[[Letting Go]]
Sophie's P.O.V
"No, don't. We both know you're not a one women kind of guy Zac. It's probably best if everything went back to the way it was before. Everyone's happy." Why couldn't he just stay away for this one day? I didn't need this on top of everything else going on at the moment.
Sure, I would like nothing more then to have him hold me in his arms while I cry for the loss of my friend but I hadn't gotten around to forgiving him yet. I just needed time to get over this past week and he couldn't give me that, could he?
He was making this much harder then it needed to be. I quickly brushed past him and made my way for the door. I flung them open and began to walk down the snow covered road now wishing I had left with Andy and Kerri.
I heard him groaning behind me before the sound of his footstep letting me know his was hot on my tail. My feet crunched in the snow and I cursed myself for wearing thin stupid dolly shoes which were now soaked through.
"What if everyone's not happy?" I heard him say behind me and I just kept on walking hoping he would just let it go.
But this is what you want right? Him chasing after you. He's showing you that he's not giving up and you like it.
Shut up. I yelled at the stupid voice in the back of my head mocking me.
"They have no reason to not be." I said increasing my pace. He kept coming after me, his pace increasing as mine did.
"I'm not happy." He shouted again and I mentally eye rolled, he seemed perfectly fine before all this mess happened. What changed?
"You'll get over it." I said back in the same emotionless tone that I knew must be getting on his nerves by now.
"Things can't go back to the way things were before." Stop following me! I yelled in my head.
"No." I agreed. "But the main point can."
"And what's that?"
"You remain as my brother's best friend only. I'll stick with my friends, you stick with yours." I said simply, although I knew he was right. It wouldn't be the same. I still wasn't exactly talking to Kat or Tina. I had only really forgiven Matt cause he was so persitance and I could see the hurt in his eyes and besides, I really needed my big brother back if I couldn't have the rest.
"No, it won't work." He said stubbornly and I sighed.
"Why not Zac?" I asked pretending I was interested. I heard his footsteps slow down until I couldn't hear the crunch in the snow anymore and realised he stopped.
"I love you." I froze.
Well.....not exactly what I expected to happen. He couldn't really love me, right? No, no. This was happening too fast.
"Sophie." I heard his voice whisper in the air and realised he had taken a few steps forwards so I was now in his reach. "I love you." He sounded a helluva lot more confident. I felt the tears filling up my eyes and silently cursed. I think I've cried more then enough this week. "Say something." He said after minutes of silence. I slowly turned around to face him.
He looked so vulnerable right now, a state I had never seen him in. He looked relieved but slightly on edge and nervous aswel. He was anxiously waiting for my answer as I tried to will my voice to work.
"Wh-what do you want me to say?" I finally asked. "Zac, I...I'm not ready for this. Not yet..." I sighed when I saw his face fall and I wanted to kick myself then and there. Why couldn't I just forgive him? Why couldn't I say it back? Because god dammit, I felt everything he said. "I'm sorry. But after everything, I just need to get my head straight."
My god, it's like my brain, heart and voice were all their own people!
Exactly, you need to get your head straight.
Shut up voice!
"I'll wait, whatever it takes to have you back I'm willing to do it. I'll wait forever if I have to." I gave him an incredulous look. "I swear. You're my girl and I'll be damned if I lose you again." Do you have any idea how much I was smiling on the inside right now.
"Zac-"
"I'll prove. Whatever it takes." He said and I noticed an unusal spark in his eyes.
"Zac.." I said more wary this time.
"I'll give you time and then I'll show you." He grinned before walking around me. I stared after him totaly confused.
"What just happened?" I asked myself.
*********************************
Days passed by and everything seemed to be lifting up. I stopped crying as much and now only smiled when I remembered Wilson through all the good memories he had given me. I hadn't seen Zac since the funeral, although I had been receiving flowers, teddy-bears and chocolates from him everyday, and my relationship with Matt was slowly getting better.
"Ready for this?" Kerri asked while I stood looking up at the building which I hadn't been to since the Winter dance.
"No but what else can I do?" I sighed as I helped her with her crutches. "What about you? First day and all?"
"Well, I wish I wasn't on these stupid things but...what else can I do?" She mocked me and I playfully glared at her.
"Come on missy." I said throwing both of our bags over my shoulder. "Damn, where's Andy when you need him." I said shifting the weight on my shoulder.
"Doing his hair." Kerri replied making us both laugh.
We met Andy who held both their schedule's in his hand while looking at them with a frown on his face.
"What's up?" Kerri asked and his head snapped up.
"I dont have a clue where to go." He stated and I laughed.
"Duh, you've never actually been here before." I said rolling my eyes playfully. I couldn't help but miss Wilson's present. He should be here, with us, laughing at Andy. Stuck it up Sophie. I shook my head and grabbed one of the schedule's out of his hand which just so happened to be his.
