I woke up the next day, wondering where I was. I guess I had forgotten for a moment what had happened. Once I remembered, my heart sank. Oh yeah...
-flashback-
"I don't think we're ready for a commitment like this. As a matter of fact I don't think you and I were ready for any of this. I heard everything and I saw when it happened. I was waiting on one of you to tell me, but I got tired of waiting. I gave you a chance to tell me, now that we're not together why don't you stay with Suga. Better yet just go home!"
"BOTH of you had fault but she had the most fault in this! She said no secrets between us and she kept one....one that I never thought she'd do..." He looked at me. "Go home. You're home sick aren't you? You're tired of being here? You miss work? Go!"
-end of flashback-
Those two paragraphs were the clearest things I remembered. My heart ached. I grabbed my phone and checked the time. 8:45 a.m. Still early. I'm sure Rebecca has already left, she said she was gonna leave early. I got up and took a shower. It felt weird not hearing the guys, not having V barge into my room and telling me to wake up. Jungkook hugging me tightly. Jin cooking breakfast. Jimin giving me a good morning kiss....
I shook my head. No. I refuse to cry! I'm not going to cry! I just need to stop thinking about him. I'm going to forget about him, today I'm going grocery shopping and then I'll go buy some hair dye and I'll change my look. I might even cut my hair. Yeah, today I'll move one step forward. No looking back, just like Kai said.
I walked out of the bathroom and got ready.
*ring ring*
"Hello?" I answered.
"Good Morning. I didn't wake you did I?" Kai asked.
"No, I just got done getting ready, I'm going grocery shopping." I said.
"Hmm, Do you mind if I tag along? We can have lunch afterwards." He said.
"You're not busy today?" I asked.
"Not until 1. We have dance practice and stuff." He said.
"Uh sure. If you wanna come that's fine with me"
"I'll pick you up then" he said.
"Okay"
"Be there in about 15 minutes."
"Kay, bye"
-click-
Guess I won't be alone ALL day. Kai's coming with me. I smiled to myself.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Jin: It feels weird without Karen....
V: I tried calling her but it says she's out of range...
Jungkook: Hyung...I'm not very hungry...
J-Hope: But you need to eat something, we have 3 performances today. You need to eat to have energy.
RM: .................
Suga: She's on her way back home...
Jin: Yeah...Maybe....
V: Is Jimin still asleep?
J-Hope: No, he's awake. He's getting dressed.
Jimin: Good Morning.
ALL: Morning.
Jimin: I see you're all still upset.
V: I see that you're still being a jerk
Jimin: Look guys, there's nothing I can do now. She went home.
Jimin looked as his breakfast.
Jungkook got up from the table and walked towards Karen's old room.
Jimin: What're you doing?
J-Hope: Leave him alone. Jungkook she's not there.
Jungkook: ........
V: Jungkook, come eat. We're about to leave.
Jungkook opened the door. He smiled.
Jungkook: You remember the first time we pranked her?
Jimin's eyes widened.
V: (half smile) I still have the video.
RM: The first time we saw her mad.
Jin: But I fixed it, it was the day I had her to myself ^^
Jimin: Can we not talk about her?
Jungkook: Just because you wanna forget her doesn't mean we have to!
He closed the door and walked to his room.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"Won't you get in trouble for coming this far two days in a row?" I asked.
"Nah, besides it's worth it. How are you feeling today?" Kai asked.
"I'm okay I guess. It's kind of hard to keep myself composed at times, like this morning when I woke up I was wondering at first where I was then I remembered what happened. It kinda sucked, the emptiness in me is still there and I'm not sure if I can shake this feeling. I feel trapped in a world of hurt and sadness." I said.
He placed his hand on top of mine. "Give it time." He smiled.
I slightly smiled back. "Yeah."
"So where do you want to eat?" He asked.
I shrugged. "Anywhere is fine. By the way, I really appreciate you coming with me. It was really thoughtful of you" I said.
"Don't mention it. You'll get tired of seeing me, trust me" he chuckled.
I smiled. "I doubt it."
"So what're you gonna do when I take you back?" He asked.
"Nothing. I might call V, I haven't spoken to any of them at all. I'm wondering if they've been trying to reach me, Rebecca is pretty far so maybe I'm out of range or something." I said.
