I quickly shook my head in attempt to clear all unnecessary thoughts out of my head. I came here to relax and reflect, and as a result I ended up just drowning myself with upsetting flashbacks about the fuss that I had earlier with Bertha and John. I came here to clear my thoughts, not to constantly relive them.
Nice one Rose. Real great.
I sighed in frustration while naturally slumping my shoulders in disappointment. There was nothing I could ever do that would help me move on from my trouble's. Not just the problems of my past, but recent problems that occured every now and then with my foster parents. This was something about me that I detested majorly. Sure coming to the lake would help me think and let loose, but only for such a short amount of time. This lake it created a route for me, almost like an avenue that would allow me to drift away and escape from all my worries. It wasn't necessarily the lake itself that made me feel so at peace, but the memories that it beholds. Some of the most unforgettable memories I had cherished with my father before I was thrown away. You're probably wondering why? Why I didn't use the term 'abandonned' instead.
Well you see, there isn't much of a difference.
I looked ahead of me staring off into the distance. The neverending magical waters continued to move soothingly and calmly with such patience and ease along the shoreline of the lake. I closed my eyes for a moment taking it all in. It was like music to my ears, a perfect melody almost. After a short moment I slowly opened my eyes revealing once again the beautiful lake in front of me. Usually whenever I woke up in the morning, I would always wish I would wake up and open my eyes to see myself as someone other than myself. I hated my life, not only that, but I hated myself as well. But today was different. I was at the lake, and there is not another place I would rather be. A salty tear slowly trickled down my cheek for most likely the hundredth time today. I wouldn't be suprised if this very lake was formed of my tears of sorrow. It probably was. I didn't bother wiping it, because I already knew deep down that, that very tear would soon be accompagnied by many more, no doubt.
I sat there, silence taking over my thoughts as new tears were welcomed, and without permission began to stream down my cheeks. I didn't know what to do or what to feel anymore. I wasn't even sure of life itself . I sat there puzzled, staring at the view in front of me concentrating hard. My intense concentration was then completely broken when a curly haired teenage boy, who appeared to be around the same age as me decided take a seat beside the bolder right next to mine. I jumped back, slightly startled by the boys presence. No one ever usually came here, except for me of course, so it definetly came across as a big suprise. The fact that someone else other than me was at the lake did indeed suprise me. Infact, it suprised me a lot. But what seemed to seriously amaze me even more was the unusual fact that an actual boy decided to even sit next to me.
You see, I was never really the type of girl that guys really took interest in. I was more of an individualist. Rarely spoke to anybody and barely anyone spoke to me, that's how it always went. I was a nobody, but to be honest, I like it better that way. I didn't want to have any friends and drag them into my very own personal problems. I already had enough of trying to solve them and forget about them on my own. I guess I just never really opened up to anybody or even gave anyone the chance to let me trust them. That was just me, and I couldn't seem to explain it.
My life is a complicated puzzle, and what do you know? So am I.
Having said that, I've always been extremely insecure about my looks and appearances. Whenever I'm around anybody I feel worthless. Like I'm just never good enough, almost like I can never meet the standards of beauty. I look around me and I always see beautiful girls. Long hair, twinkling eyes , petite figures it just makes me self-concious to know that I'm far from that.
I have long dark almond brown hair that could easily be mistaken for black that descended to about the middle of my back. My hair was far from straight, and it wasn't very curly as well, I just had a few loose curls here and there that perfectly framed my face, which I guess you could say I liked. I had a tiny head shape, and my eyes were far from how absolutely exquisite my dads eyes were. They were a completely different story. My eyes were more of a pale blue colour. They were vivid, just looking at them would probably make you think of electricity or some kind of laser beam. My eyes were also surrounded and outlined by a faded dark-blue rim around the iris and then an even mix of pale blue and white rays in the iris. I'd call it a very pure, bright and sharp color of blue. To top it off, my electric blue jewels were protected and framed with my thick and luxurious eyelashes. The big difference between my father's eyes and my very own was the fact that, like I previously mentioned, they both told a different story. Mine obviously holding one of grief, anguish and nothing but hopelessness. As for my skin tone, I wasn't pale, however I wasn't very tanned or sun-kissed either. I had more of a peanut butter tone, if you could call it that, and to finish it off, pink plump lips which never seemed to smile.
Unfortunately.
