"Baby, carry this for me. I need to carry mummy. Is that alright?" Perrie asked their 4 year-old daughter as the child nodded and took the bag from her.
"Thanks baby." Perrie said and kissed Sofia's forehead. She made her way upstairs and knocked gently on their bedroom door.
"Babe? Are you almost done? Do you need help?" The blonde asked from outside of the door as her wife is currently changing inside.
"I'm fine baby. I need to do this by myself." Jade said determined but Perrie wasn't buying any of it. She knew her wife so much. The younger Geordie opened the door revealing Jade sat on the edge of the bed, struggling to put her clothes on her body.
"Baby, let me help you." Perrie said as she approached the brunnette. Jade shook her head and continues dressing but failed miserably as her shaky hands couldn't take it any longer.
"Here." The blonde took a hold of Jade's hand bringing it up and sliding the shirt down her body. She grabbed her pants and put it on her after.
"Thank you so much, Perrie. I don't know what I'd do without you." Jade said sincerely, tears forming at the edge of her eyes, but Perrie was quick to wipe it off. She cupped her girl's cheek and stared into her beautiful brown eyes that she fell in love with and keeps falling for more everyday.
"I'll always be here for you baby. I love you so much and no one could stop that. I will love you forever. You and our baby girl. I will love you 'til the last second of infinity." Perrie tries to fight back her own tears as she doesn't want to add to the sadness. The sight of Jade crying breaks her heart into million of pieces.
"I love you too, baby. I love you so much. You and our baby girl, 'til the last second of infinity." Jade said. Perrie smiled and captured her lover's lip, smiling as she thought how lucky she is for having Jade and their daughter in her life. Her family is the most precious thing that's ever happened to her.
"Shall we go, my love? Our baby is waiting downstairs." Perrie said as they broke apart, needing for air to breathe. The petite girl nodded and led her wife downstairs where they were met by a cute little girl standing at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for her mummies.
"Mummy!" she squeals as she approached Jade and attacked her with a tight hug. Jade hugged her back and kissed her forehead.
"There my gorgeous baby girl." She said and rubbed their noses together earning fits of giggles from the smaller brunnette.
Perrie has a male genitalia so it was not a surprised if they had a kid. She and Jade have been together for 5 years before they got married. They had their first kid and named her Sofia, who is a very cute and gorgeous girl. She's almost a carbon copy of Jade if it weren't for Perrie's eyes that she got. But despite of that, they love their daughter just as much as they love each other.
"There, my gorgeous Princess and Queen. I love you both." The taller girl said and engulfed them in a tight hug, smiling at the sounds that she receives.
God, I'm so lucky..
-
"Sir, how was it?" Perrie asked the doctor as she stood up from her seat, taking Sofia with her as the kid was sitting on her lap.
She'd decided to take her wife to the hospital as it has been 1 week since the brunnette is not feeling well. That's the reason why she cannot dressed herself alone.
Perrie's eyes has a glint of hope in it even though she could see that there is something wrong based from the doctor's expression.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Edwards. We took an examination on your wife and found out that she has a stage three cancer." The Geordie froze from her spot and soon after, a single tear escaped from her eyes. She didn't expect it to happen. Her heart is pounding inside of her chest, tears are rushing down her cheeks. She didn't know what to do. She felt numb.
Her daughter however, not knowing anything, wiped her momma's tears away and gently pecked her cheek.
"Stop crying mama." she said sadly. Perrie shakes her head and kissed her daughter's forehead, mumbling a small 'thank you.'
"It is a serious disease caused by cells that are not normal and that can spread to one or many parts of the body. The case is getting hard. It's a 50/50 thing. We're still not sure if she's going to survive or not, but we're doing everything we could for her." The doctor said apologetically.
Perrie thanked the doctor before he bid his goodbye. The blonde put her daughter down and sat on the chair just outside of Jade's room. She brought her hands to her face and let the tears fall down.
"FUCK!!! WHY??!!!!!" She screamed at the top of her lungs earning looks from people around her but she hasn't care any less at that moment. She needed Jade. Sofia needs her. She needed the love of her life.
Sofia looked at her intently, pouting as she saw one of her mommy crying and screaming profanities.
"OF ALL PEOPLE, WHY JADE??!!!! LIFE IS SO UNFAIR! SHE HASN'T DO ANYTHING! FUCK THIS LIFE! FUCK EVERYTHING. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!" Perrie yelled and collapsed on the ground, her fists slamming against the hospital floor, drawing blood on it after several punches.
Sofia didn't know what to do. She's only 4 years old for God's sake.
"Mummy. Don't cry." she said softly and approached the crying blonde. She crouched down beside her and hugged her tightly, her little hands encircling her momma's neck making Perrie cry even more.