"Hmmm, well I'm able to reach you just fine" Kai said.
That's true. He's right but I know my boys. Especially V.
"Well my phone was under the pillow all night so I probably didn't have any bars. When you called my phone was out in the open." I said.
"Oh I see. Well call them, I'm sure they're worried about you" he said.
"Yeah...So what about you? You say you're gonna practice right? New dances or what?" I asked.
"Yeah, since the holidays are coming up soon we're working on something new." He said.
"Ah so it's a secret?" I asked.
"You could say that." He smiled.
I smiled back.
"So is pizza okay?" He asked.
I nodded. "Yeah"
We arrived at the pizza place and had lunch together. I was really glad Kai was with me, I didn't feel as bad as I did before, the pain is numb. I smile and laugh around him, I'm aware that pain is there but it disappears just for a while. As soon as he takes me back home I'll cook dinner and while dinner is cooking I'll call V. They probably think I've gone home or something.
"Karen?"
"Yeah?" I asked.
"I was wondering...Would you like to come to practice with me?" He asked.
"Today?" I asked.
"No, well, you can if you want but I was talking about tomorrow. I can come get you in the morning and you can watch us. Then we can hang out" he smiled.
"I'd love to but I already promised Rebecca that I'd hang out with her over the weekend. Sorry" I said.
"Today?" He asked.
"It's already 12:15 though, I still have to clean and make dinner" I said.
He pouted. "Okay."
"Umm, what time is practice over?" I asked.
"5" he said.
1-5?! Damn that's a long time.
I sighed. "I promise we can hang out after the weekend kay?"
He smiled. "Just as long as I get to see you" he looked at me.
I smiled back. "Okay...."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Once I was alone again, the emptiness came back. I felt sad and lonely. I took the groceries out and put them in place. Hmm, now the question is what should I cook? Maybe I should call Jin and see if he has any ideas. He's always been really creative in the kitchen. I sighed. Man, I miss them. All of them. I picked up the phone and dialed.
-Ring Ring Ring Ring-
Jin: Karen?
"Hey Jin" I felt a knot forming in my throat.
Jin: How are you? Are you alright? Are you safe? Are you on the plane?
"Jin. I didn't go home, I'm with Rebecca. I'm not leaving.....yet." I said.
Jin: Why didn't you call us yesterday? We were all so worried.
"All of you?" I asked.
Jin: Well....
"Anyway, how's everyone?" I changed the subject.
Jin: Well, we miss you. Jungkook had a pretty tough morning, he lashed out at Jimin.
"Is he there with you?" I asked.
"Yeah, hold on" Jin said. "Jungkook...it's for you"
Jungkook: Hello?
"Hey cutie" I said.
JK: Noona! I miss you so much! Did you really leave?
"Nah, I'm still here for the time being." I said.
JK: You're not going to leave though are you?
"....well...yes I am. I'm staying for two more weeks then I'll be going back home" I said.
JK: But I want you to stay, at until Christmas.
"But that's still a month and 25 days away." I said.
JK: please?
I sighed. "I can't..."
JK: You're really hurt aren't you Noona?
".................."
JK: I'm sorry.
"Don't be, it's okay. I really miss you." I said.
JK: I miss you more and I really love you. Will you come visit us?
"I don't think so hun" I said.
JK: Oh...
"So were you guys busy today?" I asked.
JK: Yeah, somewhat. We still have another show to do but we'll be fine. Where are you staying at Noona?
"I'm with Rebecca. I went grocery shopping with Kai and I'm going to make dinner soon" I said.
JK: Kai?
"Yeah, Ever since yesterday Kai's been around. He dropped me off." I said.
JK: I see, be careful Noona. Kai probably likes you still.
"Don't worry, I won't be looking for love any time soon, probably not ever." I chuckled. "Did you eat already?"
JK: Do you not believe in love anymore Noona?
"I......."
JK: I'm sorry I keep hurting you with those questions. I'll stop. And no we haven't eaten yet.
"It's okay. I still haven't gotten over...well anyway, you should eat." I said.
JK: We will eventually. Keke. You wanna talk to V?
"Uhh yeah. Sure."
I smiled.
JK: V....Tis for you.
V: Me?
JK: Hurry up and talk. It's a girl. She claims to know you and wishes to confess her love.
V: Ah? Let me see....hello?
