sakimashita

white violet

  "Kill me gently. Cover my eyes with your hands."

Blood, Sweat & Tears  -BTS

  (white violet - Let's Take a Chance on Happiness) 

They are celebrating their sixth anniversary. BTS has become bigger, it has become better since their fourth anniversary two years ago. They even won the Daesang award this year. They are all feeling on top of the world. Coming not from the top tier, they have made it so far. They have made it so big. It leaves them giddy. They are ecstatic. At the moment, they are in Jeju Island because they have to fly over to Tokyo for Nippon TV's broadcast within three days and then, have to attend KCON France and fly back immediately for Inkiyago as Seokjin and Hoseok are the Special MCs. Hence, they do not wish to go abroad at the moment. Their schedules are packed now with their group and individual schedules. Mostly they attend interviews and variety shows. In the case of Soekjin and Taehyung, they are also acting, being part of movies and dramas. Both of them have starred in dramas though it is also Taehyung who so far has had the main role (even if it was just a mini webseries). Jungkook, instead, has played a supporting cast in a star ensemble movie and in general, has stayed away from acting. Yoongi and Jimin have been casted in other idols' music videos. Both Hoseok and Jimin have also participated in idol dance-based shows. Namjoon has walked the ramp for two designers. Both Yoongi and Namjoon have appeared on fashion magazine covers separately and it's also an achievement to him. They have collaborated with a few artists. Like, Namjoon has produced songs for Homme and artists from other labels. Yoongi has written lyrics for two solo artists. He is always indebted to Bang PD for being so flexible and letting them do what they wish to and has appeared on one variety show himself.

As BTS, they have gone on a World Tour now with four full studio albums behind them. They have formed sub units. Yoongi and Jimin forming one. They are a fixed unit. Taehyung and Jungkook in another one. Although, some of the songs in their mini albums had Taehyung perform with Hoseok and Jungkook with Namjoon. Seokjin being the only one to have a unit with no fixation. Though usually, it features the two rappers - Hoseok and Namjoon. Yoongi's twenty seven now and both Seokjin and he have enlisted for the mandatory army thing. They'll be leaving in November. The plan is when the two years thing is over, Hoseok and Namjoon will follow, so that, at one given point, not all of them have to leave. Their contract with BigHit will be ending in almost five years time. So, in case, they don't renew their contract (which is quite possible because four of them will have turned thirty and might want to pursue their other dreams) they can promote one last time as a group, as BTS, in the last six months or, so they have estimated that will be left with them once Namjoon and Hoseok return. They are going to use this time for more of the sub unit promotions and solo schedules and hence, they are concentrating on group activities at the moment and Yoongi doesn't mind them in the slightest. He never has. The Daesang award has opened doors to several other shows. The more they are featured in different types of broadcast, the more exposure they get. The more positive reaction they get. The more fans they get. Some of them have had incidents with sasaengs but, they have swept them under the carpets. The crowds waiting for them at the airports get larger, the fans following them even more. More and more cameras snapping away, leaving behind an evidence of their every day activities.

In these two years, a lot of things have changed. Like, Jimin, sweet and zealous Park Jimin has started dating girls officially. Two of them so far acknowledged in the media. They broke up amicably too. No one can stay angry with the singer after all and all is great. Hoseok hasn't publicly announced anything although the BTS members know all about it. He is dating an ex-girl group idol from another label and it's all very hush-hush. Or, at least, it's supposed to be? Because his friend always seems to not want to talk about it, locking his phone's screen as soon as it is in the visible distance. He is a little more quiet, not his usual vibrant self but Yoongi understands that the idol life is a taxing one (given he himself is an idol) and a relationship on top of that can be draining the energy. But then, he is always talking about where all they went, what all they did. Yoongi doesn't get the secretive-mode his friend Hobi sometimes slips into. Hoseok and Jimin are the only two members to be in a proper relationship. Seokjin is in a stable phase of his pre-relationship stage and doesn't seem to want to pursue anything further saying he has a lot of time. His not-girlfriend is perfectly happy with it too. She is a family friend and has known Seokjin longer than the boys. Namjoon.. it has always been a lot harder to say anything about the leader. That's one person Yoongi cannot easily read and he guesses, that's just as well. That mysterious air, for a lack of a better phrase, is what makes Namjoon a better leader; a leader Yoongi can accept despite the fact that the tall rapper is his dongsaeng. A dongsaeng he can respect and expect to lead him and the younger boys. The leader and his protege, Jeon Jungkook are two people of BTS who go out on secret dates and then come back several hours later, cheerful and stress free and they all get to know they have gotten laid. Given their tight, packed schedule, it's far and in between though. Yoongi, in fact, is the only one single, virgin and doesn't go out on dates. He hasn't come out to his group mates still. He guesses Hoseok and Jimin have figured it out. Nevertheless, he managed to find himself in an article of a Pann post saying that he was seen on a date with this actress in this place at this time and BigHit has to officially give a statement on how farcical the news article is. Yoongi was there with the said actress at that place at the very hour stated but, they weren't out on a date. They met by chance and Yoongi was just helping her escape from some sasaengs. There were also a few ARMYs around who spotted him and started following him. That's all it was but,

"Idol Suga found on a run-away date with actress Park So Yeon"

ran the stupid headline.

Though Yoongi did find some people but he never took them any further, unsure of their future and let things drop.

Unlike all of them is Taehyung whose image has changed severely over the past two years. He has long shed the 'V, Alien, 4D' image. He has now the 'sexy, party animal' concept for him. BigHit PRs try to show it is as an image, as a concept. In reality, Taehyung is just that and worse. He is far, far worse. Before, Taehyung always exchanged his liquor glasses for strawberry juice or, anything not-alcohol. Now, he drinks them like he is drinking sherbet. He smokes, he parties putting party lovers Hoseok and Jimin to shame. And, he has sex. Lots and lots of sex. He doesn't hide the fact. He shamelessly displays the marks on his neck or, the nail scratches on his back when he takes his shirt off during practice. Yoongi always averts his eyes, finding the walls to be a preferable sight than Taehyung. The tall singer is warned on repeated occasions. The stylist noonas look scandalized at times and chide him other times for making their work harder. Seokjin informs Yoongi that starting from Bang PD to their managers to Namjoon, everyone has reprimanded the boy. Taehyung, Seokjin says, is guilty and apologises to them but, that guilt is only momentary and then goes back to doing exactly what he was doing before. Taehyung sleeps with both men and women and in his own words "idols only because can't let them go talking about our escapades, right?" Taehyung always makes sure to tell them about his.. activities in details and they all listen to him with rapt attention in equal parts of horror and awe. He usually takes off with some idol at the end of a music show stage, or some parties his costars or, his idol friends throw. He barely stays in the dorm only coming back to change and refresh. On the free days, he goes back home or, sleeps in. Taehyung has been involved in many scandals for a twenty-five year old male idol but, the singer is barely apologetic. He is able to manoeuvre himself out of the sticky situations every time and they have to grudgingly let it go. Yoongi doesn't know if he should shout at him or, laugh at his bravado. Instead, he chooses to keep his mouth shut.

They worry about him but, Taehyung is past listening.

*

Yoongi spent the first half of the year worrying, panicking that he likes their golden maknae. Likes.

He has passed majority of the time watching the younger one. His eyes trailing after him, noting his every movement like a hawk. That time when they were on MBC Music Core and Jungkook fell asleep in the green room or, that time when they had joined the Running Man cast for a special episode and Jungkook fell and was rolling on the ground. Or, that time, they were at a fansign meet in Mokdong Music Art-Jayla Art Hall when Jungkook was laughing and making a heart with one hand. Or, the fansign right after that at Bundang when he smiled while accepting the rose being given to him. Then, in Osaka, when a fan asks which member he is closest to and Jungkook is grinning. Or, that time in their dorm when Jungkook was roaming around in the dorm just in a towel. Or, when he sees the released footage of their Behind the Scenes of their Bon Voyage2 (they finally have been on that Europe Tour they were supposed to go on three years back) and fell a bout of jealousy rising in him.

Later, it's on Jungkook's birthday, the realization strikes him like a lightning, dumping on him like a revelation as the youngest of their group is slicing that cake and feeds it to Taehyung, that it's not Jungkook.

It is Jungkook. It's just not Jungkook in the I-am-noticing-him-because-I-like-him way. He notices the maknae not because of the peaceful look he has on his face while falling asleep in the green room during MBC Music Core recording but because of the person on whose lap his head is resting; said person combing his hair with his fingers. He doesn't care much about Jungkook falling during the Running Man special episode as much it is for him and the member he was rolling down together with after a tug-of-war.

Or, even that time at the fansign meet in Mokdong Music Art-Jayla Art Hall when Jungkook is laughing and making a heart with one hand, Yoongi observes from the corner of his eyes, his hand holding the other member's to make a complete heart to the much delight of the fans and Yoongi's disgust. Or, the fansign right after that at Bundang when the maknae smiles while accepting the rose being given to him, Yoongi isn't necessarily looking at him but, at the person who is smirking and giving the red rose, kneeling on one leg. Then, in Osaka, when a fan asks which member he is closest to and Jungkook is grinning, Yoongi's heart isn't thudding because he expects to say Yoongi's name but because the rapper knows who it's going to be. Or, that time in their dorm when Jungkook is roaming around in the dorm just in a towel, he can't help but glance away every time from the TV and hear their youngest two members muffled laughing voices from the next room and it's distinctly not Jungkook who is giggling. Or, when he sees the released footage of the Behind the Scenes of their Bon Voyage2, he isn't jealous for Jungkook but is jealous of Jungkookie.

Because it is Taehyung on whose lap his head was rested.

Because it is Taehyung with whom he fell.

Because it is Taehyung, Jungkook was making a heart with.

