Sunday
The following morning, I had every intention of scooting beneath the covers and between Sara's legs to awaken her in a much more interesting fashion than an alarm clock would. However, upon prying my eyes opened, I noticed that I was naked and alone in the bed and room. Seated, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, seconds later noticing the sheet of paper on her pillow. Reaching for it, I read the short message written in her penmanship.
Morning, sweetheart. Please get dressed and meet me in the living room.
Imagining her coffee table covered with delicious breakfast eats, I pushed back the covers as my stomach growled in anticipation. Following a quick shower, I headed down the stairs casually dressed in sweatpants and a T-shirt. I sniffed yet didn't smell anything, including coffee. After that incredible night with Sara, I could definitely use a cup or four of the strongly caffeinated steaming liquid, as we slept very little.
Thinking about the events of last night, and the wee hours of the morning, a grin had settled on my lips by the time I reached the living room. Seated on the couch, Sara glanced over her shoulder, dark eyes meeting mine. The moment I spotted the shine upon those eyes, my grin vanished. Asking what could be wrong, I hurried toward her, occupying the cushion to her right. When she failed to respond, I wrapped an arm across her shoulders, lips briefly touching her temple.
"Sara, talk to me. Are you...last night...did I hurt you?"
She quickly shook her head. "No. No, sweetheart." Her hand squeezed my knee. "Last night you were perfect," she whispered, focused on her lap.
Two fingers underneath her chin, I gently lifted and turned until I could view her beautiful face, a crack forming in my heart when a few tears fell. "Love, what has you so up--"
"It's time," she interrupted me. Removing her hand from my knee, she used it to wipe the tears away.
"Time?"
A shaky breath expelled, Sara grabbed a small black pouch from the coffee table, dropping it on her lap. Wordlessly, I watched her unzip and pull a syringe, a vial containing a clear substance, a rubbing alcohol packet, and one of those tourniquet bands I've seen phlebotomists use from it. Tossing the emptied pouch back on the table, Sara glanced toward me. She cleared her throat before producing words.
"Last week, I made you a promise...and it's time."
"If you still feel it necessary to leave this earth, I'll assist you. Just give me a week, hang in there a week, and I promise."
"You think that I'm going to magically change my mind over the coming week and I won't, Sara. My mind is made up."
"Honestly? I'm not sure that you will. I just hope that you will. However, if you don't, I won't argue with you any longer. You have my word." Dark eyes trailed over my face. "Do I have yours? Do we have a deal?"
Our conversation, the deal we made last Saturday night not long after meeting on the roof when Sara prevented me from jumping. I had fulfilled my end of the deal by helping her to cross off items from her bucket list, and now it was time for her to help me commit suicide. Each day that week I thought about Saturday being my final day, and now that the time had arrived, it somehow slipped my mind. Upon awakening, my first thought was making love to Sara while her mind had obviously been occupied on setting this up. She made a promise to me, and actually kept it.
"Oh," I shortly commented, further speech temporarily unavailable.
Biting her lower lip, Sara searched my face. "Are you ready?"
Heart pounding in my ears, I nodded without giving the important inquiry sufficient thought. As if someone had activated my autopilot button, I observed my lover plunging the needle into the vial, the unidentified liquid soon filling its syringe. Orange cap replaced and the syringe balanced on her thigh, she tore open the packet, an alcohol soaked swab soon in hand. Quietly asked for my left arm, I stretched it out, the cool swab greeting the crook of it.
While Sara thoroughly sterilized my arm, my mind wandered to lethal injection procedures where they also sterilize the prisoner before administering the lethal cocktail via an IV. I've always wondered what was up with that? You're about to end that person's life, yet you make sure that their skin is adequately prepared. They're about to exit Earth, so what the hell does it really matter?
It occurred to me to mentally ask myself why I was delving into such thoughts when Sara was securing that rubber tourniquet above the crook of my arm, preparing to assist me in exiting Earth. Heart still pounding, I watched her index finger press along my skin searching for a suitable vein. The expression on her face was one of concentration mixed with a frown. A frown. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was the reason her beautiful face was etched with a frown, and that did not sit well with me. I swallowed a groan just as she located a vein, mutely nodding as she reached for the syringe, using her teeth to pull off its cap.
"Let me," I heard myself say as I attempted to remove the syringe from her hand. Instead of allowing me to, Sara placed the syringe behind her back while shaking her head. "Sara, I can't let you--"
"I promised that I would help you, and so I'm taking this final step. Please give me your arm." When I refused, she quietly asked again.
"No." I held my hand out to her, palm upward. "You've done enough. I'll take it from here." Breaking the sudden chain of stubbornness between us, she dropped the uncapped syringe into my hand. Sitting back on the couch, she crossed one leg over the other, linking her fingers together on her lap while those gorgeous dark eyes continuously shifted from the needle in my hand to my sanitized arm, awaiting my next move.
