Chapter 91: Ripples on the Water
Today, my work finished a little late. Things weren't smooth this time so we had to extend. Sigh. I feel exhausted; the people we're collaborating with have been making quite a lot of mistakes lately so we've been doing overtime frequently these days. I'm glad to be home now.
"Ai, I'm home." I put down my bag on top of the nearest side table.
"Welcome back." He says in a monotone voice.
He sounds a bit down; perhaps he's just tired? Maybe he's stressed? He didn't look at me when he greeted me so that would mean he's not in a good mood. Did something happen at work? Or maybe he received more work against his will again?
I go over to him at the living room area; he's looking thru some papers. "Ai, how are you over there?"
He puts down the papers he was reading and says, "I'm fine. I just have to go over these papers for work. I might need to stay up late to finish these so go ahead and sleep ahead of me when you're sleepy."
His tone was cold. He's definitely not in a good mood. What could I do for him?
"Um, okay. Don't stay up too late though; it won't be good for you health."
He doesn't say anything and continues to go over his papers. Are they scripts or are they songs? Are they even related to work or are they personal matters? I'm not sure.
"Would you like me to cook up something for you, Ai? You might get hungry."
"No need."
"Do you need any help? Is there anything I could do?"
"No. There's nothing you could do at the moment; you don't have to trouble yourself. I can handle these."
He continues to talk in a cold tone and he doesn't even look at me when I'm speaking to him or when he replies to me. What's wrong with him?
"Ai, are you really okay? Is something bothering—"
"Kaori, I'm fine." He says in a cold raised tone.
Hearing him answer back to me like that ignites something in me; something snaps inside of me.
"You're not acting like yourself; something is up. What's wrong? It would help if you talk about it with me." I say in an irritated tone.
"There is nothing wrong!"
"What do you mean there's nothing wrong?! You're lying to me. Why won't you talk to me?"
"Kaori, I'm just caught up with work and some other matters! There is nothing wrong! There is nothing to talk about so would you just leave me alone for tonight?!"
I got shocked. That was the first time that Ai spoke in such an angry manner. However, instead of feeling fear or concern, something else grew inside of me and I just lost control of myself.
"I hate it when you do that...I hate it...You're always like that! It's unfair!"
He finally turns around to face me; his face is filled with shock at the sound of my voice. That was the first time I've raised my voice in anger like that at him. My head hurts from the frustration, anger, and disappointment flowing inside of me; I feel like I'd burst right here where I stand. I don't want to talk any further but because of the heat of my emotions, my mouth continues to speak without control. Even my mind is throwing out thoughts that I wish I had time to think about first before spewing them out of my mouth.
"Ka—"
"Whenever I had something in my mind or when I was feeling down, I would always confide in you! You always told me that you'd listen to me and help me if you could and I said that it would be the same for you but all you do is keep it to yourself! You would change the subject and handle it by yourself! You don't confide in me at all! It makes me think that you don't trust me enough or you think that I'm useless during your times of need! It's like you keep secrets from me and that's just terrible! It's not fair!"
I feel so angry and terrible that my body trembles all over; I feel extremely terrible as I speak that I my eyes start to water. Whenever I get really angry, I tend to cry a little because I feel terrible when I lash at people; it makes me feel like I'm such a bad person. I try to control my trembling body but I can't help it; anger has taken over me.
"We're both working, aren't we?! I'd get it if you're tired! I'd get it if you'd want to take a break! I'd get it if you'd request things from me! Why can't you understand that?! You always told me that I shouldn't carry everything on my shoulders and let you help me; you always said that we should share our problems and tasks! So why won't you open up to me! It's so one sided!"
Ai is at a loss for words as I continue to speak.
"I know when you're troubled, I know when you're feeling sad, I know when you're tired, I know when you're annoyed but you never say anything and just brush it off when I ask what's wrong or what's on your mind! You think it makes me feel better when you say nothing?! It doesn't! It just makes me worry about you more! It makes me feel like you become distant! It makes me think you don't trust me! You're always there for me so why won't you let me be there for you?! I hate it! I hate you!"
I suddenly shut my mouth and cover it in shock. The words that came out of my mouth shocked me. I feel...terrible...really terrible...I didn't want to lash out at him like that and I shouldn't have said so much. We're just both tired. I've let my emotions and stress get to me. I look at Ai and his face is filled with shock at the words I uttered.
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean that; I don't...hate you."
I said something I shouldn't have...That was too much...I'm terrible.
"I don't hate you...I would never...Sorr...y"
This isn't right. I need to cool down. I need to stop and just breathe for a moment. I need to stop.
Stop.
Stop..
Stop...
My vision starts to blur due to my tears building up. I don't want to cry in front of him like this; it's not right; it's not fair.
Ai approaches and when he reaches out for me, I step backward away from him. Not sure of what to say or what to do, I take my bag and run towards the door; I ran away.
"Kaori, wait!"
I close the door behind me as I left the apartment.
Lucky for me, the elevator was on our floor; someone must have used it not too long ago. I get in the elevator and press the ground floor button. As the elevator doors close, I see Ai running towards the elevator when he saw me in it.
"Wait!"
I shut my eyes, praying that he wouldn't make it.
"Hold on! Don't—"
His voice was distant. The elevator doors close and descend; he didn't make it. I feel somewhat relieved. I didn't want to face him; not in this state. I need to calm down and cool off; I don't want to be at home until I do...I don't want to see him for a while until I recollect myself.
As soon as the elevator's doors open, I left the building and took a taxi.
"Where are you headed, miss?" the taxi driver asked.
Where am I headed? I truly don't know...I don't think I could stay at Manager-san's house with Naoto-kun and besides, Manager-san would definitely just tell Ai that I'm staying with them. If I went home to my house here in Tokyo...Ai would definitely try to look for me there.
"Excuse me miss, where are you headed to?" the taxi driver asks again in concern.
"Ah! I'm sorry! I was just thinking. Could you please take me to..." I told him to go to Shining Agency. I thought that maybe Haruka would let me stay with her at the dormitory. If not, then I could always look for a cheap hotel for the night...and for the next few days.
