One year later:
You walk into the hotel, bag in hand and head for the reception desk. You're staying in New York City for a few days for a job interview.
As you wait to be served you stare up at the grand ceiling, never have you seen a place so flash.
You're too busy admiring the fancy hotel to notice him walking by you through the lobby. He's come to the big city just to get away from it all. Of course though he spots you the minute the two of you are in the same room.
You haven't seen each other in nearly a year now yet you look more beautiful than ever to him. He hasn't stopped thinking about you, his biggest regret. His heart leaps at the sight of you, a mixture of excitement and butterflies and nerves. It's you. It's really you.
But what are you doing all the way out here? Should he talk to you? Should he go to you? Apologise? Wave? Smile? So many questions run through his head.
No. You haven't seen him yet and probably don't want to. So he ducks his head, shoves his hands in his pockets and carries on his way.
As you look around to see the spinning glass doors you just catch sight of a figure disappearing past the window. You can't be sure, you didn't get a proper look, but it looked just like him.
Wow. Truth be told you've hardly thought about him these last few months, haven't seen him nor spoken to him and it takes you off guard. Out of sight, out of mind.
You had another relationship that only lasted a little while because you couldn't get over him. But after that you wanted a fresh start and that is exactly what you have been working on this past year.
However, now that he has come back to your attention, it would be quite nice to catch up. You guys were together for a long time and even before that he was the kind of friend that you wouldn't want to loose. He was a big part of your life. And besides, it's been a while and people do change. Maybe you could give things another try, whether it be as friends or lovers.
Suddenly you can't stop thinking about him. How he is, what he's been up to, if he's changed his recently developed playboy ways.
You decide that once your back home in Brooklyn perhaps you will seek him out. But for now, you need to worry about nailing this upcoming job interview. So once your checked in you head up to your room and get your things in order.
After a few hours you decide to go out and explore the city. Just as your heading down through the foyer you see him. It is him. It must have been him earlier. He's just walking in through the spinning doors as your about to walk out and hasn't spotted you because he's got his head buried in a book.
What should you do? Ignore him? No. That would be rude plus you were just thinking about how you would like to see him. Say hello? No. What if he doesn't want to see you.
Your body comes to a decision before your mind does when you find yourself reaching out a hand to rest on his shoulder.
"Bucky?" You say unsurely just as he's about to pass by you.
His head shoots up at your voice. It's you. And you're acknowledging him.
Why is she talking to me? He thinks to himself in a brief moment of panic.
"(Y/N)?" He gasps shocked.
"Bucky! Oh my gosh it is you!" You exclaim.
She seems happy to see me. Why? He asks himself.
Before he can utter an answer you have your arms wrapped around his neck, on your tiptoes hugging him. Hesitantly he wraps his arms around your waist too, sparing a brief moment to soak in the feeling of having you back in his arms.
"What brings you all the way out here?" You beam, pulling away and flashing him that smile that he loves so much.
"Just wanted to get away for the weekend I guess." He shrugs breathily, still in disbelief that you're talking to him. "I could ask you the same."
"I've got a job interview out here tomorrow." You smile proudly.
"Wow that's great." He sighs but then silence falls upon you two.
The early chit chat and greetings have died down and now there is no room left for small talk.
Slowly, you draw away, folding your arms across your chest uncomfortably. It's awkward. What do you want to say to him? So much but not right here. He looks around the room as if something to talk about will be hiding somewhere and then clears his throat into his fist.
"I'm sorry." He mumbles sadly after a while and looks down, scratching the back of his neck.
"Oh, u-um, it's okay." You say quietly and look down, feeling guilty for some reason.
"What are you doing this afternoon?" He asks uneasily.
"Oh, nothing. I was just going to look around town a bit." You shrug and clasp your hands in your lap.
"Well why don't you let me show you? I've got nothing on. I'll take you out for lunch." He asks sheepishly and hopefully without thinking much of it.
Maybe it could help the two of you be on good terms.
"That'd be great." You smile softly at him.
"Come on, I know this great little place just around the corner." He smiles and ushers you after him.
You follow him obligingly as he leads you down the road. Neither of you touching, no hand holding or anything. There is definitely a certain tension in the air but no one says anything.
He shows you into a small cafe and you sit down at a table for two in the corner, order two coffees and wait. It's far more intimate than the diners you would usually go to.
"So, how've you been?" He asks you.
"I've been good." You sigh and nod. "I feel like I'm finally starting to get my life on track. You know, I've moved out of home, got my own apartment and now I've got this job interview for a big firm."
"That's brilliant." He smiles.
"What about yourself?" You ask.
"Pretty good too I guess." He says but he's lying.
He's been far from good and treacherously balancing on the brink of a break down ever since he made the mistake of pushing you away.
"I guess things have just been the usual. No new amazing adventures, same job, same house, but nothing's wrong either." He shrugs.
"Oh." You say, a little taken aback.
This doesn't sound like the courageous Bucky you used to know.
"That's good." You mumble.
You're distracted by your coffee arriving. Looking down at the cup of light brown liquid and stir in the sugar, working up the question that has been playing at your lips since you first sat down.
"Are you seeing anyone at the moment?" You blurt out.
"Oh, um, nothing serious." He shrugs casually as if he is seeing someone sporadically, or maybe many.
The truth is though he isn't. He stopped that a long time ago when he realised that it wasn't working to dull the ache of missing you. No, he's most definitely alone.
But the things, in the time alone he's had lots of time to think, about you. And he's come to the conclusion that although it hurts him so much, you're far better off without him. Too often he gets involved in dodgy doings, goes to parties, takes drugs. You're not like that.
So that's why he lies. Throughout the conversation he does anything to keep you at bay, in the nicest way possible. He can see that you are open to the idea of trying again and it's tempting. So tempting. But he knows better. He's strong in his idea.
"How about you?" He asks, changing the subject.
"No no. Earlier in the year I was with someone but it didn't exactly work out." You wave it off.
"Oh, that's a shame." He says.
"So you're still in Brooklyn? Maybe we could see each other again once we're back there?" You ask hopefully.
"I-I don't know if that's such a good idea doll." He sighs and shakes his head, coming to lean on the table.
"What do you mean?" You ask hurt and taken aback.
"We both know what will happen. Whether we try it as friends you know that won't work. It didn't work once it probably won't again." He huffs and looks down.
"But why didn't it even work in the first place for you huh?" You ask kind of angrily.
"I was just going through a rough time. It wasn't you. It was me." He mumbles.
"So if your in a better place now why can't we give it another try?" You ask.
"No doll, you don't understand. I'll just end up hurting you again." He says deeply.
"Well I guess it's too late for that." You say, a tear rolling down your cheek. "You know what? You're right. This was a mistake. I'll find my own way around the city. Goodbye Bucky."
He watches both desperately and helplessly as you rush outside and run past the window with your head in your hands before running his hands over his face and through his hair then slumping down so that his face is buried in his arms crossed on the table where he cries.
Although it broke his heart, he just accomplished what he planned to do. To keep you safe from him. But he can't tell you that or else you'll deny him of it. Because he knows that in the long run you'll be happier without him.
And that's okay.
Oh man, you have no idea how sad and hard it is for me to write this story...