Elena didn't come out of the bathroom. It took everything in Harry not to knock on the door and beg her to let him in, especially when he was sure he heard her crying. His heart broke with each choked sob that she fought to keep from escaping her lips so he wouldn't know.
This was not how this was supposed to go. This night should not have ended with him sliding into bed alone and her crying in a bathroom. Harry racked his brain to try to figure out where he'd gone wrong. Clearly he'd missed a cue. And he never missed cues where Elena was concerned.
He waited as long as he could for her to come out. So he could wrap his arms around her, hold her close, put the pieces he'd shattered back together. But the exhaustion from the day and the lack of sleep he'd gotten the night before overtook him.
He fell asleep never hearing Elena finally emerge from the bathroom, slide into the bed next to him and try to fall asleep herself.
------------------------------
Harry reached his arm out, an instinctive move to pull Elena closer to him. But his hand hit nothing but cold, emptiness this time. He lifted his head up off the pillow, his eyes opening immediately as he looked around the room. He was alone in the darkness. He felt the warm breeze from the gentle wind outside, alerting him to the fact that the door to the balcony was open.
He disentangled himself from the sheets, grabbing a t-shirt from his suitcase to pull over his head before he made his way to the door. She was sitting in the middle of a lounge chair, her knees pulled up inside his Donut hoodie, her chin balanced on her knee. He felt his chest squeeze. She looked alone, lost and a little scared. Three things Harry never wanted to see on her face.
He walked out to her silently, swinging his leg over the chair, he scooted in behind her. She turned her head to watch as he pressed his lips to her shoulder.
Elena turned back to looking forward, but she melted into him the same way she always did.
"Wh-which part of you loves me because I'm an athlete?" She asked softly, before she lifted her tear-filled glassy eyes to meet his, "And which part loves me because I'm me?"
Harry was stunned into silence. His mouth fell open just slightly as he stared into the face of a woman whose uncertain future had finally caught up to her. Since that moment in her kitchen when she'd broke down, Elena had staved off the harshest instances of fear and it finally hit her full force.
He had no answer. He wanted to tell her that was crazy, assure her he loved every single part of her regardless of her career. But a voice in his head cautioned him that grandstanding wasn't what she needed at the moment. Elena needed to hear his honesty.
He pulled her hair back off her shoulder,
"I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Because then you'd know..." He whispered.
She blinked, sniffing back tears that had yet to slip down her cheeks,
"What would I see?"
"You'd see that you are so much more than your abilities. So much more than just an athlete. I love that you love soccer so much. I can't even put into words what it does for me to watch you do something you love. But it's not the only thing that makes you who you are." He lifted his thumb to run just under her eye, "Your kindness, your sense of humor, the way you approach life, your optimism, your strength..." He squeezed her a bit tighter, "All of that and more..." He said as he tucked his chin into the crook of her neck.
She snuggled into him,
"I'm scared." She admitted softly, "I'm scared I won't get it back. I'm scared people won't know how to love me without it. I don't know if I know who I am if I'm not a soccer player." Elena started to softly shake in his arms while the tears she'd been holding back slowly presented themselves, "I feel like I've lost a piece of myself."
Harry squeezed her tighter. He didn't even care if he was crushing her. He just wanted her to know he was there,
"I'm scared, too." He admitted in return, "I'm scared that people won't know how to love me without the band. I'm scared that the change will be too much." He lifted his head to look at her, "So...maybe we can be scared together." She nodded gently and snuggled into his chest.
She had calmed some, her eyes diverting down and away from his,
"I took my anger and frustration out on you tonight." She started, "This was your night. Your solo release. You worked so hard. I ruined all of that." She finally looked back up at him, her eyes locking with his, "I'm sorry."
He breathed out a deep sigh,
"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have pushed you into all of that. I should have-"
"You didn't push me." She interrupted, "Please don't think that. I liked it. I did. You were so thoughtful and sweet and I...I shouldn't have been so uptight. The dress, the shoes, walking into that party on your arm...it was like a dream."
Harry blinked twice,
"Listen...what those girls said-"
She shook her head instantly,
"It doesn't matter-"
"It does matter." He said matter-of-factly, "It matters. Because I don't want you thinking that any of that was true."
"I don't think it's true."
