Hiiii!!! I'm so happy you checked out my story!! Previously known as "Letting Go" and "Kissing James Goodbye" haha I change the title a lot. I'm very indecisive. Sorry if anyone was confused.
This idea was originally only dialogue. I decided to change that and I'm proud to say I'm happy with the result. There may be errors, I will go back and reread and edit all my chapters later. First off, this chapter is longggg. So I apologize for that. Well, good news is you can enjoy a nice coffee or tea and read.
Secondly, this is a very original idea. Please don't plagiarize. I know my story. And I will know if you copy it. This is purely for people to enjoy reading it as much as I love writing it. Thank you and happy reading!
Warning: Heart pulling scenes ahead
((((((( part I )))))))
The bright, full moon lit up the dark forest. Some of the glow cracked through the tall tree branches and shined on the path in front of the two figures. A girl trails after the man, hiding herself easily behind the thick trunks in order not to alert him of her presence.
Levinia shivered, rubbing her hands on her arms to create at least a little friction to warm herself. She noticed that the air was colder than usual, considering that summer had just begun. After overhearing her best friend, James, mention something about leaving, she had been keeping a close eye on him. He hadn't said anything to her and now in the middle of the night, he was leaving. Without a note or trace. Did their friendship mean nothing? Did he not trust her enough?
During the conversation she had eavesdropped on, James had sounded so heartbroken. At such a loss of what to do. Usually he would come to her for advice, but this time, he gave no inclination for any sign of help.
Up ahead she saw him stumble; catching himself with a hand to a tree. His whole figure shook with fear or sadness -Levinia wasn't sure what- but she couldn't hold back anymore. Hearing his sobs was destroying her. She rushed up to him, exposing her hiding spot and standing in front of him. She gripped his forearms to give support. His automatic reaction was to pull away until he realized who was holding him.
His usual shinning piercing green eyes that looked into hers were now hollow and distant. His cheeks glistened underneath the moonlight. They glistened, Levinia realized, from tears. Dark rings held shadows under his eyes. She had noticed them before, only now they had become ten times worse.
"Levinia," his shaking voice startled her, full of unmistakable fear and shock. "What are you doing out here?" Just the tone of his voice caused a deep worry to overflow in her. His emotions cracking, she had never seen him lose control like this before. It wasn't like him. The man she knew was strong and full of life. He was a leader. But now he had become feeble, like he had a sickness.
She took a couple seconds before answering. "I-I overheard you. So I planned on following you, tonight." she confessed then rushed to explain further. "And then you were crying and I couldn't just stand there and watch anymore-"
"You're freezing cold," He cut off. "take my jacket." he offered, shrugging it off of his shoulders. The small act touched her. Levinia had barely noticed the visible goosebumps on her arms. She had rushed outside quickly without a coat in order not to lose track of him so soon in the forest.
"No, it's yours." Levinia held her hands up, not wanting her debt to him to grow.
"I have no need for it. Here." His arm extended the piece of clothing to her.
Reluctantly she grasped it, pulling it around her body and burying herself in the warm fabric of clothing. She slipped her arms through the sleeves while breathing in his overwhelming scent. It held a strong scent of smoke from the campfire he started earlier and there was also a hint of his natural masculine aroma. The jacket provided her with a fantasy image of protection, but it was enough fantasy to calm her.
"You can wear it until I take you back."
"Take me back?"
"yes," he answered as if it were obvious. "It's not safe for you out here." He urged and straightened, a mask of strength covering his emotions . He grabbed her wrist, preparing to lead her back to camp.
"It's not safe for you either." she countered, pulling her arm away from his hold. The vacant spot turned cold from the loss of contact.
"Please, please go back to bed." He looked so concerned and worried, Levinia almost wanted to do what he said. But still she refused.
"No, not until you tell me where you're going." She said stubbornly. No way was she letting him go without explaining anything.
"I-I can't." he shook his head.
Then it clicked. Levinia didn't know why she hadn't seen it before. "You're handing yourself in aren't you." It wasn't a question. His eyes pleaded with her not to be upset. "I'm not going to let you do this." She told him firmly, while blocking his path.