But if there was anything else that anyone would need to know about I Rose, it was the fact that I didn't believe in one thing.
Love.
I used to believe in all kinds of love, even unoticable signs. But today I can almost assure you that I don't believe in any of it. Not even familial love and especially not love between couples. To me love was just another meaningless word. At least in my world that's how I saw it. Even though I know the real purpose for me thinking this certain way, I try to convince myself otherwise, after all, love was the last thing I needed. Love always results in disaster no matter what the situation tends to be, and as you can probably tell, my life was already overflowing with disaster. I guess you could say I was denying and questioning the existance of love, but in reality I just wasn't ready to go anywhere near it. Or maybe I was just completely afraid of experiencing the slightest form of love.
I stared down at my two hands and began twiddling and playing with my fingers, which was a nervous habit I always attempted to get rid of. My heart was now racing at an unhealthy and frantic rate almost as if it would leap out of my chest at any time, and the silence between this boy and I was practically unbearable. I was eager for him to just break the silence, and if I was lucky, maybe he would even leave. I continued to nervously fiddle with my fingers, my heart rate increasing by the minute as I felt him slowly twist his neck to face me. Although I wasn't looking at him, I could practically feel his deep penetrating stare hot on my skin making me shift uncomfortably in my place. I finally gathered the courage to stop with my nervous antics and allow my head to shoot up, my eyes slowly meeting with the curly haired beauty for the first time.
At that moment I guess it was safe to say that I was completely lost.
The boy quickly averted his eyes from my own, and I couldn't help but feel a little hurt. What was I even thinking? A gorgeous boy like this couldn't possibly be interested in a normal girl like me. His face belonged in a magazine, and well mine, was no where near perfection. Although I barely got any time to properly inspect the boy due to his sudden reaction, I couldn't help but notice a couple things. His features were definetly the epitome of flawless and his eyes could easily be mistaken for an ocean, for they were the exact same hue as the blue velvet waters that painted the lake with beauty. They were a mixture of ocean blue and emerald green and another remarkable colour I couldn't seem to point out. His hair and bush of chocolate brown curls could easily without a doubt be mistaken for the clouds that floated gradually above in the open sky for they were just as fluffy and perfectly shaped framing his angelic face. His curls were messy and scattered, yet still managed to contain that pretty impressive side sweep.
My observations were then put to a sudden hault as I was snapped back into reality at the sound of a deep, husky voice speaking to me. I immediately shook my head while trying to process what was now happening. I looked at the confused teenage boy in front of me who was now chuckling at my idiotic behaviour. Oh God. He caught me staring.
"You know... I orginally came here for some fresh air, but this is definetly so much better." The boy stated while trying to supress a laugh. He shot me a cheeky smile, his cute dimples making their first appearance. It didn't take long before scarelt red slowly began spreading across my cheeks from embarassement. I've only met this boy for 5 minutes and I was already making a complete fool out of myself.
Just peachy.
I let out a nervous laugh, while trying to remain calm and collected. I wasn't always the best when it came to talking to boys, or anybody for that matter. I ran a hand through my soft curls, the boy, merely staring at me, as if he was anticipating for a response to just instantly pour it's way out of my mouth regarding the comment he made earlier.
"I-I'm sorry maybe I should just leave you alone..." I answered diffidently, while gently getting up from my previous sitting position. I awkwardly turned away from the boy, beginning to walk away casually as if nothing had occured. I wasn't going to sit there and embarass myself. It was the last thing I needed.
"Wait, hold up!" I heard his raspy voice calling after me, then the gentle and soft touch of his hand coming in contact with my own making me stop dead in my tracks. I turned around at his grasp, the wind finally deciding to become friendly blowing my hair out of my face as I did so. I looked at him up close, he was now facing me, my face inches from his allowing my eyes to wander freely up and down his impeccable facial features. I really wish there was someone here to pinch me because I was clearly in some sort of dream.
Either that, or like Bertha and John had accurately predicted, I was just plain out crazy.
"No it's me that should be sorry, I shouldn't have come and interrupted you from whatever it was that you were doing. If anyone, I should be the one leaving" He argued, his voice swarming with seriousness. I nervously looked down while biting my bottom lip, my gaze which remained concreted to the ground for what seemed to be ages was now broken as my pair of blue orbs were connected to his magical ones in seconds. His huge grin and playful features in which he revealed moments ago during our encounter now replaced all too quickly by ones of alarm and remorse. His face was the picture of worry, and I couldn't help but feel an uncontrollable smile inch its way up my face at the fact of how this stranger was genuinely concerned and upset about my sudden departure.