My next move. I knew where the vein was. All I had to do was plunge that small, sharp needle into it and press down until those clear contents were emptied into my person. It was so simple. Death was what I had yearned for because it got to the point where I detested awakening each day, detested pulling breath into my lungs, detested repeating the same monotonous, depressing day over and over. On the night I met Sara, I was fully prepared to end my life, yet agreed to extending it a week.
Why? Because this beautiful stranger came to my rescue, although at that time I was greatly annoyed by that? Because she possessed the most amazing, warm, and thoroughly infectious smile? Because despite my depressing plans on that roof, I found her covenant intriguing?
I wanted to, I yearned to, I desired to die. Okay, I realize the three most important words in that previous sentence were synonyms, but I just wanted to hammer in my point. Now I could. I didn't know where and when she obtained the substance and syringe, but Sara was true to her word. She bought the car so to speak, and all I had to do was start the ignition.
So, insert the key, pull away from the curb, and drive onto death highway. This saying I once read on someone's car abruptly popped into my head. If you're going the wrong way, God allows U-turns. Was I going the wrong way? The answer was probably yes since I hesitated, and the thought of driving toward death highway wasn't quite as appealing as it was a week ago. I looked toward Sara, her eyes brimming with tears. She did it. Her deal worked.
I, Haley Alexandria Castle, had been offered a momentous U-turn by an incredible angel named Sara Lawrence. She popped into my life just as I was about to irreversibly squander it, and gave me a hand to grasp, a beautiful, warm smile to gaze upon, amongst so much more in only seven days. I wanted to, I yearned to, I desired to live, and that was because of her. In a way, she was my U-turn, and I might not be the most religious person, yet on that night, I believe that God guided Sara toward that roof.
Thumb on the plunger, I pressed down until the contents were squirted from the barrel, landing on the carpet. Hearing a soft gasp, I turned toward my friend, and lover, a faint smile on my lips while I attached the cap, dropping the syringe on the coffee table. Although her lips moved, not a single word was uttered, so I selected to speak first.
"It's slowly occurred to me during the last week that I couldn't possibly end my life when there's such amazing things on this Earth, such as your warmth, your concern, your smile. And even if we parted ways today, never to lay eyes on one another again, I'll persevere, because you've made me realize that I have to keep trying. Life can be hard, so damn hard, but that doesn't mean it's okay to give up on it. If I died that would be it -- I'm just dead. If I keep living, there's hope for improvement." A few of those tears escaping, I reached up to gently wipe them away with the padding of my thumbs. "Sadie, thank you. Thank you for reminding me much like you decided after learning of your diagnosis, I need to give living a shot."
Sandwiching my right hand between both of hers, Sara smiled, albeit cautiously. "Really?"
I could read her mind in that moment. A part of her thought I might have just been saying that to appease her, and at a later time would follow through with the plan to end my life. Gazing into her eyes, I returned that smile, squeezing the palm pressed to mine. "Really. Due to you, I've learned that life is worth living. I don't know where I'll be a week, a month, a year or ten years from now, but I want to be here. I just sincerely want to...be."
Further tears fell as Sara released my hand only to pull me into her arms. Grateful for the tenderness of her embrace, I wrapped my arms around her, face buried in the crook of her neck, breathing her in. A few minutes later, she pulled back, surprising me when she tweaked my nose as she wore a fleeting grin. "Out of all the Christmas and birthday presents I've ever received, in this moment I can honestly say that you've given me the best of my life."
I raised an eyebrow. "My choosing to live is the best present for you?"
"Yep. Oh, I have a confession to make."
"What's that?"
"I cheated."
"Considering we haven't made a commitment to one another, I don't see how that would be possible."
She laughed. "Not unfaithfully cheated. I um..." Sara pointed toward the emptied syringe, "might have used a vial filled with saline instead of something fatal."
My eyebrow raised even higher. "Might have?"
"Probably did."
When I laughed, it erased the uneasiness on her face. "Knew you couldn't do it. You like me." As I started smiling, Sara did as well. I released a contented sigh. Sara smiling. That was much more like it.
||||||||||||||||||||
"And that, sweetheart, is the story of how I met your mother."
Mouth open wide, brown eyes danced between the television screen and my person. She did this several more times before that pretty mouth began to form words. "Are you insane? Are you absolutely, positively, out of your mind?"
"Yes, but you were aware of that the night you met me so I'm befuddled by your astonishment."
"Haley!"
"Sara!"
"Y--you can't share this disc with our child," she whispered although our child was still baking in the oven, which was her uterus.
Soon after passing the four year mark, we decided to have a baby. Although I wasn't enthusiastic to be pregnant, I wholeheartedly volunteered as I didn't want to risk stressing my partner because of her MS. However, that stubborn lady was determined to give birth to our child, and after we discussed it with her doctor and an obstetrician, it was decided that Sara was healthy and capable enough to carry a baby to term.
Despite being assured that there was a low --in fact, less than five percent-- chance of her genetically related child eventually being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, Sara didn't want to take the risk, so we did the procedure to transfer my egg. So, it was my bread mixed with the 'yeast' we found by studying a catalog, and her oven assisting it in rising.
