Chapter Thirteen - Let Me Explain
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We were at the park again, waiting for my mom to arrive so she could say goodbye. I wasn't as nervous about this encounter because I knew she wouldn't try to take Bailey or Braxton. In a way, I felt like she was finally going to start trying to be in our lives. But maybe my calm attitude was sparked by the pain meds I took to calm my throbbing head.
She was different than she had been before she left. She reminded me of how she used to be before Bailey was born, but I still didn't trust her.
She hugged and kissed Bailey and Brax when she got there, kissing my forehead even though she knew I didn't want her to.
She whispered something to my dad and he looked at me before nodding and going to the play ground with Brax and Bailey.
I gave her a confused look before she started talking, "I want to explain a few things before a leave again."
She sighed, "I know leaving you was the worst thing I could do to our family, but I was going through some things and your father couldn't help me, so I did what I thought was best and I ran. You won't understand what I was going through, and I don't expect you to, just know that after I had Bailey I had postpartum depression and it got worse when I found out my own baby couldn't hear me. I thought I was getting better until I found out I was pregnant with Brax and I got worse again. When I finally had Brax, I bolted, feeling the only way I could truly be happy was to leave."
I looked at her, a little happy that she was explaining herself to me, but wondering why she waited so long to do it.
"In those years, I thought I had fixed my self and that's when I'd show back up, because I thought I was ready to be a mom again. But then I realized how much I had missed then I'd spiral back into the awful depression."
"Why are you telling me all this?" I asked.
"Because, I'm ready to be in you're lives, Blaine. I've been absent too long. I've been seeing a therapist, something I should have done long ago, and I'm getting better. Don't worry about me trying to take Brax and Bailey away, all I want is reasonable visiting, which your dad has agreed to."
I kept all my rude remarks about how you don't get to chose when to be a mom and was silent and she spoke up again, "I know it might take you a while to get used to this. I know I was an awful mother for most of your childhood, but I don't want to be that way to Brax and Bailey."
I let all of that sink in before I said, "Okay, but your not getting back together with dad. You broke his heart once, there's no way in hell I'm going to let you do it again." I said.
My mom nodded, "Don't worry about that. I'm just here to be a part of you and your siblings lives."
"It's about time," I mumble, "But it's a little too late for me." I add.
My mom looks a little sad but she covers it up with a small smile, my dad comes back then, sensing the end of our conversation.
We all talk for a while, well, they talk, I listen. Then summer is mentioned, "We are already half way through summer, are you going to finish school here or are you working on moving back to New York?" Mother looks at me.
"I guess we are going to stay here, even with both if our jobs, I don't think we have enough money." I said.
My dad looked at me then, "Actually, Henry, my manager, offered me a job in New York working for his friend's company. It's the same pay and we would be fine if we moved back. It's all up to you, you have until the end of summer to decided." He told me.
I thought about Bailey and how they had a really good school for the deaf up in New York that Bailey had gone to. But they also had a really good school here that my grandparents sponsored. We had gone to check it out once. Bailey liked it and the people that worked there so I knew she couldn't persuade my decision.
Brax hadn't started school yet so he was usually at daycare when when we had school or work. If we stayed here I knew my grandma wouldn't let Brax stay at daycare and would watch him.
So it was all up to me, if I wanted to finish my high school career in Texas or New York. It wouldn't stop me from applying to the same colleges I had wanted to go to before, it just might put me far away from home if they stay here when I leave for college.
"I'm going to need some time to think." I said and my dad nodded.
I actually had friends here too, more friends than I had back in New York, especially since Josef and I didn't talk any more. Grace and I talked once a week, updating each other on our lives. She threatened to fly down to Texas when I told her what had happened and why I was in the hospital.
But her talking about coming to Texas had me suggesting that she come for the end of the summer party that promised a lot more fun than the beginning of summer party, since I knew more people and surely there wouldn't be another fight.
We stayed a little longer before she had to leave or she would miss her flight. Bailey cried, not wanting her to leave, but after a promise to see her in a month, Bailey was a little happier.
Once we were back home I went into the garden with Bailey and my grandma. I helped them water the flowers, having a mini water fight with Bailey when she accidentally sprayed me with the water.
When we finished watering the flowers I went inside to take a nap while everyone else went outside to swim, except my dad and grandpa who were helping load up the cattle to take to slaughter.
When I woke up I had a message from Seth, asking if I wanted to go to the park.
I agreed but told him he would have to come get me. I went outside to tell my dad just as they got the last cow in the trailer.
He sighed and grabbed a towel to wipe the sweat off of his face before looking at me, "Can I go to the park with Seth, he's coming to pick me up."
"Sure, just be careful. I don't want to get another call saying that you're in the hospital."
"You better take a shower and get cleaned up for your date tonight." I smirked. I had overheard him on the phone the previous day.
Before he could question me I was walking away, taking a seat on the porch to wait for Seth.
When he arrived I got in the car and he drove us to the park.
"How are you feeling?" He asked when we settled down under the oak trees.
"Better," I answered honestly, resting my head against his shoulder, "You ever talk to Daniel after I introduced you?"
Seth chuckled a little, "Why are you so intent on that?"
"I was just wondering. Did you bond over my life threatening experience?" I smiled, looking up at him.
He shook his head at me, "You shouldn't joke about that."
I rolled my eyes at him, "So did you talk to him anymore or not?" I asked.
Seth nodded and my smile grew, "We talked a little. How did your visit with your mom go?"
I looked at him, "It was surprisingly well. She's going to try harder to be a part of Bailey and Brax's life and she explained why she left."
"That's good, did you forgive her?" He asked.
I shook my head, "It's going to take a little longer than one conversation and a promise to see me again for me to forgive her for the shit she did to us."
"She must of been pretty bad." He said lightly.
"Not nearly as bad as your dad," I said, "But she fucked up my dad for a bit when she left."
"Well maybe it will be better now." He offered.
"She's not the best at keeping her promises or sticking with her word." I said.
Then as I saw a little boy with ice cream I looked over as Seth, "I want ice cream."
He chuckled at my subject change but said, "Only if you pay."
"Wow." I chuckled as we stood up.
"What? I have to save my money for all those dates you want me and Daniel to go on." Seth smiled.
I laughed as we walked to his car.
Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I'm hoping to have this story finished soon.