warning: there's a smut-ish kind of scene but it's also kind of non-con-ish so just look out for that - you'll see it coming!
Keeping a secret was a lot harder than Dan had thought, especially when the secret was that he was in love with his best friend. He'd kept secrets before of course, little, unimportant things—but never from Phil. Now that he was, he felt the strain it put on him, the constant pressure on his chest squeezing his insides, pushing down on him and making him know that he was going to have to tell Phil. It was just a matter of when. Honestly, his feelings for Phil were starting to become a royal pain.
"You okay?" Phil asked, peering up at him from across the table. Dan cleared his throat.
"Yeah. Of course."
They were in the library, a place they hadn't been together since the last time Phil had visited Hirona. Nowadays, Dan kept his books in his rooms: a constantly growing collection of well-worn and well-loved books, ones that he'd thumbed through many times and placed fondly on his shelf. Now, though, he needed something new to read (if only to momentarily distract him from his feelings), and there was an extensive library right in the west wing of the castle. It was big enough to house maybe five of Dan's living quarters; chock full of books, comfortable reading chairs, and strategically placed tables. It had been one of Dan's favorite places when he was little, before he met Phil and before he learned about order-and-delivery via horse.
"Are you sure?" Phil asked softly, as if they weren't the only ones in the whole library and had an actual need to be quiet. "Because you keep looking as if you're so far away. And you're a bit pale..."
"I'm fine," Dan asserted, fiddling with a page in the book in an attempt to do something with his hands, anything to keep them occupied and not-shaking. He, most certainly, was not fine. There was the whole love thing to contend with. And the gay thing. And the prince with responsibilities thing. But mostly it was the fact that Phil was so beautiful that every time Dan looked at him his insides seemed to clench, his breath sticking somewhere in his throat. "I'm just..."
"Anxious?" Phil input, laughter on the edge of his voice. "It's just a girl."
Dan huffed, turning his eyes back to his book. He'd managed to crumple the edge of his page with his thumb, and he meticulously flattened it back out, pressing down over the crease. "I guess." He'd managed to forget, for a few moments, that he was to court another girl today. He was dreading it more than usual, dreading it not only because it was a long, boring affair, but because this would be his first time doing it after realizing he wasn't actually attracted to girls. He'd be faced with this entire afternoon meant to make him feel attraction towards some random girl when it was never going to happen anyway. It was going to put things into perspective even more than it already was, and Dan was kind of sick of having his world turned upside down.
Phil glanced towards the library doors, as if afraid there might be eavesdroppers, before looking back at Dan. The only possible eavesdroppers were Alfonzo and Bentley, who Dan and Phil had decided to inform of Dan's little predicament. They'd told them all about the assassination attempts, and in a moment of trust, the king's misconceptions about Phil. Dan had felt safe going to them, knowing that they were willing to listen and act on it, whereas if he went to tell his own father, he'd probably be faced with more accusations towards Phil. It wasn't just that he hated hearing it, hated having his friend's honor insulted; it was the fact that hearing it made Dan so angry that he felt like he could do something he might regret.
Of course, Alfonzo and Bentley had informed him that it was their duty to tell the captain of the guard: a stern, responsible kind of man with a mustache that didn't suit his face at all. And it was probably within his duty to tell the king, but Dan didn't care as long as he wasn't the one who had to confront him. It'd be nice if his father could stop suspecting Phil, but even if he didn't, Dan wasn't going to stop hanging around with him.
"We'll do something fun after," Phil promised, breaking Dan out of his reverie. He had to scramble to remember what they'd even been talking about, before he recalled—ah yes, women. Courting.
"Like what?"
"It's a surprise," Phil said giddily. "But it'll be fun. I know you're usually grumpy after these things, so maybe this'll cheer you up." Dan felt a slow smile spreading across his face, and his heart seemed to beat a rhythm in his chest: I love you. I love you.
"It better be good," Dan said, unable to contain his grin any longer. "Sometimes they try to kiss me."