I barely kept the grin from showing. "Why not? That's how we met."
"True, but was it necessary to include our...that night? And was it just my imagination, or did you discuss that night more than anything else?"
I innocently blinked. "What night?"
Sara smirked, evidently not buying my innocence. "The night you nearly made my head explode due to giving me such extraordinary pleasure. A wonderful story...an R-rated story that should stay between us. Definitely not suitable for our daughter. Even if we didn't share this footage until she was an adult, no way in hell should she ever be privy to what we do in the bedroom."
"Or in a limo, against a wall at the bottom of stairs..."
"Hales..." Sara sexily growled my nickname in warning.
"Okay, okay." Chuckling, I stood up long enough to reach into the back pocket of my pants for a shiny disc that could fit in the palm of my hand. Ejecting the other disc, I replaced it with that one, and grabbed the remote control. "How about this version?" Hitting the play button, within seconds, an image of myself appeared on the screen. I relaxed on the couch in our den while smiling toward the camera.
"Hey you. I'm calling you, you because your Mommy and I have yet to decide on a name, although you've now been in her tummy seven months. I know. I'll refer to you as sweetheart. Yes, that's much better than you. Anyway, we've chosen to make you a mountain of videos. Hopefully, you'll find them interesting.
"Anyway, in this particular video I'm going to share with you the story of how I met your Mommy Sara. I'm going to be honest with you. She entered my life when I was on the verge of purposefully ending it. I was in a very bad place, and on one Saturday night I traveled to the roof of a nightclub intent on jumping. And that's when this angel seemed to materialize at my side. An angel with the most radiant smile that to date no other smile has been able to rival. She tried engaging me in a conversation, and even stood on that ledge with me. Pig-headed, I made to jump anyway, but she blocked my attempt, and I ended up bumping my head, which I think was a positive thing since it knocked a bit of sense into me.
"Taking me to a diner where I could get some ice for my head, your Mommy devised a plan. If I helped her with this important list of things she wanted to do such as sing karaoke and eat gross caviar...if I spent a week helping her cross items off this list, she would in turn help me end my life. I agreed, and we ended up sharing an amazingly adventurous and fun-filled seven days. We sang in a karaoke competition, and actually won third place, ate that gross caviar, rode in a hot air balloon, played paintball among other activities. It was a blast.
"After that part of our deal was complete, it was time for her to help me. However, by that morning I was already having doubts. I'd barely thought about ending my life during our week together, and whenever it did cross my mind, I wasn't eager for that moment to come like I had been before Mommy Sara. She made me realize that I shouldn't give up on life no matter how difficult it may get.
"Regardless of our deal, your Mommy had never intended on helping me end it. She was going to block me just like she successfully did on that roof. She just wanted, hoped that I would change my mind on my own, and I did. I couldn't go through with it when incredible people like Sara Lawrence existed.
"Moments after I assured her that I had chosen life, oh, sweetheart, I was honored to view that special smile of hers again. It just lights up a face that is already and forever will be so beautiful. In just a week, I fell for your Mommy. She not only kept my heart beating, she captured it, and has had it ever since, which suits me perfectly. She is the most wonderful woman...person that I've ever known, and not a day passes when I'm not grateful, when I don't feel blessed that she's chosen to be my partner in life.
"I love her. I love her so much, sometimes I feel like I might burst. And now she's given me you, and you ladies are the best things to ever happen to me. And that, sweetheart, is the story of how I met your Mommy, the woman with the most radiant smile in the entire world."
Before I could ask her how she felt about the true video, Sara assured me that she approved by pulling me into a hug. Well, as good of a hug as we could manage with a thirty-week belly between us. Her mouth meeting mine, she whispered perfect against it. After nibbling her bottom lip, I sat back a bit, grinning at her.
"Yes, you are, Sadie."
She returned my grin. "Far from it, but thank you." She indicated the television. "I meant your video for our little one. That was perfect." Pulling a tissue from a nearby box, Sara dabbed at the tears dampening her cheeks. "Have I told you today that I love you?"
I nodded. "When I offered that foot massage this morning. You moaned it. Several times."
My partner laughed. "Oh, yeah. You have great hands, Hales."
I flexed my fingers while wiggling my brows. "Thank you, my lady. Care for another?"
"Not now. I'm thinking of something else to use those hands for..."
"Is that right? What did you have in mind?" When she whispered in my ear, I wanted to carefully toss her on my shoulder, and sprint up the stairs to our bedroom. Since that was impossible, I stood up and reached for her hand. "Oh, baby, let's go add a few miles to that bed."
"First things first." Standing, her warm hands cupped my face, darks eyes gazing into mine with complete tenderness. "I love you, Haley, and I always will."
Tears stung my eyes as an emotional knot formed in my throat. "And I'll love you an eternity." I simply had to kiss Sara when she chose that moment to grace me with her smile.
The End