I fixed my eyes on the screen of my laptop. Still no reply nor an indication that my e-mails have been read by Jung Sunbae. I've been doing this for three straight years – the hoping and waiting. I came to comprehend and love him for the six months that we've been together, but is it so hard to understand and find himself for him to ignore and not see me all this time? Or am I just waiting in vain? Yes, I could be waiting in vain. He could have found someone else, he could have totally forgotten about me. But here I am, still stuck in our past. These thoughts hurt me. It's been too long and I am getting tired and bitter about all this waiting. Maybe it's time for me to move on with my life too. Maybe I should listen to Bo Ra and Eun Taek. Everyone else are so happy with their lives. Maybe I should start to be happy too.
But who's to say that three years is more than enough to wait for someone who might not come? He might be hurting just as much as I am too. This thought hurts me more than the former. I can't endure thinking of Sunbae being hurt. He's been through so much. But if he is in fact hurt, why has he not even sent me a single message to let me know that he will come around. Just one message, just one and it will be enough for me to wait 3 years or even 20 years more. But no, there is none.
"Ah!" I grabbed my own hair out of frustration. What should I do?!
"Seol, dinner's ready!", my mom called. "Come out now."
"Alright."
I should stop this foolishness. For the last time, I click the refresh button. Seeing the expected that nothing will change, I sighed as I close the browser and hoping that I will fight every urge to open it again.