It was the first time after all those years of being in Megan’s shadow that Chad finally felt like he was losing hope. She would never say yes to him whatever he asked her. If he bought her drinks, she would look offended. When he invited her to the movies, she would go ballistic telling him to just stop. He couldn’t understand it. All he wanted was a yes. One word. Three letters. What was so hard with that?
So now he would leave her alone—at least for a while. He would give her time. He decided that maybe two days of ignoring her wouldn’t be so bad. Of course, though, one day was already killing him. Him not sitting with her at lunchtime felt to Chad like someone was squeezing his heart. But he had to try another tactic. Maybe this was it. If he didn’t show up for her in a while, there might be a chance that she would realize how much she couldn’t live without him and that she missed him.
Fat chance, baby, he remembered Toby telling him one day when he told him that he would do everything to get Megan to agree to go out on a date with him. Well, he didn’t care even how much fat or thin his chances were. He would do everything to hear a yes from her, especially now. And as fate had it, Valentine’s Day was fast approaching. It would be the perfect opportunity for him. But of course, he had to take care of the matter with his older brother first, like the way he did before.
***
After the first week of school, Chad felt like he was having a culture shock. He decided that high school wasn’t for him so he asked Duke for help who was still in high school by then. Duke was a junior while he was as fresh as a freshman could get.
“What do you mean?” Duke asked in between gulps of his coke. They were in the kitchen taking a cool afternoon off.
“I can’t do it,” he declared. “There are too many unfamiliar faces. I hate high school.”
“Are you freaking kidding me?” Duke gave him a look like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Of course everyone loves high school.”
“Not me,” he insisted.
“Oh, come on. Don’t tell me I have a freak of a brother.” Duke tossed the empty can of coke into the trashcan and walked across to where his younger brother was sitting sipping juice.
He felt like he was going to cry. “I’m not a freak. Freaks don’t have friends. I have Megan.” The minute he said it, he knew that he had said the wrong thing.
Duke was blatant about it with Chad. He liked Megan. Even how twisted it was to Chad’s young mind, Duke would always insist that one day Megan would be his girlfriend.
“Forget it, bro. Megan is mine.”
“But you are older than her! That’s not going to happen!” He started wailing, standing up from his chair, and flailing his arms in the air—like a child.
“Megan will never like you the way she might like me, bro.” Duke was laughing at him. “You’re a freak.” He wouldn’t stop laughing.
And then, Duke left, leaving Chad in between sobs and stomping his feet. It was the same day he started collecting rubber bands. Frustrated, he started banging objects in the kitchen. He came up with a rubber band that he kept stretching to the point of breakage. It had been his way of controlling his anger.
***
Now Duke was studying at the nearest college. He didn’t want to stray too far from home, saying that he would only miss everybody if he did. He didn’t like to live in a dorm or cook his own food, and he didn’t like having a roommate. Of course. But Chad knew what was the truth. Duke didn’t want to leave him. Duke didn’t want to miss his younger brother’s epic high school life.
“What?” Duke snapped at him when he poked his head inside his bedroom door unannounced.
“Can I come in?” he asked, a little nervous, the same feeling of hatred coming back to haunt him that he almost reached for the one rubber band that he always kept in his back pocket.
“Suit yourself,” he heard him say.
He came in. He noted the posters on his brother’s wall. There was Secondhand Serenade written on most them. There were also pictures of women in bikinis. Then on his desk, stacks and stacks of CDs dominated the display. Aside from his computer and a couple of papers scattered on top, he couldn’t see any sign that his brother was doing his homework.
“So what do you want?” Duke asked him. He was sitting on his bed, busily strumming on his guitar, and writing something on a piece of paper in front of him. He looked like he was composing a song.
“I—ah—you know,” he began.
“I don’t know, brother. So cut it out. Tell me straight to the point.”
He breathed deeply. “Luna East wants your band to play for its coming Valentine’s Day Concert,” he blurted out. “They want you to do the opening act.”
Duke looked up from his guitar. “No joke?”
“Why would I—”
“Whoa.” Duke stood up from his bed, leaving his guitar, his pen, the piece of paper, and everything that he was doing on the bed to stand in front of him. “Are you serious? That’s cool!”
He couldn’t believe it. Then as if nothing could ever surprise him more, his older brother started slapping him on the back.
“Bro, that’s awesome! My band had been wanting to have more exposure. The gigs we have right now aren’t enough. We need more exposure. And what better way to have that than to play in a Valentine’s Concert where surely half of the population would be there? Wow, man! You just made my day.”
Luna East was big, but it didn’t mean half of the population of the country would be there. But he didn’t bother to correct his brother. He was too surprised by his older brother’s reaction that he didn’t have time to have his own.
“You sure you’re not just fooling around?” Duke finally stopped slapping him on the back, and looked at him in the eye.
“I’m not fooling around,” he answered blankly.
“Well, then, that’s absolutely awesome!” Duke went to his desk, produced a cell phone, and then started dialing. “Hello, Matt. Guess what?”
Chad didn’t want to hear about it anymore. He turned around, left his brother’s room, and decided that overall it wasn’t so bad. He didn’t realize that his brother was actually serious about his music. He thought he just wanted to fool around, or it was just one of his hobbies. But based on the reaction he just saw, he was sure that there was now no fooling around on his brother’s part. His older brother was frigging serious about his music.
