Kate Marshall
"You ready for this?" Louis asked with a grin.
"Nope." I shouldered my duffel.
"That's the spirit!" He climbed onto the tour bus ahead of me.
I really don't feel ready. I'm insanely nervous and the first show is tomorrow night in Cardiff. It's not a long drive but they want us to have time to get settled in the hotel, which I really appreciate, so we're leaving a day early.
Basically I feel like I'm going to be a burden as we travel on the bus. I obviously don't have the type of status at the label for them to spring for a bus and everything for me. I'm on borrowed equipment, borrowed band members, and squeezed into the extra bunk on the boys' bus. They had an empty bed but still, I'm sure if it were up to them they'd prefer the additional space to having me crowding in with them.
Niall had already gotten on the bus right before Louis. He seems to be avoiding me and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't kind of doing the same thing. I'm just clueless about what to do! He's seemed so moody and mad at me ever since that night.
I climbed into a bunk that looked unclaimed and tried to stay out of the way. I didn't want to take up any of the limited common space.
I'd been lying there going through lyric after lyric and trying to memorize the order of my set. Which shouldn't be hard considering I'll only play for maybe 45 minutes. But I like to focus on what I can control to calm my nerves.
But it didn't take long before this plan to make myself scarce became very boring.
I decided to venture out to look for something to drink. It'll be really quick, I can stretch my legs, and then it shouldn't be much longer before we arrive.
My bare feet touched the floor — I need to get some slippers for this bus — and I looked in the direction of the mini-kitchen at the front of the bus.
"Listen, we don't bite!" I gasped at the voice from my other side and jumped up from the bunk nearly hitting my head. It was Harry. "Gah, you scare easily. You're welcome to hang out with us if you want."
"Thanks. Sorry, I'm just...out of it." My go-to vague non-answer answer.
"Niall and Louis and I are in the back there. I think Liam is taking a nap."
"Thank you. I'll come back."
I went to the mini fridge on the opposite end of the bus from where they are and looked for something to drink. I want a Dr. Pepper but should probably have a water to stay hydrated for the show tomorrow. My hand is shaking. It's a little bit from Harry making me jump but mostly from thinking about performing tomorrow.
I got some water then went to the back and took a seat a comfortable couple of feet from Louis. Niall looked at me from his spot between the two boys then his eyes met the floor.
"Are you guys excited?" I asked, unsure of what to talk about other than the tour.
"Thrilled," Louis said dryly. I can't tell if he's being sarcastic or not.
"Yes," Harry said a lot more positively. "You've got to be excited though! It's your first time, right?" Why does he always sound like he's talking about a less appropriate thing than what he's actually talking about? Niall looked up at us.
"Unless you count uni," I replied with a little smirk. Louis started laughing.
"Oh uni definitely counts, babe," Harry said jokingly.
"Okay but honestly," I said after laughing a bit more, "I've sang covers in local bars and pubs but that's it. This is going to be thousands more people."
"112,000 people," Louis said.
"Thanks for that."
"It's easier than you think," Niall said, finally speaking up.
"We'll have to see."
"Plus, this is the biggest show we play. So after it the rest will seem small!" Harry assured me.
Someone called from the front of the bus at us. "We're almost there!"
"Well I'm going to go gather my stuff," I said. I got up and started towards my bunk.
"I thought you guys were longtime friends," Harry asked in a hushed voice.
"Yeah," I heard Louis agree. "What happened to the obnoxious flirting in the break room? Not that I wasn't annoyed at the time but..."
I tried to stop listening. Great. They thought it was awkward too.
We pulled up to the back of the hotel and I hurried in the back door to avoid the fuss that might follow the boys.
"Miss Marshall," one of the people on our team said to get my attention as I rushed by. "Your room number is written on there," he said as he handed me a little paper packet with a couple keys in it.
"Thank you." I smiled at him then turned to look for the elevators. I need to learn his name and everyone else's pretty soon but right now but all I can think about is the show. Every minute that passes brings me closer to probably embarrassing myself in front of 112,000 people according to Louis.
A couple minutes later I was walking into my room, the first of any of our entourage to make it upstairs.
How am I going to do this? Seriously, how can I go out there and perform in front of that many people? College events and pubs are nothing in comparison!
All of a sudden I'm pacing and breathing hard and getting shaky. Tears are welling up in my eyes and I can't even explain exactly why.
Eventually I heard the shuffling of everyone else outside my door. I ignored them. I need to take deep breaths and just spend tonight making sure I'm completely prepared for tomorrow.
I plopped down on my bed, eyes closed, singing lyrics in my head to make sure I haven't forgotten any. Which is ridiculous because I wrote them. But it's just another thing that has a good chance of going wrong tomorrow.
After another round of pacing and working myself up with nerves, I decided I needed to cool off. I looked for the ice bucket in my room while I stuffing the key in my pocket.