"Momma's sorry baby. I'm sorry for shouting bad words. Don't worry baby, I'll be fine." She said rather gently this time. She didn't want their daughter to experience this kind of pain. She doesn't know what or how to tell her about her mummy. She held Sofia tight and cried on her shoulder.
-
"Baby... I wanna eat that too. Please?" Jade pouted as Perrie shook her head and grab the chips away from her hand.
"Nope. The doctor said you're not allowed to eat this. You're meant to eat healthily." She warned and chuckles soon after as Jade pouts even more.
It's been 1 month since Jade was admitted to the hospital and Perrie was getting more worried every moment. Her wife is getting paler than her usual skin color. Her hair is getting thinner but Perrie still thinks that she's the most beautiful girl in the world. Her body's getting skinny that her ribcage is almost visible. Sometimes, her body isn't accepting the food that she eats and vomits every time she tries to do it again. Perrie just thinks of a good thoughts and always pray for her wife.
It's visiting hours so Sofia is allowed to visit and so does Perrie. But Sofia needs to go later on. Their daughter is sitting on Perrie's lap as the blonde was sat on a chair beside Jade's bed, grabbing the chips from both of their hands and tossing it on the table behind them.
"Mummy, we won't let you eat it because it is bad for your health. Why aren't you listening?" The two couples burst out laughing at their daughter's comment as her eyebrows were knit together, keeping the angry look.
"Alright baby. I won't do that again. Now, where's my hug?" Jade said opening her arms wide for her daughter to dive in. Sofia giggles and jumped towards her mom and hugs her tightly. Perrie smiled at the sight.
"What about me?" She said earning the attention from both of her girls and pouted to let them know that she wants attention too.
"Oh come here you big baby." Jade said motioning her love to come over. Soon after, they were wrapped up in a tight embrace, feeling secured and safe on Perrie's arms. Jade smiled and tried to hide the tears that was again trying to escape from her eyes. She knew she wouldn't last long so might as well keep this moment forever.
Before they knew it, Sofia was snoring loudly beside them. The two Georfies chuckled. Perrie picked up her daughter and carried her to the couch beside them so she would be comfortable. She gave her a peck on the forehead before going back to her wife, who's smiling widely, stretching her arms out for Perrie to take her hand. The blonde gladly took it and sat down beside her.
"Sing for me baby." Jade whispered barely audible but enough for the taller girl to hear. Perrie nodded and started singing the song that she promised to sing for Jade one day. She hadn't have any courage to do back then and now is the right time.
(Oh my God! Better play the song 'Say you won't let go' by James Arthur while reading this part. 😭)
I met you in the dark, you lit me up
You made me feel as though I was enough
We danced the night away we drank too much
I held your hair back when you were throwing up.
"Hey! You! What's your name?" The 18 year-old blonde asked the brunnette who was sat on the bar counter, sipping a can of soda while looking at it innocently.
"J-Jade." The petite girl said as she looked up from her gaze and froze from her spot at the sight in front of her. The blonde's eyes were very captivating that it made her heart beats faster. Her breath hitched just by staring at the girl's ocean blue eyes. She didn't know it would turn into something even more back then.
Then you smiled over your shoulder
For a moment I was stone-cold sober
I pulled you closer to my chest
Then you asked me to stay over,
I said I already told you, I think that you should get some rest.
"P-Perrie..." Jade stuttered as she held the phone close to her ear.
"Jade! What's wrong? Baby tell me!" Perrie panicked as she didn't know what to do.
"There is someone on my door. Please come and get me." The brunnette said as tears ran down her cheeks from the fear that's overflowing through her body.
"Baby, listen to me, I'll be there in 5. Don't open the door okay?" Perrie said as Jade nodded as if the blonde could see her.
Perrie drove rather faster than the speed limit towards the older Geordie's house. Once she got there, she saw a man standing at her doorway, holding a knife.
She beat the man down and punched him several times before he scurried away.
"Jade?!" she yelled while making her way upstairs. There she saw the quivering brunnette on the bed, crying her heart out. She approached her and engulfed her in a tight hug.
"Shhh... I'm right here, Jadey. I'm here. You're safe now. I'm here." she soothed while running her hands through her brown locks. Jade buried her face in her neck and tighten her grip around the taller girl.
"Please stay." she says.
"For you, I'll stay." Perrie said and that's enough for Jade to calm down.
"I love you, Perrie."
"I love you too Jade. 'Til the last second of infinity, remember?"
I knew I loved you then, but you'd never know
Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go.
I knew I need you but I never showed
But I wanna stay with you until we're gray and old
Just say you won't let go
Just say you won't let go.
Perrie tightens her grip on her wife's hand, not wanting to let go. Because she knew if she does, Jade might slip away from her life.
