Chapter 78: Coma
"How are you doing, professor?" Manager-san asks as he watches the professor examining Ai's parts.
"Nothing...nothing...There's nothing wrong with him! I can't find anything wrong with him!"
The professor stands up and throws his tools to the ground in frustration.
"I don't know what's wrong with him! I don't know why he won't wake up! I don't know! Why?! This...I'm useless...just like with Aine...Arghhhh!"
The professor starts swiping his tools off of the table and kicking a few chairs. Manager-san stops the professor and tries his best to calm him down.
It's been three days since Ai shut down and there's still no sign that he'll be waking up soon. At first, I thought that everything will be alright because the professor could fix him up but it seems that the professor can't find anything wrong with Ai...there's nothing to fix and so the cause of his shut down is still unknown. Ai...Ai! Ai, please wake up! Don't leave me! I won't be able to handle it! Please wake up! Come back! Come back to us!
A flood of tears flows out from my eyes that have been crying for three days now; I'm surprised that I still have any tears left. I've been staying here by Ai's side ever since we brought him here at the lab; I haven't left this spot at all.
The professor returns after a few minutes and closes Ai's body; he then puts away his tools.
"I'm sorry, Kaori. There's nothing I could do anymore. I've tried everything but I really can't find anything wrong with his system; I can't fix him because he's not broken in the first place. All we can do now is to wait and see if he'll open his eyes..."
The professor looked like he was going to cry as he hurriedly went out of the lab.
I looked at Ai who was resting on the bed. Knowing that I shouldn't use my voice, I couldn't help but speak to him as he lay there lifeless.
With a weak and cracked voice, I uttered, "A...i...wake...up. I love...you..."
I wanted to talk to him more but it's too hard to speak any more words.
"Kaori."
I looked at Manager-san who called my name.
"You should get some sleep. You've barely slept at all ever since we got here. You're complexion isn't very good at all; you should get some sleep."
But...I don't want to leave Ai's side. I don't want to leave him alone.
Manager-san sees that I don't want to leave and so he sighs. "You know, if you get sick, you'll just make him worry and feel guilty when he wakes up."
Manager-san's words hit me; he's right. If Ai woke up and I ended up getting sick, then I'd just make him feel bad about himself. I resigned to Manager-san.
"The professor has an extra bed in the back room where Kisaragi is. He told me to tell you that you can sleep there if you'd like."
I nodded.
"Okay. You go on ahead and get some sleep. I'll just go buy you something to eat when you wake up; you haven't eaten for a long time already."
I stood up and went inside the back room. The moment I opened the door, the first thing I see is Aine-san lying on his bed. The room was really quiet and the only noise you could hear is your own footsteps and the sound of the medical machines supporting Aine-san. I walked over to one end of the room and found an empty bed behind some curtains. I lie down on the bed and closed my eyes. Some time has passed and I couldn't fall asleep; I'm too worried about Ai to sleep. I decided to get out of the bed and I took the blanket and one pillow with me. I went back to where Ai is and I decided to sleep on the chair beside his bed. I covered myself with the blanket and hugged the pillow I had with me.
Manager-san returns after some time and sees Kaori sleeping beside Ai's bed. "Those two are quite unrepeatable. I do wish that Mikaze would wake up soon; everyone is really worried about you."
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The clouds...they're beautiful as always. They float gently across the blue sky with the calm breeze that blows in one direction; the ground reflects the sky and it appears as if I'm walking in the sky. I'm here in this place again...then that means that I lost consciousness and it means that I'll be meeting him here again.
Just like in my previous dreams, I start walking towards one direction. I always thought that it never mattered which way I'd go since everything looked the same no matter where I went so I'd always just choose a random direction and walk straight until I'd meet Aine.
"Where are you going?"
The voice came from behind me so I immediately stopped walking and turned around.
"Aine."
"So where were you going, Ai?"
"I was just walking hoping to find you as usual."
"This place is the link of our consciousness; we're bound to meet one way or another. Well...as long as you're unconscious like me of course."
"Aine, it's you. You're the one whose erasing my memories, am I right?"
"Memories? Your data? Yes, it's my fault." Aine lets out a small sad smile.
"And those times when I'd shut down all of a sudden?"
"That was me as well."
"Why?! Why are you doing t—"
"Because, like I said before, I wanted you to stop. I told you that I was tired. I told you that I didn't want to feel any more pain!"
"Pain?"
"You and uncle are so unfair. I wanted to die but you two won't let me...No one ever listens to me; everyone just decides everything for me! You're all cruel!"
