*Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.
*Author's Notes: I'm back with chapter 26 of 'Lost in the Fight.'
I want to thank everyone for reading, voting on and commenting on this story as well as my other stories. Thank you! Please continue to do these things if you are enjoying what I have written. I really appreciate the feedback and the support.
I really hope you like the chapter . . . ;) CJ
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Chapter 26 - Broken
A low moan escaped Donatello's lips as he started to come out of his slumber.
Funny, I don't remember the lights in the lab being so obnoxiously bright before . . .
"Hey! Look who's awake," came the comforting sound of his oldest brother's voice and hearing it somehow lessened the pain circulating throughout Donnie's entire body, but not by much. He still felt absolutely horrible.
Upon seeing his genius brother's eyes flitter open, Leonardo had carelessly tossed aside the outdated magazine that he had been skimming through so that he could roll his chair closer to Donnie's cot.
"Good morning, little brother. How are you feeling?"
There was a significant pause before the answer was given.
"Much better."
Yes, that had been a bald-faced lie, but if Donnie would have told Leonardo the honest truth about how he really felt, he was afraid that his sometimes overbearing brother would simply order him to go right back to sleep.
Peering over at Leonardo, Donnie watched his big brother skeptically raise one side of his eye ridge and pucker his mouth into a stern scowl.
Busted . . .
The brainy turtle instantly started to gnaw on the inside of his lower lip while he turned his gaze away from his older brother, two gestures that further verified that he had been lying through his teeth.
"Okay, let's try this again, Donnie. I say, 'How are you feeling?' And this time, you tell me the truth. How are you feeling, Donnie?"
The no-nonsense expression on Leonardo's face told the injured turtle that he wasn't going to be able to talk his way out of this one.
A sickly-sounding wheeze deflated out of Donnie's chest before he groaned his response.
"All right. If you must know . . . I feel like I got hit . . . by a Kraang Stealth Ship."
Curling his mouth into a sort of half grimace/half frown, Donnie pressed his hand against his aching plastron. Of all the things wrong with him, he wasn't even quite sure what hurt the most – the surplus of contusions and wounds, the throbbing head, the broken bones, or the pneumonia. Not that it really mattered which one was the worst. All of them combined were pretty much making him miserable.
"Well, your voice sounds a little better." As soon as Leonardo had said those words, he regretted them. His corny 'look at the bright side' comment had been nothing more than a selfish means for him to try to ease his guilty conscience. There was no doubt in his mind that his overly perceptive brother would see right through such a trite statement and recognize that the watery attempt to seek out something positive amidst all the negatives was just Leo's way of trying to make himself feel slightly better about what he had done.
The sound of Donnie groaning again pulled Leo out of his disparaging thoughts and his mood soon lightened when he saw his little brother staring at him with his puppy dog eyes.
Leo had missed those eyes oh-so much . . .
"How long have I been out?"
'Too long' was the first answer that popped into Leo's head, but he instead went with a smart-alecky remark, trying to keep the conversation upbeat. At least for now, anyway . . .
"Which time would you be referring to?" There was a smirk more befitting of Raph stretched across Leo's face and Donnie was quick to retaliate with a droll little smirk of his own.
"I meant how many days . . . has it been since – " The genius turtle's sentence unexpectedly hit a wall as he found himself struggling to come up with the appropriate words to use. So many things had happened that night, he was torn over which particular event to reference in his question. Ultimately, he chose to go with the incident that had started the whole thing. That was the last clear memory he had of being with all three of his brothers before he had been captured by Shredder's mutants. After that, he wasn't exactly sure how much time had passed in between his many bouts of unconsciousness.
"Since I left the lair . . . after the fight between you and Raph?"
Leo inwardly shuddered over what Donnie had just asked, repulsed by the reminder that his fight with Raph was what had led to all of this. They had almost lost their brother because of some senseless argument.
The oldest turtle looked over at Donatello's visibly beaten and emaciated body and his heart filled with remorse. If he and Raph wouldn't have been fighting over what Donnie should have been working on, their little brother wouldn't have gotten hurt. But then again, if Leo wouldn't have essentially told Donnie that he was incompetent and stupid that night that the genius turtle had fallen from the fire escape, he wouldn't have been lying on that cot fighting for his life the past two weeks.
If I just would've appreciated him more, none of this would've happened . . .
This is all my fault . . .
An apology was right on the tip of Leonardo's tongue, but after all that had come to pass, spewing forth some stale apology almost seemed insulting. Donnie deserved better than that. Leo had to find a way to show his brother how truly sorry he was for his actions.
