"Perfect timing as usual." Sinu chimed as the younger couple walked through the front door and removed their coats. "We are just about finished up here so why don't you two go get cleaned up and we can finally enjoy the food that hasn't been burned or ended up on the floor."
Lauren blushed and followed Camila down the hall and into the guest bathroom to wash their hands, closing the door behind them. "What are you doing?" Camila asked with a giggle as the dark haired woman cupped her hips from behind and began kissing her neck.
"I would have thought." She paused, capturing the diva's lips as she turned her around to face her. "That was fairly obvious." Lauren bent down and lifted the brunette to sit on the bathroom counter, her small hands fisting the dark tresses.
"My parents..." Camila argued half-heartedly as she spread her knees for Lauren to stand between them. The dark haired traced her hands over the diva's tight jeans to the outside of Camila's thighs as she moved forward and into place.
"Right now we are just kissing...do you want me to stop?" Lauren asked teasingly as she moved her kisses down the column of the diva's neck and then back up to Camila's chin where she stopped, removed her grinning mouth, and waited for the brunette to meet her interested gaze with her answer.
Camila slowly opened her eyes and met the beautiful green ones that seemed to see right into her and she couldn't form words. She wanted Lauren to keep going, to take her and to keep taking her all night until she was spent. She wanted to give Lauren every ounce that she had in attempts to illustrate that she was Lauren's, that no one else had every come remotely close to making her feel the way the dark haired woman made her feel with the slightest touch, the whisper of her voice, a simple smile, the lightest of kisses. At the same time, she just wanted Lauren to hold her and nothing else. Just to burry her head in her lover's chest, wrapped in the security of her arms, until she felt that their bodies had fused together and were inseparable, unbreakable together in comparison to their fragile, separate selves.
Lauren saw the intense debate in the diva's eyes as her tiny hands fell from her hair and trailed over her jaw line. "Camila," Her voice was strong and full of purpose but she had no idea what she had wanted to say. Her mind raced for any fragment of the thought she had wanted to convey that evoked the name to fall from her lips, but there was none. There was nothing that she wanted to disclose that words could even describe but yet she needed to say it. "Camila." This time it was a whisper that cut through the lust fog surrounding her and she was able to see herself and her position again, her posture straightening slightly. The spoken name wasn't a call for the diva's attention. She already had her recognition with their eyes still locked together.
She knew what it was now and had no other way of describing it other than a mental connection, a personal recognition, not with the woman in front of her, but with herself. From the time Camila Cabello had walked into her studio Friday afternoon, she had been trying to meld their lives together. Not the life of the diva to the life of the photographer, but the detached realities of their turbulent childhood and their current selves. Camila was no longer a dream that had suddenly materialized in her life and Lauren was no longer this stranger in the foreign surroundings of her childhood memories.
The dark haired woman felt as if she had just been woken from a dream and saw the world around her with so much more clarity. She was no longer separating her life into halves, divided by location and other's memories of who she is. No longer felt the need to separate her past from her present, no longer needing to try and forget or ignore. She wasn't trying to force to vastly opposite lives together anymore. With Camila here in front of her, with the chocolate eyes that never demanded an explanation looking into hers with nothing but love, everything simply fit. There was no longer the question of, how did this all happen. How did they go from what they were to what they are? She had her answer but it was nothing that could be put into words other than 'Camila'. She connected the two halves of Lauren, made her whole again.
Camila saw the change taking place in the dark haired woman in front of her and watched in awe. She didn't understand what was changing entirely but she knew what this new feeling pulling at her was. There was a glint in Lauren's eye that shot her back to high school, to the lively pregnant dark haired woman with that spark of life. The spark that came with the belief and hope that life was just beginning, that spark that adults lose when they get their careers, their houses, their rigid routine that takes them trough the rest of their lives. The two versions of Lauren seemed to suddenly meld together. The openness of the mature dark haired woman with the vitality of the younger. The calmness of the photographer with the fearlessness of the schoolgirl, ready to live life to its fullest. She seemed whole.
"I love you." Was the next statement that managed to escape Lauren's mouth. It was said with as much certainty and undeniable truth as she would have said her name in an introduction. "I just...I love you."
The diva's lips twitched their way into a deep and genuine smile and she kissed Lauren lightly, lingering in the touch before she pulled away and met her eyes again. "I love you too. More than I could ever tell you."
