Chapter 75: Silent
"Kaori, are you ready to go?"
Ai knocks on the bedroom door and I came out of the bedroom shortly after.
"I'm ready..."
"Did you prepare your things?"
I raised the bag I was holding. "I put in enough clothes for three days and toiletries are in here as well."
"Okay. I'll carry that for you."
Today is the day of my surgery; I'm quite nervous. As promised, Ai is going with me to the hospital since Manager-san isn't available to accompany me. We got out of the apartment and went on our way to the hospital.
"Would you like to take a taxi?"
"Can we just walk and take the train? Taking the taxi is more expensive and I feel like walking today. The hospital is just two stations away and then we'll just have to walk for a bit."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Okay but we'll definitely take a taxi going home after your surgery."
As we walked, my hands were shaking a little so I tried not to hold Ai's hand because he might notice and get worried about me.
When we reached a wide intersection, there were a lot of people waiting for the pedestrian stoplight to turn green. Today is a weekend so I guess it's natural that there are a lot of people out today. We were going to cross the road too so Ai and I waited with the crowd. As soon as the light turned green, together with the crowd, we started moving and I could feel some people pushing me forward.
"W-wait...!" People are quite aggressive today!
I'm getting swept away by the crowd! Whaaa!
"Ai...!" I looked around me hoping to find Ai but I couldn't find him. I'm being pushed too hard; I might end up following the crowd and going to the wrong direction this way! I could get lost! I-I'm not yet familiar with this neighborhood! I just moved here a few days ago after all!
"Kaori!" A voice called out from behind me.
I turned around and saw Ai coming towards me. He took my hand and made me walk behind him; he walks in front of me to make way thru the crowd.
"Don't let go of my hand or else you might end up somewhere else again."
"I definitely won't. Thank you, Ai. I got a bit scared getting lost in the crowd and I didn't know where I was going."
"When I turned around to see if you were behind me, I didn't see you; I too got scared for a moment because I couldn't find you. I got worried. I'm glad I was able to find you."
We finally crossed the wide intersection and reached the other side of the street. He didn't let go of my hand and I don't think he'll be letting go. Somehow, I don't feel scared or nervous anymore. Just knowing that he'll be there waiting for me while I'm having the surgery, it makes my worries go away.
I tighten my grip on his hand a little as we walked towards the train station.
We reached the hospital after some time. We entered and told the nurse at the reception about my schedule for my surgery. She phoned the surgeon assigned to me and after she was given the go signal, she led me to my hospital room to get prepared and to store my things; I changed into a hospital gown while waiting for the nurse to return.
"Kaori, I'll see you after the surgery. I'll be waiting for you right here."
"Yeah..."
Ai then hugs me and pats my head. "Everything will be alright; don't worry about anything. You should relax and not stress yourself."
"I'm alright now. The thought of you alone is enough to calm my nerves. Everything is going to be alright."
The nurse returns and tells me that it's time to go to the surgery room.
Before leaving the room, I smiled at Ai. "See you later."
The nurse makes me sit on a wheelchair and brings me to the surgery room. I think this is standard in hospitals? I've never been to one as a patient before.
The next thing I knew, I was on the surgery table and was put to sleep. As my consciousness faded away, I told myself that everything is going to be alright.
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I felt a cool breeze and opened my eyes. Huh? Where am I?
I looked around my surroundings and realized that I was at a beach. I'm wearing a yellow Sunday dress and I was standing on the seashore; I guess I'm dreaming while the surgery is happening.
I decided to walk along the seashore and to enjoy the view of this beach. The water is really beautiful; the water is clear and it's shining because of the sun. I continued to walk and walk. There doesn't seem to be an end to this seashore; it has no end like the ocean. After walking for who knows how long, I suddenly see a person standing on the seashore; he was facing the ocean and he suddenly started walking towards it.
Why is he walking towards the ocean? I stopped walking and observed him.
He's not stopping; he continues to walk towards the ocean. Is he trying to be consumed by the water?!