Because it is Taehyung whose name Yoongi knows Jungkook was going to say.

Because it is Taehyung, their maknae was jostling with, being too much physically close to him.

Fans know Idol V to be a very tactile person, craving for love and affection. That's what Taehyung is but, only on screen. He is distant and cold most of the times otherwise. He mostly keeps to himself. His relationship with Jungkook has managed to survive, however, while everyone else's has fallen through. Even though they keep it up for fans' and for image's sake, Taehyung's relationship with the members are strained. In Yoongi's case, practically non-existent. Most of the time, they are like two strangers in the dorm. Taehyung is polite and courteous around him. Always saying a 'hi, hyung. Need help?' 'Are you looking for someone, hyung?' Sometimes Yoongi is playful and teases him in satoori on live broadcast and Taehyung laughs it off in that rich, deep voice of his. Occasionally, his cheeks redden a slight bit and Yoongi pats himself mentally. Taehyung pulls his chair out for him when they are out somewhere. Taehyung makes sure when it is his turn to give their clothes for laundry, to return the freshly dried clothes to Yoongi's room, neatly folded and placed on his mattress. Taehyung is very attentive to him. He does things without prompting and Yoongi would have missed it all because the gestures, his actions are so subtle but, Yoongi is a very observant person and sometimes, he is grateful for that.

Sometimes he also feels frustrated because of it. What is he supposed to do knowing Taehyung is so attentive towards his needs that he leaves a bottle of water outside the door - whenever he, Yoongi is late in the studio, working with a mug of coffee in one hand - when Yoongi himself has forgotten it. What is he supposed to do knowing Taehyung knows all these little things about him and does things like losing a game when they are on a variety recording just because he, Yoongi doesn't have to go through the punishment and not to have to eat the thing he hates? Taehyung consumes it instead.

Taehyung, also isn't aware that he is allergic to one of the ingredients on the plate meant for the punishment. His eyes redden instantly and starts coughing maniacally. None of them have been ever scared like they had been that day. By the time Taehyung is taken to the hospital, his face is swollen. He has trouble breathing, his eyes constantly watering, his fingers shaking and twitching. He is kept under observation for three days. Those three days are horrible days for them. The doctor informs them that it is a usual reaction to a chemical found in medicinal drugs. The doctor asks their manager if Taehyung is on some medicines. Both the idol and the managers say no. The doctors are confused. Yoongi finds out from Seokjin who is informed by Namjoon that the leader asked Taehyung in confidential if he is on some form of drugs. Yoongi is surprised that Namjoon even asked such a question. Taehyung, Seokjin says, assured him that he is on no drugs. He drinks and smokes but, he doesn't do drugs. They can trust him at least on that much.

The list of things Yoongi feels guilty for keeps increasing.

The news of Taehyung's hospitalisation spreads like a wildfire throughout the media. Their SNS account blow up with tweets from fan's asking about him. So, are their fancafes. The sasaengs outside the hospital are trying to sneak in but, the security has the premise secured. The members, of course, are not allowed either. They need no more fans gathering over there. Only their manager Sejin is there. Taehyung's mother calls Seokjin. He tries to calm her down. Eventually, Yoongi asks for Seokjin's phone and speaks to her. She composes herself after talking to him. He promises her that she'll be the first person to be informed about Taehyung's state. Taehyung will not want his mother to be distressed. After he disconnects the call, Seokjin gives him a strange look and pats him on the shoulder. Yoongi shrugs. Yoongi knows Taehyung's mother likes him (they have met multiple times now) and thinks him to be a responsible man and perhaps, the fact that he too is from Daegu helps?

When Taehyung is discharged from the hospital, only Yoongi and Jimin are present along with their manager. Yoongi calls his mother and informs just like he had promised that her son is well, soon to be returning to their dorm. There's nothing to be worried about. She thanks him profusely and tells him he is invited for dinner to a very grand meal at their humble Kim household when he next visits Daegu. She is so glad that Taehyung has such hyungs to look after him. Yoongi ducks his head, his cheeks flushing a little. Her statement reminding him of his mother's.

Seokjin titters and informs Taehyung in a full living room of their dorm how Yoongi calmed his mother on the phone when none of them could. The rapper opens his mouth, ready to shoot back but, Taehyung says,

"Yea. My eomma likes people like my appa." The comment is so offhanded. Yoongi's mouth falls shut. The singer turns around to look at Yoongi and adds, "Appa is usually the only one who can calm her down once she gets worked up. Thank you." His facial expression is sincere. Yoongi grunts in reply.

Hoseok whistles. "Yoongi hyung is like your appa, huh?" Seokjin grins and claps Yoongi on the shoulder. "Isn't your ideal man your father?" Hobi asks with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Jimin and Jungkook gape at the them. Yoongi is squashed between Seokjin and Hoseok, both of whom who sling an arm each over his shoulders. Taehyung splutters, flustered and excuses himself, stating he is tired and needs to rest. Namjoon laughs loudly. Yoongi's stomach back-flips at the cute expression on Taehyung's face. It has been so long since he saw him like that. He misses that Taehyung so much.

"He is still so innocent." Hoseok says, his voice low and sad and then whispers so that it is audible only to Yoongi, "I wish we didn't do things we regret." Yoongi looks at him questioningly but, Hoseok pulls away just before Jungkook pushes at the dancer and grabs him in a headlock.

It's as Jungkook blows out the candles on his birthday cake, the camera in Jimin's hand shuts rolling and Taehyung drapes himself over Jungkook's back and hugs him from behind that Yoongi realizes he observes Jungkook because Jungkook is almost always with Taehyung and Yoongi, to his surprise, doesn't like it at all. Jungkook and Taehyung have become closer than ever in the past one year after a phase where they were not talking to each other; for reasons unknown to them. Taehyung pecks the birthday boy on the temples and takes a bite of the slice the maknae offers him. Yoongi averts his eyes, unable to digest the.. domesticity of it. He goes and stands beside the quiet dancer.

"Don't you like the cake or, what?" He asks Hoseok who is staring down hard at his phone's screen, standing at a corner of the room, away from the rest. His knuckles are turning white from the grip on his phone. Yoongi wraps his hand on it. "Hobi?"

"Yea?" Hoseok sounds a little off to him.

"Hey, you okay?" Yoongi looks at his friend with concern.

"Yea, yea, am okay, hyung." Hoseok's smiles, though it quite not reaching his eyes. Hoseok turns around. "I'll come back in a sec." The dancer hurries out of the room. Yoongi frowns. His attention is diverted by Jimin who calls him over for his share of the cake and the rapper forgets about the tensed air around his friend.

*

Yoongi muses darkly while watching Jungkook and Taehyung jostling each other over a birthday gift that the partners of the two idols will have a hard time. Not only will they have a stiff competition from all the fans and in general, because they have looks and fame, but also, in the form of Taehyung and Jungkook themselves even if Jungkook is straight. Both of them will be quite a threat for the other's partner especially, considering Taehyung is gay and Taehyung is the only person Jungkook can consider himself to be gay for (as told by the very idol on a variety show.) Even if he laughed it off as a joke later, Yoongi knows there's a degree of truth in it.

A lot of degree, he thinks bitterly.

He refuses to believe he is being jealous of Jungkook. Of that bunny dongsaeng of his. He chalks the sickening sensation in his stomach as acid from lack of eating and lies down on the couch to rest. He turns over, his eyes scanning the pattern of the upholstery on the couch (a handmade present from Jimin's mother), his thumb stroking the dark-coloured backrest. They have switched off the lights, music turned on. It's a struggle to stare at the pattern and his eyelids droop. It's a slow beat, a very calming and soothing one. Suddenly, the music stops and he can hear the boys asking each other what to do next and pitching in their ideas. They continue arguing till Yoongi sits up, annoyed.

"Shut up."

They stare at him.

"If you have nothing else to do then, sing." They stare even more. "I'll begin, okay? Don't look at me like that, jeez. I won't. fine." Yoongi huffs and is going back to lying down but Jungkook says,

"No, hyung! Sing, sing."

"Yea." Jimin says from next to him. "It's been a long time since I heard you sing."

"I can't even recall when that last time was." Says Seokjin who then chuckles. Namjoon just smiles at Yoongi and so does Taehyung.

"Okay.." Yoongi says slowly. "I just said that to stop you guys from arguing. I didn't actually mean-"

"You're not getting away, Min Yoongi", their eldest member says and sits on the floor opposite to the couch. They all sit down facing Yoongi who shifts uncomfortably under their gaze.

"Ugh.."

"Sing, hyung, sing!!!" Jimin and Jungkook chant in unison and Yoongi sighs.

"Fine. Don't tell me I didn't warn you when you suffer." They roll their eyes at him. He takes a deep breath and exhales. Jimin giggles and both Seokjin and Yoongi shoot a glare in his direction. The words come out slow and cautious at first, the tone wavering.

" We're too different, You know that well *
We aren't able to embrace each other's realities
'I don't understand' , 'I don't remember'
Words that will always just be words
I don't expect them

The words start tumbling out easier than he thinks he will be able to. The words feel more meaningful to him. He closes his eyes, his head hitting the headrest of the couch.

" I love you,
I love you, To your warm touch...

We're too different, You know that well
We aren't able to embrace, each other's wounds

The words won't come, It won't listen
My heart won't, Move like a heart
I love you, I love you "

It's quiet in the room, he realizes. He is about to pass a sarcastic comment on that but, Taehyung's voice stops him.

" What are you thinking? What are you saying? " The singer says. Yoongi's eyes fly open. He looks at Taehyung. He knows it's part of the song. It's part of the lyrics. His heart begins thudding.

Yoongi doesn't use the tone of the song either. He simply says, " I love you, I love you. "

" Show me your feelings, I have no way of knowing. " Taehyung is looking at him, his gaze direct and piercing. Unrelenting.

