostly at myself. How could I have been so stupid?
I reached my front door and practically burst through the door. I threw my bag on my bed, but my pills were still in hand. Those stupid, stupid pills that ruined my life ever since the day got them. Those stupid pills that had so much control over my life. I hated them.
I wanted my friends back. I wanted my old school back where everything was okay and I was happy and without this feeling hanging over me all the time and where I could show my real face and not cower behind a mask because I knew I could trust people. I unwillingly handed my life over to my anxiety months ago, but now, I was desperate to have it back.
I threw my pills on my bed and lay down over the sheets, exhausted and worn down from the day. Maybe tomorrow wouldn't be as bad. That slight ray of hope was the only thing that kept me going. Maybe tomorrow would be better.
***
"So?"
"'So what?" I twirled the noodles around with my chopsticks, taking in the tasty smell.
Alex rolled his eyes and gave me a pointed look. "You know what I mean."
"Oh, right. Sophie." I said her name in a sing-songy voice and nudged him with my elbow. "You're not going to like this, but she said she hates football."
"What? No way."
I nodded. "Yes, way. When I mentioned going to a game sometime, she said there was no way she was going."
Alex sighed and lounged back on the sofa. "Alright... and?"
"And what?"
"Well, she has to like something. Golf? Bowling? Soccer? Because lucky for her, I'm good at all those."
"She did mention one thing..." I said, and he raised his eyebrows, waiting for an answer. "Boxing." He groaned and ran his hands through his hair.
"Seriously? Out of so many things, she likes to watch dudes punch each other? You should just tell her to hook up with my brother instead." He rolled his eyes playfully.
"Hey, it's not so bad. Just take her to a boxing match with you or something. Or, you know, a normal date."
"You mean like the ones Nick fights at?" He stated casually, taking another bite of the noodles of his takeout box. "And I want to get to know her better before taking her on a real date."
"You... know about that?" I said, ignoring his last sentence.
He gave me a knowing look. "Sam, most of the seniors know. You think his stepbrother wouldn't?"
"How doesn't he get caught, then?" I asked, curious as to how no one had ever turned them in.
"It's not like most of them can get in anyways, but trust me, no one would risk turning any of those guys in." He shrugged and continued. "Besides, a lot of people like to watch." He sighed. "Unfortunately, Cami's one of them."
"Alex, come on. You're ten times sweeter and more charming than Nick."
"Did someone say charming?" Nick's voice came from behind us as the front door slammed shut. We both turned as Nick walked towards us, plopping down on the sofa in between us and kicking his legs up on the table. "By the way, that" he pointed at the takeout and turned to Alex. "looks disgusting."
My heart rate flew as soon as he came in the room. The embarrassment was still clinging on to me, and I couldn't bring myself to look at Nick in the eye. He could bring up the pills any second now. What would I say if he asked what they were for?
"Hands off the noodles, man." Alex called out, Nick rolled his eyes and got up from the sofa.
"Whatever. Come on dude, let's go." He said, and nodded his head towards the front door.
Alex's gaze flickered between Nick and I. "Shit, I forgot. Give me ten minutes, alright?" He took another bite of his noodles and stood up hastily as I stared with a questioning look.
"Where are you guys going?" I asked Alex, but I could feel Nick's stare burning into me.
"Surfing." Alex said. "You should come."
"You can watch us if you want, stalker." Nick said with a smirk.
"Watch? You think I can't surf?" I crossed my arms over my chest.
Nick stared at me with a deadpan expression, but Alex was the one who spoke. "You can surf? Since when?"
"Since always- Why does that surprise you guys so much anyways?"
The two of them just exchanged looks, as if saying they didn't really believe it and shrugged. Okay, I was officially hurt. "I bet I could surf better than the two of you." I scoffed and this earned a coarse laugh from Nick.
"Alright, you think you can surf better than us? Prove it." He crossed his arms, making the muscles bulge a little from under his shirt.