Lauren smiled, resting her forehead to Camila's before she moved and nuzzled into the diva's neck, pulling her closer with arms around her waist and just held her there. Camila held Lauren around her neck and smiled in complacency. After a final deep breath of everything that was Camila, Lauren slowly pulled away. "We should go eat before your parents think we are doing something inappropriate in here."
"You mean, something like you were intending on doing just a few minutes ago?" Camila asked as she slid down off the counter.
Lauren smiled pulled the diva in with a single hand to the small of her back and kissed her lightly on the forehead. "Yeah, something like that."
The two women finally emerged from the hallway and joined the two parents at the round table in the same positions as their rocky morning had started out. Lauren across from Alejandro with Camila on her left, Sinu across from her. The atmosphere was warm but held a light layer of tension as they all sat down.
"We normally begin with someone listing what they are thankful for this year and what they are hopeful for in the future." Alejandro explained to Lauren, meeting her eyes for one of the first times since the morning's confrontation. "If you all wouldn't mind, I would like to do it this year."
They all shared quick glances and nodded in approval.
"Thank you. I am thankful for this wonderful food, wonderful family, wonderful company. I am thankful for everyone to be in good health and good spirits." He paused and locked eyes with Sinu. "I am thankful that I will never again have to sit at this table with Chris and listen to his-"
"Dad!" Camila shrieked in objection against the inappropriate comment while Lauren and Sinu joined in laughter.
"I'm thankful for it too." Sinu added as they all struggled to regain their composure. Camila was still less than amused until Lauren reached over the table and squeezed her hand. Alejandro watched as his daughter's scowl evaporated and she smiled to the beaming dark haired woman across from him. He cleared his throat and pulled the attention of the room back to him.
"I am thankful to have found a lasting love with my wife of twenty-eight years. I am thankful for my daughter who has provided us with nothing but joy for twenty-five of those years. I am thankful that she has also found a love like ours. And I am hopeful for second chances to overcome my past mistakes."
Lauren's eyes left Camila's and met his. He was apologizing and accepting their relationship. "I second that." She answered before looking back to Camila and kissing her hand. "How can I deny second chances?"
Sinu clapped her hands together and surveyed the food. "Well, now that we are all one big happy family, let's eat!"
Thanksgiving was a holiday Lauren had never enjoyed celebrating. It wasn't because of what it stood for or anything along those lines. It had always been because of her family. At Christmas they had religion to talk about, but at Thanksgiving, it was always conversations on anything and anyone they were critical of. Pointing out and over analyzing imperfections to make themselves feel more blessed. Anything to make themselves feel better. They had managed to take a holiday that was meant to show your thanks for everything you had and turned it into a holiday to identify the inadequacies in everyone else's life. And if you couldn't find a way to participate in the conceited babble, then you spent the entire evening in poised silence.
At the Cabello's, there were roars of laughter and good natured bickering, joke telling and playful teasing. There were force feedings of vegan dishes to prove they tasted well. A mini food fight of stuffing when Sinu refused to stop disclosing all of Camila's most embarrassing moments. Even a little more aggressive attempt when she physically tried to hold her mouth shut while she recounted the awkward conversation they had when Camila felt compelled by her guilt to confess when she had lost her virginity to Shawn. That altercation ended with Camila finishing her diner sitting prisoner in Lauren's lap so the dark haired beauty could hear the rest of the story.
"It wasn't nearly as humorous when it was happening." Camila informed Lauren who only smiled and nodded.
"Better than when my parents found out I wasn't a virgin anymore." Lauren reminded her as the diva fed her a bit of her vegan casserole. "That's good, actually."
"Thank you. You will have to learn to cook so you can cook this for me. It's my favorite." Lauren only responded by wrapping her arms around the diva's body, arms included, in nothing less than a bear hug. "Hey. Don't ignore me. You said you would take lessons."
"I still say we should hire the chef."
"I'm sure you do."
The two parents sat back and watched the exchange with smiles on their lips. "So, when are you two going to decide it you're ready to come out?" Sinu asked.
"And what do you think Margaret is going to say?" Alejandro added. Lauren lifted her chin to the diva's shoulders and listened.
"She will want to do one of two things. Number one," Camila tried to raise her index finger in dramatic, showy fashion but Lauren still hand her arms locked so she cleared her throat.
"Oh, sorry." Lauren released her and rested her hands on the outside of the diva's thighs.
"Like I said, number one; she is going to latch on and cause a huge whirlwind of interviews and anything else that will create a buzz. Or, number two, she will want us to keep it quiet."
"Quiet?" Lauren asked curiously.
"It depends on how she feels it will affect my marketability."