Yoongi continues in monotone. " I love you, I love you. "

" No matter how hard I try to push you out, even if I burn all my feelings. " Taehyung's voice is so deep and convincing. Yoongi can't ignore it. The words feel too real even though he knows they are not. They can't be. " I can't do it. I must be in love with you. " His stomach churns.

" I love you, I love you. To your warm touch... " says Yoongi without missing a beat. " Please hold me. Please catch me. "

Yoongi is still staring at Taehyung. Taehyung is still looking back at him. His mind is pleasantly blank.

"That was a great performance." Hoseok says and the moment is disturbed. Taehyung looks away first. The rest of the members start clapping along with Hoseok. "You guys did it even better than our Jinnie hyung."

"Yah!" Seokjin exclaims, feeling attacked. "Can't you guys leave me out for once?!"

Namjoon gives Yoongi an odd look and says, "It was a really different version of nan noreul saranghae.. Nice. You too, Tae."

Taehyung gives a slight nod and looks at Yoongi and smiles. It's only a slight curve of the lips but, it oddly feels like an achievement as his heart flutters. Hoseok sits down next to him, slinging an arm over his shoulder. "So, Suga-ssi, do you have plans on taking over as our lead vocalist?" Jimin laughs.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny, Hobi." He snorts and then, tacks on, "I just might." They all laugh loudly at that. One by one they are singing their favourite artists. Then, Jungkook leaves to record a cover for the fans. Taehyung trails after him out of the room. Jimin receives a call from the idol he is presently seeing and leaves. Namjoon picks a book he had left on their rack and begins reading it. He has switched the lights back on. Seokjin is lying down, his head resting on the leader's lap, typing away on his phone. Hoseok and Yoongi are sitting on the couch, watching nothing in particular.

"So, what's up?"

"Manager hyung called me."

"Oh. What for?"

"Ugh.. for We Got Married "

Yoongi frowns. "That's stupid."

Hoseok sighs. "I know."

"Tell them no."

"It's not decided yet. They're just considering it."

"Considering it?" Yoongi hisses. "They know you are in a relationship!"

"Hyung, nothing's for sure yet."

"Hobi, you can't actually be agreeing to this. Are you?"

"It doesn't matter, hyung." Hoseok slaps him lightly on the shoulder. "Okay. I'll go off to sleep now." He yawns and stands up. "I'm too tired." He raises his voice and waves at Seokjin and Namjoon while crossing the room. "Goodnight boys. Sleep early. We have to leave early tomorrow for the music festival."

"Yes, hyung" Namjoon replies monotonously. Seokjin just rolls his eyes, not looking away from his phone's screen. Hoseok turns back to look at Yoongi and mouths, "That hyung is smitten" and makes a face. Yoongi chuckles.

"Don't think I can't see you Jung Hoseok." Seokjin says promptly without looking up. Yoongi laughs loudly and Hoseok saunters off. Yoongi chuckles again and lies back down.

He closes his eyes.

***

They were on the European trip. Jimin sprained his leg and was given the lower berth. Taehyung's one. Yoongi's was on the one above that. Taehyung, who had been left behind and had reached pretty late didn't know that Jimin was resting in his berth. Yoongi was woken up rudely in the middle of the night and shoved aside as Taehyung climbed into his berth. Both of them grumbled, unhappy with the arrangement. Yoongi muttered a few curses and pulled his pillow closer and shifted closer to the wall of the trailer, giving the younger space. A few seconds later, he was deep asleep.

It felt like hours later. He was hot, sweating, like he was being swathed in heat. He grunted and shifted, trying to make himself comfortable. It shouldn't feel like he was being baked.

He heard the voice first. He felt the hands, the body later.

Taehyung was wrapped on him, only his legs carefully not touching him. His hands were holding Yoongi in a crushing grip.

"Hyung.."

His eyes fluttered open and then, immediately clasped shut.

"Hyung.. why does this happen to us, hyung? Why us?" Taehyung shifted the arm under Yoongi's head so that he was able to move his fingers carefully through the blond locks. "Why do situations find us this way?" Yoongi had no idea what the boy is talking about. "Why do I have to rely on moments like this to tell you these." Yoongi's eyes opened again. Moments like this? Had this happened before? Had Taehyung 'talked' to him before when he was sleeping? "You know, I wanna tell you a lot of things." The hand splayed on his stomach put a little more pressure on it and his stomach is tingled. His skin tingled. His eyes shuttered close. "But, it's all a waste of time." Suddenly, there was a wet kiss on his forehead and Yoongi was surprised he even held back from reacting. He was lying stiff, pretending to be still asleep. "You are a nice man, Min Yoongi. I hope you have forgiven yourself." The fingers were just carding through his hair and Yoongi was feeling sleepy again. The occasional scrape of the nail against his scalp and his forehead brought him back to consciousness. "Do you know what I wanna do to you?" Taehyung suddenly pulled him closer and Yoongi bit his lip to not yelp. They are pressed head to toe and Yoongi's ears turned red. His was thankful he was facing away from Taehyung. Taehyung spoke right into his ears. "Do you? Do you, hyung?" Yoongi involuntarily shivered. He was conscious of the little area of his skin exposed where his shirt rode back up and Taehyung's arm was dangerously close - dangerously close to all the areas Yoongi didn't need to think about and what was wrong with this kid? What was he doing? His heart beat quickened and he was going to elbow him and shove him away but Taehyung nuzzled against the crook of his neck and the rapper's head unconsciously tilted his head, baring his neck. Yoongi's cloth bunched where Taehyung's fingers on his stomach gripped it. His other hand was on his head, gentle. The two touches were so different, contrasting, it's made his head dizzy, the place hotter and difficult to breath. Taehyung's one nail slightly scratched his soft stomach skin and his breath hitched.

Shit.

Did he hear it? Does he know? Get a grip Min Yoongi. You are older. You can deal with this. With whatever th-

Taehyung bit him exactly in the joint between the column of his neck and his shoulder and Yoongi whimpered. His toes curled from the unexpected action and his stomach dislodged from wherever it was and fell. His heart went into an overdrive and his teeth was digging into his lower lip because fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck what was this he was not ready what the fuck Kim fucking Taehyung I'll fucking ki- and he gasped because Taehyung kissed the same exact spot he bit and Yoongi held himself back from turning around and shouting at him.

"I want to hurt you, hyung." Taehyung voice was low and muffled. "I want to see you hurt." The grip of his hands became tighter and Yoongi's twitched a bit but, was otherwise motionless. Just his chest rising and falling rapidly. Yoongi frowned. "I want to see on you what I can't show. I want them to see on you what is in me. I want you hurt, hyung. Hurt, physically. Is this selfish of me?" Taehyung lightly nipped him again on his neck. Yoongi spasmed. Just spasmed but, was quiet. He was still fucking quiet and oh lord was this a test? Taehyung twisted their legs together and Yoongi couldn't bring himself to pay attention to what the singer meant. His mind was screaming. His body was screaming. He would either punch himself or, Taehyung but, it had been so long since Taehyung had talked to him more than monosyllables but then again, this wasn't talking either. He needed to do something. Just. Fucking. Something. This is a total ambush he wasn't ready for. Fucking Kim Taehyung.

"It would have been so much easier if either of us were a girl." He tugged at Yoongi's waist and turned the rapper around, towards him. "It would have been better if you had been the girl. I would have fought everyone and everything to get you." The kid had watched way too many sodding romantic movies. Yoongi mentally sighed. "I never thought my ideal man, I would find him and then would have to imagine him as a girl just because it's easier." Taehyung chuckled, somewhere close to his face. Yoongi couldn't take the risk of opening his eyes anymore, lest Taehyung noticed if he hadn't already. Yoongi wasn't the actor here after all. The chuckle was low and it rumbled in Taehyung's chest and Yoongi shifted imperceptibly closer to the source of the sound.

"If you were a girl, hyung, you'll be so cute. You were so pretty in that maid's outfit. So small and cute - just like how you are now. You will be.. may be a little more prissy but, still be just the way you are- You are perfect anyway."

Yoongi's heart skipped a beat.

The fuck?

Is.. is Taehyung confessing? Is this a confession?

Taehyung enveloped him in a hug and kissed him on the other side of his neck. It's wet and sloppy and Yoongi reached out for Taehyung's chest, grabbing the clothes. He pressed himself into the broader chest and inhaled the scent. It smelled of the excess detergent Jungkook used during laundry. The singer was quiet for a minute and then said, "Our kids would have been so nice. So cute. Squishable. I would have kissed them all the time. Played with them all the time. All five-six of them looking like you. Mini you." Yoongi stilled.

The fuck?

What the actual double fuck?

Taehyung pulled his head back and planted a kiss on his nose and then rested his chin on top of Yoongi's head. They were practically spooning now but Yoongi filed that thought away for a later inspection. The singer sighed and was back again at carding his fingers through Yoongi's hair, his thumb caressing the side of his head, his temples. He moved his head again, kissing Yoongi on the forehead, his eyelids, his nose - shit shit shit shit - and his chin. Oh.

"I want to protect you, hyung. Protect you from everyone." Huh. Yoongi rolled his eyes mentally. "Sometimes you look so fragile, I want to keep you away from everybody's reach." He pulled Yoongi's face up by the chin and it took a lot of strength to not just open his eyes and demand 'why?' Because he knew if he did, Taehyung will be gone.

"You know, am not the one who kisses people when drunk. That's you."

Huh?

"I kissed you - my first kiss and you don't remember. You don't remember things if you are not fully conscious.. like now." Yoongi's face twitched in surprise but, he was doing his best to not let his control slip. His heartbeat, however, was loud and out there for everyone to hear. "You won't remember this come morning and I don't know why am even.." Taehyung trailed off and Yoongi was left with curiosity. Why you are what?