Phil laughed loudly, before seeming to remember where they were and forcing himself to be quiet. Dan rolled his eyes. They were princes. In Dan's own library! They could bang on drums in here if they so desired, they could do anything!
"I'm going to get another book," Dan said while standing up. Mainly it was an excuse to get away from Phil for a moment or two, the presence of whom made Dan feel like he might confess his love at any minute, and he didn't want that. If he was going to tell him (and God, the thought gave him anxiety), it would have to be strategically planned out. It would have to be thought about backwards and forwards and sideways. He'd have to know exactly what to say and when to say it; have to have thought of every single thing Phil could respond with. And so he turned and wandered down one of the many aisles, not wanting any accidental confessions to occur.
Dan pulled a random book down, the cover a dark red with elegant gold designs. He flipped it open to the first page, whispering the words to himself as he decided whether or not he wanted to read it. As he turned the page, he heard a quiet creak on the other side of the bookshelf. Dan paused, tilting his head slightly and listening harder.
"Phil?" he said quietly. When there was no response, Dan took a step closer to the bookshelf and pushed a few books aside. Unable to see anyone in the other aisle, he shrugged and turned back around. This book seemed good enough anyway.
And then it happened again, a little more pronounced this time. At first, Dan couldn't see anything that was wrong, though he frowned at the definite creaking. And then the bookshelf was tilting forward. Dan felt his eyes widen and his breath catch in his throat as a book slid from the middle of the shelf and thunked to the floor, quickly followed by another, and then a cascade of books came plummeting towards him. He took off running, cursing the fact that he was in the very center of the aisle, the furthest part away from either end. Books continued to rain down, hitting him painfully in the head and back and shoulders, and falling on the floor in front of him, making him trip and stumble. But the books were nothing compared to the shelf, which was falling, falling, falling...
Dan could see that he wasn't going to make it. The shelf seemed to be falling in slow motion, but he was still so far from the end of the aisle. Dan tripped once more, except this time he actually fell to the floor. Instead of getting up and trying run again, he simply threw his arms over his head and endured the rain of books, holding his breath and bracing his body for the impact to come.
Except it never came. Instead there was a loud crash as the shelf ended its descent by slamming into the shelf in front of it, mere inches above Dan. Sickeningly, the shelf it'd crashed into started to tip, and Dan could hear books falling down in the next aisle. He realized that the shelves were falling like dominos, that they would continue to fall until it reached the end.
Next, he registered the shouting. Three distinct voices calling his name and sounding supremely panicked.
"I'm here!" he called. He started to shimmy along the floor, shoving fallen books out of his way as he shuffled towards the end of the aisle. He could hear each shelf slamming into the next one and the thundering pitter patter of thousand of books falling to ground. Dan felt bad for the servants who would have to reorganize this mess.
"Your Highness!" Alfonzo cried, ducking down at the end of the aisle, his face a complete mask of worry. "What happened? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Dan grunted, the effort of having to slither like this—unable to get onto his hands and knees due to the lack of room—was taking its toll. "The bookshelf fell."
"They keep falling," Dan heard Bentley mutter, still sounding pretty panicked. "Oh fuck!"
"Bentley!" Alfonzo hissed. "Not in front of the prince!"
Dan winced as another loud smash filled the usually quiet library. "Is Phil okay?" Dan called, shoving more books out of his way in annoyance.
"I'm fine," Phil piped in, squatting next to Alfonzo. "How did it fall?"
"I don't know," Dan admitted a bit breathlessly. "I thought I heard something in the other aisle, but—"
"Search the library," Phil instructed, and for a second Dan thought he was talking to him. But then Alfonzo stood and he and Bentley walked off in different directions, and Dan realized he'd been commanding the guards.
"Do you really think that was another attempt?" Dan questioned, finally emerging from the aisle. Phil pulled him to his feet immediately, and Dan could only blink in surprise when Phil reached out and brushed the hair out of his face.