The taxi drives thru the empty night streets. My phone starts to ring and I take it out from my bag; the caller ID says that it's Ai. I open the back of my phone and take the battery out. I'm sorry, Ai. I need to clear my head for a while. I don't want to say anything more that I'd regret later on. I'm sorry.
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I hurriedly put my shoes on and chase after Kaori as she ran out.
"Wait! Kaori!" I called her name but she didn't respond nor turn back even for a moment.
I see her get inside the elevator and the doors were closing. I go after her hoping I'd make it before the elevator closes.
"Wait!"
The doors close before I could even get close. We're on the tenth floor; will I make it if I take the stairs? I don't think about it and just try; I hurriedly went to the stairway and did my best to get to the lobby. When I reached the lobby, the elevator was already open; did she leave already? I go over to the receptionist and ask if anyone left the apartment building recently. The receptionist tells me that a young woman left around five minutes ago. Hoping that Kaori's still nearby, I went outside and looked around but I couldn't find her anywhere. I take out my phone from my pocket and dialled her number.
"Please pick up your phone." I softly say.
It keeps ringing but she wouldn't pick up her phone. The ringing suddenly stops and I'm told that the number I'm dialling is currently unavailable. I dial again but I'm told the same thing after a few seconds.
I head back into the apartment and continue to dial her number.
"Kaori, please pick up." I say to myself.
I dial for the eighth time and still I can't get thru her; she must have turned off her phone.
I throw my phone onto the sofa as I proceed to sit down. Feeling frustrated and annoyed, I look down and rest my face on my hand. My eyebrows are greatly furrowed, accompanying my scowl. The apartment is suddenly silent; it's annoying and deafening.
"Idiot." I say sharply to myself. "I'm such an idiot. How could I have lost my composure like that? I did not act appropriately..."
I've been cold to her lately because of stress from work and from planning our wedding. I'm sure that she was tired too from work as she's been coming home late and she has been keeping her promise of going to the office of Marriage Contract even though her schedule becomes tight plus she takes care of the house during the day while I'm at work; I didn't have the right to get angry and raise my voice at her. She was clearly just tired and worried about me and I...pushed her away. I'm clearly at fault.
The taxi stops on front of the agency. Everyone is probably at home by now since it's kind of late. I walk towards the dormitory and went to Haruka's room. One thing I'm surprised about—they still don't lock the dormitory buildings at night. I always wondered why.
*knock knock knock*
The door opens after a while.
"...Good evening." I say to her.
"Kaori?! What are you doing here?! And at this hour?!" Haruka says in surprise.
"Um...can I stay here with you for a few days?"
"Eh?"
Haruka lets me go inside her room and asks, "Kaori, what do you mean by that? Um...did something happen?"
"Well..." I start telling Haruka what happened with me and Ai.
"Oh...so the two of you argued?" she asks worriedly.
I nod. "Yeah...It's not the first time we've fought but it's the first time that we got so angry like that. I was really shocked when I said that I hated him; I didn't mean it though. I just said that because I was taken over by my emotions and stress."
"Kaori...I'm sure that the both of you were just caught by your stress. The two of you didn't mean to hurt one another."
I nod.
"Why don't you go back and talk? I'm sure he wants to talk too."
"I don't want to go back yet. I want to cool off first and put myself back together; I want to return to him without the possibility that I'd snap at him. I don't want to hurt him again. So please...let me stay here for a while just until I feel ready to go home."
Haruka thinks for a while and then sighs.
"Okay. You can stay here with me."
I let out a little smile. "Thank you, Haruka."
"Would you like to use the bed?"
"If I use the bed, where will you be sleeping, Haruka?"
"I have an extra futon so I'll sleep on the floor."
"Oh, you take the bed. I'll sleep on the floor."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
Haruka takes out her extra futon from her closet and I lay it on the floor.
"Please tell me if you want to use the bed; I don't mind."
"It's okay. I'll be fine and comfy on the floor, Haruka. Thank you and I'm sorry for disturbing you at this hour."
She shakes her head and smiles at me.
"Goodnight, Kaori."
"Goodnight, Haruka."
As Haruka gets in her bed, I told her one last thing.
"Haruka, please don't tell anyone that I'm staying here with you."
"Eh? Why?"
"I don't want Ai to be the one to come to me this time. I want to be the one to go to him."
"Okay, I understand; I won't tell anyone. I promise."
"Thank you."
"But you have to message him tomorrow when you wake up. At least tell him that you're alright so that he won't worry so much; at least put him at ease."
"I will."
"Please don't forget. Good night."
"Good night."
"You know, this feel familiar somehow like this has happened before."
"Hm? What did you say, Haruka? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you clearly."
"Oh, it's nothing. Don't mind it."
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I'm glad the variety show is over. It was tiring and thanks to Reiji, our team kept losing by one point so we received all of the punishments as dictated by the games' rules. I have never felt this relieved to be back at a dressing room.
"Well! Wasn't that fun?!"
"It would have been if you didn't hold us back!" Ranmaru says angrily.
"Thanks to your incompetence, we suffered till the end." Camus says as he holds his head.
"It was just not my day today! I'll make sure we win next time!"
"If there's a next time, there's no way in hell I'll team up with you again!" Ranmaru hits Reiji's head.
"W-What was that for?! You're so mean, Ran-Ran!"
"I wouldn't even consider participating." Camus says.
"You guys are hurting my feelings!"
Reiji looks over to me.
"Eh? Ai-Ai, you've been so quiet and gloomy! Why don't you turn that frown upside down?"
"What's the matter, kiddo?"
"Perhaps he's just sulking over your incompetence, Kotobuki."
"W-What?! No way!"
Reiji puts an arm around my neck and pulls me towards him. "C'mon now! We'll never know what to do or to say if you don't tell us what's wrong."
I flinch at his words.
"Hm? Did I hit a nerve?"
He releases me and sits down to listen to what I have to say; Ranmaru and Camus are also waiting for me to speak.
"Have I been always keeping everything to myself?"
"What do you mean by that, Mikaze?" Camus asks.