For the time being, Leo silenced his regret, and instead, what came out of his mouth was the simple answer to Donnie's question.
"Fourteen days."
In hindsight, Leo should have begged his brother for his forgiveness, right there and then.
Perhaps things would have turned out differently . . .
But as it was, his apology went unheard.
"What? Two weeks? No wonder I feel terrible," Donnie muttered under his crackly breath, staring down at his brutalized figure. He could see the many injuries covering the better part of his body. He could see just how damaged and pale his skin was. He could even see that he had lost a significant amount of weight.
Not only did he feel terrible, but he looked terrible as well.
While Donnie laid there feeling revolted by his threadbare appearance, the doors to the laboratory were dragged open and Raph's stocky figure materialized.
"Hey, I thought I heard voices in here," Raph said in that gruff voice of his as he strutted into the laboratory and headed straight for Donnie's cot. Once there, the turtle in red hopped up onto the mattress next to his wounded little brother and patted him on the uninjured leg. "Good to see you up again, Donnie Boy."
"Good to see . . . you, too."
Though Donnie looked marginally better than the last time he had woken up, Raph noticed that his little brother still looked the worse for wear and that worried the heck out of the hotheaded turtle. It had been two weeks since the attack and Donnie didn't look a whole lot better than when they had brought him home. Sure, he was all cleaned up and his wounds had faded some, but overall, he looked awful.
"So . . . how long has it been . . . since the last time I woke up?" As Donnie asked the question, he rubbed his sore throat. He didn't remember gargling barbed wire, but that's what it felt like he had done.
"Two days." There was a hint of disgust in Leonardo's rather blunt answer and Donnie worried it might have been geared towards him, but then, Raph shed some additional light on the oldest turtle's response.
"Yeah, we would've woken you up sooner, but Sensei's been watching over you like a hawk. He wouldn't even let us step foot inside the lab yesterday."
An awkward silence suddenly enveloped the room as the three brothers mulled over what to say next.
Surprisingly, it was the quietest brother who spoke first.
"What – what happened?" The genius turtle peered up at his brothers through tired, reddish-brown eyes. There were so many questions racing through his mind, he wasn't even sure where to start.
"Shouldn't we be asking you that? How much do you remember?"
Donnie had to consciously stop himself from doing a facepalm.
Of course Leonardo would answer a question with a question – or in this case, questions. That was so Leo, shifting the helm of a conversation right back to someone else. The brainiac turtle hated it when his big brother did that.
"Too much," Donnie whispered grimly, twisting his head to the side so he could avoid his older brothers' stares. There was a sob stuck in the back of his sore throat over just the memory of that night. He immediately found himself wishing he would have never asked what had happened. As the supposed 'genius' of the family, he probably should have predicted that Leo would turn it right back over to him.
Sometimes, Donnie swore his oldest brother had been a psychiatrist in a past life.
The despondent expression now etched on Donnie's face instantly alerted Leonardo that his brother wasn't up to discussing what had happened just yet. The blue-clad ninja recognized when not to push someone to talk. He figured that Donatello would open up about the ordeal when he was ready to.
Who am I kidding? Am I really that dense? The eldest turtle mentally berated himself.
Leo shook his head over his inability to learn from his mistakes. What made him think that Donnie would simply open up to anyone about the ordeal? That was the same foolish type of thinking that had caused this mess to begin with. History should have told Leonardo that Donnie was a closed book when it came to talking about something that was bothering him. The night the Foot Soldier had attacked Donnie on the fire escape was positive proof. Obviously, the genius turtle had been upset by the incident and the moments that had followed it, but did he say anything about it? No! Instead, he had gone for several days without eating or sleeping because he was internally beating himself up over what had happened. His solution had been to shut everyone out and allow himself to be consumed by despair. He had covered up the fact that he was sick and depressed, all because he didn't want to talk about it. All because he didn't want to bother anyone with his problems. That was Donnie's way of coping with things. As unhealthy as it was, that was how he functioned – or rather malfunctioned.
So why would this time be any different?
In other words, Leo couldn't just wait around until Donnie was ready to talk, because it wasn't going to happen on its own. The oldest turtle needed to figure out a way to get his little brother to discuss his feelings about what had happened or risk him sinking further into his depression. That wasn't going to be a simple task, by any means. Getting Donnie to open up and share his feelings was about as easy as getting Raph to write romantic poetry . . .