"You're in my first class. I can show you your second class on the way to mine, third period you have gym which you can ask for directions and then you have lunch with us." I said and swapped schedule's with him. "Kerri's in all three of my classes. Look's like I'm going to be your donkey for the day carrying your bags." I sighed and she smiled smugly at me.
"Come on donkey." She said starting to walk off.
"Umm, Kerri?" She turned around. "Class is this way." I said pointing in the opposite direction. She nodded and lifted up her right crutch.
"To class." She said and started walking again.
"She's strange." Andy whispered to me.
"I heard that." She yelled over her shoulder.
"Then you're perfect for each other." I laughed and he just grinned like the love sick puppy he was.
"Yeah." He agreed staring after Kerri.
"Come on lover, before she beats someone to death with those things." I said grabbing his arm and dragging him to catch up with Kerri.
"I said sorry!" Kerri exclaimed whilst Andy and I rolled over with laughter.
"Th-that poor..boys faces." I said between laughing.
"It's not my fault that I wacked him." I said crossing her arms defensively.
"I'm sure it wasn't babe." Andy said trying to muffle his laughter.
"Wow," I said catching my breath. "I can't remember the last time I laughed this much." I said clutching my stomach.
"Glad to be of service." Kerri said smiling like a 3 year old.
"Good morning class. I trust you all had a wonderful christmas." Mrs. Bitterson walked in and the talking died down as she began our class.
=======================
"So, how's your first day going so far?" I asked Andy and Kerri at lunch.
"Good."
"Better." They answered and I nodded.
"What about you?" Kerri asked hesitantly. I frowned at her question, unsure how to answer it. "I mean, it's your first day at school since the whole break up thing in the hall."
"Oh," I said now seeing her angle. "Well....it's different but...it's not different." She raised her eyebrows and I sighed. "I mean, it's different not being with Kat and Tina but other then that it's the same and it's like we're back in Spain."
"Ahh,"
"You girls need to just explain what your saying first." Andy said shoving food into his mouth.
"Whatever." I waved him off. All of a sudden the whole place became quiet.
"Why is it so quiet?" I looked up and Kerri raised her eyebrows to something behind me. I looked over my shoulder and was taken back when I saw Olivia standing with her tray behind me with blood shot eyes.
"Ca-can I...Can I sit with you?" She said looking nervous and pleadingly. I frowned but nodded anyway, she quickly set her food down and took the seat besides me. The three of us stared at her confused as she pushed her food around her plate.
"You ok?" She jumped when I asked and nodded her head. "Ookkkk." I said knowing she was lying but I wasn't going to push her.
"You know I'm sorry for what I did to you right?" She said suddenly.
"You should be." I heard Andy mumbled and sent him a quick shut-the-hell-up look.
"Yes." I said honestly.
"Good." She sighed but looked distantly. "Could you tell that to your friends please?" I frowned and looked at Kerri who shrugged and Andy who held his hands up in surrender. "No, not them. Kat, Tina and Zac. Matt's layed off a bit." I raised my eyebrows.
"What did they do?" I asked looking at her bloodshot eyes.
"Nothing bad if thats what your thinking." She said seeing my worried look. Yeah, I know, I'm being too nice. "Their just giving me a taste of my own medicine. After I told them everything about twisting your conversation-"
"You told them?" I interrupted.
"The day of the car crash..which by the way I'm really sorry about." She said talking to all of us now. We nodded and she carried on. "They know everything that happened wasn't your fault. I forced them to let me stay so I could say sorry when you came back from the hospital but...." She trailed and I nodded knowing the situation. "Anyway, I wanted to go to the funeral, I couldn't help but think I've put you though enough so I hoped you'd see that I'm holding the white flag. I want to be friends, if we can be friends. I know I've done a lot of bad things..."
"It's fine. I think we could all do with a fresh start." I said and she looked up at me shocked. "What? Didn't think I'd forgive you so easily?" I asked smiling.
"Not really." She admitted. "But thank you. I just hope that once they see you've forgiven me, they can. You know that they really care about you right? For the time I spent with them they were depressed because of the fight you guys had." I forced a smile and shrugged.
"Lets just..not talk about it ok?" I asked and she nodded. It was then that I realised people were still looking at us. I lifted my head and glanced around as everybody began to pretend they were busy. "So, you guys wanna hang out at mine after school?" I asked looking at the three of them. They all nodded and Olivia gave me a thankful smile.
I want you to live life to it's fullest. You'll be living for the both of us now. Life's too short, take risk and chances and don't spend you life wondering what if. I want you to be happy.
Wilson's voice rang through my head. I knew I needed to forgive Olivia if I wanted to forget the bad memories and remember the good ones. I needed to let go of my past so I can live for the present. I also knew what I needed to do when I get back home. It's going to be hard and it's going to take sometime but I'm doing it for Wilson.
I'm not breaking my promise to Wilson. I'm taking the first step.
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