Tris
This day, the first time around, I woke up in Tobias's apartment, just as I do today. But this time is different.
This time, I'm not black and blue. This time, Tobias and I have already shared our deepest secrets. This time, I am wrapped in Tobias's arms, his bare chest pressed against my t-shirt covered back, our legs tangled together.
The clock turns from 6:29 to 6:30, and the alarm blares. Tobias's breathing changes abruptly from its slow-and-steady cadence as I reach out and slam my open hand down on the alarm, evidently hitting the right button somewhere in there, because the noise stops.
Tobias doesn't let go of me as I roll in his arms to face him, untangling our legs only to tangle them again from a different position. "Morning." His voice is thick and hoarse with sleep, and his eyes only half open, but his face is content, his lips forming a small smile. His arms tighten around my back, holding onto me like I will float away if he lets go.
"Morning." I nuzzle my head into the crook of his neck, letting out a contented sigh. "You can't imagine how much I've missed this."
"I could certainly get used to it," he responds before resting his lips against my forehead.
We are nearing the end of initiation. Today should be the day Tobias will explain the fear landscape to us. We only have a few days left before the fear landscapes, then the attack will occur early the following morning.
We don't have a plan, and we haven't warned the Abnegation.
"Tobias," I say into his neck. "I want us to visit my parents tonight."
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It has only been a little more than two weeks since I saw my father, and a week or so since I last saw my mother, but it feels like a lifetime. In the past few months, I've only had moments with them... moments before I came back, moments the day of the Aptitude Test and Choosing Ceremony, moments on Visiting Day with my mother. So much has happened to me since I last really spent time with them, and I have learned so much. I am a different person, and they are different people through my eyes.
It wasn't until I was at the Bureau, hearing about how they met and reading my mother's journals, that I realized just how little I knew them. It was as though they went from just being parents... to being people-- people I did not think I would ever have the opportunity to truly know. Maybe now, that can change. But only if we make it change.
Tobias squeezes my hand as we walk through the dark streets of monotonous, uniform gray concrete houses. Uriah walks on my other side, patting my shoulder or rubbing my back gently here and there, giving me occasional understanding, encouraging smiles. They both know that I am nervous about this meeting.
We pause where the short pathway to the door meets the cracked concrete sidewalk. I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath, reminding myself that I told my mother I would come when I could. She won't be surprised to see me. She doesn't care about the factions, I tell myself. I'm her daughter, and she loves me. She will be happy to see me.
I open my eyes and stare for just a moment at the gray front door that I walked through every day for sixteen years, before turning my head to meet Tobias' reassuring gaze. I nod to him, and together the three of us approach the front door. I knock slowly, three times, and wait.
Soon, too soon, before I am really ready, the door swings open.
"B-- Tris," my mother says with a fond smile, gently pressing a warm hand to the cool skin of my cheek before stepping back and ushering her in with a small sweeping wave of her hand. "Come in, all of you, please."
"Hello, Mrs. Prior," Uriah says politely.
Mom taps her chin for a moment as though she is thinking, and her eyes light up as she remembers how she knows him. "Uriah Pedrad," she says warmly. "I believe I've told you before to call me Natalie." She turns to Tobias. "Nice to see you again as well, Four." Tobias smiles back at her nervously.
The house is just as I remember it-- tidy, as sparsely furnished and decorated as Tobias's apartment, the slight scent of lemon in the air from the cleaners my mother uses. I breathe it in and a feeling of comfort washes over me, settling my nerves for a moment.
My father stands near the fireplace, in front of the worn, overstuffed gray chair he spends each evening in. Patches are threadbare, and stuffing shows in one corner. I used to rub my thumb back and forth on that spot, and I have to resist the impulse to graze my fingers once again over the familiar texture. I introduce Uriah as my father studies him critically, surely thinking something about Dauntless hooligans, then Tobias. I can tell he recognizes Tobias on some level, but can't quite place him. Finally, he looks me over, and I can see the disappointment and disapproval in his eyes as he takes in my tight black tank top, ripped black jeans, and the tattoo on my collarbone. "Beatrice," he says evenly.
He is still upset with me. But I know in my heart, without a shadow of a doubt, that deep inside that anger is just hurt-- hurt that Caleb and I left him and Mom, left them with too much quiet and two empty seats at the dinner table-- and really, he still loves me more than words could ever adequately describe. Enough that he would die for me. I know he would, because I watched him do it, the same night I watched my mother die for the same reason. I need to make sure they don't once again end up in a position to make that choice.
"Hi, Dad. I've missed you," I whisper. After a moment of awkward staring, I introduce my companions. "This is Uriah Pedrad. He is one of my best friends, and a Dauntless-born initiate." Tobias and I lock eyes for a moment before I continue. We talked about what we were going to tell them before we left Dauntless, but I'm still unsure how quickly I should reveal anything, everything. "This is Four," I say simply. Tobias nods to my father, trying to make him feel more comfortable. The Abnegation don't shake hands, and honestly, I know Tobias is more comfortable without the physical contact, anyway.