He studied her face for a moment,
"I'm not 'playing in the mud' with you, Len. This is important to me. You are important to me. I'm not...playing a game. No pun intended." When she smiled, he did as well, "I'm not going anywhere."
She nodded,
"Me either." Her smile faded slowly, "Your plane leaves tomorrow at three."
He nodded,
"I was hoping you'd let me spend the day with you. My schedule seems to have cleared up suddenly."
Elena laughed softly,
"I think I could work you in."
He again snuggled his chin into the crook of her neck, his arms tightening around her as she too tightened her grasp on him.
Harry took a breath, something still nagging at him,
"When I said I was never more proud to be with you-"
"Harry-"
"I didn't mean it the way you took it."
Elena nodded. She hated herself for making him feel like he needed to explain things to her that she never would have taken the wrong way if she hadn't been living in her own head,
"I know you didn't."
"I meant that sharing that with you...my accomplishment, my first solo record release...I was proud of myself. I was proud to have you there with me. I may not have known you when I was recording it, but the idea of you drove me to record some of those songs."
Elena swallowed the lump in her throat. She didn't think it was possible for her to have messed up this night any worse than she had. She looked down, her eyes focusing on the eagle tattoo on his inner arm,
"The idea of me..." She whispered softly.
He leaned forward his lips pressing to her cheek. He pushed his forehead against her temple and let out a deep sigh.
------------------------------
Harry woke up about the same way the next morning. Only this time he could hear Elena rummaging around the room. He popped an eye open and glanced in his immediate area before lifting his head up.
She was packing up her suitcase. A move that made his heart sink right into his feet. She turned around, stopping when she saw his eyes were open,
"Oh sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."
Harry pushed himself onto his elbows,
"So eager to leave?"
She shook her head,
"No. Not at all. I just-" She shrugged, "I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to wake you up."
Harry sat all the way up, letting out a sigh as he lifted his hand to her,
"Come here, please." Elena sat down between his legs, reaching up to scratch a non-existent itch on her forehead. Harry lifted his hand to tug on a strand of her hair, "Are you still upset?"
Elena took a moment to gather herself. She licked her lips,
"With you? Not at all. With me?..."
"Len, I told you it's fine."
"I know what you told me. I heard you. I just..." She shrugged, "I can't believe I acted like such a brat."
"Brat is a little harsh."
"It's also the truth."
He slid his arms around her waist, pulling her into him closely,
"What's say I get up and take a shower...and we go do nothing all day?"
Elena smiled despite her extreme embarrassment,
"Yeah?"
He nodded,
"Yeah. Anything you wanna do or don't wanna do. We'll just-"
Just as Harry was about to finish his phone blared to life. He rolled his eyes, sighing as he reached over to grab it off his nightstand. He frowned when he saw Jeff's face on the screen. Elena watched as he tapped the answer button,
"Hello?" He barked into the phone.
"Buddy, you gotta get up...so much happened over night."
Harry pinched his eyebrows together in confusion,
"What do you mean?"
Jeff was half laughing and half in shock,
"It's sold out. Everywhere. No one has any copies of it left. Anywhere. And iTunes has it listed as number one..."
Harry felt Elena stand up off the bed. For a moment he tried to split his attention between them both until he chose Jeff, figuring he'd get him off the phone quicker,
"Great. Call me when you get some numbers."
"Harry, no. People wanna talk...I'm talking big interviews. You have to get up and get it together."
Harry looked up at Elena who had leaned against the wall with her arms folded over her stomach. The look on her face told him she knew what was coming.
He reached up to rub his forehead, feeling a headache coming on,
"Jeff, no. Elena and I are-"
"Harry, did you hear me? This is no time for your girlfriend bullshit." Jeff said sternly, "Get your ass up. I'll be at your room in 15 minutes to get you."
Jeff hung up before Harry had any more chances to argue. Harry looked down at his phone before he turned to look at Elena.
She shrugged,
"So...day doing nothing has to wait, I guess."
Harry stood up, nearly tripping over the sheets as he desperately tried to get out of them,
"Len, I won't go. When he shows up, I'll-"
"Yes you will." Elena interrupted, "Because this is important. And I get it."