I looked through the peephole, then pressed my ear to the door for a few seconds, and decided the coast was clear. It's not that I don't like being around people, I just don't want anyone to see how seriously panicked I am.
I poked my head out for a quick look. I quickly zoned in on the "Vending" sign leading me to the ice and quietly rushed towards the little space carved out in the hallway. Almost done. Then I can go back to my room and panic in solitude.
"Hey, Kate." The chipper Irish voice about made me jump out of my clothes.
"Jeezus, Niall!" Okay maybe it wasn't exactly chipper but it was startling.
"Sorry." He put his hands up. "Just needed a snack."
He went to the vending machine. I should've taken this chance to say a quick goodnight and slip back to my room. But I found myself watching him. It was just funny to watch him make sure he had the cash facing the right way and then let his finger hover over a few options before finally pressing the button for Peanut M&M's. I laughed a little on the inside and enjoyed the first few seconds of calm I've felt since getting to the hotel.
He popped one in his mouth then turned back around to me. I was suddenly embarrassed I was still standing there.
He crunched down on the candy. This is better but the awkward tension I felt with him on the bus is still there. "How's the ice?"
"Good and frozen," I said with a small laugh, looking up to meet his eyes for the first time.
"Oh, Katie, are you okay?" I quickly looked down at the ice bucket in my hands. The genuine concern in his voice felt like someone reached in and gave my heart a good squeeze. "Your eyes are all red and your face is...well you just don't look...happy."
I bit the inside of my mouth, trying to not get worked up again, and managed a smile. "I'm just a little nervous about the show tomorrow," I said.
"Don't be!" I stared at him for a few beats. "I'm kidding. I fucking hate when people say that to me. Useless advice. Actually, it's not even advice."
"Agreed."
"Kate, I know how you feel. But I promise you it will be okay."
I stared some more, not ungrateful for his attempt, but not convinced.
"Did I ever tell you about my first show?"
"No," I replied.
"Here, sit down." He literally sat on the tacky patterned hotel carpet in the vending room. He grabbed my hand too and pulled me down. "It was so horrible. I'm telling you this, not to make you nervous, but to convince you that your first can't possibly be worse than mine."
"Okay." We were sitting across from each other with our legs crosses. This could be us sixteen years ago.
He set the M&M's between us. "Help yourself. Alright, here goes. Well it was a sold out crowd, so I was obviously really nervous with that on top of never having performed before. But I went out there, thinking I was ready to conquer it. I started singing and I was slowly getting more confident. I couldn't tell if the crowd really liked me or if they just felt obligated to clap and cheer. But I was close to moving from wanting it over with to actually having fun out there. But then, tragedy. Midway through a song, my guitar just quits. Came unplugged or something. The show came to a grinding halt, I couldn't play it off, and I just stood there with no clue what to do. Eventually, I started crying and then just literally peed right where I was standing. Then I ran off."
"No way," I said, laughing at the story.
"It's absolutely true," he nodded.
"There's no way you cried and peed on stage. How would that not be a story that followed you everywhere?"
"Well let me tell you, the PR mess it made was really something. I just barely got it covered up. My parents promised not to leak it to the press but Greg took some coercing in the form of animal crackers."
"Wait..." It clicked. He's talking about when he was a little kid. I started laughing hysterically. He's such a good storyteller, I was really going for it. "You're such a liar!"
"Technically it was a sold out crowd. Mum, Dad, and Greg on a three person sofa. My living room was at capacity," he said.
I was still laughing so hard. "That's hilarious."
"You know the rug in Mum's living room?"
"Yeah."
"It's covering up the pee stain."
"No way! That part really happened?"
"I told you, my story was completely true! Dad swore you couldn't tell but Mum always thought there was a faint stain so that's why we have that rug."
"Well it looks like you've really come a long way."
"I have! I bounced back." Our laughs settled into sighs. I felt very calm.
"Well thanks for trying to cheer me up. It worked," I said.
"Of course. I know you'll do incredible but you just need to believe it yourself."
"Thanks," I said.
"I mean it. You're talented. You're a great writer with an amazing voice and some really good songs and you're beautiful. They're gonna love you, Katie."
I felt my face get hot. I can never predict when he's going to be sweet like this but when he does it knocks me off my feet every time.
"Thank you so much for sitting with me and trying to make me laugh and feel better and just for looking after me. It means a lot."
"Of course. Come on." He stood up and grabbed my hand to pull me up as well. "You need to stop thinking about it and just go to bed and get some sleep. That's the best thing you can do to prepare."
"Okay."
He walked with me to my door. I have the weird post-date being dropped off feeling.
"Goodnight," Niall said. "Don't keep thinking about it, just sleep."
I nodded and placed a little kiss on his cheek. I hadn't planned to do that and before I knew it I was on the other side of the closed door, letting out a deep sigh, and looking forward to climbing in bed.
I don't know why this side of Niall doesn't come out more often but I love when it does.
The last thought I had before falling asleep was that I'd accidentally left my half melted ice behind.