I chuckled. "Please accept my heart?"
V: NOONA! It's you! It's really you! Oh! I was so worried! Are you okay? Please tell me you're still in Korea! You didn't leave did you?
"No, I didn't leave. I'm with Rebecca but I'll most likely be outta here in two weeks. I'm waiting to find a cheap ticket." I said.
V: So you are leaving? But can't you stay until Christmas?
"I'm sorry...." I said.
V: But you'll tell us right? When you leave?
"Yeah of course, I'd never wanna leave without saying one last goodbye." I said.
V: I really miss you Noona...it feels empty without you. It doesn't feel right, it s like something is missing.
"I miss you too V. I felt odd this morning since you would always barge into my room telling me to wake up." I giggled.
V: Keke. Yeah, me too. I'll go visit you asap, I promise. Hopefully we get a free day soon, I'll send you lots of pictures okay?
"I'll be waiting for them" I said.
Jin: Gimme the phone.
V: No, I'm still talking.
Jin: Gimme! Listen to Hyung!
V: No!
Jin: V! Gimme the-
-click-
I smiled. Ah, my boys. Still silly as always. Well I'd better get started with dinner.
Being in the kitchen brought memories...of him. How he hugged me from behind every time and how he kissed me or whispered in my ear. I took a deep breath. I wonder if he thinks of me just as much as I think of him....
Hands covered my hands. I gasped.
"Shhh..."
I smiled. Could it be?
I touched the hands covering my eyes. "Hmmm...can I have a hint?"
I heard a chuckle. I pulled the hands off my eyes and turned around. My illusion was destroyed, I know it sounded mean but I kinda hoped it would be him. Yet again, why would he come anyway?
"Kai..what're you doing here?" I asked a bit surprised. "How'd you get in?"
"Through the window. It was opened" he smiled. "What're you making?"
Oh, that's right I left my window open. He must've looked for another way in to surprise me.
"Oh, some chicken Alfredo pasta" I said.
"Looks good. You almost done?" He asked.
"Mm, almost. I just need to grill the chicken. Why?" I asked.
"Well I was wondering if you wanted to watch a movie with me." He said.
A movie?
"Oh umm, sure but weren't you supposed to be-"
"We called it a day after a few hours. I really wanted to come be with you, I needed to see you Karen." He looked into my eyes.
My heart began to race.
"I-I...oh....well thanks...." I said and kept cooking.
Why did I thank him? How stupid am I?! I sighed. I'm hopeless.
He hugged me from behind.
"K-Kai...." I whimpered.
"Yeah?" He whispered in my ear.
I shivered. "You're kinda making me uncomfortable..."
He let go of me. "Sorry."
"It's okay. I'm just...you know. I'm trying to get over this whole situation." I said.
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, that was a bit of a fast move." He said.
"It's alright" I smiled. "Don't worry about it."
I finally finished cooking. I went to change and left a note for Becca in case she got home before me. She's gonna freak when she finds out I'm out with Kai. She'll give me a huge lecture about going out with him and say stuff like he's an idiot and all that. I smiled to myself. She's funny that way.
We went to the movies and the only things they were giving were romantic comedies, romantic action, romantic nostalgic and a horror movie.
"Hmm, let's watch-"
"The horror film." I said.
"Horror film? Why not one of the other films?" He asked.
"No...I don't want to watch anything that has to do with romance. Let's watch that one." I looked at him. "Please?"
"Umm, yeah. Sure" he blushed.
Yes! Horror movie! I thought of V....Aww /_\ everything I do reminds me of them. He bought some popcorn and some drinks. We went to take our seat.
-flashback-
"Are you comfortable?" He whispered.
"Yeah, are you?" I whispered back.
He smiled. "Very...you know. I'm really happy right now, I finally got to take you on an actual date"
I smiled at him. "As long as I'm with you I'm happy."
He leaned over and kissed me. "I never get tired of doing that."
I kissed him back. "I don't get tired of you doing it either"
He kept kissing me. I pulled on his lip a little.
"Mm, babe..."
"Mmm?" He stopped kissing me for a second. "What is it?" He asked.
"The movie's starting" I said.
He pouted. "Fine...just one more." He smiled.
"One more" I kissed him. "There"
"Aww come on baby." He stayed in place.
"We're going to get in trouble" I smiled.
