Bad dreams woke me twice in the night and both times I forced myself back to sleep. The next time I woke, it was to birdsong. Despite the nightmares, my sleep had been refreshing. I lay still for a while, considering my promise to Runedan.
"Are you awake?" Hatesa's head and shoulders stuck out of the hole for the ladder. Seeing my eyes open, she climbed the rest of the way through. "Where did you go yesterday?"
I pushed up onto my elbows. "To talk to Runedan. And Tryven."
Hatesa's face fell. "How is Tryven?"
I could only shrug as I swung my feet to the floor. "Not eager to talk."
"There is breakfast if you are hungry." Her eyebrows rose when my stomach rumbled in answer. I could not remember the last time I had eaten.
Before I could accept the offer of food, a knock sounded on the door. Hatesa went to answer it while I got dressed. When I came downstairs, Tryven was waiting for me.
"Hello," I said.
Tryven smiled weakly. "Hello. I wanted to...." He glared at the floor. "I- I did not mean what I said yesterday."
"I know." I bit my lip. Of course I forgave him for his temper, but at the same time I knew he truly had meant what he had said yesterday, though there were kinder ways to say it. Even Runedan had agreed with him, and Hedyr before.
Tryven raised his head when I hesitated. His face was flushed.
Not wanting him to think I was angry, I said the first thing I could think of. "Could I join you at the training grounds tonight?"
Hatesa moved behind me. "The training grounds?"
I turned so I could see both her and Tryven. "Yes. I-I want to learn how to fight. To defend myself," I added quickly. "Not to...to fight in a battle."
Hatesa shrugged and failed to conceal a grin. "Of course. So long as you take up something other than the bow."
Hedyr and Tryven were both waiting for me when I bid good evening to the other maids after supper.
"Tryven told me about your change of heart," Hedyr said. He looked me up and down with a stern expression, as if to challenge my resolve.
I licked my dry lips before answer. "Did he?"
Hedyr grunted. "Come with me. I want to show you something."
He did not lead us to the training grounds as I had expected, but took a door set into the rock wall on a corner of the road. Beyond it, stairs descended sharply into the tunnels beneath the city. I walked between Hedyr and Tryven, heart pounding and eyes straining to adjust to the weak light of a lantern Hedyr had collected.
I realized where we were headed before we arrived; Tryven had brought me there before. A spear and helm had been etched into the sign hanging outside the door.
"Back here," Hedyr told me after he had called a greeting to the shop keeper. I shuffled sideways between the high, heavy tables laden with weapons. When Hedyr stopped near the back, Tryven moved around the table, trying to see what Hedyr held.
Tryven guffawed. "What is that?"
Undaunted, Hedyr stared down his nose at his brother. "An ax. Two, actually," and he nodded to a second weapon on the table beside him.
"Those aren't weapons, Hedyr. Those are tools."
Hedyr only grunted and held out the ax to me, haft first.
I eyed it dubiously. "Why...?"
"Just take it." When I did not move, Hedyr settled the ax handle in his grip and swung it demonstratively. "They have strong blades, they are light, and you can swing or throw them."
I kept my hands at my sides. "If you have ever seen me try to throw something, you would not be offering me that."
"Azadryn." Hedyr's composure started to falter. "If you expect your own body to suffice as a weapon, you are mistaken."
"I don't. I said I would try-"
"Then trust me!"
"I didn't think I was going to learn to chop down trees."
With a thump that made me start, Hedyr whacked the ax head into the edge of the table. "I am not taking 'no' for an answer." He squared off in front of me, folding his arms. "You asked for my help; let me help. Take the axes and allow your friends the comfort of knowing you have something to protect you."
Over Hedyr's shoulder, I could see Tryven's wide eyes. He looked like he was struggling not to laugh.
Heaving a sigh, I held out a hand. After pulling its blade from the table, Hedyr gave me the first ax and picked up the second to swing loosely from his fingers.
"Thank you," I managed.
Nodding sharply, Hedyr led the way out of the armory. I glanced around again at the weapons filling the walls and tables before falling into step behind Tryven.
We stepped back on the street, lit with torches with blue and purple flames. The various tunnel streets lining the doorways of houses and shops led up or down to a central marketplace, the heart of the underground city. By now I was starting to learn my way around, though I still avoided the place when possible.