Thinking that he might be trying to kill himself, I ran towards him to stop him from walking any further into the water.
"Hey! Wait! Don't go any further!"
I ran faster and faster, hoping to reach him before he goes any further.
"You could drown if the water becomes rougher! The waves will take you away!"
I kept shouting but it seems that he doesn't hear me; the waves are blocking my voice.
Almost out of breath, I got to reach him and grabbed his arm.
"Stop! Don't!"
I got shocked as the person turned to look at me—he looks exactly like Ai. I then noticed his necklace; he's not Ai. I suddenly remembered that I've seen him in another dream I've had in the past.
"Please don't go any further! Are you trying to kill yourself?! Don't do it"
He tries to take my hands off of his arm and in return, I tried my best to keep them on.
"Please! You don't get a second chance in life! Think of the people who love you! Think about what they'll feel when they find out that you're gone! Think about your dreams! There are still a lot of things to live for!"
He still continues to try to get rid of me.
"If you need someone to talk to, I'll listen! If you need help, I'll help you! Please! Don't give up! Everything is going to be alright!"
He stops struggling all of a sudden.
I was going to look up at him but a powerful wave came and hit us both; I lost my grip on his arm because I tried to cover myself from the water. When the wave passed, the man had disappeared. I panicked and started walking around, calling out to him.
"Hey! Are you alright?! Are you there?! Please answer me!"
I kept calling out to him and searching around but he never answered me and I couldn't find him anywhere. He's gone...
As I stood in the water that suddenly became calm, I wondered what happened to him; I hope that he's okay. I walked back to the shore and sat on the sand. I just sat there and stared at the ocean; I was waiting for him to turn up. I was hoping he'd still be alive and return.
A lot of time has passed already but he still didn't come back. I didn't lose hope and believed he'd still come back. Maybe he's just lost somewhere out there?
I took a deep breath and started to sing as loud as I could. I thought that maybe if he could hear my voice, he could find his way back to the shore. I kept singing and singing until I slowly lost my voice. When my voice had completely disappeared, I continued to sing though no sound would come out of my mouth.
"You're persistent, aren't you?"
I turned around and there he was; he returned.
"You really waited for a long time. Why didn't you just go?"
I wanted to answer him but...I lost my voice.
The man then looked towards the right side of the beach. "It's time for you to go. He's waiting for you to return."
I looked at where he was pointing and there, on the sand, sat a familiar person—it's Ai.
"I don't understand him or myself. You're really something, you know that?"
Huh? What is he talking about?
A really strong breeze came and I closed my eyes instinctively.
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I slowly open my eyes. The first thing I saw was a beige colored unfamiliar ceiling. Where am I this time?
"Good afternoon. You're finally awake." Ai said.
I opened my mouth and tried to speak but then nothing came out of my mouth; I felt a sharp pain. Oh, that's right...I just remembered that I had surgery.
"How are you feeling? Does it hurt?" he points at his throat.
I shake my head and smiled at him. It doesn't really hurt except when I try to talk.
I try to sit up.
"Slowly. Don't move too suddenly." Ai said as he helps me sit up.
Ugh, I feel weak and a bit dizzy; it must be the anesthesia.
"The doctor told me that you'll be staying here in the hospital for around two to three days due to the anesthesia and to observe if any complications would happen. Your loss of strength and dizziness will disappear as the anesthesia wears off and you might feel some pain on your throat by then. If the pain becomes unbearable, you'll have to take pain killers."
I nod.
"You absolutely can't talk for one week. The doctor said that if your throat feels better on the second week, you could speak a few words but he recommends that you should just have voice rest for one to two or three weeks. If ever you would have a sore throat, it should only last up to two weeks. If it goes over that, we'll have to come back to have you checked."
I nod.
"It's strongly encouraged that you drink a lot of fluids all the time. You can eat but you can't eat anything scratchy, sour, or spicy; it's recommended that you eat soft food."
I nod. Ai sounds like a doctor which makes me smile a little.