He cared.
"No, no it's fine. I wasn't really doing much, just thinking really." I assured, my tone of voice uneven, my nerves doing their daily job by taking over. I didn't know why, but speaking to this boy made me feel anything but calm. He put me on the edge even by doing the littlest of things. He made me feel tense and uneasy, but then again I had never been in a similar situation before, especially with a boy. It was all just too new to me. He looked at me for a moment, shooting me a questioning look in the process, almost as if he was unsure of wether to believe the words that had managed to escape my lips. He continued to stare at me his eyes planted on mine, searching for any sign of visible deception, his hand still holding on to my wrist. I looked at him blankly, waiting for him to realize that I was being sincere and was relieved seconds later when I saw his lips twitch into a broad smile.
"Well then... I suppose you wouldn't mind if I join you?" He asked while raising a brow at me skeptically, as if he was awaiting for me to turn down his own invitation. I slightly giggled at how this boy refused to believe my words.
"Of course not, it's not like I own the place" I joked while gesturing for him to sit back down. I glanced up at him, his smile growing bigger at my lame remark. God I'm such a loser. Finally taking the hint he followed my instructions by beginning to stroll leisurely along without any hesitation to our previous spot. We both sat down serenely, without saying a word to eachother. I peeked over at him. He was sitting to my left on the rock next to mine, his eyes far from my own as he was gawking in awe over the lakes undeniable beauty. I wouldn't blame him.
"Wow. It's so beautiful here" He breathed out while rotating his neck to look at me. He had a stunned look on his face, one of disbelief.
I nodded back in agreement, while I watched his eyes which were fixed on mine slowly maneuver their way down. Curious as to what he was looking at, I followed his slow eye movement, my gaze landing on his hand still gripped tightly on to my wrist, which he had failed to let go from before. I looked up from his hand which still held on to mine, my eyes attaching with his in an instant, the humiliation visible on his face. He looked down once again before quickly releasing his hand, the magic that was once there completely broken. I sat there completely dazed by the events that had just unfolded in front of my eyes, my thoughts disturbed by an awkward cough breaking me from my trance.
"I'm- I'm sorry, I completely forgot tha-"
"It's cool." I finished for him, trying to make the situation a little less unpleasant. After drowning in nothing but uncomfortable silence the teenage boy finally turned to face me, probably relieved at the fact that I had chosen to speak up earlier. He continued to stare at me vacantly, his ocean blue peepers scanning every inch of my face, before nervously clearing his throat to speak.
"I'm guessing we're both here for the same reason." He stated simply as I watched his ample lips curl up into a rather nervous half-smile revealing his pearly whites. It was quite obvious he was trying to change the subject.
"And what makes you think that?" I asked while I quizzically clenched my eyebrows together, unquestionably curious to hear what he had to say.
"Well, earlier you mentioned you came here to think" He affirmed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, while strikingly running a hand through his effortlessly perfect curls. A brief moment of stiff silence followed as I began to ponder, trying to remember what I said that made his confirmation true.
"Oh right!" I let out, my tone of voice raising an octive higher from my abrupt and unexpected rememberance. He tilted his head back and let out a hearty laugh. His laugh was adorable. No, it was so much more than just that. It was ingenuously infectious. It was calming and mellow. Like the lakes deep waters washing over the pure white shore. I decided to partake in his little laughing fest by returning a goofy smile in his direction.
"Well..." I started hesitantly, trying to find a reasonable excuse to avoid telling him what I was thinking about exactly. I wasn't sure if it was the best thing to do. The fact of opening up to a complete stranger whom I have only known for about 30 minutes was pretty risky. But then again, maybe opening up to someone would be good for me, maybe it would help me overcome my problems. Eventually, there comes a time in life where you can't hold in all your problems and emotions.
My 'time' was now.
"I got into a huge fight with my parents. It's not something new though. I mean, we constantly fight, infact it's starting to become a routine around the house." I thoroughly explained, my feet digging deep into the sand making a rather big indent.