The next day in school, he decided to talk to Johan and give him the confirmation he needed.
“Wow. Thank you! I knew you would do it.” Johan was in raptures, jumping up and down his feet, and even going too far as to giving him a hug.
“No prob. I didn’t do anything impressive. I just went to his room and tell him,” he explained, a little embarrassed.
“Well, still. Thanks, man.”
He shrugged. “You’re welcome.”
“Megan!” Johan waved, and Chad felt like cold water was being poured over his head and down to his toes.
“Hey.” He heard footsteps. “You going to another council meeting?”
He knew that she was near, approximately one meter away, but he couldn’t look at her. Not when he still had his resolution, and that was to avoid her for two days.
Johan shook his head. “No. Just attended one yesterday. We’ll probably have another one tomorrow, though. What with Valentine’s and stuff.”
“Of course. Well, good luck, then.”
“I have to go,” Chad decided to interrupt. “I’ll just see you around.”
Johan looked unsure. “Okay. Thanks, again, man.”
He gave him a half-smile, and then turned around and walked away. He didn’t give in. He didn’t even give Megan a glance. He had to be strong even though deep inside he knew that he was breaking.
He couldn’t take it. It hurt. He wanted to look at her. He wanted to see her. Oh, boy. He wanted to talk to her. But he couldn’t. There would be so much at stake. He would wait. He had to.
Finally out of Megan’s way, he released a breath that he didn’t realize he was holding. His mind wasn’t working anymore. All he knew was that he had to be strong. He believed that he would get the yes from Megan. Nothing could stop him from that.
“Hey Toby,” he greeted as he sat on his usual chair in the classroom.
Silence.
Toby still wouldn’t talk to him. It had to be the first. If he remembered it right, Toby was a talker. He would talk about Star Wars endlessly. Or if not Star Wars, he would always think of something to say. But not now.
“Come on, dude, I’m sorry,” he continued. “Whatever made you like that, whatever I did, or whatever I didn’t do, I’m sorry. Just tell me what I should do for you to talk to me, again.”
The answer was another silence.
“All right. If this is about Megan, I’m sorry. But dude, I like her too much that I can’t move on. But I’m trying, okay? I’m finally giving myself a two-day rest.”
Slowly, Toby turned to look at him. But instead of giving a reply, he laughed. Chad felt that this time he was finally missing the joke. He frowned.
Toby wouldn’t stop laughing. A lot of heads started to look their way.
“Dude, what’s wrong with you?”
“You are so funny!” Toby blurted out in the middle of his laughter.
“Stop it.”
Toby must have seen the look on his face that he went to a surprising halt.
“I got it, Toby,” he said. “I’m screwed. But you can’t blame me. I don’t want you to blame me. Megan is all I got. She’s everything to me. I can’t imagine a day without me doing the things I used to do for her. I want to buy her drinks all the time even if she wouldn’t drink it. I want to ask her to watch movies and concerts with me, even though she would never go out with me. I want to carry her bags to her classroom even if it meant being late in my own class. I want her, dude. I like her. Suck it. I think I love her.”
The silence that stretched was too palpable. Chad could feel the tension building between them. He just admitted to Toby what he really felt for Megan, and neither he nor Toby could make a reaction.
“Toby, do you have that notes you are telling me about? Is it okay if I borrow them? I kind of need them now.” It was one his girl classmates, but Chad didn’t bother to turn around to find out who it was.
“Sure,” he heard Toby saying. “Wait a minute.”
After some shuffling, he saw Toby handing out a notebook to someone. “It’s all yours for now,” he said.
“Oh, Toby. Thank you!” Then whoever it was that was speaking left.
The minute his classmate was gone, Toby turned to look at him, again.
“I—” he began, but he didn’t know what to say. He just looked at Toby.
“You love her, huh?” He didn’t expect his friend to say something so he just nodded in response. “Well, dude, that’s huge.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Huge?”
“Well, it’s love,” Toby explained with hand motions. “Anything about love, for me, is huge.”
“Like huge, huge?”
“What did I say?” Toby crinkled his nose. “Does being in love mean losing a chunk of your brain? Well, then, I don’t want to be in love.”
He smiled. “If you’re in love with someone, you probably wouldn’t just lose a chunk. There’s a possibility that you’re going to lose everything.”
“That’s mad.”
“Exactly. I guess love makes us all crazy.”
Toby produced a cell phone from his pocket.
He knitted his eyebrows. “What are you doing?”
“I’m calling the mental hospital, and I’m telling them that there’s a lunatic here on the lose.”
“What!”
“Hey, chillax. I’m calling my sister to tell her I have to be in the theater to help prepare for the V-Day Concert, and that she needs to find someone to give her a ride home.”
He let out a sigh of relief. “Thanks, dude.”
Toby raised an eyebrow. “For what?”
“For understanding.”
“Oh. Clare?”
He knew then that Toby wasn’t much of a sympathizer, but he had a unique way of showing his support. Toby had never judged him. By now, he knew that Toby understood. He only had one task, and that was to make Megan understand, too.
Tomorrow, he would talk to her, again. And this time, no matter how hard it might take him, he would do everything to hear the big word. He would ask her out on a Valentine’s date, and this time, he wouldn’t take no for an answer.