"Yeah, come on, Sam." Alex joined in.
"I- I didn't mean it that way, I mean, you guys were going surfing alone and I should just go home or something." I quickly suggested and waved them off.
"Told you she's a wimp." Nick stated casually and walked to the kitchen.
"I'm a what?"
Five minutes later, Alex came walking down the stairs, wearing his wetsuit up to his waist and a white shirt on.
"Sam, come on. I still have to take you to your place so you can change." He called out and opened the door to his house.
"But I haven't finished my noodles yet."
I could hear Alex's laugh from behind me as he walked out the door. "You'll reheat the leftovers later."
He walked away as I stared at the unfinished noodles and muttered under my breath. "Leftovers never taste the same." I huffed and trailed behind him.
"Nick went for the extra surfboard, he'll be here soon." I nodded and got in the front seat while he finished loading up the two surfboards in the backseat of his convertible.
"Hey, Alex? I can just rent a surfboard, you guys don't need to-"
"Nah, it's okay, we have one in the back." I bit my lip. I was intruding way too much already, and I didn't want to be a burden on them. Maybe I should just stay home and make up some crappy excuse.
A door shut, and I turned my head to see Nick walking out the front door, carrying a surfboard with one arm.
"Come on, Nick. Get in the backseat." Nick threw the surfboard in the back. When he saw me, his expression turned wry with a hint of annoyance.
"No way in hell." He sighed. The next thing I knew, Nick had reached over and scooped me up from the front seat as I screamed.
"Let me go, you jerk." I shoved his chest and wriggled around in his strong arms.
He grinned, flashing a set of dazzling white teeth. "Gladly." He threw me in the backseat and my back sent out a wave of pain as it collided with one of the surfboards.
"Ow." Both of them chuckled as Nick got in the front seat.
"You okay?" Alex turned and asked me, trying to hold in the laughter.
"Never been better." I said in between grunts. Nick took another glance at me from over his shoulder, the sudden wind tugging at his messy brown hair.
"Sorry, Sammi." He smiled devilishly. "But I got shotgun."
I wiggled my toes, digging them into the soft sand and breathed in the salty air. A wave broke at the edge of the shore, the cold water sweeping over my feet and making me suck in a sharp breath. "What's the hold up? You suddenly remembered you can't swim or something?" Nick said and I realized he was behind me, attaching the leg rope on his surfboard around his ankle.
"It's freezing cold."
"It's not that bad. I can barely feel a thing." He shrugged and took a step closer.
"That's because your heart is already ice cold." I snapped and held my breath for the witty comeback that was sure to roll off his tongue. He laughed and shook his head, kneeling down in front of me as I froze. His hand reached out and touched my ankle, moving towards the leg rope I had attached around it. His sudden touch made me tense. "What the hell are you doing?" I heard the sound of velcro ripping apart and felt it come together again tightly around my ankle.
"Your leg rope was loose." He stood up and his face was closer than before, his brown eyes shining under the sun. My feet shuffled an inch away from him. "Now, would a guy with a cold heart help a lady in need?" He winked and ran into the sea, paddling out without flinching once at the chilled water.
I rolled my eyes and took a step forward, and another one. I forced my feet to keep moving despite the ice cold water nipping at my body. The thought of what this felt like without a wetsuit on made me shiver.
My hand traced over the surface of the water, occassionally raising it up, watching as the small drops fell from the tips of my fingers. I didn't know why it was relaxing. My head snapped up when I saw Alex catching a huge wave a few feet away. I cheered and he whooped triumphantly when he resurfaced after falling into the water. Nick was further out and he lay on his surfboard, waiting for another wave to catch.
I sighed in frustration at myself. The two of them had already surfed many waves, and I hadn't been able to yet. It was more like I was too afraid to try. I mean, it had been months since I last surfed and I did not want to embarrass myself, especially after claiming to be better than the two of them. Great thinking there, Sam.