"No we won't. There's no security or anything...." He whispered.
I kissed him slowly but he didn't want to pull away so quickly. He deepened the kiss when he caressed my face placed his hand on the back of my neck.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
We got startled by the scream and laughed softly.
"I love you" he whispered.
-End Of Flashback-
That's right...our first date and it was a horror film too. Once again I was trapped with the memory of Jimin.
"You okay?" Kai whispered.
I looked at him. "Uhh, yeah...I'll be fine..." I whispered back.
The movie started. I kept my eyes on the screen but all that ran through my mind was Jimin and the day we had gone to the movies together. The first time we went out as a couple, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. Man, I bet Kai is really bored, he didn't even wanna watch this movie. I reached to grab popcorn and our hands touched. I looked and our eyes met. I gulp and my heart began to race.
He came closer to me and slowly moved his head slightly to the side. I grabbed some popcorn and stuffed his mouth. I didn't have much of a choice. His eyes widened and he began to giggle. I smiled. At least he wasn't mad.
"Can I at least hold your hand?" He asked.
I nodded and grabbed his hand. We watched the movie. He screamed every now and then while I laughed. This wasn't so bad. I was enjoying myself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
J-Hope: Hey, so...How's Karen holding up? Is she okay?
Becca: Yeah, she's not home at the moment. Lately Kai's been swinging by and taking her out. She seems happy when she's distracted but the sad part is when she's alone again. Although I don't trust Kai I gotta admit I'm thankful for him making her smile and being there for her. Tomorrow I'm taking her to a spa then the rest of the weekend we'll probably camp. You should come, I haven't seen you in a while, I've been so busy with school.
J-Hope: Kai? What's he planning? Does Karen seem to like him? And yeah I know, but don't worry I'll try to make it to at least see you for a while. The guys and I will stop by for a bit. I miss you.
Becca: I don't know honestly but if this continues that'll end up happening although she says she's leaving in two weeks. Who knows, I'm kinda worried about her though. When she's asleep she talks about Jimin and it's like she relives the argument they had over and over again. His words are always running through her mind. Aww I miss you too, maybe while the others are talking to Karen we can go for a walk, there's a river near the camp site.
J-Hope: Aish...Becca you have to do something about that. I mean I don't blame her for trying to find some refuge but she'll fall in love for the wrong reasons. Jimin regrets doing what he did but he doesn't know she's still here. We haven't told him. And that sounds good to me, alone time with my girl. Haha.
Becca: I'll try but Kai literally clears his schedule just to be with her. He claims to worry about her. We had a talk the first day she came to stay with me. It's only been two days and already they've spent so much time together.
J-Hope: What did he tell you?
Becca: That he would do anything to keep her happy, that he'll stay by her side until she gets better. He did admit he liked her a lot but I'm hoping her love for Jimin will make her think twice.
J-Hope: Jungkook was telling me that she told him not to worry about any of that. She doesn't think she'll ever fall in love again.
Becca: I hope so...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Kai drove me back to Becca's house. He turned off the car and we sat there for a bit.
"Um, thank you Kai." I looked at him. "I know you're a busy guy and all but you've managed to be there for me and make sure I was okay. Strangely with you I feel comfort and I forget a little. The pain I feel goes away in the time I'm with you, I smile and laugh. You don't have to do all this but you do it anyway. You're a good person." I smiled.
"Karen...I'll always try to be here at your side. I really like you and knowing that he broke you makes me mad, you didn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve you, you're a precious jewel and should be treated like one, fragile and handled with care. Having you in my arms when you cried yesterday made me realize that you needed someone strong to be by your side. No matter how busy I am, I'll always make time for you." He said.
My eyes widened.
"It makes me really happy to know that you're happy when you're with me. That you have fun. When you smile it feels like I've done some good...I don't want you to feel the pain you feel, I don't want you to cry anymore..." He pulled me close and hugged me.
"Oh Kai....Thank you....." I hugged him back.
He's becoming my comfort zone. We pulled away slightly, our noses touching. We looked at each other. Oh gosh, this is really happening.
"Uhhh...." I pulled away. "G-Good night. Becca is probably home now..."
"Karen..." He said.
I turned my face to look at him. He kissed me.
This is wrong...But why can't I fight back....
He pulled away from me, I looked at him.