"Would you like some water?" he asks.
I nod and he gives me a cup of water. Ugh...the cup is heavy...I stare at the cup as I try to lift it up to my mouth. I've lifted the cup until my chest level and it has made me feel tired already; I feel like I'm lifting a really thick textbook. Ai was staring at me who was struggling to drink from a cup.
"Is something wrong?"
I look at him with an expression that shows my frustration.
"Is the cup heavy for you?"
I nod immediately.
"I see. Let me help you then."
He helps me lift the cup to my mouth and finally, I get to drink the water. The water is so refreshing! It's soothing my throat; feels good.
Ai took the cup away after I drank everything.
"Do you want some more?"
I shake my head; I'm fine now.
"I bought some food for you a while ago. Would you like to e—"
Before Ai could finish his sentence, the door slams open all of a sudden. Ai and I both got surprised.
"Natsuki! Why did you slam the door?!"
"Ah! I'm very sorry! I got too excited to see Ori-chan again that I used too much strength to open the door!"
"You should be more careful." Masato said.
"I agree. You might give the lady a heart attack. That would be quite unpleasant!" Ren said.
Everyone entered the room; even Haruka, Tsukimiya-sensei, and Hyuga-sensei came.
"How are you feeling, Kaori?" Haruka asked.
"We got you some food and some gifts!" Otoya said cheerfully as he showed the food he brought.
"Hmm...we'll need a table for all the food we brought and some chairs for everyone. I'll go ask a nurse if we could borrow a table and some chairs." Syo says.
"I'll help you with that." Masato says as he follows Syo.
"Kaori!" Tsukimiya-sensei rushes towards me and hugs me tightly.
"It's been a while since we last saw each other! I've missed you!"
Hyuga-sensei approaches me and pats my head. "I've missed you too, you know. When I heard the announcement yesterday on television that you were going to have surgery, I came with everyone right away today."
I was on television yesterday as a guest for a variety show and for a talk show. Manager-san and I decided to announce my surgery and absence from the idol world due to my vocal chord cyst during the talk show; I'll be concentrating on being a composer and music arranger until my voice heals. A lot of people were surprised since we announced it all of a sudden and on the day before the surgery too.
"Kaori, Tomochan can't come to visit you today because of work but she dropped by the agency this morning to hand this over to me to give it to you."
Haruka gives me a parcel. I open it to find two books inside; they're the next two volumes of the horror series I was reading! Thank you, Tomochan! My happiness shows on my face.
"Kaori, I got you these flowers to brighten up the room. I'll put them over here." Cecil arranges the beautiful yellow, white, and pink flowers in the vase on top of the cabinet beside the window.
Ichinose-san then approaches me and gives me a small whiteboard and marker. "I thought that this would be useful for you to communicate with."
I took the small whiteboard and marker and wrote "Thank you very much" on it; I flashed it at Ichinose-san with a smile.
"Ori-chan! I made these for you!"
Natsuki gives me a small basket of cookies that looked like stars. I smiled at him but in the back of my mind, I could hear the angels above telling me not to eat them.
I wrote on the whiteboard and flashed it at Natsuki. "Thank you for the cookies. I'll save them for later as a snack."
Natsuki smiles but I feel guilty for lying to him..."My health and safety comes first!" says my mind.
Masato and Syo returns with a table and some chairs. Everyone starts setting up the food on the table and putting their gifts on the side; Ai helps them out. I feel quite useless as I watched them from the bed; I want to help out too. Sigh.
"YO! Looks like everyone has arrived!"
I flinched and clenched my chest. Oh lord, Rei-chan surprised me! He just appeared at the door all of a sudden and spoke loudly!
Rei-chan, Ranmaru, and Camus entered the room.
"How are you, kiddo?" Ranmaru asked as he pats my head and messes up my hair a little. "I got you some really delicious steak from my favorite place!"
"You seem to be well. I brought you fine tea." Camus said.