"It has to be," Phil answered easily. Except he wasn't making eye contact. Instead he was scanning over Dan's body, before pushing his hand into Dan's hair. For a bizarre, exhilarating moment, he thought Phil was going to kiss him. "It's naive to think that any time you almost die isn't on purpose at this point, anyway."
"It could've been a loose screw," Dan said pointlessly. Truthfully, he just didn't like the thought of someone trying to kill him. He didn't see what he could have possibly done wrong, what he could've done to garner attempts at being murdered.
Phil didn't bother dignifying him with a response, instead he pressed down on Dan's skull with his fingers, before moving them slightly and pressing down again. When Dan winced, Phil frowned. "You probably have bruising all over your head," he murmured. Dan nodded as if he cared at all. Really, all he could manage to think about was the fact that Phil's hand was in his hair. Every time he moved it to press on another part of Dan's head, his fingers brushed through the strands and brought with them little tingles of pleasure that shot all the way down Dan's spine.
"There's no one in the library," Bentley informed, appearing from the end of an aisle opposite them and Phil finally pulled his hands out of Dan's hair. Belatedly, Dan realized that the library was quiet once more, and that the falling shelves must've reached an end. Thankfully, the aisles didn't go on forever and were interrupted with little areas for sitting, which must've been where the shelves had finally stopped.
"Or they escaped while we were all distracted," Phil muttered.
"That's what I was thinking," Alfonzo added, appearing from yet another aisle. Dan sighed.
"I'm getting sick of people trying to kill me," he complained. A glance out the windows revealed that the sun was high in the sky and it was due time for him to meet the lady of the day. Cecily was probably having an aneurysm right about now, walking into his rooms only to find that he was nowhere to be found.
When Dan did show up on time to court the lady, the usual women who attended to him breathed a collective sigh of relief and set about straightening his cape and tugging at the bottom of his shirt, making sure his entire outfit was spick and span and ready to go.
Cody, the servants' apprentice and son of Charlotte, stood to the side and watched the proceedings as usual. Dan wondered if the boy felt jealous of him. He imagined a lot of people wished they were the prince. After all, an endless amount of women were thrown at him; he had a large comfortable house and enough money to afford practically whatever he wanted. Who wouldn't want to be the prince?
Besides himself, of course.
Again, he imagined a world where he wasn't Prince Daniel—just Dan, a respectable young man with eyes for the Prince of Leona. Except maybe Phil wouldn't be prince either. Maybe they'd both just be commoners in Hirona, and they could live together and have no more responsibility than their jobs and their own happiness.
Caught up in his daydream about Phil, Dan barely registered that he was being poked and prodded towards the next room, where the lady undoubtedly waited. The previous afternoon, before his father had insulted his best friend by suggesting that he might be attempting to assassinate Dan, he'd said something about inviting a lady from the ball that Dan had gotten along with. What had he called her? Caroline? Kristen? Either way, Dan doubted that he'd actually gotten along with her.
Deciding to just get this over with, he took a deep breath, convinced himself not to insult the girl the first second he saw her, and stepped into the room.
Dan's eyes widened as he made eye contact with the lady, who was smiling widely. Memories flooded him.
"I did promise your father I'd help you find the perfect woman, after all."
"I don't need your help," Dan insisted. "I'm doing just fine on my own." And with that he stalked away, introduced himself to a random woman, and held her closer than he'd held any other all night. She was ridiculously curvy, and she had no shame about pressing herself up against him, letting him feel every dip and curve of her.
"Christina," Dan blurted now, suddenly remembering the name his father had told him.
"Prince Daniel," she said with a respectable nod. She stood up then and walked towards him. She was much more forward than any other girl he'd ever courted, all of whom had stayed seated and shy and waited for him to make the move; had waited and waited and not protested when Dan had refused to get very near them at all.
Christina, meanwhile, assaulted him with a hug, and Dan was reminded very forcefully of just how curvy she was. "It's so nice to see you again," she sighed into his ear. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since the ball."