"Do I hide my troubles to myself?"
"Hmmm, I think I get what you're trying to say." Reiji says.
I turn to him.
"In the beginning, you were really hard to read. You're not very expressive and you don't really talk much. Haha you're always wearing the same expression! But after spending more time with you, it becomes kind of easy to tell what you're feeling. You have certain habits that give a hint to what you're thinking about or what you're feeling. But those hints are only hints; they can be wrong and they can be right. The best thing to do when it comes to knowing what you're thinking or feeling is to still ask you or talk to you; it's lucky enough if you would talk first."
"I'd agree with Reiji, here. You're still a tough nut to crack most of the time. You used to be a total mystery to us but after warming up to each other, we've started to understand you more but it ain't enough; you're still the type to keep his own business to himself. Sometimes, you just keep things too tight that even we can't tell what's going on. You still carry everything and all when it comes to things that trouble you and stuff."
"I see..."
"So what is this about, Ai-Ai?"
I pause for a moment but proceed to tell them anyway.
"It's been two days since Kaori left the apartment...she still hasn't returned."
"Huh? Wait. Whoa. Hold up. What do mean she left the apartment? What the hell happened?" Ranmaru seems surprised.
I tell them about me and Kaori's argument the other day and that she left and hasn't come back since then.
"Have you been able to contact her or has she contacted you?" Camus asks.
"She just sent me one message yesterday saying that she's alright and that's it. When I send her a message, she doesn't reply and when I call her, she doesn't answer."
"I see." Camus thinks for a moment.
"Doesn't Manager-san know where she is?" Reiji asks.
"He doesn't know that we fought and that she hasn't returned home."
"Eh? He still doesn't know? What about Kaori's work?"
"I heard from an agent in the agency office that she's been going to work. I assume that she goes to the venue on her own and told Manager-san a believable reason for it."
"You don't know where she's stayin' at?" Ranmaru asks.
I shake my head.
Ranmaru takes out his phone and calls someone.
"Who are you calling, Ran-Ran?"
"Give me a sec. Be quiet."
We wait as he waits for the person he's calling to pick up the phone.
"The hell?! She didn't pick up at all! It went to voice mail!"
"She probably won't answer as long as it's from one of us here." Camus says.
"Then can't we just ask her manager for help?" Ranmaru asks.
"The problem with that is Manager-san has been too preoccupied with work lately and knowing him, he's going to interfere with me and Kaori's situation; things might get unnecessarily messier."
"Judging by the fact that Manager-san has not contacted you about Kaori's whereabouts would mean that he knows nothing." Camus says.
"What makes you think that, Myu-chan?"
"If Manager-san knew that Yamashita has not been coming home to Mikaze, then he would have lost his composure by now. He would have notified and asked everyone about her, dragged Mikaze with him to who knows where, and I believe that he would be the type to report her missing or deploy a search team."
We all fall silent for a moment.
"Hey! What if we tell her that Ai had an accident?! She'll surely come back and contact us, right?!"
Ranmaru and Camus hit his head.
"Ouch! That hurt a ton!"
"You wanna give the girl a heart attack, you idiot?!"
"Lying to a lady and making her worry is a disgrace! You are a man sinking low!"
"Just leave him be. He was just trying to help." I stand up and leave the dressing room.
"...Ai-Ai?" Reiji is in disbelief.
"Did he just defend you? Did he?" Ranmaru can't believe what he just saw. "I thought he was gonna scold you good! I swear I was expecting him to call you an idiot."
"His spirit is really down. I think it's best to just give them some time to sort it out on their own."
Reiji and Ranmaru nod at Camus' remark.
"They've been busy with their work and planning; I guess it got to them. I hope Kaori-chan and Ai-Ai would be okay."
"I have faith in them; those two are not the type to break with such a trivial matter. I truly believe that they will be alright but it will take some time." Camus says as he checks his scepter.
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I was fixing my bag when Haruka enters the dormitory room. She's holding some music sheets; she must have been composing new songs for Starish.
"Oh, are you going out Kaori?"
"I have a modelling job for Lizza."
"Lizza? Oh! Isn't that the brand famous for making really cute dresses?"
I chuckle. "That's right."
"I love their dresses! The designs are so cute and the fabrics they use are so comfortable!"
"Me too! My favorite was their summer dresses collection last year! I was happy when they requested me to be one of their models! I'm excited for the job. Today is our first photo shoot; we'll be having four photo sessions."
"Good luck then and do your best!"
"I definitely will!"
As I fix my things, I notice that Haruka is looking at me. When my eyes met hers, she breaks the eye contact and looks down.
"Haruka?"
She reluctantly looks at me and then says, "Kaori, I was just wondering if you'll be going home some time soon. You've been here for two days now and I was just thinking that Mikaze-senpai must be worrying about you. He probably wants to see you. Ah! It's not that you being here is bothering me or anything! It's just that—"
"I understand."
"So...when will you go home and see him?"
"I'm planning on going home after this modelling job with Lizza. I won't have a lot of work after this one so I will be practically free. Since I'll be free, I thought that would be the best time to go home and talk to Ai; I'll be able to take my time talking with him and it would leave me with a clear head. That's what I thought..."
"I think that's not a bad idea. Just please assure him that you're alright when you have time."
I nod. There have been times when I thought of calling him or messaging him but every time I'm about to dial his number, I hesitate; I don't know what to say to him when he picks up. I've composed some messages that I want to send to him but I just can't bring myself to press the send button. I'm such a coward. Sigh. Haruka is definitely right about assuring Ai that I'm okay. Knowing him, he's probably really worried. I'll try messaging him later during my break at work. I definitely should message him.
I close my bag after putting an extra pair of clothes inside and head for the door.
"I'll be going now, Haruka."
"Take care and do your best today!"
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"Manager-san!"
"Kaori! You're on time! I was getting worried that you'd be late."
"There's no way I'd be late for this photo shoot."
"I'd feel more at ease if you'd just let me pick you up like before."
"It's okay Manager-san, there's no need. I'll go change now; the photo shoot will start soon."
"Alright. Do your best."