"Kaori-chan! It's been a while! I miss seeing you at the dorm! I wish that you could come back to the dorm!" Rei-chan says as he hugs me.
"Reiji, get off of her this instant." Ai says as he pinches Rei-chan's back.
"O-Ouch! S-stop! I'm letting go! I'm letting go!"
Rei-chan lets go and cries in the corner as he rubs the area that Ai was pinching.
The room suddenly got really crowded and lively with everyone being here. I'm feeling better already by just having them here! We started eating after a while. The food they brought was really delicious! It was a bit frustrating that I had to eat slowly and there were some food I couldn't eat because it was too hard for me. I was eating on my own but there were times when I couldn't eat properly and drop the spoon...stupid anesthesia...I'm never going to have another surgery in my entire life ever again!
"Haha..."
I heard Ai laugh at me a little when I dropped my spoon when it was already near my mouth; I glared at him and pouted.
I took the small whiteboard and wrote, "Meanie."
"I couldn't help but laugh a little; it was just too adorable to watch. Sorry."
Ai takes my plate and my spoon. He takes a spoonful of the food and positions the spoon on front of my mouth.
"Open wide." He says with a teasing smile.
I-I suddenly felt embarrassed; I hesitated to eat.
When I was thinking about opening my mouth, Ai ate the food on the spoon.
A-ah! My food! I was shocked that he ate my food! Nooo! My food!
"If you take too long to decide, the food will disappear."
He takes another spoonful of food and positions the spoon on front of my mouth again. Without hesitation, I opened my mouth and ate. My face lits up as I chew the food; it tastes really good! I started to gain some strength as I ate more and after a while, I finally was able to eat on my own. I still couldn't lift a cup of water properly though...sigh.
It was getting dark and so, everyone started cleaning up and leaving since they still had work to do the next day. I thanked them all for coming over and for the food and gifts they brought; they made my day lively. When everyone left, I fell asleep all of a sudden; I guess the surgery and everyone's energy made me tired today. I didn't even get to tell Ai that I was going to sleep.
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After thanking everyone for visiting and seeing them off, I went over to Kaori to check up on her.
"Eh?" She fell asleep.
I fixed her pillow and blanket. She's sound asleep; she really got tired today. Looking at her right now makes me want to skip work tomorrow but I know too well that I can't do that since tomorrow is the launch of my new album—the album that contains the songs that I'm hoping would beat Saotome's record. It doesn't matter which of those songs would do it; I made them all with all my heart and mind. I just have to make one of the songs beat his record and then I could be with Kaori with no more problems.
*knock knock knock*
Who could that be?
I stood up and answered the door.
"What's up, Ai-Ai?"
"Reiji? I thought you left already?"
"Haha. You see, I left my car keys in the room."
I let Reiji into the room and he got his car keys that were left beside the vase. He was one his way out when he noticed that Kaori was asleep.
"Kaori-chan is sleeping already?"
"Yeah. She probably fell asleep instantly when everyone left."
"I see. By the way, it's tomorrow right?"
I nod.
"Good luck to you then, Ai-Ai. Beating Saotome's record won't be easy but I have faith in you; I'm sure you can do it."
"Thanks. However, I'm concerned of beating his record in time."
"In time?"
"The other day, he called me to tell me that he forgot to mention something about the challenge. He told me that I have to beat his record on or before his deadline."
"W-wait! There's a deadline for that?! When?!"
"I have to beat his record on or before the awarding of the UtaPri award."
"EH?! B-but that's not too far away from now! Is he serious?!"
"Sadly, yes. The task just got more difficult that way."
Reiji felt worried. He's probably thinking what I'm thinking—there's no way I could do it in such a short time frame. The UtaPri award show is not so far away from today. I was purely confident in beating his record with one of my songs before but given such a deadline makes it seem almost impossible to accomplish.
"Are you still going for it, Ai?"
"Of course I will. You know very well that I won't be giving up on this."
Reiji puts his hand on my shoulder.
"Good luck to you then. Give it your all, you hear me? But don't overwork yourself or else we'll all get worried; especially that one little angel over there."
