Someone already saw you. Remember that weird feeling? You're being watched. Might as well. My emotional side kicks in full force and, like the past couple of days, drowns out all rationality. Is this a good thing, to act on one's emotions too much? To ignore all rationality? My mind leaves the questions hanging and I start to climb, finding perilous footholds in the window sills. Determination gives me strength to heave myself up, slide open the window, and tumble inside. A rush of fear seizes me and I quickly lock the window and draw the shades.
"Congratulations." I turn towards the voice and in the dim light from the window, I see Professor O'Henry sitting in a large armchair amid a clutter of other furniture. Wow. This is a lot like our first meeting. Except Liam isn't here. Thankfully, I've learned to keep the words unspoken, but the pessimistic thought gnaws at me until I muster the courage to shoo it away.
"You've done well. Very well." Professor O'Henry speaks in a slow, thoughtful voice. At his words I feel a dim glow of pride, although I'm bracing myself for the inevitable but.
"But," he continues, and I feel a strange mix of disappointment and courage, "there are some things you could've done better. Would you like to know what they are?"
A choice? This is odd and very much unlike the scolding I'd expected. "Um... sure."
Immediately he launches into a rapid fire of what I'd done wrong in that little escapade. The biggest problem, and the only one I am able to remember afterwards, is my fear. "You shouldn't have glanced around that often, especially in plain sight. That shows that you're nervous about getting caught, and it'll make others more suspicious."
The scolding is done within a few minutes, and I heave a sigh of relief. "What would've happened... um... if.." I'm not sure how to phrase the question because I'm pretty sure I know what he'll say.
"You would've been caught and possibly apprehended, depending on whoever caught you." His words confirm my suspicions -- this was sort of my initiation rite. If I'd failed, I would've been abandoned by Blue River. By putting me in that situation, Professor O'Henry had made getting rid of me a reality. A rather saddening thought, I tell myself.
But, well, I passed. I'm in. Right?
I glance at Professor O'Henry who seems to have been following my thought process -- maybe I've underestimated this man. "You're one of us now," he assures me. "From now on, you're under our protection." I don't miss the somewhat grudging way he says this, although it is definitely a lot more masked than before. If Liam was here, would it be different?
The rest of the meeting basically goes over the various policies of Blue River, and what is required/expected of me as a member. I'm given a blue card with the pledge and his signature on it: a sign of my allegiance to Blue River.
"We can no longer meet as obviously as we did earlier at school," he says towards the end. "In the future, Liam will send you a note -- a blue one this time -- and that will be the signal for another meeting. Otherwise, you know you shouldn't go out of your way to talk to him."
I nod silently, trying to mask my slight fear that he might've guessed my feelings. His words are part of the standard Blue River policy that he's just lectured me on, yet the tone of his voice is similar to the one he used yesterday trying to dissuade Liam from talking to me.
And that makes a thought, irritating and relentless as an alarm clock, come to me: Could it be that there's a reason Liam didn't come to this meeting? I don't think Liam had an initiation rite like mine -- if he did, he'd have waited for me to pass it before treating me like an actual member.
No, this meeting seems to be proof that Professor O'Henry doesn't want me here -- to the point where he's willing to keep me locked in a shed or caught in someone's yard. I can't even trust my own leader. How sad is that?
Should I tell Liam? Should I do anything?
The thoughts tumble over in my head in preparation for a knowledge post, and after the professor drives me back to school, the thanks I give him are courteous rather than sincere.
Friday, September 16th
Post 1 -- Blue River Membership Expectations
Blue River Values
Pledge (kind of sums it up)
"I solemnly pledge to uphold the cause of those that are poor, outcast, and the victims of bullying, whether physical, verbal, or emotional. I pledge to love them though others have not and to do everything within my power to restore them to a place where they can feel valued and accepted."
Reaching out to society outcasts
On a national scale, includes minorities and those in poverty
At school, those who are mistreated, ignored, bullied
Can include those who are poorer but not necessarily
Fighting against:
Unkindness
Injustice
Prejudice/Discrimination
In order to restore these virtues to the world, we must first cultivate them within ourselves.
Justice
Kindness
Caring
Blue River Actions
Cultivating above virtues within oneself, starts at home
Doing odd tasks/chores
On the lookout for when someone feels down
This should flow into school/public
Looking out for needs, then meeting needs
Also trying to stop the source of "needs" (i.e. if bullying, try to get the bully to stop)
Restoration: bring them back up to emotional health/acceptance
Opposing the corrupt actions of the rich/popular
Looking out for Purple Velvet Representatives
Telling on bullies/cheaters
Codes of Secrecy
In all actions: MUST BE SUBTLE!!!! ALWAYS
Otherwise people will suspect you
Absolutely non-negotiable information-- guard at any cost (except maybe your life)
Name of secret society (can be guessed however by your actions)
Location of HQ
Whether or not you have the Blue River card (equivalent to a Purple Velvet Accessory)
Fellow members (although this is very easy to suspect/figure out)
Disclaimer: Any of the above information can be told at the discretion of the current leader (right now Prof. O'Henry)
ONLY if instructed
Interacting with other members
Don't go out of your way to hang out with them, but don't avoid them altogether (just be friendly, like another person/friend)
If questions related to secret society, make conversations short and private. Members can pass information by word of mouth, although color-coded notes (See Knowledge Post 1 Thursday 9/15) are the preferred method of calling meetings
Meetings
Called ONLY by Prof. O'Henry (i.e. I cannot meet with Liam or another person on my own for Secret Society stuff)
Subtlety AND wisdom in making excuses for absences
Don't make a point of going somewhere
Make rational excuses so you won't be accused or suspected
During meeting
Prof. O'Henry will decide upon an objective every meeting -- nothing off-topic until the end
Generally refrain from gossip/other inconsequential topics unless they directly relate and are significant
Get through it quickly and leave ASAP in case of suspicion
Afterwards I rush through my homework so I can secretly do the laundry for my mother. She's had a hard day and is still napping by the time I'm done. It's a very good feeling to be able to "cultivate" this virtue of helping out -- helping my family, my friends.... Liam? Smiling, I flop onto my bed and let my mind be carried away by all the possibilities.