Tris's POV
I am walking home from school. Everyone under 18 goes to school. Everything seems so strange now a day. Even thought I don't go to school in the same building as Tobias, I still see him for lunch, but everyone seems to be focusing on the Choosing Ceremony coming up. It's still 2 months, but 2 months is 8 weeks, and if you ask me, 8 weeks don't seem that long; if anything, it seems short.
I can't believe in 8 weeks, Tobias won't be here anymore. He told me that I have he would meet me at the training room today, so that's why I am walking alone home. Almost every day, we walk home together, but today was different. He is acting different. I don't know why, and it annoys me that he doesn't talk to me. I just don't get it, we have been so close to each other, he knows pretty much every secret I have, except the part where my mom talked to me about the talk, but other than that, he knows everything about me. I just wish I felt the same way towards him, or that I felt that he would tell me everything too, but I don't know; I just know there is something he is keeping from me.
When I come home, Caleb is already in the kitchen, making dinner. He is that kind of person that walks home as fast as he can, so he can start dinner. However, I, I don't mind using as long as I want to spend on walking home. I like the fresh air, and I like walking. I want to run too, but we aren't allowed here in Abnegation, because we are supposed to be selfless; not that I am selfless, even if I tried, I just can't be. I guess I just care about myself a bit too much.
I go to the kitchen and help him make the dinner. We have rise and chicken. Normal Abnegation food, a bit boring if you ask me, but I just have to wait until I am 18, which isn't that long too.
"How did school go?" Caleb asks me.
"School went fine, people are starting to get ready for the Choosing Ceremony, but other than that, everything is fine. What about you?" I ask him.
"The same I guess." He answers. Then we hear the door open up and the rooms fills with noises of people talking. I hear my dad and someone else, I just can't get my mind on who it is. I look at Caleb and he looks at me.
"Beatrice and Caleb, you mind coming?" my mother asks. I look at Caleb and try my hands and I follow Caleb out of the kitchen and into the living room. There I see my dad, Marcus, Tobias, and my mum. What is going on?
"Dad needs to talk something over with Marcus, so we just invited them to stay for dinner. Did you start making dinner yet?" Mom asks and I look at Caleb. We had started already and I don't know if we have enough for everyone.
"Yeah we did, and I am not sure we have enough," I say, but I realise I said the wrong thing since my mum gives the look that says, I know you don't like being here, but behave; if that's even a look.
"But we can sure make some more," Caleb says, saving me from dinner.
"Tobias, why don't you go and help them?" Marcus says and he nods. I walk into the kitchen, followed by Caleb and Tobias. I wonder if this is going to be awkward.
"What should I do?" Tobias asks when we come into the kitchen. I look at Caleb and he looks at me. We don't really know really. We made this plan when we were younger that when we made food, Caleb did his part of the dinner and I did my part. I have to cut the vegetables and get everything ready, and he cooks it.
"Why don't you help Beatrice finish cutting the vegetables?" Caleb says. I look at him, asking him silently why? I am not a fan of cooking and with Tobias, it just makes it harder to act normal with him. "Then I will finish the rest."
"Whatever." I say smiling. Caleb and I, well we don't really mind not acting very Abnegation when we are alone, you could say that we don't really care, but when we are in front of people he is like a total different, he actually acts selfless. If I didn't know him in 'real' person - I guess you can say that - I would defiantly think that he is 100 % Abnegation.
"Okay." Tobias says. He walks over to me and I hand him a box of tomatoes. He walks over to the sink and starts washing them. He then walks back to me, and he reaches over me to get a knife, making sure that he brushes his arm against mine, teasing me. I have a feeling he knows that I am trying everything to hide my feelings for him, and he loves teasing me.
Since we have gotten together, we have pretty much made out when we first see each other; I haven't seen him today, so it's really hard keeping myself from, plus having him teasing me, doesn't help.
"Hey Tobias, can you send me the towel over there?" Caleb asks Tobias. I keep working on the salad I am making and try to ignore them. That is hard when I feel arms wrap around me. Tobias's arms. He then lets go of me and gives the towel to Caleb. He didn't wrap his arms around me, so it looked suspicious, but it was far from it. Since the towel was next to me, he had to do it, I just didn't realize it was next to me, because if I knew, I am sure that I would give it to Caleb before Tobias had a chance to give it to Caleb.
"Thanks," Caleb says and Tobias nod.
We finish dinner and we eat. I am sitting next to Tobias and my dad, then next to my dad is my mom and then Caleb followed by Marcus and then Tobias again. Tobias has been pretty good at teasing me during dinner and before dinner. Making sure he occasionally brushed his arms against me.
My dad and Marcus talk during the whole time, I don't really care what they are talking about, but I do notice Caleb pays attention very good.
"If you are finished Beatrice, you can take Tobias and Caleb upstairs, and I will do the dishes for you tonight." My mother says smiling at me. I nod and take my plate to the kitchen, put it down next to the sink and walk upstairs to my room. I close the door and go over to my bed. I lie on my stomach covering me face with my pillow and let out a breather. It's really frustrating not being able to be yourself, but it's even more frustrating when you can't act a certain way with someone, especially if that someone is teasing you about.
Someone knocks on my door and I say come in. Tobias walks in and closes the door and comes over to sit on the bed next to me. I sit up and he looks at me.
"You okay?" He asks and I look at him annoyingly and he lets out a small laugh.
"Why are you being so mean to me?" I ask him.