Still, the turtle in blue was bound and determined to help his genius brother through this, whatever it took. Leo would not fail his little brother again. This time, he was going to be there for Donnie every step of the way.
Leo stared down at his second youngest brother and his heart began to grow heavy with sympathy. Donnie was going to need his family now, more than ever, to help him heal both physically and mentally. They had to find a way to make him feel safe and needed again without pressuring or intimidating him.
While Leonardo sat there trying to be sensitive to Donnie's feelings, belligerent Raphael had no qualms about impelling someone to talk about something they didn't want to. The temperamental turtle had always been insensitive that way and never had any misgivings about playing the role of the bad guy.
"Well, do you remember grabbing onto Tiger Claw's weapon?" The question was asked terser than anticipated and there was a bitter expression that accompanied it.
Apparently, Raph was still harboring a bit of a grudge over Donnie sacrificing himself. Leo just wished his hotheaded brother would have picked a better time to reveal it.
"Yeah . . . I remember," Donnie mumbled, clearly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was going in.
Leonardo didn't hesitate to jump to his genius brother's rescue, nervous about where Raph would go next with his potentially belligerent line of questioning. The oldest turtle wanted Donnie to open up, but at the same time, he needed to make sure that his little brother felt safe about doing so.
Donatello's suddenly timid body language informed Leo that Raph had obviously gone about things the wrong way.
"It's okay, Donnie. No one else got hurt after you grabbed onto the weapon. You protected all of us . . . just like you planned."
Donnie offered a thin smile in response. He then made the error of trying to push himself up into a sitting position, thinking that lying on a cot for two weeks was more than enough rest. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but when he attempted to get up, it instantaneously felt as though someone was sticking him with cherry red fire pokers everywhere all at once. Donnie's body contracted in pain, which only sufficed to make things worse.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, little brother! You're way too weak to get up! Lay your shell back down, now! You're not going anywhere! I'll tie you down to this cot if I have to!" Raph scolded in a hardened tone, abruptly leaning forward and grabbing hold of Donnie's plastron and good shoulder so he could force him back down onto the bed.
The turtle in red hadn't meant to be so harsh. He had only meant to protect his younger brother from further harm, but his threat and sudden physical contact had inadvertently frightened Donnie, and in turn, triggered a flashback of the injured turtle's capture.
The slow, steady beeping of the heart monitor Donnie was still hooked up to became noticeably faster as he was temporarily lost in a dark chasm of memories. In his mind, he could see Tiger Claw and Grizzgore standing over him once again, causing him to whimper and shrink away from his volatile brother's touch. Donnie held out his free hand to shield himself from Raph as though he was scared to death that his sibling was going to hurt him. His whole body began to shiver in his immediate older brother's grasp when he heard Tiger Claw's words resounding in his head . . .
"Since you are supposedly the most intelligent one, I am sure I do not need to tell you what a grave mistake you just made."
"I warned you not to resist, little one. Now, we will make you deeply regret what you have done. Grizzgore, take him down."
"N – No! Please! D – Don't!" Donnie gasped out, shaking his head and sealing his eyes tightly shut, certain that he was about to be brutally attacked again. He braced himself for an incoming blow that wasn't going to come.
Raph cringed when it finally dawned on him that what he had just done had reminded Donatello of the torture he had been subjected to.
"Aw, shell. I'm sorry, Donnie." The turtle in red quickly released his hold on his little brother and shook his own head over his stupidity. Donnie had gone through a living nightmare and Raphael's thoughtless reaction had just made him temporarily relive the torment. The hotheaded turtle felt like a total heel for reminding his brother of the awful things those monsters had done to him.
Once Raph freed Donnie from his sturdy grip, the genius turtle stared wide-eyed up at his brother and gradually began rationalize things in his mind. The chill that had been running up and down his spine slowed to a much more leisurely pace once he realized that it was his immediate older brother that had seized him, not Shredder's mutants.
Ashamed and sickened by his panicked reaction, Donnie cast his gaze away from his older brothers, trying to keep his composure while his mind jumped at the chance to criticize him.
Could you possibly be any more pathetic?
"I'm really sorry, Donnie," Raph repeated his apology, seeing how visibly shaken Donnie still was.
The sound of his younger brother's heart rate coming back down made the red-masked turtle feel slightly better, but not much.
Donnie flicked his gaze back up at Raph for a scant moment before forcing a half-hearted smile to falsely suggest that he was okay while his eyes made their way down to his cot. He was then struck by a violent coughing fit that sent another shockwave of pain through his entire body. The beeps of the heart rate monitor sped up once again, making his older brothers' heart rates rise just as rapidly.