The sea was calm right now, and I looked over at Nick. Maybe I needed to go farther out to catch a good wave. I finally decided on that as I paddled out. Nick was a couple of feet to my right, but we were at about the same distance from the shore.
He turned his head over to me when he saw me near, still laying on his board looking at ease and comfortable. "Hey, Sammi. Plan on actually surfing anytime soon or should I just call your bluff?" He smiled amusedly.
"You'll see..." I muttered to myself. A few seconds later, I saw a large wave starting to form in the short distance. My heart started racing with adrenaline. Okay, Sam. I told myself. This is it.
I started paddling out, determined to catch the wave. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nick sit up on his surfboard, probably looking forward to my eventual wipeout. I paddled harder, and quickly got on my feet, nearly falling over, but gaining my balance. I moved swiftly with the wave, feeling a sense of euphoria and triumph while I laughed geefully to myself and Alex cheered me on. It was as if I had never stopped surfing; I knew exactly what to do and it felt so natural.
It wasn't just about catching the wave, but being here now brought back so many good memories from my old school. It was liberating. Those late nights with my friends when we'd sneak out just to come surf. When I first learned how to surf along with Amanda in summer. Those were one of the last few happy memories I had left of my old life before it went to crap, and I didn't want to let them go, but maybe it was time to put everything behind me. After all, a new start is why I came here in the first place.
Orange and pink hues danced on the streaked sky while the golden sun was finally setting on the horizon. We had been here for maybe two hours, and I was worn out already.
I wasn't sure if they were ever going to come out of there, and my mom would get worried if I was home after dark. But the view was so amazing, all I wanted was to rest on my surfboard watching the sun set.
I heard Nick before I saw him paddling up to me. "Hey, let's head out. We leave in 15." He nodded his head towards Alex. "He wants to catch some more waves first."
I nodded, relieved that we were leaving soon, but also strangely not wanting it to end. "Sure."
My arms felt tired as I paddled to shore with Nick, yet he looked as if he had barely moved a muscle. I did not want to think about how my hair looked after all the wipeouts and surfing.
My legs felt sore and heavy as I waded out of the cold water. Nick was right about that, at least. I had gotten used to it, even though the feeling of my feet hadn't come back yet.
Nick put his own surfboard on the sand and sat down next to it, grabbing a stray stick and using it to scribble on the sand. I lay down my surfboard as well, but stayed standing up.
"It's going to be a while, you know?" Nick said without looking at me, and I realized he meant that I was standing up. I turned to see Alex riding a wave expertly. He looked like he really enjoyed this.
"I know. But the sand is going to stick to my wetsuit and I'd have to rinse it off again. In the cold water." I rubbed my hands over my arms. It was starting to get chilly.
He just shrugged. "Suit yourself."
Five minutes later, I was sitting on a towel over the sand next to Nick. I had gotten too tired to stay standing up.Thankfully, he ignored me and didn't start being an annoying jerk again. Or so I thought.
"So, Sammi. I've been thinking." I groaned as soon as he said the word Sammi, but he didn't seem to care. He turned to me with a playful gaze and narrowed his brown eyes at me. "What was so important about those pills anyways?" My gaze caught on to his, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to break apart. My heart skipped a beat.
He didn't forget and he wasn't going to just let that slide. My breathing got heavier as I struggled with what to say.
"It's none of your business." My voice came out hard and quiet. Why did he keep pushing this? Why should he even care? So that he could have something against me?
I could feel his cold eyes on me even after I broke his gaze. I wish he would stop. It made me feel nervous for some reason and I didn't like it when he stared. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his mouth open as if he were about to say something, but was interrupted by Alex's voice. "Hey, sorry for the wait guys. Come on, let's go."
I stood up from my spot on the sand and brushed the sand off myself, avoiding Nick. I could feel his eyes on me as he stood up as well. "Yeah." He said as I looked back at him out of the corner of my eye. "Let's go."
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