"Good night" he smiled.
I got out of the car and walked into the house.
"Karen, are you okay?"
I shook my head. "Why is this happening to me?"
"What's wrong?" She asked.
I told her.
"It's been two days Becca and it's driving me crazy! It's not his fault, it's mine..." I said.
"That idiot! Karen it's not your fault, you're just going through a hard time, it'll pass okay? Just think tomorrow it'll just be me and you then on Friday night we'll go camping and come back Sunday night. Just forget about what happened tonight." She said.
"Kay, did you eat dinner?" I asked.
She nodded. "It was delicious, thank you."
We talked for a while before going to bed. She's right, I shouldn't let that get to me, Kai shouldn't had done that. But I couldn't tell him anything, he caught me off guard.
-flashback-
*Kiss*
"Good Night" he smiled.
-End of flashback-
>\\\<
This can't be happening. I shouldn't develop feelings it's only been two days for crying out loud! Besides, I probably feel this way because he comforts me. He's a sweet guy but if he only knew that even when I'm with him I think of Jimin. He haunts my every thought, it's Kai I'm with but it's Jimin I picture. I'm an awful person..giving him false hopes...
*vrrr vrrr*
"Hello?"
Suga: Hey
"Suga" I smiled. "Hey"
Suga: You okay?
"I could be better...you wouldn't believe what happened to me tonight."
Suga: Oh? What happened?
I told him what happened and how I felt.
"Does that make me a bad person? I feel like I'm giving him false hopes...I'll never be able to return the feelings he has for me" I said.
Suga: I'm gonna-
"Heh. Heh. No need to be jealous." I teased.
Suga: J-Jealous?! M-Me? No way! I'm just saying that he shouldn't had done that! That...that....
"That what?" I asked.
Suga: Nevermind. But to answer your other questions no, you're not a bad person. He's misinterpreting your situation, I mean if he's gonna be there for you then that's fine but he shouldn't think that because you spend time with him like that that it's a date. You know what I mean?
"Yeah, you're right. I think I should clear that up with me, Becca says it's because he likes me, she said he confessed it to her." I said.
Suga: Ugh...no...no he's not allowed to have you. Not like that.
"I always said I'd be a BTS girl forever." I giggled.
Suga: Exactly which means there's no way he's keeping you. You'll always be part of BTS. Heh. Heh.
"Suga...can I ask you something?"
I wanted to know about him and how he was.
Suga: Anything.
"How's...Jimin...."
Suga: He's alright. Practicing hard and all that.
"I see..."
Suga: Is there anything else you'd like to know?
"I...." I sighed. "No..."
Suga: It's okay to be weak sometimes Noona. I know you're hurt, but it's going to be okay. We'll come visit you soon.
"I hope so. I miss you guys"
Suga: I was kind of relieved when Jin told me you were still here, we were all worried that you had really gone home.
"Nah, I don't have that kind of money. An emergency ticket costs 3,000 bucks."
Suga: That's not so bad.
"Says you Mr. Kpop idol."
He chuckled.
"Heh. Heh. So how was your day?" I asked.
Suga: Busy, lately they've been pushing us more but hopefully we'll have a free day soon to rest so we can go see you.
"You don't have to do that." I said.
Suga: Nonsense, of course we do. You're the 'Bangtan Noona' keke.
"Man whatever!"
Suga: Would you prefer Umma?
"No No and No!" I giggled.
Suga: It's nice to hear your laugh. Haha. Get some rest Noona, we'll keep in touch kay?
"Alright, thanks for calling me Suga...it made me feel better." I said.
Suga: I'll always be here for you Mi Hi.
He hasn't called me that in a while.
I smiled. "Thank you...Good Night"
Suga: Good Night.
After the phone call with Suga, I thought about what he had said. About Jimin being alright, so he's not worried at all? Maybe I was burdene, after all Suga did say he's practicing hard. Something he wasn't able to do with me around. Guess it's true what my momma used to say, 'When one speaks with anger the true feelings/desires of the heart come forth'. It's been two days and so far I'm unable to stop thinking about the times we shared. I felt the emptiness in me growing deeper, the aches came back again and my heart crumbled. No one will ever be able to fill this gap no matter how much they're there for me...not even Kai.
>>>>>>>>>TO BE CONTINUED