"Oh," Camila could hear the sadness and contemplation in Lauren's voice and could only imagine the concern on her face as she pressed it into the diva's back.
"If that is the case, I think I will be looking into getting a new manager."
"I though she was the best though." Lauren asked with the same worried tone.
The diva nodded her head. "She is the best when it comes to getting her client to the top. Now that I'm there..."
Alejandro reached rowed for his glass and cleared his throat. "Maybe that would be best all together then. You don't need someone trying to hide your relationship with Lauren but you don't want someone who will exploit for profit either." Sinu nodded in agreement.
"I don't care." Lauren retorted quietly. "I don't want to hide, but I don't care if they bug me. I'll just make Kim answer the phones all day and hang up on them. If it is as bad as you are making it out to be, she may finally get annoyed and show some back bone. I'd be more willing to keep her around then."
"Who's Kim?" Sinu asked "Another ex girlfriend?"
Lauren laughed as she pulled her head away from the diva's back and the brunette reclined into her instead. "No. I only have one of those. Kim is my assistant and ironically, Camila's biggest fan. She feels oddly protective of this one." She explained wrapping Camila in her arms. "She even silently threatened me that first morning we were together."
Camila smiled in amusement. "Did she really?"
"Yep. She was afraid that you were just another one of those...what was the word you used...harlots?" Camila rolled her eyes. "She was thrilled to find out that things were different with you."
"I thought she just started working for you. How does she know about your legion of flings?"
Lauren bit her lips as she realized that her girlfriend's parents were still both in the room, looking directly at her intently, and waiting for an explanation of her 'legion of flings'. "I told you," she mumbled in Camila's ear. "I garnered a bit of a reputation. You can't be a reputation unless people know about things."
"So you are saying it's common knowledge that you have a habit of sleeping with all of your models?"
Obviously Camila had no issues with disclosing the details in front of her parents but Lauren still felt uncomfortable with the parent's intense gazes and she let out a slow breath. "Is this really the time-"
"Yes." All three Cabellos answered in unison.
"What the hell, it's all bound to come out anyway. I enjoyed my single life." She explained curtly to the parents before returning directly to Camila's question. They didn't need to know the details. It wasn't really their business anyway. She was faithful to Camila and that was all that mattered. "It's known. There are more people working on a set than just the models and photographers, you know. And they all love to gossip. But I wouldn't go as far as saying it's common knowledge. Now can we please change the topic, or go back to the original one?"
"Which was?"
"When are we going to decided if we were coming out."
"I already told you my answer to that on the way here. I have every intention of walking around New York City with your hand in mine. I don't want to do what most people do and have a formal announcement about it. I just want us to be us and have people figure it out along the way."
Lauren kissed Camila's cheek and held her tighter. "That is why I love you. Well, one of the many, many reasons. But are you sure you are ready for any backlash?"
"There is bound to be some." Sinu added.
"I know there is, but I look at it this way. I'm either going to hide who I am out of fear, or I'm going to deal with whatever comes because I'm in love with a woman. I would much rather deal with the close-minded idiots than act ashamed of what I have found. If it damages my career, so be it. I've been a star. I've won my awards. I've lived that part of my dreams. I'm ready for some of my others now."
Lauren loved Camila for all that she said, but she was also scared for it as well. She just kept hoping that they were preparing for the worst, not the inevitable. Times had changed and this was New York City they were talking about. Things were much more accepted there than Miami.
~/~/~/~
Sinu still believed that there would be nothing wrong with asking Lauren, but she knew it was going to be emotional. She began dreading her decision as she covertly watched as her daughter lay snuggled up to the dark haired woman on the couch as they watched TV. They were peaceful and she was probably going to shatter that this evening. "Hey girls. Can I steal Camila for a minute?"
Without hesitation the diva pecked her girlfriend on the cheek, set down her cup of tea, and stood from the couch. Lauren took advantage of the diva absence immediately and stretched her legs out the full length of the sofa. "What is it, mom?"
Sinu motioned for her to head down the hallway and into the office. "I need to talk to you. To get your opinion on something, as well as your own feelings on the topic."
Camila took a seat in the dimly lit study. The room was like a cocoon, all walls were covered with bookshelves except where the pair of large comfy chairs sat against the wall that separated the office from the living room and the single window that was now black from the night. The diva watched while Sinu shut the door and poured herself a glass of liquor. She finished it quickly and poured another.
"Expecting that much of a reaction, huh?"