So far, Manager-san hasn't sensed anything yet since he's been busy lately. I wonder if he'll get promoted soon; he's been in demand lately in the agency and Saotome-sensei has been asking for him a lot lately. It would be nice if he gets promoted; he'll have a raise! Ah! But that means he might not be my manager anymore since he could be assigned to a different position! No way! ...I'm sorry for this, Manager-san; I hope you screw up soon. I don't want to change my manager!
The photo shoot starts and everything was okay until I noticed that the other models seem to dislike me. During the breaks, I try socializing with them but most of them would just ignore me or pretend to be busy. Whenever I get the chance to find someone who would talk to me, some of the other models would come and interfere and start talking about things I can't relate too; the next thing I know is that I'm pushed out of the conversation and they would ignore me again.
As I sit here alone in one corner waiting for this break to finish, I wonder if I did or said something to upset them or are they all really just like this. I don't like bad mouthing other people or talk badly about them but these models sure are—
"Pretty on the outside but ugly in the inside?"
I jump in surprise when I hear someone say out loud what I was thinking from behind me.
"Oh, did I surprise you? Sorry about that!"
The man puts his hands together and apologizes to me.
"It's okay; you don't have to apologize, Makoto-san!" The man was just our photographer for this job. He's a kind and energetic person who does a really good job in taking our photos; he just knows how to make the models and outfits look really good in the photos he takes. It kind of makes me wonder though why did he decide to be a photographer. He has good looks and he's tall too so I thought being a model would suit him more. I think his hair is beautiful! It's smooth and silky black. His hair is semi-long and his hairstyle frames his face very well. I think he looks best when he clips his bangs at the side; it allows his nice featured face to be exposed more.
"Hmm, you sitting here all alone means that the other models ignored or shunned you right?"
I nod reluctantly.
He takes the chair next to me and sits down; he looks at all the other models in the set and says, "I'll admit that most of them don't really have a good personality; I swear thru my first hand experience." He chuckles. "But they become nicer when you get to know them more and get on their good side. Most of them don't treat their juniors nicely because they don't want them to get spoiled or too familiar right away. You could say it's tough love. I'm sure they'll start to be nice to you if you show them that you don't take things lightly; they're quite serious with modelling you see. Just do your best and you'll be fine."
I take another look at all the other models. Though it's break time, a lot of them are tending to their hair and makeup; some of them are even practicing their poses and facial expressions on the mirrors near the preparation rooms. I guess Makoto-san is right in saying that the models are serious in their work. Even though this photo shoot is not for a really famous magazine or for a more famous brand, they take it very seriously. I may have experience in modelling but I'm not a master of that field since I'm really an idol and composer by profession. I should follow their example and give more effort.
"Okay. I understand."
A small smile forms on my face.
"That's it! That's the Yamashita that I know! You should stop being gloomy and smile more!" he pats my head.
Eh? Wait, what?
"The Yamashita that you know? What do you mean by that?"
"Wait, you don't remember me? I'm hurt, Yamashita-chan."
"We've met before?"
"Yeah! We ha—"
Before Makoto-san could finish, the break ends and everyone is called back to work. I didn't get to talk to him again after the break ended because we all became busy. I can't remember where and when did I meet him before. I don't recall at all. This is making me feel old. I gave up on remembering after a while and concentrated on modelling. The next thing I knew was that the session was over and everyone was packing up.
"Manager-san, I'll be going now."
"Wait, I can drop you off if you want."
"No, it's okay. You're going to the agency right? From here, my place is in the opposite direction; it will be inconvenient for you." Actually, I just don't want you to know that I'm staying at Haruka's dorm.
"...Kaori." He says in all seriousness.
"Y-Yes! What is it?" Uh-oh, are his senses picking up?
"Are you avoiding me? Did I do something wrong? Are you dissatisfied with my performance as your manager? Please tell me. Have you grown scared of my driving? I promise I won't drive fast! I-I'll even drive 10 kilometers per hour if you want to but I think that's too slow but if it makes you feel at ease then I'll do it! Please don't throw this poor manager away!" He starts crying while asking so many questions that are basically asking me why I won't let him pick me up and drop me off. He's starting to resemble a little child. Haha. Oh Manager-san, you really won't change.
"Manager-san, I would never throw you away. You're the best manager that I could ever ask for after all." I give him an infamous shining smile. "Don't worry about anything. I'm just thinking about you that's all. I know you've been busier than ever so I just wanted to lessen your load in any way that I can."
"Kaori...you really are so kind!" he smiles and gives me a hug.
Manager-san...if only you knew the real reason; I'm a little lying angel. But I'm not lying that you're the best manager I could ever ask for; you're incredibly reliable and all! I'll make it up to you next time.
"You should go on your way to the agency, Manager-san. You mentioned that Saotome-sensei wanted to bring you along to an important meeting, right? You wouldn't want to be late."
He releases me and immediately checks his phone. "You're absolutely right. I'll go ahead then. Please be careful and be safe on your way home. Ah! Don't talk to strangers or accept anything that seems suspicious and all. Don't take shortcuts thru alleys and stay away from parked vans!"
"...Y-Yeah. I got it." Um...he's still like a mother-father figure as always.
I watch Manager-san walk away while he reads some files. I notice that he's not really paying attention to where he's going. As he walks to the exit of the studio, I'm eagerly waiting to see if he's going to bump into the pillar near the door.
...
...he's almost there.
.....he's walking forward at full speed without hesitation.
"Ouch!"
Hahahaha! He really bumped into it after all! I'm sorry Manager-san but that was just really funny!
I try holding my laughter as I watch him regain his composure and leave the studio with a red forehead.
"Eh? You're on your way out, Yamashita-chan?"
"Ah, Makoto-san. Yeah, I'm on my way home."
"Where do you live?"
I tell him where the apartment is.
"Oh! I'm going the same way! Let's go together!"
Uh-oh. I am going home but...not to the apartment. What do I do? Maybe I'll say something like I need to pass by the agency? But then he'll ask me why I didn't go with my manager if that's the case. Hm...