He could tell though. He could.

"Don't get too drunk in public, hyung. Don't drink with strangers or, acquaintances." Yoongi scoffed mentally. "Our industry is filled with leeches. I know. They will try to take advantage of that." Yoongi's grouched mentally 'you are one to say. What are you doing now, eh?' but, then his heart started thudding in its cage for an entirely different reason. Did Taehyung have to face the kind of people he was warning Yoongi about? Yoongi would kill anybody who hurt his members.

At least, he would die trying.

He was done pretending to be asleep. He opened his eyes which first saw Taehyung's neck, having fallen back to their previous position after Taehyung let go of his chin. He opened his mouth to ask Taehyung.

But, dear old Jungkook, the blithering idiotic maknae came in like ever freaking always.

"Hyung? Hyung?" He was pushing Taehyung so, Yoongi also got pushed in the action but, he held onto Taehyung tightly.

"Guk-ah? What happened?" Taehyung's voice was louder now and sounded a little coarse.

"Come. You can sleep in my bunk." Jungkook whispered and was tugging his friend and Yoongi never found their youngest member as irritating and nagging as then. Why did he need Taehyung for every single thing? Taehyung would have more space in Yoongi's bunk than in Jungkook's. He was sure Taehyung too knew that because it was that obvious.

Sadly, he didn't and Yoongi was irked.

"Uh.. okay." Taaehyung extracted his arm from under Yoongi's head so slowly like Yoongi's head might be made of porcelain and could get hurt that easily. His right hand was gone from Yoongi's waist in another heartbeat. Few seconds later, he was gone from the trailer too.

He stared after the door as it shut and then fell back on the bunk with a groan.

Taehyung kissed Yoongi when he was drunk? That meant Jungkook had told them the truth. He really did see them kissing on the Inkigayo night.

Yoongi was Taehyung's ideal man, eh?

He glowed. He practically glowed till the 'five-six children' entered his mind and he rolled over in embarrassment and pushed his face into the pillow and sheets because fuck .

His face was burning. It was burning and unable to help himself, he started laughing.

Taehyung called him pretty. His face was red. Children. If Yoongi were a girl, then.. have his children..

Oh my god.

Oh my fucking god.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

He laughed and laughed and laughed in mortification, unable to control himself. The embarrassment was too much. It made Jimin wake up who asked him if he was alright. Yoongi gasped in between the non-stop laughter, tears prickling at his eyes.

"No, Jiminnie. Fuck, no."

Poor injured Jiminnie asked him to shut up and to go back to sleep 'cause don't disturb my sleep, hyung but, Yoongi couldn't.

He shut up a lot later, his heart and mind soaring up in the air with lightness and happiness.

The entire following day he was cheerful, keeping to himself, snapping away pictures and smiling to himself and Seokjin and Hoseok threw amused glances at him. When Namjoon called to check up on them (they were on an outdoor location), Seokjin said 'Yoongi has lost his mind' (he was just admiring two ducks and how may be one of them resembled a certain singer) and Hoseok piped up from the other side, 'It's like he's in love.' Hoseok made a face when Yoongi gave him a blank look. 'Are you?' Seokjin asked, leaning forward. Yoongi chuckled and moved onto the next flock of birds.

Of course, when he woke up the next morning, there was Jungkook in Taehyung's bunk. Just of fucking course.

When the show was later aired and the behind the scenes footage were also present, it included the time Taehyung and Jungkook were in bunk.

He didn't miss Taehyung kissing Jungkook's arm like it was the most natural thing to do. Yoongi clenched his finger and left the seat a whole ten minutes later.

He didn't watch anymore of the Bon Voyage2 videos.

What was he supposed to see anyway? It had them in it and they have lived it already. It's for ARMY so, ARMYs could watch it. He sat in his studio rest of the day, refusing to come out for food till Seokjin dragged him out sometime around midnight for dinner.

***

Yoongi also clearly remembers the time they were talking about Jungkook's early birthday gift and they started talking about kisses and Seokjin said it had to be a member and Namjoon promptly called Taehyung.

Since then. Since bloody then Yoongi's eyes follow the maknae, his movements, his actions, his words. To see what he is doing, where he is going, with who he is. He knows exactly when Jungkook will come and stop anybody else from letting Taehyung and Yoongi partner for anything. He just knows Jungkook will insist on being in the singer's team if they are recording. He is stuck like a koala to the other singer. If he isn't there, he assigns somebody else and Yoongi needs to punch a hole in a figurative wall.

Actually, a literal wall will also do the work at this point.

***

It's the night of Namjoon's birthday - or, early morning. Everyone's gone to sleep. Yoongi comes to the bathroom and walks into the shower stall with a slam. The light's out yet again. He sighs and goes to fetch the spare bulb he hides away lest it's broken again. Just the other day Yoongi had to repair the doorknob because Namjoon had been challenged by Jungkook whether the leader is able to not break it while pulling the door open forcefully. The kids get up to all kinds of ridiculous silly ideas and Yoongi will age soon just because of them. He never has to marry and have kids. They are enough.

Marry.

He grips the case holder tight, the screwdriver in another and unbolts the holder. His future regarding his family and kids is as bleak as everything else of his. Why bother?

He slowly unscrews the fused light bulb, gets down the shaky foldable ladder and puts it in an empty carton and takes out the new one. He goes back up in the dark, the bathroom door left slightly open to let light from the kitchen stream in. Of course, it's a weak source of light. Why did he come without a torch?

He's still drunk, he surmises and carefully holds the bulb to the case holder and tightens the nuts and bolts. He hopes he is twisting them in the right direction, choosing to believe in his muscle memory in the darkness. Once he thinks it is done, he taps at the bulb for safety's measure and 'aha's. Just then the door opens fully and it hits the back of the ladder. The bulb lights up (the switch is flicked on) and Yoongi falls from the slam, shouting, onto a shocked Taehyung who is unable to take the sudden weight and they both fall backwards. The tall singer manages to cut their fall by gripping onto something.

"What?" Taehyung wheezes out under him, still half bent in the air, the both of them. His eyes are wide, his mouth fallen open and Yoongi's cheeks redden a bit. He clears his throat and pushes against him to stand up properly, clearly flustered. He tugs at his shirts' sleeve and opens his mouth to say but Taehyung cuts him off before that.

"The Hell are you doing in darkness in the bathroom?" Taehyung is looking at him as if in disapproval and Yoongi scowls. "There's a switch here for light." He presses it off and on to demonstrate. "A fully functional one." It's more like he sneers.

"Yes, and" Yoongi returns it with full measure, "it is full functional Kim Taehyung-ssi because I (he points at himself) with the help of those (he individually points out at the fallen screwdriver, the old bulb and the ladder ) got that (he points at the bulb above their heads) functioning."

Taehyung is gaping at him. Yoongi grimaces when Taehyung chuckles and sits down to collect his things back, muttering curses under his breath. That was a close shave. He puts them in the box, picks it up and stands back up.

"What?" Taehyung is the one scowling now, rubbing at his wrist. "Oh." Shit. "Is that hurting?" Yoongi transfers the box to one arm and reaches out for Taehyung's arm with the other but, the singer shakes his head and says it's okay and steps aside to let the rapper go. The blond rapper mumbles 'if you're sure' and leaves.

Three days later, Taehyung has a plaster on his arm, his injuries aggravated from neglect, a new one adding to the older. The doctor prescribes two weeks of rest. He is, of course, free to sing and such. Taehyung gets scolded by their managers, by Namjoon, by Bang Shihyuk, by Seokjin. Hoseok just pat's the boy's shoulder and Yoongi grits his teeth in silence. Taehyung never once mentions how he sustained the injuries the first time. With everybody else, Yoongi will demand and shout at them. Talk some sense into their head.

With Taehyung, he doesn't know what to say.

When it comes to Taehyung, he has to wonder whose head it is that needs some sense to be talked into.

Yea. He acknowledges that.

He acknowledges that.

The fuck he acknowledges and the fuck he ignores right out of it.

***

Yoongi cannot be coerced into believing it is anything more than a) both of them being the only gay members and the others are frankly like his brothers( and the idea of liking any of them is infinitely disgusting) and he is the closeted member and has no source of.. outlet or, b) just like every other asshole out there Yoongi is annoyed that Taehyung is not fascinated with him as he was before and just wants his attention back on him.

Yoongi is convinced it's the latter and occasionally, the former but, he never stops to consider that may be may be there's more to it than it meets the eye but, Yoongi doesn't care. He has messed up his life so much already. He doesn't need to more. He doesn't ask Taehyung about That Night in the Bunk thing. He doesn't ask him when the younger boy says things that send Yoongi's heart fluttering. Yoongi sits down on them, squashing, giving an ugly smile to whoever is watching. He doesn't tell Taehyung he knows he is his ideal man. He doesn't tell Taehyung he understands now why the other Daegu boy's mother likes him and always gives him more importance. He doesn't tell Taehyung he knows who his first kiss was with. He doesn't tell when they are staring down each other's eyes for yet another fan service stunt on a show that his heart is ready, ready to jump out and fall into his grace but, will Taehyung even accept it?

He doesn't say anything when Jungkook steps between the two of them and Yoongi has to step away, scowling. He doesn't say a word when Hoseok raises an eyebrow at him when he is caught staring at the dancer-from-his-city's reflection at a stretch in the practice room. He doesn't say when Namjoon asks who his new lyrics are about because Hyung, these are the sappiest shit on this planet. Are you sure you are not in love? Who is your muse? He doesn't say anything when Jimin steals his scarfs away just for selcas. He doesn't complain when Namjoon chews away his favourite and only brand of yoghurt. He doesn't pay attention when Seokjin sets rules after rules or, shuts him up with his sass. Also, he doesn't in general pay attention to a Jeon Jungkook if there isn't a Kim Taehyung around.

