Kurt's Point of View
Being part of the Glee Club is no way shape or form ‘cool’ and being gay, in this prejudiced society, doesn’t help that situation. Slushie facials are the norm now, you don’t know when or where but you know you’re going to get one sooner or later.
I’ve tried to be straight, tried to make myself believe that this is some stupid hormone driven phase that I will grow out of. But that just isn’t me. Doing glee club has made me realise this, I don’t have to live a lie, and although my life may be a little tougher than other people’s, I can get through it. What I am, there is nothing wrong with it and I should be happy that I know who I am and I’m proud of that but unfortunately it’s hard not to care when a large football player is shoving you into lockers and calling you silly little names constantly. I say silly little names but they still hurt. The words ‘lady’ and ‘faggot’ get thrown around like they mean nothing and underneath the sassy comebacks and sarcasm that I throw back it still affects me.
What kind of jerk would do that, you may ask. This particular jerk goes by the name of Dave Karofsky. He is tall, big boned with one of those close cut haircuts. He has been bullying me for a few weeks now and he’s by far the worst. I’ve tried to stop him but the last time I talked back to him he threatened to beat me with ‘the fury’ (the oh so imaginative name he came up for his fists) and I’m not about to be beaten up and have my perfectly cleansed face damaged. (Yes you may think that it’s shallow of me but it’s for my future career. I have to have my face as perfect as possible if I want to get into the acting business. Also if you didn’t know getting punched in the face hurts, a lot.)
He made me feel so insecure about myself I couldn’t really handle it. I didn’t have anyone to talk to since no one was really sympathetic towards my particular case, this was Ohio, no one cared about a gay teenaged boy. My dad was accepting of who I was and I was happy to at least have one person in my life that loved me even if I did like guys. But my dad had recently been in the hospital with a heart condition and I didn’t want to stress him out too much or he’d be straight back in room 52 with a number of wires going in and out of his body and I can’t handle that kind of worry with everything else going on in my life right now so I kind of just shut off, pushed people away, didn’t really care about myself.
I went through my days accepting that I would be taunted at some point of the day over something I really shouldn’t be made fun of. Every night I would cry myself to sleep hoping that it would stop; I know this was unrealistic of me but the torture of living this everyday was too much I had to hold onto something worthwhile. I don’t think I’d ever been this unhappy, not even when my mum died because I knew she didn’t leave my dad and I on purpose. These bullies were just doing it to make my life a living hell and it was breaking me. Slowly and surely I was breaking down into something I didn’t want to be. A nobody. Someone who was just the shell of a person because they have nothing left inside of them to fight back anymore.
Blaine changed all of that.
That week in glee club we were doing boys against girls mash-ups and Schuester had decided to finally make the task a little bit more challenging by making us boys sing songs originally sung by girls.
This was perfect for me as I have one of the most beautiful voices that you would ever have the pleasure to listen to. Unfortunately my voice is falsetto to say the least and some people don’t see the beauty of it but it made me perfect for singing female songs. So obviously I took control.
I had it all set out in my head. We were going to sing a Dianna Ross number, me being the lead of course. But when I pitched this idea to the other guys they didn’t appreciate my artistic idea, especially my idea of wearing boas.
So Puck suggested I go spy on the other teams we were against for sectionals, I thought it over in my head. A chance to get away from Karofsky for a day and I obviously wasn’t wanted or needed at McKinley, so why not?
That was what I did the next day. I knew that Dalton was an all-boys private school so I decided to do a little research. They had a uniform it was a collection of items ranging from cardigans to blazers but they all had the colour scheme of red, navy and white. I wasn’t about to purchase a uniform for a school I was only hoping to attend for a day, I needed the money for more important things (being a fashion forward designer label lover like myself really tests your handling of money) so I opened my wardrobe and tried to find a substitute for their formal uniform. Clad in a red tie and black Jacket, I headed off to Dalton Academy.
