My cell phone flashes and rings sometime after 4am, waking me up from my restless sleep. I grumble and roll over, pulling the pillow over my ears. I wait until the ringing finally stops and I sigh peacefully, ready to fall back asleep. Almost as soon as it stops, the ringing starts again and I growl in frustration, sitting up and squinting at the screen.
Dimitri's name flashes across the screen.
My eyebrows knit together in confusion as I answer the call. I put the phone to my ear and immediately hear static, shouting and gun shots. His signal isn't very good.
"Hello?" My voice is thick with sleep, confusion and worry.
"Annabelle, it's me. " Dimitri sounds panicked and almost scared. I hear a loud crash from the other end and more yelling.
"Dimitri, what's going on, are you okay?" I frantically ask, worried.
"Annabelle, the ships sinking. We're under attack. I don't know how, but I'm going to make it out of this alive. I'm coming home to you, Annabelle."
I blink tears out of my eyes in confusion and fear. Fear because I didn't know if I could believe him this time. I didn't know if he'd really back. I didn't know if he'd be alive in the next hour. Confusion because he was supposed to be safe. He wasn't supposed to leave me this quickly.
"Annabelle, say something." He jolted me out of my thoughts.
"Dimitri, please don't die. Please don't leave me. I need you too." I choke out, holding back a sob.
"I'm glad you didn't come with me." He jokes, trying to make me life.
I barely smile. I hear another crash and more yelling from his side of the line and blink more tears from my eyes.
"Please come home." I whisper as the line goes dead.
I let out a muffled sob as I put my phone down. I curled up on my side, pulling the covers up to my chin and quietly cried myself to sleep.
A knock on the door stirred me awake. I rubbed my swollen eye lids and groaned at my pounding head ache.
Marcos opened the door slowly and walked towards my bed. He didn't have to say anything to me for me to know what he was about to say; his face gave everything away.
"He's dead, isn't he?" I ask numbly.
Marcos winced and gave me a pained look of sympathy. "I'm so, so sorry, Annabelle."
It was at that point that my mind checked out. It was as if I went into autopilot. I spent the next week numb and mute, going about my day like a robot. Everyday was the same. I would wake up and lie in bed all day, skip breakfast, skip lunch, eat a little for dinner and throw up whatever I couldn't hold down before going back to sleep.
I didn't cry once since hearing the news. I couldn't. I didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to deal with his loss. I was incapable of coping with the grief, so I turned it off. The men who I once found so intimidating and scary avoided me like the plague. It was like I was a bad omen or a ghost.
Of course, I knew they wouldn't let me stay now that Dimitri was gone, so I wasn't surprised when Alessandro called me into his office on the seventh day.
"Annabelle." He greeted me once I was seated in front of him.
I stare at him blankly.
Alessandro sighs. "Look, Annabelle, everyone here is grieving. I'm grieving. Teresa's grieving. Everyone. I lost my son, Teresa her brother and everyone else their friend. But you... you're not grieving. You've given up. You've lost weight. You're not grieving properly. That's why I've decided to send you home. I trust you not to break omertà."
"You're kicking me out." I deadpan.
Alessandro sighs and closes his eyes. "I'm sorry, Annabelle. I'll give you a few hours to pack your bags and say goodbye."
True to his word, I stood outside of my apartment with my suitcase full of stuff before the day was over. I drifted inside and unlocked my door, dumping my suitcase at the entrance. I didn't need it anyway. I went straight to my bed. I welcomed the familiar smell and let myself drift off to sleep.
•-•-•-•-•
I wake up to someone shaking my shoulder. I blink a few times before looking up at Alyssa.
"Hey." She whispered softly. "I got a text from a blocked number telling me you were home and that you needed help. How are you feeling?" She asks gently.
"I'm not." I answer honestly in a monotone voice.
"What do you mean?" Confusion clear in her voice.
"I'm not feeling anything." I whisper. "Everything is numb."
"Annabelle, I now you might not want to hear this right now but you really have to pull yourself together and at least try to-" I cut her off by lurching over the side of the bed, barely reaching the trash can in time as I puke.
"Annabelle!" She yells, worried.
I heave for a few seconds before wiping off my mouth on my sleeve and laying back on my bed.
"Annabelle, what the hell is wrong with you? Are you sick?" She questions.
I shake my head and close my eyes in pain. Alyssa was forcing me to feel when all I wanted to do was stay numb.
"I just need to sleep." I mutter, closing my eyes.
"No, Annabelle, something's wrong! You're sick! We need to get you to a hospital!" He panics, pacing at the side of my bed with her hands in her hair.