*

Yoongi's brother laughs when the members report all these observations of theirs to Jihoon when he visits them suddenly in September. It's the last time he'll be seeing his brother before enlistment. Jihoon tells Yoongi after the others leave to give the brothers some private time together (not counting Jungkook and Taehyung playing at the other corner) that he's 80% smitten and he better see Yoongi having made some progress when they meet next time. Yoongi rolls his eyes at him and shoves at him. Holly whom Jihoon has brought along with him is circling around the youngest members - Taehyung and Jungkook - barking. Both the singers are imitating his barks and Jihoon looks from Taehyung to Yoongi and mock-coughs.

Yoongi scowls and says hotly, "Shut up."

"Omo. My Yoongi bear!" His brother catches him in a hug and Yoongi struggles to pull away. The 95 and 97 liners stop in the middle of the room, their hands midair, positioned like paws, staring at Yoongi. The rapper ducks his head, embarrassed and the three other men in the room start howling with laughter. Yoongi more like snatches Holly away from the floor and stomps away from the room, grumbling.

"Bloody buggers."

***

Yoongi has been on several variety shows by now or, seen them enough to know how they work. He was on Celebrity Bromance last year with Kihyun. That was one Hellishly embarrassing ride. This time they are doing Celeb Bros edition anniversary special, so most of the idols are here who were part of the show. Jungkook's there, Taehyung's there and also Namjoon but, Namjoon's co-star can't turn up due to some last moment schedule clash. Minwoo sunbae is available so, Jungkook is busy in the other area of the shooting location. Taehyung's co-star is running late. Yoongi's co-star just like Namjoon's is absent. Kihyun has had back injury so, he is on bed rest. The logical thing is to either send them back or, assign them new partners or, something and not leave them standing! He is sent with both Namjoon and Taehyung with a crew and a small security team to a bus station where they'll have to catch a bus (which they do) and then, get down and wait for Taehyung's partner to turn up. Yoongi doesn't ask for his name. He doesn't want to know. This show is based on sick fan service and ratings and sponsership and Yoongi has to be a part of it, so, he'll be. He is not going to enjoy it or, ask Taehyung who he is going to be with. It's sick enough already.

After waiting under the sun for fifteen minutes, Taehyung gets a call and they are informed that they are at the wrong stop and that Minjoon or, Moonjae is waiting at the other stoppage. As soon as the next bus rolls into the stand, they climb in quickly, Namjoon and Taehyung laughing at his sudden swiftness. There are a few seats empty but, Yoongi declines Namjoon's offer to sit on them. He is ready to get down and finish this shooting. He gives his seat to the crew. Two stops later, way too many people for the green bus get up on it and the bus gets jam packed. Yoongi tries to hold onto the rod available for support, hunching on himself, pulling his face mask up. He can hear some people around him whisper but, he isn't sure if it's about recognizing him or, not but, Yoongi wishes he had accepted and sat in his seat. Now he can't even see them and he doesn't want to make his way through the crowd. The bus is moving slowly and in jerky, not-so-smooth fashion. The air inside stinks and feels suffocating and he tries to shrink away from any accidental touches. He grips onto the rod tightly. It's been too long since he has been out all by himself and in the general crowd. He has forgotten how to survive all this. Never a fan of crowded places and people. He knows he is not exactly alone here. They'll come if he'll call but, he isn't a baby. He isn't going to call them. He takes his phone out and stares at the screen. At the unchanging digits of the time.

Then, the bus hits some bump on the road, the metal contraption jerks and his phone falls from his hand. The guys next to him are staring at him and giving him looks and Yoongi wants to shrink away further. He hates this. He hates himself for not growing up to just simply accept things. His palms are sweating and his phone gets kicked around and he needs to just pick it up before it disappears from his sight.

"Hyung." Yoongi looks up. "Hyung." Taehyung is looking for him. Yoongi can see his head, the taller boy craning his neck, searching for him. Yoongi looks back at his phone, only to see it disappear beneath a seat. Yoongi can just say 'here', simply raise himself a little bit on his toes if nothing else but, he doesn't. He stands, rooted in his spot, annoyed, irritated but, with a little bit of life back in his heart on hearing the familiar voice. Then, Taehyung is standing in front of him after pushing through the several men.

"Hyung, you okay?"

Yoongi nods his head, surprised and then, looks down at his feet and then, shakes his head. "No." He clears his throat. "My - my phone fell. It's there- (he points at the seats) below those seats."

"Wait here."

Taehyung goes back, pushing aside the annoyed men next to him and comes back holding his phone in one hand and a grin plastered on his face.

"See? Simple." He hands Yoongi the phone who stares at the miraculously un-cracked screen. "What do I get in return?" The bus comes to a halt and they sway in the motion and Taehyung wraps one arm around him. Yoongi, in a sudden rush of gratefulness and sheer relief pulls his face mask down, stands up on his toes and kisses Taehyung on the cheek and the men who were leaving give them a disgusted look, hissing amongst themselves and get off the bus. Yoongi flushes and pulls the mask back up and shuffles away a few steps but, Taehyung stops him, catching his arm. There's even more crowd here (they'll be getting down at the commercial district so there are a lot of commuters at this hour but, thankfully lesser people who can recognize idols) (or, so they were told.) The look of surprise on Taehyung's face is only for a second before he schools it and draws Yoongi closer to him.

"What are you doing?"

Taehyung shushes him and points discreetly at two girls and in the direction of Namjoon's seat and then, points at the cameras in their hands. Taehyung then stands in front of him, blocking his view. They remain in that position through out the rest of the journey. It's more like Taehyung is guarding him, Yoongi, shielding from the eyes' of the strangers. He laughs at the prospect. Yoongi is an idol and he should expect this. Taehyung himself is an idol. Who shields him? Yoongi is an idol and he still can't come to terms with some of the things it tags along. The members know it. Taehyung is just demonstrating that.

He knows how Yoongi is uncomfortable. Taehyung is helping him.

His mind supplies 'and protecting you'.

Taehyung's words from that time in the foreign land reverberate in his mind.

I want to protect you, hyung. Protect you from everyone.

Yoongi laughs.

"Hush." Taehyung frowns. "We need to be quiet."

Yoongi leans forwards and asks, "why are we whispering?"

"We don't want them to see us." Taehyung looks puzzled, as if unable to tell why Yoongi hasn't already figured that out.

"They have seen Joon-ah." Yoongi points out.

"Not us."

"But-"

"Hyung, are you okay? Or, is it just 'cause it's me you are arguing?" Taehyung's frown deepens and Yoongi flicks at it, willing it away. He chuckles at the singer's reaction who rubs his forehead. "What was that for?"

"For trying to be the Knight in shining armour?" He slips into satoori. **

Taehyung's mouth falls into an 'o' and then he looks smug. "Anything to save the damsel in distress." He replies in informal speech.

Yoongi narrows his eyes and growls, "There's no damsel here."

Taehyung smirks. "But, there definitely is a Knight here." He is back to the formal speech.

Yoongi's heart is slowing down. The noises in the and because of the bus drowns due to the brown soft locks hanging in front of Taehyung's nicely spaced eyebrows and forehead. Taehyung has nice forehead, nice eyebrows, nice eyes, nice eyelashes and has a sharp bridge of his nose.

Shit. He is a goner.

"You watch too many useless romcoms." Is all Yoongi says. "Aren't you overly romantic?" Yoongi says the word 'romantic' like it's supposed to be offensive.. Like, it secretly is not pleasing him - it's context and it's usage.

"I am" Taehyung accepts and Yoongi snorts, "but, only for the people I love." The informal speech is back again. Yoongi blushes a bit. Only a little bit. He tries to stamp it down to no avail. He looks down at his phone but Taehyung tries to snatch it away from his hand and pulls him even closer and Yoongi looks frantically here and there, if someone is looking at them. He can't tell because Taehyung is blocking his view and is taking the hand with the phone and putting it into his jacket's pocket and Yoongi's eyes are as wide as saucers.

"What are you doing?" He hisses.

"Fan service." The voice is oddly dull and monotonous, missing the previous inflection.

"Huh?" He says dumbly and blinks his eyes. It's a second later, he catches the eyes of the two girls from before over Taehyung's shoulder looking at them and snickering. Yoongi pulls away from the singer, suddenly angry. He glares at Taehyung who pulls him back roughly, holding him by the elbow, restraining him.

"Don't go near Joonie hyung now." Taehyung says coolly like he just didn't flirt with Yoongi and then imply it was all just a performance.

The bus comes to a halt for the second time. The two girls and everyone else get down. Taehyung immediately drops his hand. Their crew finally comes up to where they are. Namjoon looks up from his phone and asks, "You okay there?"

"Yea."

Namjoon stares at him for a beat longer and then, looks back to his phone. The bus drops them just around the corner (after the crew has talked to the driver). They file out, thanking the driver ahjussi. Yoongi spots the assistant director first across the street and then, Jackson. He tells the leader who goes "oh, really?" and they walk over quickly to the other side.

It takes Yoongi two minutes to realize Taehyung isn't following them. He turns around and asks the stuff. They all laugh. He is long gone with his designated partner.

"Suga-ssi" Jackson says, "if you couldn't keep track of your member here, like here just for a minute what'll you do when there'll be a crowd?" Every one laughs at his expense and Yoongi sticks his tongue out at the camera.

However, there's guilt that roils through him. In his anger, he overlooked it.

He overlooked one of his members.

Why is he angry anyway? He should shrug it off. Laugh it off.

Not feel like he has been personally offended.

A lot of idols do it all the time. A lot of fan service. This is just one more to those million meaningless gestures.

He huffs and snuggles into his scarf.

***

It's October and his mother suddenly drops by for a visit. It is the only day they are free of schedules. They are in the last days of BTS promoting together as a whole unit for the next four years. She is in Seoul to stay with Jihoon for two weeks. Right now, she is sitting in Seokjin and Yoongi's shared room.