Harry's shoulders slumped. He didn't know which he liked better. The time in his life before all of this happened and he was still able to drop things at a moment's notice to be with those he loved. Or this time in his life when everything he'd worked so hard on was now a reality.
He walked towards her,
"I'll be done by noon. I swear."
Elena nodded,
"Ok."
"I mean it, Len."
"I believe you." She shrugged, sliding her hands into her back pockets, "Hey, I have a surprise for you today."
Harry raised his eyebrows,
"You do? What is it?"
"If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise." She leaned forward to kiss him softly, "So hurry back...or you'll miss it."
------------------------------
Elena knew he wouldn't make it. Despite his protests and assurances he would be back in their hotel room at noon, he texted at 11:30 - just as Elena finished packing the picnic into her backpack - to tell her he was stuck.
She knew he'd texted so he wouldn't have to hear the disappointment in her voice and she couldn't blame him. She would have been unable to hide it from him so a text was definitely better.
Elena decided to have her picnic anyway. Solo.
She spread the blanket down, set all the food out, poured herself a glass of wine and snapped a photo.
Loneliness was a feeling she knew well.
------------------------------
Harry lifted his hands to Elena's face once he handed his bags over to the gentlemen loading luggage onto the plane he was about to board.
He felt terrible about missing their final date. It was radiating off of him. He'd apologized over and over even though Elena assured him it was ok. He could tell she meant it, she wasn't just saying it to make him feel better or to avoid a fight. And that almost made it worse.
He had spent this entire vacation breaking promises and letting her down. His attempts to stop the bleeding just made it worse. His solo CD was a rousing success. He never figured that this day would be both a blessing and a curse.
She smiled up at him, her arms sliding around his waist,
"Be good."
He nodded,
"You too. Try not to break anything else while I'm gone."
She stuck her tongue out at him,
"Didn't break anything the first time."
He smoothed her hair back off her face. One last moment to study her face, make a memory of every imperfection and line so he could picture her whenever he closed his eyes. One last moment to say goodbye for the next three straight weeks.
"I'll call you when I land."
"Me too. But I bet I land first."
"I'll make sure Jeff sends you all the info for the magazine release when he gets it. Before he even sends it to me."
She giggled,
"He can send it to you first, Harry...it's alright."
He shook his head,
"Is it?"
Her smile faded slowly,
"Yes. It is." She reached up to press her finger to the cross hanging around his neck, "It's your job. I knew who you were going in. None of this is a shock."
"I still don't like it." He grumbled.
She lifted onto her tiptoes pushed a kiss to his mouth,
"No grumpy faces. Smile." She commanded.
Harry tried his best to cheesy grin which caused her to giggle. He relaxed his face, staring down at her for a few moments before he leaned forward and nuzzled her with his nose,
"We didn't even...get to touch each other last night."
Elena closed her eyes as he twisted her back and forth,
"I think if we did that here those paps over there would get more than they bargained for." Harry laughed softly but didn't pull away from her.
He looped his fingers through her belt loops,
"I love you." He whispered.
"Love you more." She answered.
The plane roared to life just then, the high pitched squeal of the engine piercing into the air between them. Harry pulled away, staring up at the plane for a moment before he looked back down at her,
"You'll call me if you need anything."
"Yes. When I'm out of bread I'll make sure you're the first to know." When Harry shot her a look she laughed, "Get on the plane already. I'll see you in three weeks. Without this stupid thing on my foot."
He released her from his grasp reluctantly, stepping back to press a kiss to her mouth,
"Love you. I love you. Love you so much." He whispered as he wound one arm around her in a tight hug.
Elena allowed herself to clutch him just then. The moment hitting her full force. He was leaving for three weeks.
They released each other, Harry taking a second to take one last look before he turned to the plane.
Elena watched, backing up towards the car as he walked up the steps. She waved when he turned around to look at her before getting onto the plane. She watched as the door closed and as the plane made its way to the runway. She watched as it took off, shielding her eyes from the sun when it lifted into the air until it became a dot in the sky.
------------------------------
Elena was so happy to be home she could barely contain herself from jumping into Chrissy's arms when she met her outside baggage claim. Chrissy instead tried desperately to get Elena to free her from her grasp,
"I knew you'd be happy to see me...but damn girl."
Elena released her,
"Sorry. Just happy to be home."