"Hey Yamashita-chan, you still don't remember me?"
"Um...I was thinking about it the whole time but I'm sorry, I just can't remember."
"Well, the last time we met was quite a long time ago and I guess I do look quite different from the last time we met."
Makoto-san thinks for a moment until his face suddenly lit up.
"Maybe this will make you remember!"
He holds out his hand to me.
"It's a pleasure to meet you and to be working with you. I'm Makoto Yuu."
I play along and accept his hand. "It's nice to meet you, I'm Yamashita Kaori."
He smiles and says, "Oh, so your real name is Kaori; how cute. Anyway, let's continue doing our best until this photo shoot ends."
"Yes, let's continue to work hard."
Hmm...somehow this really feels familiar; it's like this has happened before but with a slight difference. Maybe we've worked together before but I don't remember him being the photographer of any of my previous jobs.
I hear him chuckle a little. I probably have a perplexed expression at the moment; he must find it amusing.
He leans a bit forward and says, "You do a very good job modelling for a men's fashion magazine considering you're a woman."
The moment I heard him say those words, I remembered. Makoto Yuu...Ah! Yuu-san?! I look up at him in an instant.
"Yuu-san! You're Yuu-san?! From when I modeled as Kaoru?!"
His face happily smiles. "You finally remember me! I'm so happy!"
"Wha! You do look different compared to back then. You cut your hair and the color is all black now and you look way better without makeup on!"
"Hahahaha."
"Wait, aren't you a model? Why are you working as a photographer now?"
"I was a model and a photographer ever since however, due to my height and face, I usually get more jobs as a model rather than as a photographer."
Oh. That's interesting. I never could have guessed that he'd be the type to be interested in photography.
"Kaori-chan! Why don't we go celebrate our reunion? I'll treat you."
"That sounds good! I haven't eaten yet."
"What?! You shouldn't skip meals; that's bad! Prepare yourself then! I'm going to make you eat a lot!"
He takes my hand and pulls me as he walks.
"W-Where are we going, Yuu-san?"
"I know a place with great food! Follow me!"
I ended up hanging out with Yuu-san until evening on that day. We got to talk and catch up on things; we got along very well.
"Kaori-chan, can I ask you something?"
"Hm? What is it?"
He looks at my face.
"Hmm...I could be wrong but do you have a problem at the moment? I'm kind of good at picking things up and I noticed that you've got this sad air around you sometimes. You okay?"
"Umm..."
"Don't tell me you're being bullied by the other models?"
I raised my hands. "Ah! No! That's not it! I'm not being bullied!"
He stares at my left hand. "That's a nice ring, Kaori-chan! It's really wonderful!"
I look at the ring on my hand and caress it. "Thank you, Yuu-san. It's a promise ring from my fiance."
"You're getting married?! Congratulations! So when's the wedding?"
"We're getting married next year. For now, we're busy with work and with planning the wedding."
"Who's the lucky guy?"
"Do you know Quartet Night?"
"Yeah, I do!"
"I'm engaged to Mikaze Ai."
"Whoa! No way?! That's cool!"
Yuu-san starts to ask about how I met Ai and all; I happily told him our story from the beginning. It was obvious that I was really fond of Ai as I spoke. I sound really happy every time I would talk about him and when I say his name. My heart would flutter just at the thought of him. There's no other person in the whole wide world that could make me this enthusiastic and happy just by thinking about him.
"Oh! What a sweet story! It makes me feel all jealous inside! So how are you guys now?"
A bittersweet expression forms on my face. Yuu-san notices my sudden change in demeanor and becomes concerned.
"Did something happen?"
"We...fought and I ran away."
He sits up straight and listens to me sincerely as I tell him what happened.
"Yikes...I guess the stress hit the two of you."
"Yeah..."
"Kaori-chan, I'm sure that he's anxious to see you. He probably wants to look for you but doesn't know where to start. It's amazing how he's still able to resist asking your manager for help."
"Well, things might get messy if my manager knew about this; he can be over the top sometimes. The best way to describe him is a doting mother-father figure."
"Oh. I see, I never would have thought that a guy looking so serious and proper like him would be like that after seeing him run into a pillar a while ago."
I laugh as I recalled Manager-san's impact. Yuu-san just smiles and watches me laugh.
"You really love him, don't you? Mikaze-san is a lucky guy."
"I really really do. A lot."
"You should go home and tell him that as soon as possible so feel better soon and let's work hard to finish the photo shoot!"
Ever since that day, we've spent our time talking and eating together during the breaks at work; I was no longer alone during the breaks thanks to him.
Today is the fourth day of the photo shoot; tomorrow will be the last session. That means that I'll be going home after tomorrow; I'm feeling excited and nervous about it. Hm? The dresses I'm modelling today are so cute! Out of all these dresses, this green and yellow flower printed one is the cutest. Ai would definitely think so too. I want to see him already...I miss him. I think I'm ready to go home.
I put on the first dress and step out of the dressing room. Lately, I've been hearing unpleasant things from the other models. The things they say aren't true so I don't really get affected but today, they're saying things that are truly upsetting.
"Hey, you've noticed that Yamashita-san has been getting close to our photographer?"
"Now that you mention it, they do seem close."
"Eh? Really? Have they met before?"
"They didn't seem to know each other at first."
"They're always eating together and they seem so friendly with one another. Kind of fishy if you ask me."
I ignore the things they say as usual. I know some of them intentionally talk louder when I'm around so that other people and I myself could hear them. Seriously though, what's up with them? Women really are scary; I'd say fellow females can be scarier than men.
As I walk going to the makeup station, I pass by a group of models chatting with one another. The things they were saying made my feet stop.
"Maybe she's dating Makoto-kun?"
"What? No way! I'm definitely sure that Makoto is single!"
"I've been eyeing on him, I'd be definitely disappointed if he's going out with Yamashita-san."
"Maybe she's just using him?"
"Isn't she engaged?"
"Oh yeah! She's engaged to that idol from Quartet Night, right?"
"She's engaged to Mikaze Ai."
"Eh?! Since when?! How did she catch a guy like him?"