"I don't need to go to the hospital." I protest weakly, but a small part of me can't help but agree with her. There was definitely something wrong with me, but I didn't care.
"I'm calling an ambulance." Alyssa states, slipping her phone from the back pocket of her jeans.
Fifteen minutes later, sirens were sounding outside my apartment and there was a knock in the door.
"I'll get it, don't move." Alyssa rushes out of the room.
A few moments later, she rushes back in my two men with a long orange board. A woman follows closely behind them and begins checking my vitals and asking me questions while he two men work on pacing me onto the board. They rush me downstairs and outside, transferring me onto a gurney. The ride to the hospital is quick and short.
They rush me back outside and into the hospital as soon as the ambulance stops and Alyssa jogs behind us. Just as we reached a room, I lose consciousness and just let go.
•-•-•-•-•
I blink my eyes open and wince at the brightness of the hospital room. I sit up slowly, ignoring my pounding head ache. I look down at the IV in my wrist and cringe. I was never a fan of needles.
"How are you feeling?" I look up and notice Alyssa for the first time, sitting in a chair.
"Better, I think." I look around a bit. "Did they... am I sick?" I ask, confused.
Alyssa offers me a small smile. "You're okay, it's just..." she trails off, wringing her wrists.
"It's just what?" I push.
"Nothing, I think you should hear it from the doctors." She stands and presses the call button to alert the nurses in awake.
"Is it bad?" My stomach drops and I push my hair behind my ears.
"It depends on how you take it. Honestly, I don't know what you're going to think."
A nurse walks in a smiles at me, cutting our conversation short.
"Hello dear, I'm just going to check your vitals and the doctor will be in shortly to speak with you." She smiles warmly as she begins checking the machines and taking my vitals. I sat quietly until the doctor came in, dismissing the nurse.
"Good morning, Miss Waters. My name is Doctor Mike Russo." He began, looking down at his clipboard. "Your vitals appear to be much better than they were two days ago and-"
"Two days?" I ask, astonished.
The doctor smiles. "You were sleep deprived and severely malnourished, so it's natural that your body took time to recover. You're also at a risk of depression, which brings us to the next... dilemma. We ran tests and, well, we'll need to take a sonogram to be sure, but there's a high chance that you're pregnant. Have you engaged in any sexual activity in the past few months?"
Pregnant? There was no way... Dimitri and I were safe. Weren't we? I couldn't be pregnant.
"Miss Waters?" The doctor urges.
"Uh, yeah, I have... but it doesn't make sense." I mutter, trying to think back the the times I'd been with Dimitri.
"Like, I said, we aren't sure, but we'll need to run tests. On the off chance that you are pregnant, you're going to have to take better care of yourself. Have you experienced anything traumatic or any type of loss lately?" He questions.
I swallow the lump in my throat. "Yes."
"I'll put you on some mild antidepressants for the time being. They shouldn't harm the baby."
"If." I say. "If there's a baby. You said you weren't sure." I remind him.
After a pregnancy test and a sonogram, there was no denying that I was, indeed pregnant. I had a tiny baby growing inside me. Dimitri's baby. He knocked me up and then went and got himself killed. The doctor didn't want me living alone in case I relapsed into depression since it could affect both my health and the baby's. he claimed I'd gotten lucky the first time around because the baby was perfectly healthy. I wasn't sure what to think. Was it really luck? Alyssa had suggested I come live with her, but I knew her roommate wouldn't allow it. We settled with moving me into one of her close friend's apartment with him. He lived only a few blocks from Alyssa, so she could come check up on me. We'd packed a small suitcase for me and driven over to his house after he'd agreed to accommodate me.
"Hi, I'm Ryan. It's nice to meet you." He smiled, extending his hand. We were standing in the hallway in front of his door that he'd just answered.
I smiled back softly and took his hand. "Annabelle." I mumbled.
"Sorry, Ry, she's a bit of a mess right now." Alyssa said, pushing her way past us, walking into his apartment like she owned the place.
"Aren't you blunt?" I groan as Ryan lets me in. "Thanks so much for this." I thank him with a grateful smile.
"It's no problem, really. I owe Alyssa anyways."
After Alyssa leaves, Ryan shows me my room and tells me he'll be back in a Ew hours and to make myself at home. I sit quietly in the queen sized bed and stare blankly at the baby blue wall in front of me.
And for the first time in weeks, I cry.
I cry for Dimitri. I cry because it hurts. I cry because I miss him. I cry because he left me in this mess. I cry for the baby. I cry because I don't know if I'm ready to be a mother. I cry because I miss my old, boring life.
I let the tears flow freely, finally letting myself grieve the man I loved too much.
So this ones a bit of a filler,,,,,,,,,,,