"Because it's fun seeing the reaction I can give to you." He says smiling. "I am sorry."
"No you are not." I tell him and he smiles. He leans in and presses his lips to mine. I wrap my hands around his neck and my hands instantly goes to his hair. He wraps his arms around me waist pulling me closer to him. After a few minutes he pulls away, leaning his forehead against me. He pulled away to early if you ask me.
"What are you thinking about?" He asks me. What am I thinking about? That he pulled away to fast away from me. But where that comes from. I do love him, but I don't know, things have been different now. I have become more desperate to kiss him; to be with him, to feel him, but why? I haven't thought about it, but I have a feeling I now know why. The Choosing Ceremony. It's coming up in two months. He is leaving in two months. He is leaving me in two months.
"Tris?" He says worriedly. I realise I have tears coming down my cheek that I didn't realise before. He cups my face in his hands and dries away the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. He looks worried.
"Sorry." I tell him, pulling away. He looks at me hurt. I just can't get used to having him cup my face in his hand, making sure I am okay all the time, then I have to get used to the idea of not having him around anymore and I can't do that. I am going to break, we all know it.
"What are you thinking about?" He asks again.
"It's not that hard to guess is it?" I ask him.
"Tris -"
"No don't, just forget what I said, I didn't mean it like that. Sorry. What did you do today? We always walk home together." I say looking at him, I really want to change subject, and I am glad he does, but I know he is hurt because I am hurt; I guess the part where he will hurt me, hurts him even more.
"Nothing really, I just had a lot to think about." He says.
"Think about what?" I ask him and he smiles.
"Everything, the Choosing Ceremony."
"You are leaving right?" I ask because he can't stay. I want him to stay with me so bad, but it's more important to me that he is safe.
"Yeah, I guess." He says looking at the bed where my hand holds him.
"Tobias, you are leaving right!? Please tell me you are leaving!"
"Do you want me to leave?" He asks hurt.
"Of course not, but I want you safe and you know I am not going to stay, it's just two years. I will join you in Dauntless in two years. Just please tell me you are going to go!" I beg him.
"Yeah, I am pretty sure I am going." He says. He leans in to kiss me again, but break apart when we hear someone knock on the door. He stands up and the doors open revealing my mum. I smile and Tobias breath.
"Tobias, you guys are leaving." My mum says.
"Okay," Tobias says looking at my mum. He turns to look at me and I stand up. He looks at me, and I can tell if he is debating whether to kiss me or not. I lean in and kiss him before he can choose.
"Tonight?" I ask him and he nods before going downstairs. I am about to walk down with him when my mum stops me. She closes the door behind her. She looks at me and smiles.
"You guys seem pretty close." She says and I nod.
"He is not pushing you to do anything is he?" She asks and I am kind of shocked about what she just asked me. I am not really used to her being so un-Abnegation.
"No he isn't, he is not that kind of a guy," I tell her and she smiles.
"Do you love him?" She asks and I nod. "Does he know?"
"Yeah, he tells me and I tell him. Where is this coming from?" I ask her and she looks at me.
"Take these." She says giving me a box and black paper around it. I take the black paper of the box and look at it.
"Where did you get these?" I ask her. I didn't know you could get them or have them here in Abnegation.
"I asked my friend in Dauntless to give me a pack, to prevent you from getting pregnant. I don't want that, not yet anyway." She says with a smile. "I don't know how far you guys are with your relationship, but I want you to be careful and totally sure when you do it, okay?" She asks and I nod.
"So what did you tell you friend in Dauntless?" I ask her and she smiles at me. "Can you get me a pack of condoms, because my Abnegation daughter has a boyfriend and is having sex, I don't want her to get pregnant and I can't get them here in Abnegation, do you mind getting me some?" She laughs.
"No not really like that, but it wasn't that far from that." She says with a smile.
"Okay, well Tobias is waiting for me, I better go. " I tell her and she smiles.
"Be careful, and take them with you. "She says. I hug her and take the box with me.
I walk downstairs as quiet as I can and go over to our training room. I go over to the training room and open the door. No one is here. I put the box of condoms on the table and start with knife trowing. I hear the door open and close and I turn to find Tobias looking at me. He smiles at me and walks over to the table and I return to knife trowing.
"What are these?" He asks and I turn to see him holding the box of condoms. I blush and turn so I have my back against him. He comes over to me and he wraps his hands around me.
"Where did you get those?" He asks.
"Mmm - my mum kind of gave them to me after you left," I tell him, not looking at him at all.
"So that is what your mum wanted to talk to you about?" He asks and I nod.
I get myself away from him and start walking towards the table and I put the knife in my hands down.
"What do you want to do?" I ask him and he smiles.
"I have a pretty good idea of what we can do." He says walking over to me again. He wraps his arms around my waist and starts kissing me. Do I really want this? Do I want him to be inside of me? Do I want him to see me naked? The skinny, ugly, Abnegation girl?
I do want him, though. I want him all to myself. I do want to do this. We have the condoms now, so what is holding us back? I guess the part about him leaving in two months, but still, we have two months.
I wrap my hands around his neck, letting my hands play with his hair. I do want him and I want him to be inside me. I love him and he loves me. I haven't been sure about anything in my life before, but this I am sure about. I love him and he loves me! I want him.
A/N - Two updates in one night wow. This is very unusual so you better enjoy it while you can ;) Which probably means I'll update more than twice this week. Please tell me what you pansycakes think about this chapter. I worked hard on it. Please review!
Enjoy :)