"Who knows? She's a sly one if you ask me."
Ugh. The things they say are annoying. I should go on and mind my own busine—
"Wait, if she's going out with Makoto or at least getting close to him, doesn't that mean she's two timing?"
"Oh! I guess you're right!"
"So she's two timing? What an evil woman!"
"I guess having Mikaze-kun wasn't enough for her."
"How disgusting."
...Two timing? Wha...What the?! I would never—!
"I guess she's the unfaithful type."
Something inside of me snapped when I heard that. Unfaithful?! I would never ever think of cheating on Ai! Never! How could they accuse me of such a thing! They're going too far!
I clench my hands ever so tightly and I can feel my nails piercing my palms. My blood is boiling inside of me like never before. I was about to turn around and snap but someone else beat me to it.
"What the hell are you tramps saying over there?!"
The models got shocked at Yuu-san who suddenly appeared and spoke so sharply.
"M-Makoto-san! U-Uhhm what are you talking about?" One of the models said in a pleasant tone.
"Don't play dumb with me! You lot were talking loud enough to be heard from where I was standing!"
The models worriedly look at each other.
"That's some serious crap you're all saying. Do you girls even know the weight of the words you're all saying?! She and I are just friends! Kaori isn't two timing her fiance! She's not that kind of woman! You have no idea just how much she loves her fiance!"
One of the models gets annoyed and speaks, "Friends? You two seem too close to be friends. It's like you've both known each other for quite some time already!"
I then say, "That's because we've worked together before! When I was still studying at Saotome Academy, they gave me a modelling job as an experience and that's when I met Yuu-san. We were in good terms since then. There really is nothing between us. We're really just friends."
"You little girls should have done your assignments first instead of making up such horrible gossips! You all apologize to her right now! You hear me?!" Yuu-san seems to be really angry.
I'm starting to get scared of him; he looks really grim. The models that were bad mouthing me are scared of him too. I'm starting to worry that he might do something to them out of anger.
Out of concern to what might happen, I pull his sleeve and say, "Yuu-san, just leave them be. It's ok—"
He turns to may and says sternly, "Kaori, what they were saying wasn't something you should take lightly or ignore; they need to understand that and take responsibility! I can't forgive them if they cause any trouble between you and your fiance!"
The models start apologizing to me and Yuu-san; I forgive them and just told them not to do such a thing to anyone ever again or else things might be worse next time. Yuu-san on the other hand didn't say anything to them and just looked at them sternly; I don't know if that means he forgives them or not but at least he's starting to calm down.
After the women left, Yuu-san looks at me with an annoyed expression. "You're too kind and too passive. You should have told them off right from the beginning or told me that they were talking about you like that." He looks away. "I'm going to go and cool my head before shooting begins."
He then walks out of the studio.
His words...Ai once said the same thing; they're both right especially about me being too passive. I should have done or said something. Why am I such an idiot and such a coward?
Yuu-san returned just in time for the photo shoot to start and thus everyone threw themselves to work. He was back to his usual self when he started working; I'm relieved and so are the other models. Work went smoothly today so we were able to finish a little earlier than the usual time. After changing back to my normal clothes, I went to Yuu-san.
"Yuu-san, thank you for helping me earlier and I'm sorry for causing you trouble."
He pats my head. "It's alright."
He then pinches and pulls my cheek all of a sudden.
"Next time don't let people get away with such things, okay? If you don't have the intention or guts to stop them yourself at least ask help from a friend! Got it?"
"Yesh! Pweas let go of my cheek!"
He releases my cheek and I could feel some pain as I rub it. That was unnecessary!
"Now as thanks, go with me to the cafe to eat! I'm starving!"
"Fine but I'm not treating you."
"What? Why?!"
"You just said to join you to eat. You didn't say that I should treat you."
"That's...sigh."
Yuu-san looks defeated as we leave the studio.
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"Hey, are you sure this is the right place?"
"According to Rei-chan's directions, this should be their apartment."
"Alright. Here we go."
*ding dong ding dong*
"Hello, Ai-chan!"
"What's up, Ai-senpai!"
"Natsuki, Syo, what are you two doing here?"
"Are you busy at the moment, Ai-senpai?"
"Not really."
"That's perfect then!"
Syo enters the apartment and starts pushing me.
"Go on and get changed, Ai-senpai! Hurry!"
"What's the meaning of this?"
"Ai-chan, we got an extra ticket to Hyuuga-sensei's movie so we thought of asking you to come with us."
"C'mon, go, go, go! It would be a waster if we don't make it on time to the theater!"
"Fine. Stop pushing me."
"Huh? Is Kaori-chan not home?" Natsuki asks as he looks around.
"...She's not home at the moment."
I head upstairs to the bedroom to change. I'm not in the mood to go out but I'm sure that those two will not give up; I'll end up going with them either way. Perhaps it would be good for me to take a break from worrying. Maybe Kaori will be home when I come back...
"Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!"
"Syo-chan, you shouldn't rush Ai-chan so much. It isn't polite!"
"Sorry about that! I'm just too excited to see the movie! I heard that the action scenes are really good! I can't wait to see them!"
I lock the apartment door and went with the two to see the movie. Sigh. I find myself getting dragged along by my two juniors.
"Wha! The place is packed with people!"
"Wow. Hyuuga-sensei really has a lot of fans, doesn't he Syo-chan?"
"Of course he does! He's awesome! Now let's get in line!"
"It's the third day of showing and there are still a lot of people who want to watch; amazing." Natsuki says.
"That's Hyuuga-sensei for you!"
Syo and Natsuki went ahead of me; of course I didn't have much of a choice and followed them. It's quite funny how there are a lot of people around me but it's as if I can't hear any of them talking. I'm too tense; I need to relax and clear my mind. If I think too much, I might just—
While I was lost in my thoughts, I notice a woman who looks familiar lined up ahead of us. She looks like Kaori from behind. It could be her. I hope it's her.
"Eh? Ai-chan? Where are you going?"
"What's up with Ai-senpai?"
I walk over to the woman and grab her arm. "Kaori?"