"Aine, there are a lot of people who care about you and they want you to live. When they found you unconscious, they were all genuinely worried about you; they wanted you to wake up. You're still too young to die. You still have a long life ahead of you!"
"I was alive but I stopped living the moment that they stopped listening to me! I enjoyed being an idol but all they did was dictate what I should be doing and flooded me with work. At first, I was able to put up with it but then they started to tell me how to sing and how to act; they were controlling every aspect of my being and life. I wasn't enjoying anymore; I couldn't even be myself at work anymore. The songs started to feel empty and their expectations grew too much. I couldn't handle it anymore...I felt like my whole being was chained down...I wanted everything to stop."
I don't know what to say to him...I don't know how to comfort him; I'm not good with this. What would Kaori say if she was here? She was always good with conveying her feelings and thoughts unlike me; she would know what to do at this moment.
"Ai."
"Yes?"
"Tell me, were you enjoying your life? How was your life?"
"My life?"
I started to think about the events of my life so far. Where do I start?
"I remember the first time I opened my eyes at the lab. The first person that I saw was the professor; he was smiling with tears falling from his eyes. He was overjoyed with his success in creating me; he even hugged me at that time and I remember that he felt warm. Then I remember him telling me his reason for creating me; I was a replacement for you. I was then raised in the same way that you were raised. I took lessons for composing, singing, and dancing—I learned everything that you were supposed to know. I didn't mind and in fact I was indifferent about everything even when they told me that I had to become an idol. However, as I got to learn more about music, I became interested in it and learned to enjoy it. When I became a professional, I was okay with everything since I was working with music however...there were times when I lost interest or motivation. Hmm...but I'd find a way to get back on track and continue on. I think that I was mostly indifferent with everything that happened in my life. There were times when I felt "sad" but I guess I was occasionally "happy" when I was working with music and with discovering new knowledge."
"You do know that everything you feel, I could feel it too right?"
"Yes since we're connected after all."
"From what I felt from your experiences, I could tell that we practically lived the same way. I was reminded of the good times...and of the bad times. You felt quite empty most of the time didn't you?"
"Yes but..."
"But?" Aine eagerly waits for me to continue.
I thought more seriously about my life. Did I enjoy it? Did I hate it? Was I really living?
"My life wasn't very empty. I did have music which was enough to make a day feel fulfilling and I did meet someone who made everyday fulfilling; she made me look forward to tomorrow and taught me a lot of things that made life more enjoyable."
"She? Who's "she"? Do you remember her name, Ai?"
"Why are you asking me? You should know her as well since you can experience and see everything that I can."
"I remember her name; I know who she is but do you?"
"Of course I know her. She's—"
"Hm? What's wrong, Ai?"
I suddenly stopped talking when I realized that I don't know...I don't know who she is. I know her face but I don't know her name. As I try to think further, I realize that I don't remember anything about her at all aside from her face and that she makes every single day worth looking forward to. This...
"So what was her name, Ai?"
I clench my fists in frustration and I look at Aine.
"Aine, why did you do that?!"
"So, you've forgotten? I'm guessing that you can only remember her face and a certain lingering feeling. That's alright, soon you'll forget everything; you won't even remember meeting her then I will forget her too. "
Aine turns around and he starts to walk away.
Reflexively, I yelled at him. "Why are you do this?! I don't understand your actions or thinking at all! She never did anything to hurt u—"
"I know! But that's not the reason why I want you or me to forget about her."
"Then why?!"
"I'll admit I also felt happy when I met her but I don't want to get closer to her anymore. I don't want to feel any more pain."
Aine turns around to look at me. He holds his chest with a sad expression on his face.
"The love that you've been making me feel has made me worried and scared; I'm scared of the love we have for her. The attachment we have for her might lead to a greater pain in the future. Things may be good now but what if she leaves us in the future? What if you'd fail to accomplish Saotome's challenge? What if we fell out of love for one another? Those thoughts...those possibilities...they're too painful to consider."
"Aine, you too? You've fallen for Kaori?"
Aine nods with signs of embarrassment.
"I've met her...before I attempted suicide. She was crying and I wanted to cheer her up so I talked to her. She was really kind hearted and I felt comfortable with her; I remember that time very well."
So Aine must have been the idol that gave her that hair clip.
"I was surprised when you met Kaori at the dorm. I never would have thought she'd become an idol or a composer; she's always full of surprises."
