I drove Isabelle to Logan's one day because I was over on that side of town.
"Hi daddy!" she yelled once I let her out of my car.
I shut the door and walked up with her. He picked her up and hugged her.
He looked at me. "How have you been?"
I shrugged. "Pretty good. She's been nagging me about seeing you for the past three days." I said chuckling, looking down at her.
He grinned. "Do you want to stay for a few?"
I looked down and thought. I scratched my head. "...I don't know."
"Please?" they both said.
I laughed. "Fine! You win."
We walked into the house. All the memories came flooding back to me once I stepped inside. The garden just ahead that you could see through the windows. The basement door that was to the right and a door to the left that lead to the office. The office where so many times I tried to do my work but Logan would always distract me by telling me some funny story of what Isabelle did or him playing with my hair. A small smile creeped on my face. It was hard not to admit that I missed him and how much we really did love each other.
"Are you coming?" I heard him say. I guess I was lost in thought.
He was standing in the big archway that led to the living room off to the left. I nodded my head.
"Coffee?" he asked.
Isabelle picked up the kitten that tried to wiggle out of her grasp.
"Sure." I said sitting on the couch.
I almost felt like a stranger to this house now. The couch felt cold unlike it used to: warm and welcoming. The couch where Logan and I would cuddle and drink our coffee. The couch where time after time we fell asleep. I didn't realize how many times I had avoided coming back into this house. I felt my eyes start to sting.
I quickly pulled out my phone and got on Instagram to try and clear my mind.
"Here's your coffee." Logan said setting it on the coffee table in front me.
"Thanks." I said, clicking my phone off and setting it down next to the coffee. He sat down on the same couch but at a slight distance.
I looked over and saw Logan looking down into his coffee. I studied his face...his hair...his eyes. He looked up and caught me staring at him. I quickly looked away.
I picked up my coffee nervously and sipped it. I could hear Isabelle giggling from the other side of the room. A few moments later I saw the kitten darting away, then Isabelle running after it.
"Mommy look!" she shouted. I turned around and saw her holding up the poor cat above her head.
I heard my phone buzz on the table. I quickly turned around and saw it was a text from Ian. I grabbed it before Logan saw knowing he would say something about it.
"Ian?" he asked quietly.
I let out a small sigh and tried to ignore him.
I read the text:
"Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?"
"Can I ask you a question?" Logan's voice echoed through my head.
I swallowed my coffee. "Okay."
"Have you...seen anyone since we divorced?" he didn't look at me.
"...no. Why?"
"Just wondering." he said his voice shaking a little.
"Is there a problem if I do?" I said a little too quickly.
He looked at me finally. "No I just-"
"Look Logan," I said setting the coffee down and standing up. "I know that you're still in love with me but I don't think I am with you. Things happened. It wasn't meant to be."
"It could still work down the road." he said bluntly.
I cocked my head. I had to give him credit that I often wondered if it would one day. "Okay...that's true but just not right now."
"Don't you miss anything?" he asked.
I looked at him. "Yes. Yes, I do Logan. Which is exactly why I never like to come back here!" I could feel a tear fall. "I always remember what seems like a better day; When life was easier. But right now I just don't know if I want that again." I walked towards the door.
"Isabelle, honey, I'm leaving." I said to her.
"Okay! Bye mommy." she said giving me a hug.
"Ill see you soon okay?" I said, sniffling.
I could feel Logan's eyes on me and Isabelle.
"Mommy, why are you crying?" she asked taking her small hand and it putting it to my cheek.
I laughed a little. "It's nothing. Just sometimes things make you cry."
She looked to Logan. "Was it because of daddy?" she asked.
I looked at him. "Uhh..no. Everything's fine. Don't worry." I said kissing her cheek. "Have fun, okay? Be good!" I said standing up.
She went back to playing with her toys a few feet away. I put my jacket on and then my TOMs. I left without saying a further goodbye.