I feel deep blue eyes burning into me. I guess we start with this, then. "Uh... Mom knows that Four is my instructor. I should probably tell you both that we're also... seeing each other." I force myself to meet my father's gaze and he... is... furious.
"How old are you?" he spits at Tobias.
"Eighteen, sir. I-- I care very much for your daughter, and I promise to do everything I can to protect her." That was odd. It's not like Tobias to stutter or hesitate like that.
Dad turns to me. "You're too young, Beatrice. I--"
I gather my courage. I'm an adult now. If I am adult enough to choose who I will be for the rest of my life, adult enough to fight in a war, then I am certainly adult enough to make my own decisions about whether I am old enough to date a boy just two years older than me. "I prefer Tris now, Dad," I say calmly, "and I don't think I'm too young at all. You and Mom were only fifteen when you fell in love, weren't you? And in different factions, unlike T- Four and me." Dad just stares at me with his jaw dropped. My parents never told me how they met, or when. I learned all of that from Zoey, at the Bureau. "You struggled in psychology class, but Mom was good at it, so you would meet at Buckingham Fountain for her to tutor you. Do I have everything correct?" He slowly nods. "Good. Now, I suppose, we have established that I know things. How I know is not important. But the things we need to discuss tonight are. I'm sure Four will tell you more about himself when he is made comfortable enough here." Tobias and I discussed earlier what my parents need to know... and what he needs to reveal about himself to have that conversation.
Uriah shifts uncomfortably next to me and Tobias squeezes my hand, his eyes shining with pride at seeing me stand up for myself this way, in a situation where it would be so easy for all my selfless, polite Abnegation upbringing to drown out the Dauntless girl that has risen to the surface over the past few months. I sit down on the couch, Uriah and Tobias following my lead, and after a moment my parents follow suit by sitting in their armchairs.
My mother clears her throat. "When I saw you on Visiting Day, you told me that the Abnegation were in danger. I take it that's why you're here tonight." Uriah and I both nod. I don't know how to begin, and open and close my mouth a few times looking for the words.
As he has many times before, Uriah swoops in to rescue me. "Erudite is planning to overthrow Abnegation, and they're using Dauntless to do it. Our entire faction will be put under a mind control simulation. They won't know what they are doing until they wake up from the sim and realize that they have murdered innocent people." My father sucks in a sharp breath, and I swallow hard as Uriah and I share a look, my eyes silently thanking him.
"We are probably the only people who are not involved in this plan that know about it," I continue for him. "I can't tell you how we know. I just need you to trust me. We need you to help us stop stop our friends, our faction, from being stripped of their own free will and forced to commit genocide. I need you to help me save your lives."
My parents silently nod in agreement, and Uriah and I explain what will happen-- how the mind control simulation will be administered and how it works, where it will be controlled from, who we know is involved. Tobias adds in the actual evidence he has found by mirroring Max's computer, and he relays back what he has heard through the control room monitors when Max and Eric have met with Jeanine, as well as detailing the evidence he has managed to gather.
When we finally all fall silent for a moment, my father asks, "What do you know about the... well, why Jeanine is doing this? I believe I already know, but please, I would like your confirmation."
"Divergents," I say, "and power." He nods and waits for me to elaborate. "She believes that divergents are dangerous and a threat to our society. Jeanine doesn't understand people like us, and is afraid of what she does not understand. She wants to wipe out Abnegation because of the high divergent population, and she wants to have power over the factions. She also wants that file that Abnegation is hiding. I know that Marcus wants to release it, and she will do anything to keep that from happening." When I mention the file, my parents give each other a grave look.
"You said 'people like us'," Dad observes.
"Yes," Uriah answers. "Tris, Four, me... Natalie, you are too, correct? I know that Caleb is not, so my assumption is that you, Mr. Prior, are not divergent." My father nods in agreement. "Because the three of us are divergent, the mind control serum won't work on us. We aren't sure who else might be immune to it, so we're pretty much on our own. There's no way to avoid the injection without making the leaders suspicious. We also know that if Jeanine finds out that any of us are divergent, we've got a one way ticket to Erudite to spend the little bit of life we would have left as her lab rats." Mom cringes.
"We need to get Caleb out of Erudite," Mom says with an edge of... something, in her voice. Not exactly panic... but not too far off from it.
Uriah and I shake our heads sternly. "He's on her side," I say.
At first I think that the anger that settles into the wrinkles of my father's face is at Caleb, but I am soon proved wrong. "Beatrice!" he hisses. "How can you turn your back on your brother this way? Caleb would never--"
"He is, though," Uriah interrupts. "Look... my girlfriend and I were just in Erudite a week ago-- we were playing a prank. Caleb doesn't know me, but I know him-- don't ask, I know I sound creepy, but I swear I'm not." I stifle a laugh. "Anyway, I heard his voice. His-- and Jeanine's-- and hid in a place that I could eavesdrop. I know it was him. Not only do I know his voice, but Jeanine actually said his name, and referred to his family and former neighbors in Abnegation. I'm pretty sure there are no other Calebs that transferred from Abnegation to Erudite."