"Aine, you don't have to be scared."
Aine looks at Ai who suddenly spoke.
"I was thinking about those too; your concerns I mean. One example was when I decided to tell her what I really was; I was scared that she might leave me after finding out that I'm a robot. In the end, she didn't leave me. Do you remember what she said? She said that she didn't care whatever I was; she'd still love me for what I am. She promised to stay by my side and I intend to believe in her promise. If she loves me then she loves you too since we're technically the same person in essence. If she said that she won't leave me then that means that she won't be leaving you either. You shouldn't be scared to love and be loved. I don't know with you but I want to go back...I want to go back and be with Kaori. Won't you go back as well?"
"I..."
Aine still seemed hesitant. If I don't convince him now, I don't think he'll ever wake up. What should I say to him? What should I...
I don't take my words for granted, Ai. I always think before I speak but thinking all the time isn't good because you tend to forget about what's important—your feelings. Sometimes, you just have to say what you feel inside. Sometimes it makes no sense or you'd sound repetitive but if you speak as honest as you can, then the message that you want to convey will surely be understood.
Kaori...that's what she'd do; she'll just say whatever is in her mind and whatever she felt at the moment. She'll just be as open as a book.
"Aine, I became an idol because it was expected of me since I was your replacement. I made music and sang without ambition and not so much vision. I did learn to enjoy music but I'll admit that life was still quite empty and meaningless for me. I used to think that I was living for other people and not for myself; it doesn't sound bad but it was pretty lonely and depressing to live that way. However, when I met Kaori, I found inspiration and I learned to dream; I also found a purpose to my own existence aside from being your replacement. Thru the years that I've been active, I felt emptiness and sadness but there were moments where I felt happy such as the times when I was composing music, singing, and when I was discovering new things in life. Aine, life is really full of happy and painful times but it doesn't mean that one should give up on it; it's just an opportunity to learn more and to improve one's self. You need to grow as a person. Do you remember what you said to Kaori when you met her by coincidence at the park? You told her that everything is going to be alright; you shouldn't give up. Those were your words and I think you should live up to them just as Kaori did."
"How did you?!"
"Kaori mentioned it before. She told me a story about a person she met at a park who talked to her and made her feel better after crying."
"She still remembers? That was a long time ago..."
"That person even gave her a hair clip that she treasures until now; she takes good care of it and even had her name engraved on it in case it would get lost."
"She kept it...?" A smile forms on Aine's face. "She still remembers me and kept my gift...she's really..."
Aine's eyes became so gentle and they shined as if he'd cry. I think that perhaps, I've sparked his desire to come back; that's what I'm hoping for. I do want him to go back with me. Uncle would be very happy; even Reiji will be surprised to see him again.
"Ai, you're right. I shouldn't give up yet; I should recover and become stronger than ever. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you; I really am sorry. Please forgive me."
"It's alright, Aine. Forget about it."
Aine approaches me and hugs me all of a sudden.
"I'm sorry for making you feel so much pain and for experiencing a lot of worries. I'm sorry for making things hard for everyone especially for you and uncle. I should atone for the inconvenience that I've caused; I know exactly what I to do. Ai, take care always. Don't forget about me, okay? Tell uncle and Kaori everything for me."
"Wait, you're not going back with me?"
Aine lets go of me and smiles.
"Well, just like you said, technically we're practically one and the same so I'll still be here in your head and heart but with a few changes. Don't worry; I'm not going to go away. I'm just going to be together with you from now on in a closer way. Just trust me; everything is going to be alright."
Aine takes hold of my face and touches his forehead with mine.
He closes his eyes and says, "Thank you for everything. I have a gift to give; I'm sure you'll like it...everyone will."
The moment those words left his mouth, everything disappears into a bright white light. It was like a long dream had finally ended and it was time to wake up. We're both going back to the people we love ever so dearly—we're going home.
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"Hnnn..." Where am I?
When I opened my eyes, I was looking up at an unfamiliar ceiling. I could hear some buzzing sounds; I think it's a sound that a machine would make. I then realize that I have some needles and wires attached to me and that I'm wearing an oxygen mask. What are these for? I take the oxygen mask off of me as well as the needles and wires.
Ouch! The needles are quite painful to remove...painful? Hold on; are my sensory sensors able to pick up such a feeling like this? I sit up. I looked at the room and I think I know this place but my memory is still a bit fuzzy.
I saw a mirror and I went over to it. Eh? I'm wearing a hospital gown? I don't remember putting this on—Wait...!