They shared a small smile towards each other before Perrie continues singing. Her voice cracking a little from each word but tries to hide it by a reassuring smile. Jade brought her hand towards her and kissed it, snuggling into it affectionately as tears flow from her eyes.
I'll wake you up with some breakfast in bed
I'll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head
And I'll take the kids to school, wave them goodbye
And I'll thank my luck stars for that night.
"Babe.. I have something to tell you." Jade fiddles with her fingers, scared that if she'll tell Perrie, she might run away or worst, leave her.
Perrie looked at her girlfriend and nodded telling her to continue.
"I-I'm...I-I'm... I'm p-pregnant, Perrie. We're going to be parents. You're going to be a mom." Jade says nervously, afraid of the girl's reaction.
Perrie blinks for a moment, her eyes wide as plates. Her heart's pounding against her chest. She couldn't believe this.
"Fuck! Really?!" She said after a couple minutes of silence while smiling from ear to ear. Jade's heart's bursting at the sight.
"Really baby." Jade confirms and cupped her girlfriend's cheek as happy tears came rushing down from her eyes.
"I'm going to be a mom! Damn! I'm the happiest girl in this fucking world!" She screamed and kissed her lover passionately, lifting her off the ground and twirling her around, smiling as Jade giggles.
"I love you, Perrie."
"I love you, Jade. Thank you for everything. I love you so much. I will always love you. I'll love you 'til the last second of infinity. You and our baby."
When you looked over your shoulder
For a minute, I forget that I'm older
I wanna dance with you right now.
Oh, And you look as beautiful as ever
And I swear everyday you'll get better
You make me feel this way somehow.
I'm so in love with you, and I hope you know
Darling your love is more than worth its weight and gold
We've come so far my dear
Look how we've grown
I wanna stay with you until we're gray and old.
Just say you won't let go
Just say you won't let go.
Jade closed her eyes and intertwined their connected hands. She loves Perrie so much and even death couldn't stand in between their love for each other. She can feel her limbs getting weaker and weaker but she stayed still and listens to her love's soft voice. She tried to remember it so she could bring this moments to another life. She knew she need to let go soon. But the least thing she wanted to do was to leave Perrie and their daughter a crying mess if ever she'll die. She couldn't bare seeing them in pain. The thought alone makes it hard for her to breathe as the tears continue to fall down from her eyes.
I wanna live with you even when we're ghosts
Cause you were always there for me
When I need you most
Perrie's voice cracked and soon, she was crying because of the unbearable pain that she feels right now. Jade might die soon but she's still hoping a miracle to happen.
She held her hand tightly and thought about the memories she shared wih Jade. Whether good or bad, it doesn't matter. She loved those moments. Those moments that she treasures the most. She watched as Jade tried to open her eyes almost weakly and cupped her cheek with her free hand, smiling at her weakly like she isn't in pain. The blonde couldn't do anything about it. She tried to tell herself how worthless of a person she is for not taking care of Jade. But her Jade made her realize what love really means. She taught her how to love again. How to mend her broken heart. How to be happy. And how to let go...
Perrie stopped singing as she couldn't take it anymore. All her emotions went out and she cries desperately in front of Jade who couldn't do anything but wipe her tears away, even if it hurts moving just a bit, she did, just to hold her love.
Jade decided to continue the song for Perrie, even if it hurts talking just a little, she did, just to sing for her love for the very last time.
I'm gonna love you 'til my lungs give out
I promise til death we part like in our vows
So I wrote this song for you
Now everybody knows
That it's just you an me
until we're gray and old
Jade's voice is getting lower and lower every second. She could barely open her eyes. Her heart beat's getting slower. But she stayed still. Even for just a minute or so, just to be with the love of her life.
Just say you won't let go
Just say you won't let go.
Perrie looked up and saw Jade struggling to open her eyes once more. Her tight grip on her hand is losing its courage to hold her any longer. Her dull eyes are looking at her lovingly as if it was the last time. Indeed, it was.
"P-Perrie... I wanna say... thank you for everything. You gave me love... You gave me everything I wanted. I didn't regret any second I had with you because I know that you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. You and Sofia. This is not the end of us, Perrie. Even if I..." Jade pauses for a moment to take a deep breath as Perrie held her hand tightly, rubbing it against her cheeks, while still crying madly.
"Even if I die... I will still love you to another life. You brought color to my dark world. You're my rock, my teddy bear, the love of my life. You are always there when I need you. And....this time, I wanna... I w-wanna say goodbye, for the meantime." Jade struggles to speak, her tears aren's stopping from flowing. She pecked the blonde's hand and continues talking.