A knot forms in the pit of my stomach as I see my father's face deflate. I hate hurting them this way-- absolutely hate it. It would probably be easier to hear that their son was dead, than that he was a traitor-- that he was participating in a plot to kill his own family. I stare down at my shoes as Uriah continues.
"She told him that the attack would happen early morning, the day after initiation, and she gave him his assignment. She said he was to go to Abnegation and make you two, and his old neighbors, think that he's on your side. He's supposed to spy, and he is supposed to stay with any refugees that escape the soldiers. And I know what you're thinking-- I would be too. You're thinking that he's just playing along, that he's going to double-cross Jeanine. But Natalie... Mr. Prior..." he meets each of their eyes, and I know they can read the absolute sincerity in his eyes, and that they can see how sorry he is to have to say this. "He agreed to have a tracking device placed in his upper arm so that he can lead them right to you." Uriah takes a deep breath as I watch tears form in my father's eyes. My mother sits silently and stoically, her back so straight that it's like someone attached a yardstick to her spine. "And then... and then he talked about how much he believes in Faction Before Blood... and he said that if Abnegation is harboring divergents, genocide is the only option."
Mom shakes her head and looks away.
We have two more big things to cover. I look to Tobias, and his face contorts with apprehension. I squeeze his hand. "You can do this," I whisper.
"Uh... to tell you the next part, I need to begin by telling you about myself," he says quietly. Mom and Dad both look at him intently; I know they both feel like they know him from somewhere... and that's because they do. "I transferred to Dauntless two years ago. When I was nine years old, I was told that my mother had died, leaving me alone with my father." He spits the word 'father' with such venom and disgust, as though it is poison he is ridding his body of. He stares at his hands as he continues, and shame is written all over his face. My heart aches for him. "For the next seven years, until my Choosing Day, he beat me with his belt for any and every small infraction he could, and he often locked me in the little coat closet at the top of the stairs for days." Tobias swallows hard, and I watch his Adam's apple bob as he looks up to meet my parents' eyes. "My name is Tobias Eaton, and the articles Erudite has released about Marcus are true."
My parents' eyes are wide, their jaws slack, and my father is white as a ghost. As they process the shock of Tobias's confession, I wrap my arms around him, feeling him tremble slightly. I don't care that my parents are sitting right here, I don't care about the lifetime of warnings about the power of physical touch-- Tobias has never confessed this in words before, and he needs me, he needs comfort. "You did it," I whisper, nesting my chin in the hollow where his neck meets his shoulder. "And it's okay. They won't judge you, I promise. I love you."
Tobias wraps his arms around me and holds on tight, then kisses my jaw lightly before pulling away. We stare into one another's eyes, his overflowing with emotion.
Then he breaks the gaze and clears his throat. "There's more," he says, and he doesn't look down at his hands, or the floor. He has this new confidence that he didn't a few minutes ago, and his voice is strong and steady. "Evelyn isn't really dead. She is alive, and she is the leader of the factionless. The reason you need to know this... is that she intends to overthrow the faction system entirely. If she succeeds, she will act as a dictator. No one will be safe. She is manipulative, power hungry, and absolutely not to be trusted. So, we're looking at threats from all sides, here."
"Additionally," I speak up, "there is the added threat of the Bureau." The shock on my parents' faces is overwhelming. I sigh. "Yes, I know about the Bureau, and I know about David. Again... it doesn't matter how I know, so don't ask, because I will not explain it." The last thing I need is for them to think I'm crazy. Four and Marlene know, and that's almost too many people already. "First of all... he's in on Jeanine's plan. The simulation serum they're going to use came from the Bureau itself. On top of all that... if our faction system is threatened, if Evelyn takes it down and we can't get it back together quickly, David will release the memory serum, in a form that is transmitted from person to person like a virus, and completely reset the Chicago Experiment. We won't even know each other. No one will. Our entire lives, every memory we have... gone, just like that." I snap my fingers for dramatic effect.
"So," my mother says, "we need to stop Jeanine and Dauntless, stop Evelyn, and make sure that David does not destroy the lives of every person in the city." I nod. My father puts his head in his hands.
It's all out there. Everything. Well, everything that Uriah and I are willing to say. His warm brown eyes lock with my own pale gray-blue ones as all the words, all the exposed secrets, settle like a blanket over every part of the living room that I once sat in every night, telling my parents about my day while being careful not to say too much about myself-- that would be selfish-- while knitting blankets and hats to give to the factionless. I look away from Uriah and stare at my mother's knitting basket, the needles sticking out of an uncompleted project, and the comfort that simple image brings me gives me the strength to cut through the heavy silence.
"So, does anyone have a plan?"