"I just feel like they never understand my feelings. They just jump to conclusions. They never strive to put themselves in my shoes or take the time to understand me more as a person. It just frustrate's me. They think I'm crazy or that I'm in need of help. They just keep trying to look for my OWN happiness and to make me happy in all the wrong ways and places. I mean, I've just been through a lot and---"
I trailed off, feeling the exact same violent twang I had felt when I was arguing and crying over my trouble's. No matter what I did, opening up about my problems or not, nothing would help me. I just knew it. I was hopeless. Spilling out my emotions only managed to intensify that unforgettable yet awful feeling. It did more harm than benefit. I felt the same typical urge to burst, my eyes forming the same usual tide of tears. I just let it all happen. I let those tears of sorrow, those tears of anger and frustration invade my cheeks. I didn't care that I was sitting beside this boy and that I probably looked like a whimp. Everyone has a breaking point, and I was way past mine.
I turned to face the boy, my eyes which were now glossed with moisture attached to his within seconds. He looked confused and uncomfortable yet his unmistakenable pair of hypnotizing orbs submerged with sympathy. He knit his eyebrows together staring at me apologetically. He sat there awkwardly, almost as if he was trying to search for the right words to say. I buried my hands in my face, blubbering and crying a river of tears over problems I knew I would never be able to fix whilst he sat there shuffling about uneasily. He was obviously new at this. I tried to forget everything. The past and the present. The fact that I was on this very lake which formed the joyful and eventful days of my childhood. The fact that I was not just pouring out these words to a stranger but I was pouring out my heart.
I felt a hand come in contact with my back, rubbing my back in wide circles. His touch felt so comforting, it felt so right. I might have been feeling miserable and depressed, but I appreciated the fact that this random stranger was trying his best to comfort me and more so, took interest in what was on my mind.
"Shh, it's okay. It's all going to be okay." He whispered soothingly as I broke down once again. No matter how much he or anyone said it was going to be "okay", I knew it wasn't. What I told him was not even half the tragedy I had to go through.
If only he knew.
"Listen to me..." He started. He swiftly removed his hand from my back while placing his finger on my chin, gently pushing it up so that he was looking at me. His face was inches from mine, and I could practically melt from his hot breathe that softly caressed my skin just from speaking two simple words. His eyes were fixed on my own causing me to completely forget the world. Almost like we were the only two people alive.
"Your parents only do that because they love you and care for you. They wouldn't strive to make you happy and healthy if they didn't. Don't underestimate your value. You ARE important to your parents. They love you so much. I know it. You need to realize that instead of looking at the opposite ends of things." He continued, while looking at me with a dead serious expression.
Well tell me this then. If my REAL parents loved me SO much I wouldn't be weeping over my foster parents not understanding what I had to go through as a child ,now would I?
I wanted to tell him. I really did. But I obviously couldn't have told him the whole truth.
"Give one SINGLE reason for me to be happy right now and I'll agree with you. Because right now my life is nothing but a mess" I slightly yelled, my tone of voice coming out harsher than intended to be.
"Well...you're beautiful. Beautiful girls aren't supposed to cry. You deserve to smile." He concluded, while his cheeks turned bright red from embarassement. I allowed my head to immediately shoot up not believing what I was hearing, his facial features sincere and genuine.
I didn't know how, I honestly didn't, but for the first time ever, I felt a irrepressible smile form my lips. For the first time ever I was actually smiling. A real smile. Real happiness.
I appreciated his advice. I appreciated the fact that FOR ONCE in my life, someone actually cared. But most importantly I appreciated his presence.
All I needed was for someone to tell me everything was going to be okay.
Even if I knew it was no where near that.
Not only that, but he called me beautiful, something no one has ever called me before, which was enough to make my heart soar. The thing is he didn't just say it. I felt it.
For the first time in my life, I Rose, was cared for.
For the first time in my life, I felt valuable and important.
For the first time in my life, I was called beautiful.
Not only that,
But I believed it.
I Rose, was no longer invisible.
I was finally noticed.
_____________________________________________________________________
AUTHOR'S NOTE -
Hope you guys enjoyed. So much emotion. I honestly poured my heart out writing this as well !
Anyways PLEASE leave a comment if you liked it :) I would LOVE feedback.
And what do you think of this stranger (AKA: Harry) ?
He's a total sweety.
Stay posted for part 3.
xoxoxo.