Leonardo leapt up out of his chair and ran over to the table beside Donnie's desk, grabbing the tall glass of water he had placed there earlier. He then rushed the glass over to Donnie and held it out in front of him.
In between the sickly whooping noises he was making, Donatello shook his head no, rejecting the beverage being offered to him. He instead continued to hack uncontrollably while clutching his chest in agony as he waited for the pain to subside.
Leonardo failed to see the logic in his genius brother's refusal to accept something that could possibly bring him relief. Narrowing his eyes slightly in frustration, the oldest turtle presented the glass to his brother again.
"Donnie, you need to drink something. It'll help your throat."
Donnie still shook his head like a stubborn little kid refusing to take his medicine.
Lolling his own head back and deliberately blinking up at the ceiling, Leo let out a lengthy sigh. Donnie could be so incredibly headstrong sometimes, it was maddening. The blue-clad leader couldn't very well force the water down his little brother's throat. He had really hoped that Donnie, of all of his brothers, would be a little more reasonable about it. Especially since his second youngest sibling was supposed to be the most intelligent one as well as the designated family doctor.
When Donnie's coughing fit finally started to taper off, his body began to relax back down into the soft mattress below him.
"Will you take a drink now?" Leonardo tried to coax his brother again and just a trace of his mounting exasperation came through in his voice.
Still, Donnie declined, but Leo could see that his wounded brother's resolve was dwindling. Maybe that's because the genius turtle had finally realized that his oldest brother was just trying to help him.
"Do it for me, Donnie. Please."
Nodding his reluctant consent, Donnie allowed his two big brothers to lift him into a half-sitting position so that he could take a few sips of water. Even though he wasn't able to drink much, what little cold water he could swallow felt wonderful sliding down his parched and aching throat.
Seconds later, Donnie signaled that he had had his fill and Raph and Leo carefully lowered him back down to the cot. Leo stared at the glass, still in his hand, and grimaced over how little water his brother had actually drank, but he supposed it was better than nothing.
"See? That wasn't so bad now, was it?" Leo asked with a shrewd little grin as he pulled Donnie's blanket up further over his plastron, unknowingly treating his little brother like he was a toddler again.
Faking a pouty face, the injured turtle sarcastically snorted out the word "yes," which made Leo's grin grow wider.
Once Donnie was settled back down into his three propped up pillows, the leader in blue returned the glass of water to the table. He then sat on the opposite side of the cot that Raph was sitting on so that the brainy turtle was sandwiched between his two older brothers. Leonardo kept his fingers crossed that the cot was rated to hold the weight of three human-sized turtles. Because if it wasn't, Master Splinter was going to have their shells for breaking their only cot and for risking further injury to their already seriously wounded little brother.
"So, how did you guys find me? Did the new app . . . I installed on the T-phones work?" Donnie asked, already sounding slightly better than before the couple swigs of water.
Apparently, it wasn't just milk that did a body good, but Leo guessed the advertisements wouldn't be nearly as effective if some celebrity was sporting a water mustache.
"Of course it did, little brother. After all, you are a genius." The words came out far more flippant than Leo had planned and he flinched over just how lame he had sounded. He then rubbed the top of Donnie's head affectionately, which probably just made things even more awkward than they already were.
Clearing his tightening throat, Leo decided to answer Donnie's first question and try to pretend that he hadn't just made a fool out of himself by acting like a complete dork.
"When we realized you'd left the lair, we used the T-phones to track you to the junkyard." Leo opted to leave out a few of the less competent happenings of the night, such as them taking nearly an hour to realize that Donnie was even missing . . . Or them arguing over who was to blame while they should have been out looking for him . . . Or how they had almost rolled over the Shellraiser while racing to the junkyard . . .
The list went on and on, but the leader deemed these as minor details that his intellectual brother was better off not knowing.
Then, Raph had to go and chime in with his much more colorful interpretation of things.
"While we were out there in the freezing cold, dragging our shells all around the junkyard searching for you, the T-phone GPS showed that you weren't even there anymore. And then, we all got this weird text message saying that your T-phone had self-destructed. Of course, I didn't have a freakin' clue what the message was all about 'cause no one had bothered to tell me about this upgrade you made to our phones."
When he finished his segment of the story, the hotheaded turtle glared over at his older brother.