I place my hand on my chest and at that moment, I quickly went over to the desk beside the bed I was on and I found a folder. I opened it immediately and inside was Aine's medical papers; this is Aine's room at the lab. I woke up in his room...on his bed...I had an oxygen mask and...! I realized something that was truly amazing—I've become Aine...I've become human.
I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to recall any memory in my head. It's strange; I can recall even Aine's memories. From his childhood up until his suicide attempt, I can remember them. Perhaps, instead of me becoming Aine, we became one.
"So this is what you meant...this is your gift." I said to myself.
"That's right. We became one and that caused my body to wake up from its coma. From now on, we'll be living our new life as one. Let's do our best, Ai!" A cheerful voice in my head said; that was probably Aine.
I can't believe this...It's...a miracle.
Let's see, if I shut down at the apartment but woke up here, then someone probably brought me to the lab to have me fixed. If it was Kaori, then she's probably here with the professor. I hope she's alright; I'm sure she panicked and worried about my condition. I should look for her and for the professor.
I walk over to the door and left the room. I went towards the laboratory and I find the professor and Kaori looking at my android body. Oh, Manager-san is also here.
I gathered some strength and said, "Umm...Good morning, everyone."
All of them suddenly turned to me and got surprised.
The professor was so surprised that he stands up from his seat. "A-Aine?! Is that you?!"
"You're partly correct there, professor. Hmm...I think I should be calling you uncle from now on."
I look over at Kaori; she's frozen like a statue on her seat. I approach her and brushed her tears away.
"You should stop crying, Kaori. Your eyes are really red; they'll hurt even more if you continue to cry. Besides, you're cuter with a smile on your face."
She started crying even more after I spoke but I think she's crying because she's happy. She hugs me tightly; I could tell from her hug that she was really anxious as she waited for me to wake up.
"Uncle, how long was I unconscious?"
"Idiot, you were out cold for four days! We were all worried and panicking! Do you know what it felt like?! I thought I was going to lose you too like Aine! You definitely took more than a year's worth of worrying from my life!"
I was unconscious for four days? I felt as though it was unconscious for hours only; I never would have thought that days have passed during that time.
"I'm sorry then. I promise that that will never happen again."
Kaori then made her hug tighter. How adorable.
"It's good to have you back Mikaze." Manager-san said happily.
"It's great to be back. Though, I think you should be calling me Kisaragi from now on though; Ai Kisaragi."
"Kisaragi? What are you talking about, Ai?" the professor asks in curiosity.
I let go of Kaori who finally stopped crying.
"I have something to tell you all. It's about what happened while I was unconscious and about Aine."
They sat down around me and I started telling them what happened. I could see that they were all surprised with my story; even I'm surprised with everything.
"W-w-wait! So you're telling me that Aine fused his consciousness with yours in order for the both of you to wake up?"
"Yes."
"So technically, you and Aine are now one and the same?"
"Yes. We always have been."
Uncle then takes his glasses off and smiles; he starts wiping his eyes which were crying a little. "I'm happy to know that in the end, both of you ended up existing; I was scared of losing one of you two. I'm really really happy!"
Kaori types on her phone and shows it to me. "I'm also happy that both of you decided to come back to us."
"Ah, that reminds me. Aine says that he's thankful that you still remembered him and that you kept his gift."
Kaori seemed confused for a moment and typed, "What is he talking about?"
"Remember that person you met in the park years ago; the one who gave you your favorite hair clip."
Kaori nods.
"You met him a week before he decided to commit suicide. That person was actually Aine."
Kaori was surprised with what I said.
"I also want you to know that Aine...he loves you too."
Kaori smiles and types on her phone, "Of course Aine loves me. It's because you and him are one and the same. So now, when I say that I love you, it also means that I love him too."
I pat Kaori's head and mess up her hair a little. She struggles to stop my hand but it was too late. I kiss her forehead and she calms down; it's so cute.
I never thought I could feel so many things at the same time; being human is similar but entirely different from being an android. I'm sure that I'll be learning about a lot more things from now on together with the uncle, my friends, and with Kaori. It feels great to be alive.
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Ai, feeling better than ever, became even more determined to beat Saotome. He immediately went back to work after a day's rest; he went back dazzling and shining brighter than ever before. He continued to work hard for the remaining weeks before Saotome's deadline, the UtaPri awards. Full of confidence and passion, he strongly believes that he will be returning home to the apartment with Kaori greeting him at the door with her smile; the smile he loves the most.