The woman looked to her daughter and offered her a drink. She waved it off. "It's about the phone call I had with Ariana today." Camila's already nervous smile fell slightly. "What do you know about the talks I've been having with her? What has your father told you?"
Camila shrugged her shoulders and shook her head as she diverted her eyes to the burgundy carpet. "Just that she was looking for advice on how to deal with the difficulties of raising an adopted child. Is that not right?"
"That's right." she answered, taking the seat next to her and sipping her drink. "Though, it mostly revolves around one thing."
"What topic would that be?"
"Michelle started asking about her birth mother."
All of Camila's attention flooded to Lauren who was just on the other side of the wall behind her. The diva turned her head to visualize where the couch would be against the wall. She was only a foot away from this conversation and had no clue she was the topic. "Lauren."
"Yes. Ariana has been open with Michelle about things. Obviously she knows she was adopted. Ariana never tried to keep that from her. I mean, you've seen the picture. Michelle looks nothing like her so there was no point in trying to hide it. I encouraged her to tell Michelle that Lauren loved her very much but was not in the position to take care of her for herself."
"That's an understatement."
"Yes, well...I thought any further detail should come from Lauren if they were ever to have contact."
It made sense. It would mean more coming from Lauren as well. For Michelle to hear the emotion in her voice instead of Ariana just listing off the sketchy facts that she knew, if she actually knew anything beyond Lauren was only sixteen. Camila had never mentioned her being kicked out and she doubted Lauren did either. "Okay, but why are you telling me this."
Sinu took a longer sip of her drink and leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs. "Because Michelle has been asking about her birth mother for months. Naturally, with the more she learned the more her curiosity grew. She has progressed to wanting to meet her. Your father wanted me to talk to you about it before I even mentioned it to Lauren."
"Your dad," Camila held up her hand to stop her. "No. This weekend is already filled with so much emotion. That is the last thing Lauren needs to hear about. She plans on talking with Normani tomorrow and wants to meet her parents Saturday. It's just all too much."
"Camila, it's not that simple."
The diva stood up sharply, other emotions flooding over her. "It is perfectly simple. We can schedule something in a few weeks. Give her a reprieve, some time to repair herself from any wounds she hacked open again with this visit."
Sinu slowly stood with her glass firmly in her hand. "I would have suggested that, except Ariana now knows that Lauren is in town. She's hell bent on getting this over with. She wanted to come over and ask Lauren herself but I knew that wasn't a good idea for many, many reasons."
No kidding. Not only would she have blindsided an already emotionally drained Lauren, but it would have pissed Camila off to no end. Not only did this woman deny Camila any type of connection, but held a relationship with her parents while ignoring her existence. Now she wanted to come into her home, ignore her while she visited with her family and talk with her girlfriend. Just so Ariana could make her daughter happy with forming a relationship with Lauren. Camila was furious. How can she be so set on providing Michelle with something she denied her own daughter of? The answer was pretty obvious to the diva. Ariana loved the baby she raised, not the one she gave birth to.
"You wanted my opinion. I gave it to you." Camila stormed out of the office door and ran quickly up the stairs, grabbing Lauren's unwanted attention.
"Camila?" Lauren threw the blankets off of her and moved towards the stairs, catching sight of Sinu as she slowly walked down the hallway. She ignored the look of sorrow on her face and only moved quicker up the stairs. She reached the bedroom door and slammed into it. Camila had locked the door. "Camila," she knocked. "It's me. Let me in."
There was no answer. Lauren pressed her ear to the door and listened closely until she heard distant sobbing. She shook the handle again but it wasn't going to budge. Looking around quickly, she found a way in. The upstairs consisted of a hallway with Camila's bedroom on the right side and the guest bedroom on the other. Directly between the two was a small window leading out to the roof which Lauren hoped stretched around to Camila's room.
Lauren opened the window and threw herself out, thanking God that she wasn't afraid of heights. Especially since the roof had much steeper of a slope than she was expecting. It also didn't help that it was pitch black, freezing cold, and the wind was blowing with gusto. Much in Lauren's fashion, she had also never thought to grab a coat or her shoes.
It wasn't until she rounded the corner of the house that she even considered the possibility of the windows being locked. She cursed as she tried for the first one and it didn't budge. She continued cursing as she slowly made her way to the only other window into the sobbing diva's room. She reached for it and lifted. It opened. "Thank you." She shimmied into the room and onto Camila's desk, but couldn't see the brunette anywhere. "Camila?" Lauren heard a gasp of surprise coming from the bathroom and ran to the closed door, pushing it open slowly. Camila was sitting on the tile floor with her knees pulled up to her chest and tears running down her face. Lauren dropped to her knees and cradled her in her arms. "Baby, what's wrong?"