Ignoring what had been an obvious dig at his communication skills – or rather lack thereof – Leo continued on where Raph had left off.
"Your app worked perfectly, Donnie. We all received a text that told us your exact location when you initiated the self-destruct sequence on your phone. We were about to head to that location when we found your duffle bag," Leo said in a tone that abruptly turned grim.
The bleakness his oldest brother's voice had taken on was lost on Donatello the second he heard the words 'duffle bag.' The brainiac turtle's sunken eyes suddenly beamed, and if not for his bedridden condition, he might have vaulted off the cot and done a victory dance.
Donnie really loved that bag.
"You found my duffle bag! Were my parts still in it?"
As soon as Donnie raised the question about his 'parts,' Raphael cringed in horror and his mouth curled into a crooked grimace. It took a whole lot to offend the most insensitive turtle, but at this moment, he looked genuinely appalled by what his little brother had just asked. The question had been posed with a good deal more enthusiasm than seemed appropriate given the ghastly subject matter.
"Uh . . . Yeah . . . you could say that," Leo muttered, somewhat revolted by the question as well. He was just thankful that Mikey hadn't been in the room to hear it. Their overly emotional baby brother would have totally wigged out. He was still having nightmares about finding part of Donnie's carapace inside of that duffle bag.
At first, Leo was baffled why his genius brother would ask such a morbid question in the carefree manner that he had, but then, the oldest turtle realized that his smartest brother must not have been referring to the actual 'parts' they had found inside of the duffle bag. Donnie was most likely referring to some items that he had found in the scrap yard prior to the attack. Or at least, Leo hoped that was the reasoning behind the cheerful way Donnie had posed the question . . .
Not seeing it as critical to the recap, Leo was about to skip over that particularly gruesome portion of the narrative, when his ever-observant genius brother noticed the disturbed look on his face.
"What aren't you telling me? Why do you guys look like you're about to throw up?" Donnie volleyed his gaze back and forth between his two now very pale-looking older siblings. His brothers weren't all that faint of heart, so they didn't exactly blanch easily. That told Donnie that whatever it was they were hiding from him couldn't have been anything good.
"They . . . they used your duffle bag to send us a message, Donnie. When we found it, it was – " Leonardo had to pause to steady himself before continuing – "It was covered in blood and it had part of your broken bo-staff inside. The naginata half that they had stabbed you with. And – " Before the oldest turtle could finish what he was trying to say, Raph cut him off, unable to control his anger a moment longer.
"Those monsters left a piece of your shell in the bag for us to find!" Raph roared, powerless to keep the loathing out of his voice. He momentarily turned his head away from his brothers, fighting to hold back the intense rage building up inside of him. He wished he would have killed Shredder's mutants when he had had the chance. They didn't deserve to live after what they had done to Donnie.
Upon hearing what Leo and Raph had said, Donnie's face dropped almost imperceptibly. He fought tooth and nail to keep his features emotionless as he glanced over at his wounded shoulder, which was still heavily swaddled in bandages so he couldn't actually see anything.
When Grizzgore had stabbed him with his own weapon, Donnie had known that the naginata blade wound had been deep, but he didn't know the extent of the actual damage done to the shoulder. His captors had kept him tied up or chained up most of the time, so he hadn't really had a chance to assess the injury. He didn't realize that the blade had gone all the way through and broken his carapace. He didn't realize until now that the damage was permanent.
There was no fixing this . . .
He was broken . . .
At that realization, Donnie felt his entire body go numb as his head swam with a mixture of shock and disbelief.
Things would never be the same . . .
Leonardo watched as Donatello tentatively lifted his hand up and placed his fingertips against his bandaged shoulder. The oldest turtle studied his second youngest brother's face, trying to read his expression, but Donnie's exterior was cryptic. His face was like a stone, revealing nothing of what he was feeling inside, even though Leo knew for a fact that his genius brother was absorbed in thought.
As so the process had begun.
Donatello was already shutting them out, just as Leonardo had feared he would, but the leader had no idea just how bad things would get.
They had all mistakenly thought that they had succeeded in saving Donatello when he had finally come out of his coma, but in all actuality, the battle to save him had only just begun . . .
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To be continued . . .
*Author's Notes: To all the Mikey fans out there, the youngest brother will return in the next chapter and he's got some pretty classic lines coming up. I'm hoping they'll make you smile. =D
As always, please take a moment to vote on and/or comment on 'LITF' if you are enjoying the story. It really means a lot to me to know that people are still reading. Thanks so much for the support! ;) CJ