Chrissy studied her best friend closely. Happy to be home? What? She just left the love of her life.
Chrissy waited until they got out to her car before she turned to Elena,
"Alright, talk."
Elena finished checking her reflection in the mirror before she turned to Chrissy,
"What?"
"You're happy to be home? What? Elena, you just left Harry."
Elena nodded,
"I know. Thanks for reminding me."
Chrissy stared back at her. Something was up, a big something. And Elena was clearly not in the mood to discuss it. But Chrissy wasn't about to let it go,
"Elena-"
"I spent most of the trip alone ok?" Elena finally blurted out. She toyed with the zipper on her jacket, "He was busy. He's allowed to be busy. I knew he'd be busy."
Chrissy tried to catch Elena's eye, but Elena kept her eyes diverted downward,
"Then why do you seem mad that he was busy?"
"I'm not mad." Elena said, almost a little too quickly, "I'm not." When Chrissy didn't say anything Elena looked over at her, "I'm not."
"Elena, you can talk to me. I'm not going to say anything to anyone. You know that."
Elena shrugged, a deep breath exiting her lungs,
"It was just hard."
"I'm getting that."
"He had a lot of commitments and I wasn't angry about that. I really wasn't."
"I hear a but in there..."
"It's me, Chris. It's me."
Chrissy reached over to put her hand over Elena's,
"What happened?"
"This injury. My whole future being up in the air...he was nothing but sweet and attentive the whole time." Elena looked down at her lap, "But I don't know who to be without soccer." Elena took another deep breath before she divulged everything that happened before, during and after the party to Chrissy. When she was done, she reached up to pull her hand through her hair, "I feel like I've done damage to us...our relationship. And I don't know how to fix it."
"You said he wasn't mad. He took your apology. He told you you could be scared together."
"Yeah but...when things like that go down...people remember." Elena looked up at Chrissy again, her eyes glassy with tears, "He will remember..."
------------------------------
Elena heard her phone ringing just as she finished unpacking her suitcase. Chrissy took her out for a quick bite to eat where they discussed the Harry debacle in NYC. Chrissy assured her Harry loved her and while Elena believed that, she also couldn't forget the face he'd made when she walked away from him at that party.
She smiled when she saw his grinning face on her phone, tapping the answer button, she put the phone to her ear,
"I'm sorry, I don't know this number."
"Then why'd you answer the phone? Hmmmmmm?" He responded.
He sounded happy, perky even. Maybe she was overreacting.
She sat down on her bed,
"It's empty here."
"Where? Your house?"
Elena nodded,
"Pretty quiet. I'll have to turn on some One Direction and dance around the house naked."
"Sorry I'll be missing that." He said through a laugh, "Just spoke to mum and Gem, they're really excited for you to get here."
"I have Gemma's sweatshirt by the way. And yours. Apparently I just like stealing clothes from the Styles family."
Harry laughed out loud,
"How was the flight?"
"Fine. Long. I'm spoiled now flying private. How was your flight?"
Elena listened to him, but her mind floated elsewhere. Was this what their conversations were going to be like now? Small talk about their flights? Elena felt like the passion between them had been sucked out of the relationship. Usually by this time, Harry would have had her moaning his name in a scorching phone sex session. But he seemed disinterested in any cheekiness of that nature at the moment.
"Len?"
Apparently she hadn't been listening to him that well,
"What? Oh sorry."
"You alright?"
"Yeah."
"You have that meeting with the team tomorrow huh?"
"Yeah. One last push to get our demands heard. I also have to meet with the team doctor and Dr. Thomas."
"I'm sorry I'm not there." He responded softly.
And just like that, she felt their connection again. She laid back on her bed,
"I miss you."
"We have to do something about this always leaving each other. It's doing nothing for me."
She smiled,
"Well if the doctors say I'm done, I should leave tomorrow for London." Harry was silent, prompting Elena to sit back up, "Harry?"
"Len, I know you meant that as a joke but...I just want you to know that while getting you here earlier would be great, I don't want that at the expense of your career."
Elena stared down at her comforter. She had meant it as a joke. Kind of. But Harry knew her well enough to know the part of her that wasn't joking. She nodded,
"Me either."
"Will you call me when you hear? First thing. I'll be a mess waiting for news."
She nodded,
"I will. First thing."