"I will work with you until our next patrol," Hedyr told me over his shoulder. We had started up a long flight of sharply-cut steps, different from the one we had taken down. "Aridon has agreed to help when I am not here."
We climbed the stairs with only the light of a lantern to guide us. I did not breathe easy until I felt a cool, fresh breeze on my face. Daylight had faded and the lamplighters had finished their rounds.
The stairs let out directly onto the street, on a corner where the road curved around and up. The brothers escorted me home, where Erizar was waiting for me.
"Tomorrow then," Hedyr said to me after he had greeted Hedyr. "At dawn?"
I lifted on shoulder. "No reason to wait," I agreed.
"Good night, then."
Erizar stood in the doorway and said nothing until the brothers were out of sight. "Where were you?"
"The armory. Hedyr had something to give me." I indicated the axes I had tucked into my belt.
Humming, Erizar moved aside and waved me into the house. Hatesa had already gone to bed, and Erizar spoke in a low tone.
"So you intend to continue this endeavor? To learn weapons craft?"
I focused on sliding my new weapons free of my belt. "I have not been given much choice," I muttered to one gleaming ax head. "And I understand the reason."
"Then you will join the patrols?"
"No," I said immediately. Raising my head, I met Erizar's solemn eyes.
The furrow between his eyes eased a little. "Good." With a sigh he sat down at the table. He was silent for so long that I decided he had nothing left to say. As I was moving to the ladder, however, he spoke.
"You do not need to learn how to fight."
I turned my head enough to see him over my shoulder. "What?"
He was tracing lines in the old tabletop. "If you have no intention of riding patrol, there is no reason you must learn to fight. The city is well-protected. Plenty of our women are content to trust in the city guard."
I could not help it; I scoffed. "I thought you would be pleased."
Erizar raised his head. "Pleased?" he echoed in disbelief. "Why in the name of the ancestors would this possibly please me?"
The heat in his tone gave me paused. I stood there, gaping like a landed fish, unable to answer. Everyone else had been adamant that I learn to defend myself, claiming it was the way of their world. I had given in to the pressure partly in hopes that they would stop tormenting me, and here was my own grandfather doing just the opposite.
Erizar's shoulders slumped. "You have nothing to prove to them, Azadryn. They will not...they will not banish you if you refuse to learn how to use those." He nodded to the axes locked in my fists.
"Won't they?" I retorted. My eyes had started to burn; I resolved to berate Runedan about it the next time I saw him. I had never cried so much before I learned I could talk to dragons.
Now it was Erizar's turn to gape, so I pressed ahead. "These people seem eager to dictate every area of my life. At every turn they warn me against defying them." I became aware of my rising tone and paused to get it under control. "How can you know they will not accuse me of rebellion if I say I prefer...." I sputtered, out of words, and waved an ax toward him instead. Its weight made my hand shake.
Slowly, as if suddenly reminded of his age despite his good health, Erizar stood. He started toward me but hesitated, then rested his hands on the table. It creaked a little as he leaned his weight on it. "Of course," he whispered. "When they look at you, they see only your parents. They expect nothing less from you than to behave as Elania and Kalamec did. They are practically daring you to do so. But Azadryn." He stood straighter, looking me in the eye. The fire had died down and his face was mostly in shadow, but his eyes were bright. "Prove them wrong. You are not bound by your parents' choices. Surely there are better ways to honor their memory."
"I wouldn't know. I don't remember them."
Hedyr arrived before the lamplighters had passed for the morning. Without a word I met him on the stoop and followed him to the training grounds. He spent the entire time teaching me the various ways in which my axes could be used and then demonstrating, over and over, until I had the steps memorized. We repeated this routine every morning until Hedyr's patrol left. Once, Aridon joined us, just long enough to hear from Hedyr about what he wanted me to learn first and how far along in my training he hoped to see me when he returned.
I had only seen Runedan briefly in the last few days. The first evening Hedyr's patrol was gone, I climbed alone to the dragon caves and asked the nearest stationary dragon to find Runedan or Vedis. She leaned in to take one whiff of my scent, grunted, and took off. In short order I was sitting on the beach of the lake, with Runedan and Vedis stretched out on either side of me.
"Lonely already?" Vedis asked.