"Wha?!" the woman turns around in surprise. She's not Kaori...
"I'm sorry; it seems I mistook you for someone else." I release her arm and return to Syo and Natsuki.
"Ai-senpai, what was that about?"
"I thought she was Kaori but I made a mistake."
"Why would Kaori-chan be here?" Natsuki asks.
"I...don't know." I look down at the ground as I wonder why I would think that Kaori would be here. She's doesn't watch at the theater house often and if she wants to, she would always ask me to go with her and she would prefer to watch a horror movie.
Syo and Natsuki look at each other.
"Ai-senpai, it's okay if you don't want to or feel like watching the movie. We can go somewhere else and do something else."
I look at Syo. "Weren't you excited to see this movie?"
"Actually...I've already seen it during the first showing day. We didn't buy these tickets; it was Reiji-senpai who bought them. He gave them to me and Natsuki and asked us to take you along. He told us to try and cheer you up."
"I see..."
"Um, Ai-chan, did something happen? Rei-chan didn't say anything to us when he suddenly gave us the tickets."
"It's nothing."
A worried expression appears on Syo and Natsuki's faces. Kaori had the same expression every time I said that I was fine when she asked if I was alright; the only difference between these two and her was that she would try her best to keep a smile on her face.
I sigh. "If we go to a less crowded place, I think I'd be willing to talk."
Syo and Natsuki immediately nod and we go off to a more quiet area where I decide to tell them what happened.
"So that's what happened! Geez! You definitely lost your temper, Ai-senpai! No wonder Kaori suddenly left!"
"Syo-chan, I don't think saying that would be helpful. They both were just tired and stressed on that day. You don't need to blame either of them."
"He's right, Natsuki. Kaori didn't deserve that kind of behavior from me. Even if I was tired and stressed, she was in the same state; I should have had more control of myself. She was right too that I barely confide in her; I shut myself during the times I was troubled. I should have talked to her instead of pushing her away."
"Ai-chan..."
"You better apologize to her and talk to her as soon as you find her or when she returns home! You two need to patch up!" Syo says.
"Yes."
"Sigh. Looks like there's nothing we can do to help, Natsuki. It's something the two of them should fix."
"Yeah but we'll be right here if Ai-chan needs any help so please rely on us if ever."
"Thank you, Natsuki, Syo."
"Whoa! Ai-senpai thanked us! That's a rare occasion!"
"Why don't we go and find a place to eat to celebrate?" Natsuki suggests to Syo.
"We can also go around and see whatever there is to see! I haven't been to this part of town before. Off we go on a little adventure! Don't get left behind, Ai-senpai; it would be a problem if you get lost too."
"Let's go, Ai-chan! You need to relax and put away the heavy feelings first so that when Kaori-chan appears or returns home, you'll be ready to talk to her properly."
I nod and follow them down the calm streets of this quiet area of the city. Kaori would enjoy this place; it's quiet, calm, and not too crowded. I'll take her here on our next day off and see her smile again.
We continue to walk thru the streets; this place has a lot of alleys and turns.
"Syo-chan, I think we've been on this area already. Are we lost?"
"We're not lost! You must be imagining it! Alright...uh...now let's go this way."
"We've passed thru there thrice already." I say.
"What?! Really?! Uh, then let's go this way."
"Syo-chan, that's the street with the stuff toy and candy shop we passed by a while ago."
"Then let's go thru here!"
A nice mix of fragrances in the air welcomes us as we walk thru the street that we chose.
"Syo-chan! This street smells really good! It's filled with cafes and restaurants! Oh! There's even a bakery over there! Wha! Look at those desserts over there! They're so cute!"
"Look! This place even has a cafe that specializes in karaage! Are we in food heaven?! This place is just awesome! Which shop should we try first?!"
"I can't make up my mind! There's just too much to choose from! This street seems to stretch out till the other end of this place; there must be more if we continue to walk!"
"Let's continue walking then! C'mon, Natsuki, Ai-senpai!"
"This is interesting." All of the establishments are food related. They have practically everything you could think of—from the most common and cheap food to the strangest and expensive kinds; desserts, chocolates, cakes, rice meals, vegetarian, vegan, juices, alcohol, western, Japanese, European, this place really has everything in my opinion.
Syo and Natsuki continue to walk ahead and as usual, I follow them a few steps behind. They're acting like little children as they look around. I feel like I've suddenly obtained two younger siblings.
"Wha! Syo-chan, don't suddenly stop like that! I almost bumped into you."
Syo didn't say anything.
"Syo-chan?"
"Hey, isn't that Kaori?" he points at the outdoor eating area of a cafe.
Natsuki and I look at where he was pointing and there, sitting at one of the tables, was Kaori.
"It is Kaori-chan! Eh?"
A tall man approaches and sits down at her table. They start talking and laughing; they seem to be on good terms.
"Who's that guy? I've never seen him before." Syo asks.
Without hesitation, my feet move towards her.
"Ai-senpai! W-Wait!"
"This doesn't look good, Syo-chan!" Natsuki says.
"It definitely isn't! Look at him!"
"We have to calm him down! He might do something!" Natsuki catches up to Ai with Syo following him behind.
At first, I was fixated on Kaori but my attention turned to the man she's with. As I got nearer and nearer, my blood started to rise in temperature within me.
She hasn't been home for days and while I was worrying about her each and every day, every second, was she with this man the whole time?
I feel a heavy weight on my chest when an unpleasant accusation entered my head.
...I know that Kaori wouldn't cheat on me; I trust her and I really know that she won't be able to do that. However, I just can't help but feel so terrible and easy at the moment. I don't know what is more painful, was it the time I got angry at her, the times when I arrived at home only to see that she's not there, seeing her with this man whom I don't know, or is it the fact that I actually thought for a moment that she had cheated or forgotten about me? I feel extremely...horrible.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ai called for a taxi and we both got in; he ended up bringing me back home at the apartment. I felt a little uncomfortable the whole time because he barely spoke at all and didn't look at me even once. The only thing that was keeping me feel a little at ease was his hand that never released mine from the time he took me away until we reached the apartment.