"Yoongi-yah."

"Eomma."

"I wish I could stay here longer." They are on his bed, Yoongi's head on his mother's lap. He's holding her hands and rubbing them in his.

"I wish that too, Eomma. I wish that too."

They sit there in silence, listening to the boys outside.

"Come to visit me, Eomma. If you can.."

She brushes his fringes back. "I will, my son. I'll make sure Jihoon does too.. and, your appa." Yoongi sighs. He intertwines their fingers and marvels at the difference in their skin. Both of them are similarly pale. Only his mother's is all wrinkled. "Yoongi-yah" she asks, almost sounding careful.

"Yes?"

"How's Taehyung-ah?"

Yoongi turns around and nuzzles against his mother's thigh. He has noticed the way his mother has become more amicable to the singer. It is a nice gesture but, she has the wrong idea. Still. Even after three years.

"Eomma, we are not.."

"I know. Yoongi-yah. You have said that many times but why not?" She sounds upset.

He sighs again. "Because we can't. I can't. I made some mistakes, Eomma. I have to live with their consequences."

"If you hadn't.. would you?"

Yoongi sits up. "I don't know. I don't know, Eomma. I can't tell. All these things are difficult. All I know is writing, producing music is easy. It makes me happy. I'm doing that."

She scowls, her facial expression looking the exact replica of Yoongi's. The rapper smiles. "You can't do that forever."

"Why not?"

"I mean, you'll have to settle down at some point.."

His heart clenches at that thought. "Eomma, I can't. You know that."

"Not - not like that. Settle with whoever you want. With Taehyung-ah or, whoever. Just.." Yoongi gapes at his mother. "What", she asks hotly, "I just want your happiness." Yoongi hugs her and squeezes her tightly.

"Eomma, Eomma.." His eyes tear up. He didn't think his mother would ever.. his mother..

"Yoongi-yah, boy look at me." She pulls his head to the side and kisses him on the forehead. "I love you, my son. Hoon-ah and you are the suns of my life. Your happiness is the only thing that matters to me." Yoongi's breath hitches. He looks at their joined hands. His tears falls on their clasped hands. "I know your father is not.." She sighs loudly.

"He does- he doesn't have to." He stammers. He looks up at her and says more firmly, "Nor do you. You don't have to.. accept this. I have long accepted that appa won't accept what or, who I am. I accepted that you might never too, Eomma. So, it's okay."

She caresses her head. "Don't be so understandable, son. Don't be this understandable." Her eyelashes are wet too and Yoongi tilts his head to stare at the ceiling, willing his tears away. "You need to-"

"No, Eomma." He shakes his head fervently. "I'm not understandable at all. I have always hurt the people who loved me just for my selfish ideas.. I'm not.." He shakes his head again, the words lodged in his throat. "No, Eomma", his voice rasps, "no." He blinks rapidly.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you, son. For never trying to understand you. Thinking you were just being a.. teenager." She too is crying now. "I should have never treated you the way I saw other mothers treat their children. You are mine. I should have seen you that way and tried to deal with the situations accordingly." She wipes her own tears away and
Yoongi's. "I'm not going to force you or, tell what is better for you anymore. You are a very hardworking, talented person. I trust you and am sorry. I just hope you find your person. Whoever it is. She, he makes no difference to me any longer. As long as that person makes you happy."

Yoongi kisses her on her hands and squeezes them lightly. "Thank you."

"Thank you, my son." Yoongi hugs her again. He is sniffling now. She pats him on the head and then, laughs. "Okay. Okay, enough. No more tears. Get up. Let's go. I need to fill my boy's stomach and those energetic monkeys." Yoongi gives her a weak grin. She gets up and leaves the room first, giving him the space. The rapper wipes his face before he goes out looking for her. She's in the kitchen helping the dorm maid cum chef. Seokjin is standing behind them, arms crossed, his expression mixed between irritation and fluster.

"Hyung, my mum wants to help. Let her help."

"Yoongi, I can't just-" He flaps his arms about and then drops them resigned. "Eommo-nim, let met help you at least." Within five minutes, their dorm helper is excused from the kitchen. Yoongi laughs and joins Hobi at the couch who is cheering Jungkook and Jimin on their match.

"Where's Joon-ah?" He asks, pulling his legs up to settle on the couch comfortably.

"Joonie is .." Hoseok wiggles his eyebrows at him.

"He is out getting laid, hyung." Jungkook deadpans. Hoseok laughs. Jimin loses his concentration and loses the game. He hollers towards the Sope duo and falls on them. The two rappers yelp, their breaths knocked right out of them. The maknae gives them an unamused look, drops the controller on the floor, gets up and goes out of the room.

"What's up with him?" Yoongi asks.

Jimin sits up and says, grimly. "Taetae hasn't returned yet."

"So?"

"So, Min Suga-ssi", Hoseok says in a very formal tone, "that kid' s being sulky."

"Oh." Does that really matter?

"He has been always like that." Hoseok's answer surprises him. He spoke that aloud. Uh. Jimin goes back to pick the controller up and dismantle the set-up and put everything back in it's place. He looks at his friend. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Did Taetae come back, Hobi?" They hear Seokjin shout from the kitchen.

"No." Yoongi stretches himself on the couch as the other rapper gets up and helps Jimin.

*

Twenty minutes later, their dinner is ready. Namjoon comes back just in time for dinner. He quickly washes up, after apologizing to Yoongi's mother and joins them at the table. They are all laughing and joking, behaving themselves around her.

She leaves an hour after their dinner.

*

Yoongi walks out of his room, slowly and quietly, not wishing to disturb Seokjin. Every minute of sleep is precious from them. He is awake because there was still no sign of Taehyung while he was retiring to bed. As he takes steps further away from his room, he hears a running feet, a switch being flicked on - and someone's vomiting.

Taehyung.

He hurries towards the bathroom and switches the main light on and startles the kid. Taehyung who is bent over the counter, puking, jumps at the sudden appearance of the rapper and makes a mess over the counter. Yoongi takes in how the boy looks - his face and lips are swollen, one eye almost shut, his hands are shaking. His lips are a nasty shade of purple, like a bruise. Yoongi immediately takes a towel off the rack and turns on the tap in the shower area to wet it. He puts it aside as Taehyung continues to vomit and wraps one arm around the younger boy's waist and uses the other to push the sweaty hair out of Taehyung's eyes. He rubs his palms, slowly and gently over the other's skin, trying to provide whatever comfort he can while the singer is puking his guts out. Once Taehyung stops, he falls back into Yoongi who is holding the singer up firmly. He turns on the tap at the counter letting the foul-smelling bile flow away. Then, he cups his hand, collects the cool water and tugs Taehyung with the other hand, signalling him to bend. Taehyung sips the water collected in Yoongi's palm, rinses his mouth and spits it out. They repeat the process two more times.

"Who is over there? Yoongi are you-" Yoongi sees Taehyung's panicked expression in the reflection and in a second's decision, goes to the door and slams it shut. "Yoongi." Seokjin knocks on it. Yoongi bolts it then. "Hey, Yoongi-yah." The rapper takes a look at the singer standing with hunched shoulders.

"Hyung, I'm okay. Don't worry. You can go back." He tries to reassure the elder.

"Yoongi but-"

"Hyung. I'll ask for your help if I need it. Okay?" He shoots another worried glance towards Taehyung and wishes he can open the door and let Seokjin in but, he knows that won't be acceptable. "You need rest, hyung." He hears Seokjin sigh.

"Fine. Call me if you need anything. Do you get me?"

"Yes, hyung." He hears Seokjin walk away from the other side of the door and he immediately, goes back to Taehyung who leans into his arms. "Taehyung..", he says slowly, "we need to go to a hospital." Taehyung shakes his head violently and then, groans. Yoongi picks up the wet towel and uses it to wipe the singer's face. "This.. this is allergy thing, right?" Taehyung in the past six months has had varying degrees of allergy with horrible kinds of reaction. "At least, let me call the doc-"

"No, hyung." His voice is barely audible. "No."

"We can't just.. look at you." Taehyung turns around, facing Yoongi. The allergy is ugly. It makes Taehyung look un-Taehyung like. It's harmful and dangerous. It's scary.

"I have the meds." He points at a white bottle kept in the cabinet. Yoongi picks it up, unscrews the cap and takes out two pills and places the bottle back. Taehyung grabs his hands and covers his palms with his own. He is partially leaning against the sink counter for support. His hands are still shaking.

"Hyung." His eyes are bloodshot. "You can't tell anyone."

Yoongi sighs impatiently. "Tae-"

"Please." He closes his eyes. "Please." He is crying now. Crying and Yoongi's heart starts beating faster because Taehyung seldom cries. Seldom. The last time he remembers seeing him cry was when Yoongi had found out about the operation thing. They have to leave for a concert the next day and if they are caught by fans going to a hospital yet again for Taehyung (who has been hospitalized several times now) will demand the singer to sit out which he obviously doesn't want.

Neither of them do.

Health comes first, however, to Yoongi but, he doesn't want to also go against Taehyung's wish. The singer is still crying soundlessly, his eyes tight shut and Yoongi wonders suddenly, how many times have Taehyung's tears gone unnoticed just because they don't hear it? Just because they may not be audible?

"Okay. Take these pills first." Yoongi turns the tap back on, collects the water in his palm. Taehyung sips it to wash the pills down the throat. He takes it one more time just to drink and Yoongi turns off the tap. He cups Taehyung's face in his hands - they are almost at the same eye level because Taehyung is reclining against the counter, back hunched - and blows lightly on the swollen eye. The singer's eye blinks a bit and then, stays like that. "I'll wait for two more hours. If it doesn't reduce, am calling the doctor."

