I will whisper to the voices all the thoughts I scream at night,
for I'm whirling in the rainstorm and I cannot see the light,
And you tell me of the abyss that comprises my despair,
And I understand and comprehend but I don't want to care.
I will rage along in silence with the sun among these stars,
as I'm dreaming of that fire that is lighting from afar,
And the burning of this morning brings the flames upon my skin,
And I should be frightened, overwhelmed, but I'm entranced within.
So my skull is slowly numbed to turn the hurricane away,
but when evening's spark burns out the ghostly whispers come to play.
And I spiral down along these stairs that I constructed too,
And monsoon season comes again to rain upon my truth.
Now my honesty is being turned to mere hypocrisy,
my statue figure melts into a candle-wax autocracy,
my pathetic life was only lived and led by me alone,
and my tears fall with the thunder and my heart now weighs as stone.
Now again I hear you saying that it all will be all right,
but in my ears, the words you speak are only lies of spite,
I say "Do not do it, do not do it, please leave me alone,"
For I'm dying of my guilt and all I want is to atone.
Pride has fallen from my face, yet pride still bears its throne,
I am numb and yet on fire, contradiction's all I know,
Should I pray to God to send this storm of torment 'cross the sea?
But I fear that even God cannot me from this torment free.
For it's guilt that I bear to myself, and rightly bear to me,
it's the weight of what I'm not and everything I want to be,
it's the words left hanging in my mouth that I just cannot speak,
and the tears I shed as I gaze to that glory-covered peak.
***
And I surrender to the madness, to the endless roaring sea.
And I relent to condemnation, and the shadows e'er unseen.
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Again, pretty dark, I know. Trust me, it gets better. xD
- Paulie