I drew circles in the damp sand and shrugged. In truth, I wanted any reason to avoid being at home and under Erizar's scrutiny.
"Is that a weapon I see?" Runedan asked when I did not speak.
I rolled my eyes at him. "Two, actually. They all convinced me at last. Hedyr was working with me before he left. I just may learn to manage them."
Runedan grunted, unimpressed. "If you end up injuring yourself with those, I will demand that bear cease all attempts at making a warrior out of you."
"You and Erizar," I muttered.
"Oh?" Vedis asked.
Shaking my head to show I did not want to talk about it, I pulled my knees to my chest.
Runedan pushed to his feet and shook sand from his scales. "Care for a ride?"
"No, thank you. I want to see how your flying is coming along."
"I imagine he is as eager to show off," Vedis rumbled.
Ignoring her, Runedan launched into the sky. Vedis and I watched him circle and dive and roll. I smiled to hear his rattling laugh after he pulled out of a sharp dive over the water.
"He is getting stronger," I observed to Vedis.
"Indeed, he is a quick study. But it is still plain he is just starting to learn." She lowered her head to look at me with her bright golden eyes. "Not only because his body is weak. A dragon tuaght to fly from the moment their wings can support them does not have the fear I see in Runedan. He can fly, yes, but he does not know how to soar."
When I tilted my head to show my confusion, Vedis leaned closer. "Any bird can fly. They flap their wings and are in the air. They stop flapping and they fall. But soaring...." She closed her eyes and shuffled her wings. "It is not a dragon fighting to stay off the ground. Is a dragon raging to stay in the sky. Do you see?"
"Not really," I admitted.
Vedis snorted as if she expected no less. "Up there, among the heights, is a different world: wind that never sweeps the grass, clouds so distant they taste of sunlight and lightning, currents of air – like waves in the sea – powerful enough to bear a dragon." Her eyes tracked Runedan as he streaked across a horizon streaked with red and gold. "That is where we belong. Up there, we are beyond the world's reach. We are free. Up there we know our power. We find our strength. Soaring is what it means to be a dragon."
I followed her gaze, watching as Runedan circled under the first stars and came in to land. Watching him carefully fold his wings against his heaving sides, I made myself a promise: whatever it took, I would help him learn what it meant to soar.
Vedis had settled back down beside me when Runedan reached us. He collapsed heavily on the damp sand and sighed. "Any advice for the drakling?" he asked Vedis.
She snorted at his teasing. "What I always tell you: you fight the wind."
"Yes," Rundan said slowly. He made a show of curling his tail up onto his shoulders and tucking a foreleg under his chest. "You have said so before. As has Tryven, as I recall."
Vedis stopped stargazing and looked sharply across at the smaller dragon. "Indeed? Well, he has been raised among dragons."
Runedan inclined his head. "And flown with them, if I am not mistaken."
Too quickly Vedis said, "Why would you-? Well, yes, across the river every summer."
Grunting noncommittally, Runedan stretched out his neck. "He has excellent balance for one who rides so little. Azadryn still struggled with her balance, and she and I have flown together regularly for months." At my surprised look, he tilted his head apologetically.
Vedis focused on a loose scale on her foreleg and said nothing for a moment. When she did speak, it was in a growl. "Do you mean to suggest Tryven makes a habit of riding dragons?"
"One in particular, yes."
Snarling, Vedis pushed to her feet. "Do you have any idea- The punishment for such behavior-" Sparks flew from her mouth and hissed as they touched the sand.
Runedan had not moved, though I had edged closer to him. "If you were caught," he said. "By their laws, Azadryn and I should not fly together, yet we do."
"You were not born here. For you it is different."
Runedan met Vedis's fiery eyes and said nothing. After a long moment she gnashed her teeth and backed away. "Yes, we fly together!" she exclaimed. All the tension left her body and she hung her head. "We have for many years. No one knows. To be simply friends is still permitted, if discouraged." When Vedis raised her head, her eyes were dim. "You must swear to tell no one."
"Of course not," Runedan rumbled, sounding offended. I nodded quickly in agreement.
Vedis heaved a breath full of sparks. "Thank you," she whispered, more softly than I'd ever heard.
Aridon was a quicker opponent than Hedyr.