"Okay." Taehyung's voice is small.

The taller boy is looking down, refusing to look at the rapper. Yoongi sighs and rakes a hand through his hair. "You'll tell me if there's a problem, right?"

"Hyung?" Taehyung is looking so young and lost.

"You'll tell me if you have any problem? If you're in some trouble, right? Hyung will always look out for you, Taetae. It doesn't matter if hyung can actually do it or, not. It doesn't matter if it is realistically impossible but, hyung will fight the world. He will not go down without trying." Taehyung sniffles and hugs Yoongi.

"You told am okay. I don't need help."

Yoongi pushes him lightly, to see his face. "What?"

"I remember you telling on a show that you don't look out for me because I am strong. I don't need it because I am strong."

Yoongi frowns not following the train of thought. "Just because you look okay doesn't mean you are okay." Taehyung gives him a weak smile and hugs him back.

"Who looks after you, hyung?" Suddenly the memory of them being on a bunk bed in a trailer in another country comes back.

I want to protect you, hyung. Protect you from everyone.

"Ugh.. we look after each other.." He replies lamely. "You look after me. I look after you." He hopes Taehyung can't hear his increasing hear rate. The singer nuzzles into his shoulder.

"Do you.. do you promise to?"

"Whenever, wherever, whatever problem you have.. call me. Tell me. Ask me, Taehyung. Hyung will be right here to help you."

"Always?"

"Always." Yoongi pets the younger one's head who lets out a pleased noise.

"Thank you." He presses a feather-light kiss on the exposed bit of Yoongi's collarbone. Yoongi, in turn, kisses him on the top of his head.

"Now, let's go outside. Can't stay in here forever." Taehyung chuckles and Yoongi is relieved to notice that the shaking has subsided. He sprays the room freshner Jungkook has brought just for the bathroom and then, leads Taehyung outside by his wrist. They decide to sleep outside. Taehyung brings the extra mattresses kept in a corner of their leader's room (meant for the managers who sometimes stay back and use them.) Yoongi washes the sink counter in the bathroom. He then, washes his hand and joins Taehyung in the living room to carry over the mattresses to the terrace. They spread it on the floor. Yoongi also brings a cyclothrin coil with him for the mosquitoes and lights it a little away from them. He lets Taehyung have the mattress further away from the coil. The singer occasionally still has problem with strong scents. He goes back to the dorm, to get a bottle of water. Taehyung is already lying down when he comes back.

He lies down next to him.

"Hyung."

"Hmmm.."

"Tell your mother the dinner was tasty."

Yoongi rolls over, facing the younger boy. "You ate that food." The rapper narrows his eyes.

"Yea. I'm sorry I missed it but, I didn't want my share to get wasted."

"You didn't have to."

"I wanted to." Taehyung is facing the other way so his voice is muffled. "Tell her I said sorry."

Yoongi's eyes widen in realization. "That's what you got allergy from?"

"ugh.. From one of the ingredients. Think so."

"You idiot." Yoongi hisses, hitting him on the head. He hears Taehyung chuckle.

"Always, hyung. Always."

He watches the younger one for sometime, even though he can't see his face from this position. Yoongi knows how the closed eyes look and how the long eyelashes brush against the cheeks and Yoongi is surprised he has registered these so unconsciously that he doesn't need to even see it to know it. He just knows it. Remembers it. It is already committed to his memory. Yoongi's eyes crinkle in something akin to happiness and he almost reaches out for the younger but pulls his hand back.

Yoongi pillows his hands under his head and watches the back of Taehyung's head till sleep claims him.

[ Next day, the frantic members and managers are searching for the two boys. Yoongi and Taehyung have left their phones in the dorm and are not being found.

Jungkook finds them first on the terrace and informs the rest. Manager Sejin comes dashing up the stairs and scolds them both a lot. With sullen faces, they trudge down the steps.]

***

He is looking for Hoseok. He has said goodbye to all of them already. Only his friend is left. It's weird. Usually Hoseok is the first to see every one off.

"Hobi?" Hoseok is sitting on the terrace, his phone in his hand, eyebrows furrowed and Yoongi frowns. It's a sight Yoongi thinks has become quite a familiar to him when it comes to his friend. "Hobi-yah?"

"Hyung.." Hoseok look back, surprised. "I thought you left already."

"What are you doing here, idiot? Couldn't haul that ass of yours to see me?"

Hoseok's smile is more of a twitch than anything else. "Sorry. I really thought you were gone."

"What's wrong?" Yoongi drops the duffle bag he was holding and takes rapid steps towards his friend. Hoseok simply shrugs and says nothing. "Is it because I am leaving?" He jokes and Hoseok grimaces.

"It's not funny, hyung. I wont' see you again for another two years. It's not funny."

"It's not my fault you guys have decided to not visit us during the visiting periods."

"Hyung.. you know that's for your own good. We have discussed this before."

Yoongi sighs and puts his hand on Hoseok's shoulder. "I know. So tell me what's bothering you. Is it because of the show? You don't have to take part in it if you don't want to. I'll tell Bang PD-"

"Hyung. It's fine."

"How is it fine, Hobi? You clearly are not!" Yoongi makes a wild gesture with his hand. "I don't get why you agreed to this in the first place. It's We Got Married , dammit. You have to marry even if it's fake. I know you're bothered coz of it, Hobi. What about noona? Is she okay with it?"

Hoseok looks up at him. "Everyone is okay with it."

Yoongi's frown deepens. "You don't know that. She may say that but-"

"Hyung, she was an idol herself. She knows how our lives are and we aren't a public news. Plus, she's very supportive, hyung."

There's something clearly upsetting his friend. "What's the problem then, Hobi? If both of you are okay with it, then, what's the problem?"

"There's no problem, hyung."

"Hobi" Yoongi says, his voice reflecting clear disbelief.

"I hope you use this time to rest and get better and to get some strength too." Hoseok gives him a grin but, it is so weak and fake, Yoongi wants to punch his friend for lying to him when it's clearly obvious to both. He never will get Hoseok. Yoongi is a private person but, he always shares with someone - either with his brother or, Jimin or, Seokjin or, Hoseok but, Hoseok never does that. He never talks about his problem. He never shares it, just becoming quiet and withdrawn and Yoongi hates that the most. His friend is always there to cheer every one up but who does that for him?

They hear Jungkook coming up the stairs, shouting, calling out for Yoongi whose phone begins ringing at the same time.

"Go, hyung. They are waiting for you."

"Hobi-" Hoseok sighs, running a hand through his hair.

"I'll be okay in a few minutes, okay? I just don't want to think for how long you will be gone."

Yoongi hugs his friend. Hoseok's hands wrap tightly around him.

"Hyung, are you her-" Jungkook stops near the terrace's door. "Ugh.. they are.. waiting for you?"

Yoongi drops his hands. "Yea, am coming. Give us a minute."

"Ugh.. yea, okay, but, you're already late." Jungkook stares at them.

"A minute, Gkuki." The maknae shakes his head and turns around.

"Come soon."

Yoongi gives Hoseok a puzzled look when Hoseok sighs and drops his hands as soon as Jungkook turns around. His friend pushes him towards the door instead. "Hurry. I should see Jin hyung too lest he thinks I don't like him or, something." Yoongi is about to protest not ready to drop the subject and tiny bit curious but Jungkook comes back with Jimin in tow.

"What are you guys doing here? Let's go. Tae is already in the van. Jin hyung is waiting for you." Jimin says and drags Yoongi by the hand.

***

Seokjin, Yoongi and Taehyung leave together. Seokjin is dropped at COEX Convention & Exhibition Centre in Gangnam. Seokjin's brother has some work over there. Yoongi is going back to Daegu along with Taehyung who will be getting down at his home first. Seokjin and Yoongi will be staying with their respective families for a week before they leave for the mandatory army service. Taehyung who has just returned to Seoul after a shooting (he has been casted in a movie this time) is also on a two-days holiday and hence, is accompanying them. Seokjin hugs them and cries when they see him off. Yoongi can't help but shed a tear or two. Then, they separate their ways (after Seokjin's hyung pulls the idol away from the other two men) and they set on their own journey. Once they reach their station, Taehyung asks,

"Hyung?"

"Yea?" Yoongi is checking his wallet for money.

"Do you.. do you immediately want to go back home?"

"Huh?"

"Do you immedi- no, never mind."

Yoongi looks at the younger man curiously for sometime and then, says cautiously, "No.. not exactly."

Taehyung looks back at him, surprised. "So, will it be okay if.. if we stayed out for a while..?" He is looking at Yoongi with such an earnest expression that even if Yoongi wanted, he can't say no.

"Yes, Taehyung. It'll be fine. But," Yoongi shakes the handle of his suitcase, "where do we keep this?"

Taehyung grins like a goddamn cheshire cat. "Let's go home."

"Huh?" Yoongi is taken back.

"Let's keep them at my home, I mean and then, let's go around. Okay?"

Yoongi nods his head. "Fine."

They signal a cab to stop and get inside quickly. Yoongi has a lot of luggage unlike Taehyung who just has a hand bag with the very necessary things on him. After all, it's only Yoongi who is going away. The ride in the car is a silent one and Yoongi doesn't mind. In fact, he sits up, putting his head on the window edge taking in the view. He won't see it again for two years. As an idol, even if he didn't see it regularly, he did see it at some point. There was always a possibility that he could but, for the next two years, he doesn't even have that and Yoongi already wants the two years to pass by quickly.

He will be leaving many things, many people behind.