They stayed on the phone for another two hours. Talking and laughing through the time until Harry fell asleep. She listened to his even breaths into the phone until it lulled her to sleep, too.
------------------------------
Elena could feel her heart in her throat as she sat in Dr. Thomas' office waiting. Chrissy wanted to come, in fact she showed up at Elena's house insisting she should be there, but Elena wouldn't allow her. Elena wanted to do this alone. Because if it did turn out that she was done, the last thing he needed was anyone trying to make her feel better about it.
She tried to busy herself by reading the poster in front of her that happened to be a detailed diagram of the female reproductive parts. Interesting and far more informative than anything she got in her sex ed class at school.
Her phone buzzed but she left it in her pocket. It was either Chrissy, Andrea or Harry and she couldn't face any of them at the moment.
When the knock at the door finally came, she just about jumped out of her skin. She gathered herself quickly before Dr. Thomas saw her. He poked his head in the door,
"Ah, Elena. Was hoping this was you. Nurse messed up the charts..."
He thumbed through her file as he took his seat. Each passing second pushed her further and further into a panic attack. When he finally looked up at her she felt like she was sliding out of her shoes,
"How is everything?"
"Fine." She answered curtly.
"No pain while you were in New York?"
"Nothing major. I tried to keep up with my exercises and made sure I didn't over exert myself."
"I see we did another MRI this morning...let's take a look."
Elena held her breath while Dr. Thomas pulled up her knee on the screen in front of them. He studied them for a moment before he pushed back from the computer,
"So, the team doctor...what was his name..."
"Richard." Elena just about screamed out.
"Right. Richard and I spoke and we think a few light workouts, some footwork exercises...just to see how your knee holds up. If you don't have any complications then we'll push it a little further."
Elena stared back at him, her mouth just about hitting the floor,
"Are..." She stopped, "Are you saying I can still play?"
Dr. Thomas blinked at her in confusion,
"Have you been worried this whole time that you wouldn't be able to play? Elena, I told you I'm the best at what I do. The goal was always to get you back onto that field. I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise."
Elena was so ecstatic that it didn't matter to her that he'd killed her entire world over the last couple of weeks by making it sound like she wouldn't play again.
She threw her arms around his neck,
"Oh my God!"
She quickly released him,
"I need to go."
"Wait, Elena...I want you to take it easy. No break outs, calm the running and do not get tackled again. Back here in two weeks so we can do another MRI and see if you're still healing."
Elena whirled back around,
"Yes, two weeks. I'll be back. I swear."
Elena took off out of the office, practically skipped to her car and rode the whole way home with her windows down and her music blaring. It was going to be a great day.
------------------------------
"What'd he say?" That was how Harry answered the phone when Elena called. She had to giggle. It was sweet.
"What are you doing?"
"What am I doing? I'm waiting for you to tell me what the doctor said." He said, exasperated, "Elena Rose Bennett don't toy with me like this."
"My full name? I must be in some big trouble."
"The fact that you're toying with me tells me that it was a good doctor's visit."
"Great. A great doctor's visit."
Harry held his breath,
"What'd he say?"
"I can start light workouts. I can get back to practicing. I have to take it easy but...I don't have to stop playing."
He just about busted her eardrum when he hollered into the phone. His excitement was almost more intense than hers was.
But at least the tension between them was gone. Elena had soccer back and she had her love back and she wasn't going to do anything else to mess that up.
"I'm kind of in love with you, Harry Styles."
She heard him swallow a few gulps of whatever he was drinking before he spoke,
"Just kind of? Because I'm a whole lot in love with you, Elena Rose."
"I can't wait to come and see you."
They spent a few more moments on the phone before they hung up. Elena made the rounds calling her friends and family to let them all know she was cleared to start practicing again, all of them congratulated her and asked her to take it easy.
Elena had crossed one hurdle, now it was time for the next one. She tapped Grady's phone number and put it to her ear,
"Hey, it's me."
"Hey, how'd the doc visit go?" Grady sounded like she'd been asleep.
"Great. I can start doing some light work again."
"Awesome."
"Can you meet me at my house in 30 minutes?"
"Sure. What's up?"
"We have some strategy to plan. We're getting back on that field as a team if it's the last thing we do. And I have some ideas on how to make that happen."