"I'm aware of that."
Reiji looks at the clock hanging on the wall and his eyes suddenly grew big.
"Wha! Look at the time! I'll be late for work! My manager will kill me! I'll be going now, Ai-Ai. Take care of Kaori-chan, okay? Ciao!"
Reiji rushes out. He'll definitely be scolded later on; he's usually late when his jobs are in the evening since he tends to forget about the time. I sat down on a chair beside the bed and soon after I closed my eyes and slept knowing that I will be working very hard starting tomorrow until the end of next month.
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"..." I opened my eyes to see Ai sleeping on a chair beside the bed.
I slowly got up and realized it was still quite dark outside. Did I wake up too early? I looked at the clock and it says that it's 5:30 in the morning; it really is too early. I feel quite refreshed after sleeping but I'm really thirsty...
I look at the cup of water on top of the side table.
"..." I'm definitely not waking up Ai for something like this.
I reached out for the cup and after counting to three, I lifted it up.
Oh! It seems I've recovered some of my strength! I guess the anesthesia is wearing off! I drank the water with no problem at all; I feel so happy over this. Haha.
"..." I'm still thirsty...I want more water...
I put my blanket aside and got out of bed. I suddenly felt dizzy which caused me to slightly lose my balance; good thing I was able to hold onto the bed so I didn't fall to the floor. I held my head in pain as I waited for the dizziness to fade away; I guess I stood up too fast. I felt better after a while and went over to the water dispenser to refill my cup with water. As I drank, I noticed that Ai doesn't have a blanket over him. I don't know if it's just me but the hospital is quite cold; he might get sick sleeping like that.
I don't want him to get sick; I won't let him get sick. I put my cup down and went over to my bed. I picked up the blanket and placed it over Ai; this should keep him warm. As I look at him, my smile slowly dwindles.
Good luck to you and do your best, Ai. You'll be very busy from today onward, right? Today is the launch of your new album—the album that contains the songs that you poured your heart and mind into in hopes of beating Saotome-sensei. I'll be lonely when you're not around but that's a small sacrifice compared to what you're doing. I'm really touched that you're working so hard for the both of us; I really wish that there was something I could do to help you right now. Sometimes I wonder, of all the people in the world, why did you choose me; I really do think about that. I'm happy though that you chose me and I'm happy that I chose you. I don't know if I've said and expressed it enough times to you already or too little but I would just like to remind you that I really really love you and I am thankful for everything you do each and every single day; you really touch my heart and you have no idea just how much you've made me happy up until now. I hope that I'm able to do the same; I want you to be happy too.
While standing there on front of Ai, I could feel my face burning up. That was quite embarrassing; it's a good thing that I don't have my voice at the moment! But I think I wouldn't mind if he would hear me say those things.
I went over to the closet and saw my bag inside. I opened it and took my cellphone out; the notification light is blinking. Hm? I left my phone on silent again. Why was it silent in the first place? Oh! It was because I was working yesterday. Right. Right. I sat down on the bed and checked my inbox for the messages I've received yesterday.
"...!" T-ten messages from Manager-san?! There's also three missed calls from him; it's not like I could talk...
I started opening his messages.
"Good afternoon Kaori, how was your surgery? How are you feeling? Is your throat alright?"
"I'm sorry. I can't come to visit you because of work. I'll make it up to you, okay?"
"Kaori. Why aren't you answering my messages or my calls? Are you really alright? Please reply."
"I heard that everyone went to the hospital to visit you. How was it? I'm sure it was quite noisy and lively. I hope they don't stress you out or disturb other people in the hospital."
"Are you really not replying to me because I didn't accompany you to the hospital or because I couldn't come visit you?! I'm very sorry! Please don't hate me!"
"Mikaze better be taking care of you or else I'll kill him. He better not take advantage of you either while weakened! I will not spare him!"
"Please notify me when you are going to get discharged from the hospital. I'll drive you and Mikaze home."