It's a thirty minutes ride to Taehyung's place. Taehyung's parents are surprised to see them. Especially, to see Yoongi who glares at the singer for having not informed the elders before hand. Taehyung's mother chuckles and welcomes them inside. Taehyung's father, however, is a different case. He keeps his distance from them, his eyes following Yoongi's every movement and the rapper can't help but feel as if he is being judged. The singer's mother apologises for not having been prepared with a 'good meal' to serve them even though she had promised and invited Yoongi to one before and slaps Taehyung upside down on the head. Yoongi, embarrassed, apologises too and tells her that it's okay and it's not Taehyung's fault. They are heading out anyway so, they'll have dinner outside. Mrs. Kim insists him to have something from their home - guests cannot be returned without being fed. Taehyung's grandmother comes out at this point and tells Yoongi to just sit down and eat whatever her daughter-in-law has prepared. Yoongi flushes till the tip of his ears and bows. He sits at the table, stiff and awkward while Taehyung shakes his head in amusement. The singer sits down next to his grandmother who is sitting opposite to Yoongi. Mr. Kim is sitting next to Yoongi at the head-of-the-table position. Taehyung's mother sits down next to him after serving. The food is warm and tasty and is a lot and he doesn't get why Mrs. Kim thinks it isn't enough? Only Jimin and Jungkook have visited them at their house and may be Hobi too. Yoongi had seen their previous house. It's his first time at Taehyung's new house and with family. Alone. He swallows nervously.

Mr. Kim's gaze on him feels a lot like scrutiny and he shifts uncomfortably in his chair. The singer is all too oblivious, busy chatting and making the women laugh. Yoongi's luggage has been kept in a corner of the living room (after Taehyung's father refuses to let it be taken to his son's room.) He is relieved when they are done eating and can leave. His father goes back to the inside of their house without another word. Grandmother is speaking into Taehyung's ears and is giggling. Taehyung himself is giggling too and Yoongi wonders when he last heard the singer's giggles. Taehyung looks so cute while giggling. Even his voice is so cute. Yoongi wants to squish his face. His hands spasms where they are at his sides. He slightly blushes under Grandmother Kim's stare. It's like she knows exactly what is going through his mind. He ducks his head.

As soon as they step out of the house, Yoongi sighs loudly. Taehyung doubles over, laughing. Yoongi raises an eyebrow. The singer straightens up and grimaces.

"Sorry."

Yoongi cocks his head.

Taehyung clears his throat. "I - I know. I am not that dense, you know?" Taehyung who is walking ahead of him, stops and looks over his shoulder. "I know .. you.. appa.. you guys." The singer says, carding his hand through his hair, tousling his hair in the process. He looks at a loss of words.

"He doesn't like you." Taehyung finally says. "He doesn't.." Yoongi falls into steps with him and looks at him in surprise. "He knows somehow about.. Hanahaki.. that you were the one. I don't know how." The singer is frowning now, as if confused.

"It's okay, Taehyung. It's nothing I don't deserve."

Taehyung looks at him. "Do you truly blame yourself for this?" He is looking at Yoongi with so much curiosity like he doesn't understand why the rapper will blame himself. Yoongi looks away. He can't handle the singer looking at him that way. He, however, grabs him by the wrist and tugs him towards the main road.

"Where do we go? This was your idea after all."

They are walking like that, Yoongi leading Taehyung, away from the latter's home though the former has no idea where he is going.

"I know where to go. You ready to walk?" Yoongi considers if he is okay with fans seeing them at this hour. He is already nodding his head. Yoongi starts running and Taehyung picks up pace too, laughing in astonishment. "You're ready to run. Okay. Am cool with that too."

They slow down after a minute when Yoongi needs to catch a breath. They walk till Dongdaegu KTX Station and catch the final Daegu City Tour bus. Of course, Taehyung pays for the entire bus to let them have alone time. The shorter man argues with him but, Taehyung doesn't budge. Yoongi watches his city in amazement, breathing in the cool, cold night air. He points out to Taehyung all the places he wanted to visit but, couldn't due to shortage of money. Taehyung in turn shows him all the places he has visited and couldn't. He talks about his time after the operation when he came back home - how he visited all his favourite places with his friends but, especially, Palgongsan Park and how he really likes Gatbawi and the stunning view from the top. When Yoongi tells him he is yet to see it, the singer gapes at him before saying that he'll remedy it as soon as Yoongi returns from the service. Yoongi then informs him how he has nor been to Woobang Tower Land either. Taehyung asks him why he hasn't even till now. After all, he has been earning by himself for the last six years. The rapper reminds him how they are idols and he doesn't want to go out venturing alone besides the fact that it isn't safe with sasaengs and all. Taehyung hums and tells Yoongi instead how he disguised himself to go to Dalseong park because a lot of fans recognized him the previous day when he went hiking on Apsan with his friends. He talks animatedly about his two days stay at the village in Palgongsan. Yoongi more stares at Taehyung when he is talking than paying attention to his words. They both are smiling.

Taehyung reminiscing. Yoongi, watching.

Yoongi tells him hurriedly, when he realizes Taehyung is staring at him expecting him to speak, that he likes Suseong Lake (that's the first thing that comes to his mind.)

"Suseong..? why?"

"Ugh.. I used to go to visit my cousin at times. He was studying at Yeongnam University. He wanted to work at YU Hospital. So. He showed me the places around the subway stop and I liked it." Yoongi shrugs.

They get down from the double-decker bus at Banwoldang and enter a restaurant. They order for galbi and it feels way too much for their stomach, unused to eating such large quantity of food in years. Some fans recognize them when they are in Herbal Street. They sign for a few of them. Bow and wave at few others and walk away. They are both exhausted by the time they reach Art Street. They stop by a coffee shop. Yoongi orders an americano. Taehyung, an iced caramel macchiato with whipped cream. He watches, reclining against the backrest of the wooden chair as the singer talks over the phone outside the cafe. He pushes his hair back, tipping back on his chair and grins. The entire night out almost feels like a date.

Almost.

The latter comes back to inform him how his friend Minjae and some other Daegu-based idols are gathering the next day for a small party since most of them are in town. Yoongi only hums and tells the younger man to collect their orders. The rapper makes a disgusted face at the other's order when he brings it to their table. The taller man only winks at him and sips his drink. Yoongi smiles, trying to ignore the fluttering in his stomach. Taehyung books a cab for them and they go back home.

Ideally, Yoongi should have been at his own home by now, but, he isn't. He shoots his mother a text quickly informing her he'll be reaching by noon.

It's Taehyung's father who opens the door this time, disapproval clear on his face. Yoongi doesn't allow even his own father to be like that - to demand from him answers at this age but, in front of Taehyung's father, he bows his head and apologizes. Taehyung shakes his head next to him and shoves his father playfully.

"Appa", he whines, "he's our guest. Why are you trying to intimidate him?"

Yoongi stares at the younger man. Did he just say that to his father?

"Are you?" Yoongi immediately looks at the older man. "Are you intimidated, young man?"

Yoongi gapes at Kim senior and Taehyung is trying to drag his father away. "Appa, appa, go to sleep. Don't do this."

"You listen, my boy, you don't bring men to your house and roam around at this hour and not expect me t- nnngh." Taehyung clasps a hand on his father's mouth, his eyes wide and face red.

"Appa! I'll say Eomma you're bullying us." He looks at Yoongi. "Stay here." The singer drags his father away to his parents' bedroom and Yoongi saunters towards the couch and plops on it. He removes the slippers and lies down. He chuckles while placing his head on the armrest.

Taehyung comes back to the living room, his ears and neck red with embarrassment and Yoongi decides to tease him.

"I am a man to you, huh? You see me like one, eh?" *** His eyes are twinkling with mischief and Taehyung groans. Taehyung sits down on the floor, crossing his legs, next to Yoongi's couch. The singer rubs his face, clearly mortified. Yoongi ruffles his head. "Don't be embarrassed. I'd do the same for my children too."

Taehyung groans again and glares at Yoongi. "That's because you're like appa." Yoongi's stomach somersaults. It's an odd compliment. Yoongi understands that the most important, respectable figure in Taehyung's life is his father. His ideal man is someone like his father and being told that one is like Appa Kim is, frankly, at this point, a very good thing. A positive thing. They argue regarding Yoongi sleeping on the couch. Finally, Yoongi tells him he has no wish to be murdered at the hands of Kim Senior by sleeping in his room for the night and the singer hits his arm and goes away stomping. Taehyung comes back, albeit with a little lesser energy in the stomps and dumps mattresses and comforter on the older man.

As he watches Taehyung disappear towards the darker recess of his house, Yoongi knows he is damned.

He finally recognizes what it is. He pulls up the comforter till his forehead and blames the realization on the less oxygen.

He leaves around eleven in the morning in a cab bound for his home. He sees missed calls from Seokjin, their managers and Jimin on his phone. His head falls on the backrest of the car. He sighs and scrubs his face.

There is no other way to look at to avoid it but to meet it head on.

There is no other way to bury it, but, to let it unfurl.

There is no other way but, to just accept. To just accept.

He is in love.

He is in love with Kim - fucking soon to be his death - Taehyung.

Yoongi hisses a string of curses as the cab drives out of the neighbourhood. He is damned. He can't ignore it anymore in the daylight. 

a/n:   * English translation of 'nan noreul saranghae' taken from "http://lyricstranslate.com/en/%EB%82%9C-%EB%84%88%EB%A5%BC-%EC%82%AC%EB%9E%91%ED%95%B4-nan-neoreul-saranghae.html". Check this out for tidbits on the lyrics.

** So, I read this somewhere that one of the tricks (?) of flirting is constantly flipping between your speech styles (formal- informal) if the other person is older to you and also may be, changing into the standard and satoori.. [If it's not, ehehehe]

*** "I am a man to you, huh? You see me like one, eh?" This. So, they have expressions, I understand that are supposed to mean like.. you see me like someone you'll consider. The man/woman, You know .. the person you wanna take things further with. Sorry. Am not sure how to explain this :(

There are things which may seem a little.. odd (?) I'll explain them in the next chapter.