I looked out of place amongst the flurry of blazers and sweater vests. (Maybe going for cropped trousers and knee length boots wasn’t the best idea.) I looked around the giant room realising now I had no game plan and had no idea where I was going or what to do. (Great Planning I know) There were plenty of students around in fact everyone seemed to be excited and eager to get somewhere so naturally I was curious as to what was going on. (Plus it gave me something to do.) I whipped off my sunglasses and caught the attention of the student in front of me.
“Excuse me, um hi…” There he was; perfection in human form. His dark straight hair was styled to an immaculate condition. His eyes seemed to be a light shade of brown, hazel, and they seemed to sparkle from the skylight above us. He looked very dapper in his black and red Dalton blazer and tie combo. “Can I ask you a question? I’m new here”. Realising I had to finish my sentence.
He looked up at me and smiled
“My name’s Blaine.” He said as he looked up and smiled at me.
He had the cutest smile that just lit up his entire face.
“Kurt” I replied. He offered his hand and we shook like two gentleman should when they first meet. I then realised he was waiting for me to ask him this question. “So, what exactly is going on?”
He kind of laughed “The Warblers! Every now and then they throw an impromptu performance in the senior commons, tends to shut the school down for a while.” (Maybe this spying wouldn’t be as hard as I thought it would be)
This surprised me. The glee club was at the bottom of the food chain at McKinley even below the nerds. Naturally I was curious.
“So wait the glee club here is kind of cool?”
“The Warblers are like rock stars!” he said and I could tell he wasn’t over exaggerating. “Come on, I know a short cut”
And then he grabbed my hand.
He was touching me with his soft hands. I felt like I should say something but every time I opened my mouth nothing would come out. I didn’t know what to do, do I pull away or do I let this amazingly handsome boy I had only just met drag me through the school hand in hand?
But before I had any more time to think we were running down an empty hallway hand in hand. I figured out that looking at him probably wasn’t the best idea as I may get lost in his eyes and then things could get awkward. I didn’t even know the guy yet. Instead I looked around at the room we were in; it was decorated like some kind of lodge. It was tasteful; dark oak wooden features filled the room with delicate patterns on the walls to compliment the tone.
I sneaked a look at my companion Blaine, he was still smiling. Not beaming as he was on the staircase but his lips were still upturned in a cute way. I then looked at our hands still locked together. Why couldn’t I do this at my own school with someone as cute and nice as Blaine? It then occurred to me that a straight guy wouldn’t usually do something like this even if he didn’t know that I was gay yet (somehow) he wouldn’t do it, right?
We entered a large room with wooden panelling everyone was busy moving furniture or talking about the Warblers “what song are they singing” or “do you think they will win at sectionals.” I was quite happy that there were a lot of people in the room that meant I could blend into the crowd only to realise that I wouldn’t blend because I was wearing completely different clothes to them.
I noticed how out of place I actually was. “Oh I stick out like a sore thumb” I stated.
“Well next time don’t forget your jacket new kid, you’ll fit right in!” As he said this he tugged at my collar playfully and beamed at me again. Please dear god let him be gay. I don’t think I could handle him being straight.
After our little moment he threw his bag to the side of the room.
“Now if you’ll excuse me.”
He walked towards to group of people that I assumed were the Warblers. They started an acapella version of Katy Perry’s ‘teenage dream’.
He sung lead and he sung perfectly. Of course he can sing as well. Because he wasn’t already perfect and dreamy enough as he was. He was looking at me whilst he sung, or at least I thought he was. At one point I thought he was looking at me in a way I had heard people talk about. His eyes sparkled and there was something more to his smile that wasn’t just happiness something he might not want to admit. Bedroom eyes.
I mean sure I could be making it up because of how good looking he was but I’m pretty sure not even my brain could make up someone as gorgeous as the man standing in front of me. Maybe he was looking at someone else behind me, but I couldn’t bring myself to look. I wanted to stay in this little fantasy of mine where he might actually like me like that.
My teenage dream, that’s exactly what he had become.