"I found out that there's a sale at Unique Glow. Do you want anything from there? A shirt? Sweater? Pants? Their dresses are on sale too. Oh! Even the men's clothing are on sale!"
Sigh. He really is like a doting parent or something close to that. I press the reply button and I start typing about what went on yesterday and why I didn't reply at all.
Hmm...what else should I type? Ah! That's right! "If you're visiting me today or tomorrow, please buy some apples, mangoes, or oranges. I crave for fruits. Thank you."
After a few seconds, my phone vibrated. He replies fast as usual. Wait a minute; he's awake already at this time?! Wow. Does he sleep at all?
I checked the message. "I'm free in the afternoon today so I'll come visit you then. I'll make sure to bring you lots of fruits!"
*RING RING RING*
WHA—! I jumped in surprise at the sound of an alarm.
"Unn..." Ai wakes up and reaches for his phone that sits on top of the table; he turns off his alarm. He then notices that I was awake already.
I quickly typed on my phone and flashed it to him. "Good morning!"
"Good morning to you too. You woke up early?"
I typed on my phone again. "Yeah. I woke up at 5:30 because I got thirsty."
I then remembered something and typed again. "I'm able to lift a cup of water now! I was so happy. Haha. I got some of my strength back already. The anesthesia is probably wearing off now."
"Is that so? That's too bad..."
I tilted my head. Huh?
"I wanted to baby you more like yesterday." He said teasingly.
I formed a fist with my left hand and lightly punched his arm; he laughs at me. I turn my back to him and I started remembering everything that happened yesterday; I feel my temperature rising a little as I recalled everything. That was too much for my heart to handle. Plus, he was doing all that while everyone was around! I'll never hear the end of it from Syo, Natsuki, and Haruka when I get discharged from here!
Ai then notices the blanket on him; he takes it and stands up. He goes over to me and wraps the blanket around me. "Thank you for this but I think you'll need it more." He kisses my forehead. "I'll have to leave now to work. Starting today, everything will be quite hectic; I'm sure you know why."
I nod several times.
"To be honest, I'd rather be here and spend time with you but this is something I can't pass."
I type on my phone and flash it to him. "Yeah. If you don't go, we might not see each other anymore in the future. That would be too sad..."
"I agree..."
I thought for a moment and then typed once again on my phone. "Do your best and take care. I love you."
Ai smiles. "I will. I love you very much too."
He starts fixing some of his things and after checking his phone, he suddenly looks over to me.
"I forgot to tell you something. There's someone I'd like you to meet. He's usually a very busy man but he told me last night that he's free for today in the evening so he'll be visiting you here in the hospital."
I typed on my phone hurriedly. "Who is he?"
Ai thinks for a while. "Well, I guess you could say that he's my father."
I got surprised and quickly typed on my phone. "Y-your father?! I'm meeting him today?!"
"Don't worry. I'll be here by then as well; I'll rush over right after my last job in the evening. He's a nice person and I think you'll like him. I've told him about you several times before so he's been bugging me to introduce you to him."
T-this is so sudden! I'm not prepared to meet his father! Especially in this state!
Ai then becomes a little serious. "Aside from introducing you to him, he and I will be telling you something important...something I've been keeping a secret from you all this time."
Eh? He's been hiding something from me? What could it be? He seemed so serious when he said that...could it be something bad?
"I'll be going now. I'll try to message you when I have time. I apologize in advance if I can't contact you. Drink lots of fluids, okay? You can't get dehydrated or else you'll get sick."
I type on my phone. "Okay. Take care, Ai. I'll be rooting for you!"
He kisses me and heads for the door.
He takes one last look at me before closing the door. I smile at him to assure him that I'll be alright and won't be lonely while he's gone.
"See you later." As those words left his mouth, the door closes and I'm left alone in this hospital room.
I was looking at the door and a feeling of frustration began to grow inside of me. With my phone in my hands, I slowly typed the words that I wanted to say to him before he left. "I'll be waiting for you."