"Oh," Dan said, rather abruptly. "Uh, me too. But—about you."
Christina giggled, apparently amused at his stuttered response, and she hooked her arm through his. "So, do I get the grand tour?"
—
The grand tour, apparently, stopped behind one of the large hedges on the east side of the castle. Christina pushed him against it, pressed her lips to her neck, and dragged her nails down his stomach. Dan froze, his heart thundering something sick and uneasy in his chest. More than anything, he was aware of how not-Phil she was. And then he was aware of how not-a-boy she was.
His voice seemed to be stuck somewhere in his throat, however, and he wasn't really able to say anything at all.
And then Christina, who was perhaps a certified crazy person, dropped to her knees in front of him. Dan didn't know what to do. He could feel his entire face go red. Was she—was she trying to—?
"Relax," she said sweetly. "You just stand there, I'll make you feel good."
His voice apparently still on vacation, Dan only managed a nod, his eyes beyond wide. What the fuck was he doing? What was she doing?
Before he could say anything more, Christina was unbuttoning his trousers and pulling out his cock (she was touching him! There! He was the prince!)
"Nervous?" she commented. Apparently though, she wasn't expecting a response, because she leaned in and did something wonderful with her mouth, and Dan was lurching forward, his eyes clenched shut. Suddenly it didn't matter that she was a girl or that she wasn't Phil—the only thing that mattered was that she had a mouth and it was hot and it was good.
Dan opened his eyes again, and if he wasn't already not moving, he would've froze. Because standing across from him, eyes wide on the other side of the garden path, was Phil. And Dan couldn't say anything. Christina was sucking his cock and Phil was there!
He tried to communicate with Phil with his eyes. A series of what the fuck! and I'm gay and also I'm in love with you. Instead of saying anything back, Phil simply raised an eyebrow. And sure, Dan was the virgin here (or—was he? Still? Even now?) but he was pretty sure that normally when best friends walked in on friends getting head, they left and went about their merry way. But Phil was still standing there. And slowly, his eyes slid down, away from Dan's eyes. They examined his body, pressed against the hedge, his hands fisting a handful of branches (a few snapped beneath his fingers) and finally stopped at his crotch, currently hidden from view by Christina's head (and further hidden from view by her mouth).
She did something with her tongue then, flicked it in some certain way, and Dan gasped, bucking into her mouth involuntarily. Her hands reached up and pressed him back against the hedge, and she sank further down onto him, her mouth making obscene noises. And Dan was still making eye contact with Phil, except now his mouth was hanging open as well, and he was pretty sure his eyes were glazed over.
Christina moaned around him, and Dan felt his eyes roll into the back of his head. He suddenly didn't care that Phil was watching (and truthfully, he hadn't the entire time. Phil's presence somehow made this occasion better) and he moaned uselessly as she lapped around his head, and then he was coming in her mouth, and she was swallowing it all down. When Dan opened his eyes again, Phil was gone, and Christina stood up with a smile on her face.
"That was just a thank you for courting me today," Christina said with a giggle, and she hooked her arm through Dan's once more and didn't even ask him to repay her. It was then that Dan realized his cock was still outside of his trousers, now limp, and he scrambled to shove it back into place, Christina giggling all the while.
—
"Looks like you had a fun afternoon," Phil commented, when Dan walked into the kitchens. He hadn't expected Phil to be here, especially seeing as it was the middle of the night and they weren't even having a sleepover. In all honesty, Dan had been avoiding Phil ever since Christina left, a mixture of embarrassment and shame swirling about inside him.
There was also that small doubt inside of him, wondering if Phil possibly liked him, and if he thought Dan didn't like him because of Christina's... performance... on him. He'd told the guards to let no one into his rooms ("Er—not even Prince Philip, Your Highness?") and had spent the day sulking and wanking furiously, remembering again and again what it had felt like to have Phil watching him during that. And it was strange too, because previously he'd almost never touched himself.
