"YOU'RE COMING WITH me to the pack house, at least for now."
Lumen said firmly, taking my hand and pulling me towards the door.
"But — what about Kaden?" Questions echoed in my mind. Where is he? How is he? Would he still want me? But beneath it all, I couldn't deny the voice that still whispered... Did he ever want me to begin with?
"He just needs time." She smiled weakly, placing her hand on my shoulder in what was supposed to be a comforting gesture.
THE RIDE TO the pack house was filled with an unbearable silence, the kind that hung heavy in the air, threatening to suffocate those beneath it.
"We're here." Lumen finally beamed after a hesitant breath, flinging open the car door and scrambling out, to which I followed. The pack house was seemingly empty as we made our way to the kitchen for something to eat, not a pack member in sight.
"Where is everybody?" I asked, a feeling of unease beginning to settle in the pit of my stomach.
"Most of the pack members are training at the moment," She glanced down at her watch. " — But they could be back anytime now." A moment later she sat down beside me at the kitchen island with two bowls of cereal, one she kept for herself and the other she pushed in front of me.
"Eat." She urged, nodding her head down at the bowl. "You need to keep your strength up."
I stared down at it, poking around with my spoon, my body was slowly getting accustomed to eating normal-sized portions, but even with all of Lumen and Kaden's enthusiasm, I still didn't feel like eating most of the time even if I was hungry. Years and years of food withholding and starvation conditioning had messed with my mind, so that now, even if the will to eat was there, even the thought of food made me feel nautilus.
"I'm not hungry."
"Yes — yes you are, now eat." Then she shot me a look, "Don't make me spoon-feed you, Arden, because I will if I have to."
Silence filled the room again as I began to eat, not even processing the taste of the food I was consuming, but I had so many questions about Lumen, I wanted to know everything about her and Kaden, as they knew everything about me...
"So, do you have any siblings other than Kaden?" I asked. And the question seemed innocent enough, it was certainly meant with no ill intent, but Lumen stopped eating, visibly tense. She slowly placed her spoon on the table, eyes not quite meeting mine.
Her voice held no emotion, a blank canvas empty of paint. "We have an older brother... Elijah."
She clearly was uncomfortable talking about their brother, so I decided it would be best not to push the subject. I was just about to change the topic when a feline voice cut in.
"— Elijah? As in your brother Elijah?" Then she laughed; a high, fake sound. "Trust me, you're lucky you never met him."
Lumen and I turned to face Taylor with a glare, who was leant casually against the kitchen doorframe. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Lumen's fists clench beneath the island.
"What do you mean?" I asked, glancing worriedly between her and the Alpha's sister.
"Total nut-job." She tutted, shaking her head in disgust, pursed lips withholding secrets just below the surface. Secrets waiting to tumble out at the slightest question, so much so that they were hardly even secrets at all.
But I wasn't sure I wanted to know those secrets, they weren't hers to tell, they were Lumen's.
I would wait for Lumen to tell me herself about Elijah, I would not force the knowledge prematurely. Not that Taylor seemed to care much about Lumen's privacy.
"— But he's gone now." She continued in a voice that made me cringe. "Found his mate a few years ago and left for good, nobody's seen him since, not that I'm complaining, he was a complete ass even at the best of times —,"
"— Taylor..." Lumen growled out a warning, her back was still facing the vile girl, but I could see her darkened eyes, her elongated claws, her wolf just below the surface; begging to be released.
"What? — It's true, you of all people know the messed up shit he used to pull!" Taylor drawled, tossing her wavy brunette hair over her shoulder nonchalantly.
"Fucking stop!" Lumen roared, slamming her fist against the marble island and I could've sworn I heard it crack.
Taylor's eyes momentarily flashed with fear, sensing Lumens threatening rage, but it was soon masked by her usual cocky facade. She knew that for all that Lumen was to Kaden, it didn't necessarily give her any real authority over her.
" — Anyways, I have places to be, people to see and all that jazz," She smirked, shooting me a flash of blinding white teeth and a wink, "I'll see you around Arden."
"Hopefully not," I muttered lowly, and Lumen chuckled, but there was a darker hint to her once melodic voice. For a moment her face fell, and her eyes turned to gold before snapping back to normal. "Kaden just linked me, he wants you to meet him in his office."
ANXIETY WAS A terrible thing.
It flowed fiery through my veins, invading my heart, making it black and thick. Filling my lungs mottled with rue, making my airways constrict and my breaths come in short, sharp bursts.
Impossible 'what if' questions flooded my mind. They would not leave me, they never would, no matter how hard I tried to shut them out.
What if he doesn't want me? The reality echoed through my being, wrapping its ruthlessly sharp claws around me, tearing at my delicate rose petal skin, scratches baring deep scars like the ones the monster made. Because that's what monsters do.
They cannot handle peace. If they see something beautiful, they destroy it like a rose, pure in all of its natural beauty. They stamp on it until it is drained of all that is good and pure.
Until all the colour has drained from the petals and the leaves have long since disintegrated into dust. Exposing the fragile core to the truth that may come.
Rejection. What if Kaden rejected me? He had every right to, and as an Alpha, he should be mated to only the finest of Lunas'. The thought caused a stab of pain in my chest. Ordinarily, Alpha's would only mate females of worthy blood, and whilst I had been born worthy, my past had tainted me impure.
The realisation hit me like a ton of bricks, forcing the air from my lungs and for a long while it rendered me without words. I was stuck, impossibly frozen in time.
I loved him.