Just thinking of him as an opponent gave me pause, and in that second he tapped his blunt practice blade against my arm.
"You must concentrate," he said for no less than the third time that morning.
Clenching my teeth, I nodded and drew my forearm across my face, pressing my damp hair to my forehead. My wrists were sore after an hour of rehearsing fighting stances and mimicking Aridon as he demonstrated various attacks. This was followed by dueling, where Aridon had already beaten me four times. He was taking his assigned task of training me very seriously.
Where Hedyr would sometimes stop in the middle of a bout to correct me before I made a costly mistake, Aridon let me learn through missing those mistakes. In the three days since I had started training with him, I had already earned more bruises than in all the time I'd worked with Hedyr.
"Azadryn!" Aridon made no attempt to mask his exasperation.
Blushing, I turned to find his sword pointing at my chest. I lowered my weapons in defeat. "There are too many things to remember all at once," I complained.
"That is why you must pay attention. If you let anything else share your thoughts when you are training, you will not learn the steps." His face looked as red as mine felt, but I doubted it was from fatigue as mine was. He opened his mouth to continue berating me, but snapped it shut and listened, his sword still hovering over my heart.
"No more lessons this morning," he grunted.
Behind me, voices rose as Aridon's students made their way between the buildings of the training yards. I breathed a sigh of relief and stepped away from the sword Aridon seemed to have forgotten about.
"Tomorrow, then," I said, aiming to get away while he was distracted.
"Perhaps we should meet when your work is completed in the evenings, as well."
I looked up from settling an ax against my hip. "No!"
Aridon quirked an eyebrow, looking more like his father and uncle than ever. "Do you want to learn?"
"Yes, but...but I also want to sleep. And bathe." I wrinkled my nose and held his gaze.
Grunting again, Aridon belatedly lowered his sword until the point touched the dirt. "Very well. But if you have not made any progress by the time Hedyr gets back, you can explain to him why."
"Agreed." I turned to hurry away, but paused before I'd gone two steps. "Aridon," I called over my shoulder.
"Hmm?"
"Thank you."
After a pause, he replied with a smile. "Of course."
I dodged the small crowd of students at the gate to the arena – most of them younger than myself – and stopped at water barrel from a drink. Catching my reflection in the water, I grimaced and rebraided my hair as quickly as possible. This task was made difficult by my stiff fingers, but I had no time for perfection.
By the time I arrived in the kitchens to help with my employers' breakfast, the sun was well up and the other maids tempers were wearing thin. Keeping silent, I helped where I could.
"Best not take it today, Azadryn," one of the nicer girls murmured as I reached for a tray. She nodded at my clothing.
I had been too distracted by my hair to notice the stains on my shirt. Now that I was paying attention, I could also make out the scent of sweat. Sighing, I nodded and let the girl take the tray. "Thank you."
She smiled mischievously. "Of course. Now you get to milk the goats instead."
I had to laugh as she waggled a few free fingers and made her retreat. At last, I seemed to be finding a place here. The king and queen had lost interest in me for the time being, everyone had accepted – or at least decided to keep silent about – my friendship with Runedan, and despite what Aridon said I felt I was making progress with my weapons practice. I never imagined that last accomplishment would give me so much pleasure, but there it was. Though I was looking forward to the day Hedyr returned and could resume instructing me. He was a more patient teacher than Aridon.
I quickly milked the goats. "Not today," I warned one of them as I finished. She had seen me collecting my buckets of milk and was sidling toward the gate to make another attempt at freedom.
Before we could start our daily battle of wills, a cry rang out overhead. Craning back my neck, I could just make out a flight of birds winging swiftly up the mountain. I could tell by the sound that they were messengers, like Sverrhu.
Kicking the nanny goat out of the way, I rushed through the gate and back to the kitchen. The room was eerily quiet.
"What happened?" I gasped as I deposited the milk by the door.
The maid who had taken breakfast for me ran a shaky hand over her hair. "One of the boys heard what they were saying," she said, gesturing skyward. "There was an attack."
A cold weight sank in my stomach. "Where?"
"He could not hear."
"They will be at the castle by now," an older woman said. She tried to look stern, but her face was pale. "We will know soon enough. Back to work, girls."
It wasn't until I was reaching for a knife to help chop vegetables that I realized I had been gripping my axes with both hands.