"Oh," Dan said, realizing that he needed to say something. "Weren't you gonna do something with me after?" he finally asked. "To cheer me up?"
"I didn't think you needed to be cheered up any longer," Phil said with a smirk.
"I think I do."
Charlotte walked into the kitchen then, as if she had a radar for when troublesome princes were trying to filch her food. Dan flushed, remembering what she'd said during the ball. She knew he was in love with Phil. And he now knew he was in love with Phil. And the only one unaware of it in the room was Phil.
"Hey Charlotte!" Phil greeted easily, and Dan did his best to act normal. Deciding to do what was easiest, he acted like himself.
"We're starved," Dan said imperiously, before perching on the counter and picking fastidiously at his nail.
"And I suppose you're expecting me to make you something?"
"Of course."
"Please," Phil added.
"Of course please," Dan muttered, obviously imitating Phil. He was pretty sure that Charlotte could see right through his act, and Phil probably thought he was just being weird and moody again. He didn't care. Falling into this version of himself, the one that existed without Phil, was easy. It was like a defense mechanism, a shield he had with him at all times.
"Only because you asked so nicely," Charlotte responded, and went about putting together something for them to eat. "Are you two having another sleepover?" Dan glared at his knees. She was obviously just trying to get more gossip. She probably thought he was some gross pervert who molested his best friend in his sleep or something.
"Actually, we both just ran into each other here," Phil answered. Dan looked up and saw Charlotte frown, no doubt confused by this answer. Dan was sure that if he'd been the one to say it, she would've disregarded it immediately as a lie.
"Can you put it in a picnic basket?" Phil asked a few minutes later, as Charlotte was loading whatever she'd prepared onto plates.
"Going for a picnic at this hour?" she questioned, already moving the contents of their midnight snack (meal, more like it) and packing it into little containers before loading it into a basket.
"It's never too late to enjoy the outdoors," Phil proclaimed, and then he was bounding forward and taking the basket, kissing Charlotte on the cheek as thanks, and spinning back around. "Onwards, Prince Daniel."
Dan shoved him, hard, as he jumped off the counter, before leading the way out of the kitchen without a goodbye to the cook.
"So where are we going?" Dan asked once in the corridor, letting Phil take the lead instead. Phil just smiled.
"You'll see."
They emerged from the front of the castle quietly, nodding at the line of guards outside, before making their way across the grounds. On the east side of the castle was the gardens, lines of flowers and gravel paths surrounded by hedges: otherwise known as the place that would never be the same for Dan again. On the north side of the castle was just a vast amount of land, before which lay the city, all lit up with late night people's torches. On the west of the castle were the stables and large plots of land for riding. And to the south...
Phil led Dan calmly around the castle (and it really was quite a walk, considering the building's size), until they were behind it, walking steadily downhill towards the large, glimmering lake. There were slight ripples dancing along the surface from the night's warm breeze, and it glittered with reflections of the stars and moon. A few large trees were situated around the edges, and Phil led him right to the largest one, where he promptly sat and flipped open the basket cover.
Neither of them had brought a blanket, and Dan wrinkled his nose at the thought of sitting on the ground in his pajamas. Without a better option, however, he sat and retrieved a sandwich. The inside was full of chocolate, banana slices, and melted marshmallows. It was love at first bite.
"So," Phil finally said, breaking the pleasant silence they'd shared while munching on their diabetes-sandwiches. "Do you think she's the one?"
Dan blinked in surprise, for some reason not having expected the conversation to turn back to Christina. "Er—no. Not really."
"What?" Phil demanded. "But what about what you guys did? That was your first time, wasn't it?"
Dan flushed heavily. He didn't like the fact that that had been his first time. Embarrassingly enough, he'd kind of wanted Phil to be the first one to touch him. He knew that was unlikely, however. Seeing as how he didn't even know if Phil was into guys, and if he was, there was no saying that he'd be interested in Dan whatsoever.