He unlocks the door and we quietly went inside. As soon as he closes the door, he hugs me tightly without a word. I didn't know how to react to his hug.
"...I-I'm home."
He releases me and finally looks at me for the first time. His expression was a mix of relief and sadness. He gently kisses my forehead, my cheek, and then the side of my neck before he gives me a kiss on my lips.
"Welcome back...I missed you and worried about you so much."
I hug him after hearing him say those words with such a tender voice.
"I missed you too. I'm sorry, Ai. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry as well, Kaori. I acted cold towards you, I raised my voice at you, I pushed you away, and got angry at you for no valid reason; I even said some unpleasant things to you...I'm really sorry."
I hug Ai tighter as I feel my heart ache a little.
"I'm sorry for snapping at you, Ai. I also said some unpleasant things to you and I acted selfishly—"
"Don't give me that. I was at fault, not you."
"No Ai, we both were. I think that we both just lost it because of stress and fatigue."
"Yeah."
He wraps his arms around me again and the warmth that I missed starts to spread all throughout my body; it feels so calming.
"Um...Ai, I just wanted to know if you thought that I was...um, when you saw me with Yuu-san, did you think that I was cheating on you or something like that? That was the impression I got from you, Syo, and Natsuki. Please answer me honestly; I want to know."
He releases me and then looks at me. "I...did." He averts his eyes in guilt.
"I see..." I look down in disappointment.
"I just couldn't help it when I suddenly saw you with that man happily talking and being comfortable. Kaori, I believe in you but as your lover, I just couldn't control my feelings after not seeing you for days and worrying about you. Believe me when I say that I have faith in you; I believe in you. However, it may seem otherwise at times due to certain circumstances and situations but please remember that deep down inside, I have faith in you just as much as you have faith in me."
"Okay...but I still felt hurt." I say childishly.
He chuckles. "Okay. I'm sorry. Please forgive this little spoiled and jealous lover of yours." He kisses me.
"...Fine...You're forgiven."
"Yay." He says teasingly.
"You had me scared though when you suddenly grabbed his collar; I was afraid that you two would end up hurting each other. It has been a long while since the last time you acted like that and back then, it didn't quite end well."
"Yeah...I guess I'm just overprotective and possessive when it comes to you." He nuzzles his cheek against mine; it's adorable. "I think it's only natural that I don't want anyone else to take the person I love away from me. Even if they just want to befriend you, I would still feel some amount of jealousy and insecurity because I only want you to have eyes for me; I want to be the only one that occupies you."
"Ai, I would never leave your side. I may have left the house for some days but it didn't mean that I wanted to leave you; I just needed some time to calm down because I wanted to face you with a calm mind so that I won't be able to get angry at you again like before. I really wanted to return home and see you but I wanted to make sure that I was in good condition to do so because I don't like it when I hurt you; it hurts me too. I'll always be yours and only yours, Ai. I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise. I should be more aware of the things and people around me and I should be more outspoken about things. I'm sorry that I'm too passive. I'll try to change. I may not change right away but I will slowly and surely will."
"You're not the only one. I too have deficiencies towards you; I know that. I will need to change in some aspects. We both have things that we don't understand or know how to handle so let's just continue to put more effort into improving ourselves. We'll surely change for the better...together."
"Ai..."
"But please don't change too much though; I love you as you are now so a drastic change may give me a shock."
I chuckle at his last minute comment. "Oh Ai!"
He smiles upon seeing me smile.
"We should stop apologizing to each other now; I believe that we've settled things. Now let your future husband spoil you for the rest of the day as a way to make it up to you and celebrate your return."
"Eh? There's no need for that—H-Hey!"
He suddenly carries me off the ground. I put my arms around him by instinct; I might fall.
"Put me down!"
"No."
"But this is more like a reward for you! That's unfair, Ai!"
He chuckles.
"I love you." He tells me with an earnest smile.
"I love you too."
He carries me over to the sofa and finally puts me down.
"Kaori, where did you stay for the past few days? I couldn't find you; I visited your house here in Tokyo but you weren't there. I went and checked at the agency's dormitory but you weren't there either. Did you stay at a hotel?"
"Actually, I was staying at Haruka's dorm room back at the agency. Um...I told her not to tell anybody that I was staying with her so no one else really knew I was there. I also leave the dorm early in the morning and go back a bit late at night so that I wouldn't be spotted."
"So you really were at the dorm?" he sighs. "Don't ever do that again. I don't think this will ever happen again but just in case, stay at a hotel next time!"
"Huh?"
He pushes me down on the sofa. I look up at him in uneasiness.
"Kaori, you just told me that you go around by yourself. What if something happened to you? What if you got into an accident or got attacked or got kidnapped? No one would have been there to see you or even help you. Taking into account that majority of the population of the people back at the dorm and agency are male just adds more concern. Even if you tell me that the population of females has increased there, you're still part of the minority and even if some of those men are our friends, you just wouldn't know what would or could happen."
Oh. He was concerned; he's always concerned about me. Always. There are times when I feel that he worries too much but his worries somehow just remind me of how much he cares and thinks about me; to know that makes me happy inside.
I end up smiling at him as he tells me his concerns.
"Kaori, I'm serious abo—"
I couldn't keep myself still from his adorable concerned behavior. I reach out for his face and lean a little closer to him just enough to reach him on top of me and to kiss him.
When I pulled away, I was surprised to see him turn so red; that was the first time I've seen him so flustered from a kiss. Suddenly seeing him get embarrassed like that makes me feel embarrassed too.
"That's was...cunning of you, Kaori."
"I...umm...sorry..." I cover my face in embarrassment and turn to my side as I lay on the sofa hoping it would just eat me away. I let out a whimpering cry as I played back in my head what I had just done.
"...This is why I can't leave you alone; I really can't. But it's not like it's as safe with me either if you continue to provoke me like that."
And with that, the storm has calmed down. The ripples disappear from the water and a clear reflection appears...well maybe it's not as clear and calm yet.
"Ah! Wait! Stop..! Ai!"
"It's your fault. I'm just getting back at you."
"Wha!"