"She never loved me. She never wanted me."
Lauren didn't need to ask who she was talking about, but she was still confused as to how this came up. She doubted Sinu called her into the office to tell her that kind of a thing. "Shhh. It's her loss and you have so many other people who love you." The dark haired woman repositioned herself on the floor with her back pressed against the bathtub and hooked an arm behind Camila's back and the other behind her knees, pulling her tiny frame into her lap.
Camila clung to Lauren as she wrapped her arms around her and just let the diva cry it out. There was nothing else she could say until she knew what was going on. She just held her close, kissing her forehead, and running her fingers through the dark locks, humming random songs to try and sooth her. It was over a half hour before the sobs stopped and the only sound other than Lauren's hums were Camila's rasping breaths.
Camila sniffed and wiped the tear hanging on the tip of her nose. "How did you get in here? I locked the door."
"I climbed through your window." Camila pulled back to look at Lauren's face to see if she was serious. "Don't ever think a locked door will keep me from getting to you."
The diva huffed a light laugh and crashed her head back down onto Lauren's shoulder. "You don't have any shoes on..."
"I heard you crying. There was no time."
"No coat..."
She kissed Camila's forehead. "No time."
They sat there for another several, silent minutes before Camila took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "If given the chance, would you want to meet Michelle?"
Lauren furrowed her brow with the question. Obviously it has something to do with Camila's breakdown about Ariana not wanting her. "I would never do to her what Ariana did to you, if that's what your asking."
"I know you wont. You're not like her. You're better. You loved your daughter. I was just a product of a job."
"That's not true. I know that's not true. Once you have a baby of your own, you'll know that too. You have to love them. To have that little person, that tiny part of you, growing inside...there's no way around it. Maybe not as much as she should have, but she loved you."
Camila hesitated and thought about it. Maybe she would understand when she had one of her own. She knew there was suppose to be this indefinable connection between mother and child, even in the womb, but her experiences with Ariana had made her question that in high school. "That wasn't my question though. Would you want to meet Michelle if you had the chance? If she wanted to meet you? If she wanted to know about you?"
Lauren inhaled deeply and let it out as she thought. She didn't really need to think. She had thought about this for countless hours since she first found out she was pregnant. "I would, but I would be absolutely terrified that she'd hate me for giving her up. That she'd think I didn't want her and she wouldn't give me a chance to explain anything."
"She wont be like that."
"But you don't know that for sure."
Camila sighed and sat up in Lauren's lap but stared at her hands. "Yes I do. That is what Ariana has been talking with my mom about. Michelle has been asking about you." She met Lauren's eyes and brushed the lose strands of hair out of her face. "And she wants to meet you. I didn't know if you wanted to deal with that now, or wait until your next visit maybe."
Lauren sat motionless and replayed Camila's words over and over until the diva reached over and closed her open mouth for her. "I...I don't know. She...she wants to see me?" Camila nodded her head with a bit of a smile. She was happy for Lauren. And a little jealous of Michelle. She knew she shouldn't be, but she couldn't help it. At least Michelle was going to have a mother who wanted to meet her and to have some sort of relationship with her. "I..."
"...you?"
Lauren began snapping out of her shock and looked at Camila as the diva played with the sleeves of her oversized sweater. Camila was still hurting. "That isn't going to work."
Camila furrowed her brow and looked up to Lauren in confusion. "What isn't going to work?"
"I...I want to meet her, but I don't know if I'm ready. And even if I was, I would absolutely need your support when I met her. That would require you to see Ariana and that's not fair to you. I...I don't know what to do."
"Lauren, this is your daughter we are talking about. If you aren't ready, that's fine. We can always schedule a visit for another time, but don't refuse the whole thing just because of me."
"There's just a lot to consider, Baby. I want to meet her. I want you there. But I don't want you to-"
"It is not about me!" Camila exclaimed as she stood up from the floor and the shocked dark haired woman. "This is about you and that little girl. I'll do what I need to in order to be there for you. You are always putting yourself out there to be hurt for this relationship, and now it's my turn. I never wanted you in that position but you put yourself there, now I'm doing the same." Lauren's jaw bobbed for a few seconds before Camila kneeled down in front of her, giving her a chaste kiss. "If you're not ready, we can do it another time. But if you are, then we should do it now. I'm there for you. Let me be there for you."