"No, no, no... don't be like that baby. You're going to live. We still have to make many kids and grow old together. Please don't leave me Jade, please... I'm begging you please, don't..." Jade's heart break at her lover's plead but she knew this is the right thing to do.
"I want you so move on with your life without me, baby. You and Sofia. There's only small chances that I might live but i don't want you to hope and cry over me thinking I might survive this because I can't. I can't take it anymore, Pez. It hurts. And I want to rest, for good. Even if it meant losing you and our baby girl. I want you to find another girl to marry and spend the rest of your life with. Not with me who might leave you sooner or later. I want you and Sofia to be the happiest girls even if I die. Take care of her and yourself Perrie. I love you so much. I can't last long. Even if it hurts so much... I think I need to let you go. "
Perrie shook her head immediately and wiped the tears from her wife's cheeks. It hurts. It hurts so much knowing that the love of your life is in pain and wants to settle for good but can't do anyting about it. Perrie wanted to die right now.
"Can you promise me one thing? Can you promise me that after this, even if I'm gone? You'll gonna remember me? You'll not gonna forget that there was once Jade Thirlwall that came into your life and you shared your love with? Can you promise me that Perrie? Can you promise me that? Just like what we always say, we will always love each other 'til the last second of infinity?"
Perrie couldn't respond as her eyes were full of tears and her head is getting heavier each second. Her body is trembling because of the feeling of losing someone who played the biggest role in her life.
"I promise you Jadey. I promise you... I'll remember you forever. I will always love you. Just please don't leave me. Don't leave me please Jadey... Please baby, I'm begging you." Perrie pleaded desperately. There is no words that could fathom how much her heart hurts right now.
Jade smiled at her and leaned up kissing her love one last time.
"I love you so much, Perrie. Take care of Sofia okay? I know you'll gonna be the best mom in the world. Tell her I love her so much. Perrie, I will always love you 'til the last second of infinity. You and our baby."
And with that, her eyes were completely closed and her tight grip on Perrie's hand loosen.
Perrie's eyes widen and panick rushed through her veins.
"NO!!!! JADE PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME!! DONT LET GO BABY, PLEASE ! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, wanting to lessen the pain in her heart but she couldn't.
She shook Jade again and again but she got no response. She collapsed to the floor and started screaming profanities as nurses and the doctor rushed in, doing their best for Jade.
Sofia woke up with loud noise and cries from her mom who was sat at the floor, holding her head and punching herself several times. She went to her side and hug her tightly, kissing her cheek gently.
"Time of death: 8:21 P.M" Perrie's whole world came crashing down. She couldn't believe this. This is just a dream. NO! It's far from a dream. It's a nightmare.
"Ma? What happened to mommy?" Sofia asked innocently. Perrie caressed her cheeks lightly.
"She went away baby. For good. Mommy's tired and we don't like that, do we?" she tried to sound positive but her voice cracked at the end making the smaller blonde cry.
"Mummy went away?! No! I need mummy!!! Mummy!" She rushed to Jade's side and hugged her tight, she burst out crying while her little hands are encircling around her mum's lifeless body, shooking her gently in order to wake her up, but nothing happened. The doctor and the nurses had tears in their eyes as well.
"Jade! I love you so much! Why do you have to do this?! Baby please come back! please! Jade! Jade!" the blonde cried out.
-
"Jade!" Perrie woke up clutching her chest and beads of sweat are forming on her forehead. She scan the room before feeling a soft arm wrapped around her waist and a body snuggling into her side, Jade was snoring on top of her.
Her body was shaking in fear that she hadn't realized Jade has woken up.
"Baby? What's wrong?" Jade asked as she rubbed her eyes, hearing her lover screamed her name in horror earlier, she assumed she had a nightmare. Plus, sweats were runnung down her face and her eyes wide as plates.
Perrie looked at her wife and scans her features. It was just a nightmare!
Perrie cried softly and hugged Jade very tight that she can hardly breathe. She didn't want to let go. Afraid that if she does, all of her nightmare will come true.
Jade patted her back and tries to calm her down,
"Baby, it's alright. I won't ask about your dream. But whatever it is, just know that I'll always be here for you. I'm not leaving you okay? I love you so much. I will always love you." Jade said and crashed their lips together once they pulled away from the hug.
Perrie knew this wasn't a dream anymore. Jade was alive. It was just a stupid nightmare. Jade is beside her, and she'll do everything to keep her.
"Mummy?" the two broke apart immediately as they saw their daughter walking towards them.
"I had a bad dream. Can I sleep here?" Sofia asked innocently and gets in between Jade and Perrie on the bed. The couple chuckled and laid down, hugging their daughter together, silently telling themselves that they wouldn't let go from the love that they've made. Even if death comes along the way,
They will always love each other 'til the last second of infinity.