"This might sound a little weird," Dan said quietly. "But, I didn't really want her to... do that."
"What?" Phil repeated.
"I know!" Dan said breathlessly, looking at his knees as he forced himself to laugh. "I know. It's weird."
"No," Phil said, his voice suddenly much softer. "No, of course it's not. Just—why didn't you say no?"
"I didn't know how," Dan said quietly. "And—it wasn't so bad. After she... you know."
Phil was silent for a moment. And then he was standing up and stepping over the basket before plopping himself beside Dan. He wrapped both arms firmly around his body, and Dan let his head rest against Phil's shoulders. Neither of them said anything about the fact that Phil had been there the whole time, that they'd made eye contact throughout the occasion. Dan definitely didn't say anything about how he'd liked it, about how that was definitely the best part.
He didn't know how much time passed, how much time spent hugging Phil and feeling Phil's fingers brushing lightly over his skin and playing with his hair comfortably, before Phil nudged him.
"Okay," he said. "Now it's time to do what we came here for."
"Didn't we come here to have a picnic?" Dan asked. Phil just laughed.
"Of course not! That was just a coincidence!" He stood up and Dan scrambled to his feet after him, not wanting to be left behind. "We're here to skinny dip."
"What?" Dan cried, taking an instinctive step back. "Are you mad!?"
"It'll be fun!"
"It'll be... naked!"
"Does that really matter anymore?" Phil asked. And Dan wasn't quite sure, but he thought Phil might've been referring to earlier this afternoon, when he'd seen something even more personal than Dan simply being naked.
"Fine," Dan finally muttered, and he started unbuttoning his pajama shirt before he could change his mind. "Fine! But when we're eaten alive by leeches, don't come crying to me."
"There aren't any leeches in here," Phil promised. "Just friendly fish."
"And how would you know?" Dan sneered, before flinging his shirt to the ground. He started on his pants next, unlacing the little ties at the top. "You're not the one who lives here."
"I asked the servants," Phil answered. Dan made the mistake of looking up then, and he had to swallow thickly as his eyes raked over Phil's bare chest, his bare thighs. He had his thumbs hooked into the waistband of his underwear, and Dan yanked off the rest of his clothes and raced towards the water before he could see. Phil laughed and followed after him, the sound of his footsteps splashing in the water only moments after his.
The water was pleasantly cool, and Dan waded in until it was at his belly button before he turned to Phil.
"We're naked," he said, unable to get over that fact. God, he just wanted to take a step closer, to press his body against Phil's and feel the warmth of his skin in the spring night. Water dripped down his chest, having splashed up there from when they'd entered the lake.
Phil just laughed, and he splashed water towards Dan. And then Dan was splashing him back, and wading further out into the water. And then he was swimming to get away from Phil, fully aware that his ass was in the air and uncaring.
At one point, Phil grabbed his ankle and pulled him back, and Dan shrieked. They played in the lake for a long while, racing each other and scaring each other. It was the perfect way to cheer him up, though Dan didn't know how Phil had known that before he'd even left to court the lady. It was crazy how well Phil knew him, and once again, Dan found it impossible to get it out of his head, to stop thinking about how much he loved him.
"You have water in your eyelashes," Phil pointed out. Dan could see them, little water droplets dangling in front of his eyes, shiny and slowly growing heavier before they dropped. They were still deep in the water, both of them on their toes. Phil's hand had somehow found its way to Dan's arm, possibly for balance, and Dan found that he couldn't look away from Phil.
It was startling, how beautiful he was. As if Dan didn't see him every day, didn't realize every single day—and yet he couldn't stop thinking about it. He was practically frozen in place, just blown away by Phil, by the water droplet sliding down the side of his neck and the warmth of his hand on Dan's arm under the water. Phil's smile was so soft and serene, and Dan felt like he couldn't even stand anymore. It wasn't until Phil picked up a leaf floating on the surface and placed it atop Dan's head, that he found himself saying it without any planning at all.
"I'm in love with you."