James let out a strangled groan, running a hand through his dark hair. "This is why I didn't tell you, Levinia." he fused, anger rising up. "You can't stop me or change my mind. I'm going to save them." With that he turned his back to her and started pacing in frustration. A habit of his. Levinia bit back a remark about him holding this decision from her.
"What if it's a lie? Which it most likely is. Did you think about that?" Levinia wasn't about to let this conversation slip away. She followed his footsteps while continuing her rant. "They're deceiving you. They want to kill you, they have wanted to kill you and they found out how to do it perfectly. By threatening the ones you love most. This isn't the time to turn yourself in. It's the time to act, to rescue your family, fight back! At least consider what I'm saying."
James said nothing, keeping his back to her throughout her entire rampage. She took a few steps forward, reaching out and touching his arm. He whipped around, making her cower back when she saw his bright angry eyes.
"You don't think I thought about this? The consequences? I make my own decisions!" His voice raising caused her to take a step back. Then he looked toward the ground when he saw her reaction, his shoulders sagging as he added quietly. "We aren't a couple anymore, stop acting like we are."
She flinched harshly, as if fire had scorched her. "I... I'm" her voice cracked. She quickly composed herself, her face became neutral. "I didn't know you felt that way."
"I didn't mean it like that." He winced. She wasn't making this any easier for him.
"It's fine. I understand."
He looked at her helplessly as if he wanted to say many things through this one glance.
He didn't want to do this. He had told himself that he would never hurt her. That he would do whatever it took to keep her safe and happy. And here he was causing unbearable pain to her and others. He couldn't let that happen. He didn't want to part this way.
"No, you don't understand. You don't know how you make me feel." he blurted, kneeling down in front of her and taking her small hands in his strong ones. He wasn't sure what caused him to do this strange action. Maybe it was his desperation for her needing to understand that he was being completely honest. "You don't know how much you agitate me and calm me at the same time. You don't know how angry yet blissfully happy you make me. You don't know how much I want to kiss you when you bite your lip or when you laugh at my dumb jokes. Levinia... I adore you."
Levinia couldn't stop a blush at his words, avoiding his eyes and very thankful that the trees blocked the moonlight at the moment.
"Then don't go. If what you said is true and you care about me as much as I do you, then don't leave me."
"You know I have to." James' eyes which had been previously filled of hope, changed ruefully.
"And if you don't come back? what then?" Levinia asked quietly.
James stopped and shook his head. "I have to take that chance. If something happens to them, to anyone, because of me, I could never live with myself." He said softly, swallowing hard. "I can't let anything happen to any of you. Even if- even if I-" his voice caught and he couldn't manage to speak anymore.
Levinia drew in a sharp breath. "Oh James," she immediately pulled himself to her, giving all the comfort she could to him in one hug, with her arms around his waist as she leaned her head against his chest to hear his rampant heartbeat. His arms slowly wrapped around her too, relaxing in her arms as if a ton of weight was being lifted off of him. A hole he didn't know existed, filled up and he wanted to swear to himself that there was nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do to take him away from her. But he couldn't.
"Please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault."
"But it is. I created this-this horrible reality." His thumb grazed her cheek gently, running his fingers down her neck. The touch was soft and full of adoration. It made her close her eyes in contentment as a longing arose within her.
HIs words took a second to process in her mind with his distracting touch. But once they did she looked up at him with influence. "They made their choice! Can you not carry the weight of the world on your shoulders for two minutes? They deserve their consequences. You had no part in this."
"I can't let them stay in there. They're family."
"They betrayed you." Levinia gaped. "How could you even consider this?"
"Maybe I'm willing to forgive them."
"James, look at me." She pulled away, but kept him at arms length. "You're an amazing man. You love everyone. It's a little crazy actually. It's not a bad thing, but you need to look at things in context. You're brother decided to be influenced by the people around him. You're sister gave in under pressure. They both committed terrible crimes and not to mention they hurt me and you want to walk in there and save them?"
"I love them." He said as if that answered everything. And to him, it did.
"I know you do." She sighed.
"If it were you I would do the same. I wouldn't think twice."
Her heart melted inside. Why was he such a good person? How did he not see the darkness in others?
"I'm not going to be able to change your mind am i?"
"No," he answered. "but thank you for trying." Trying to make the situation better he pulled her close to him in a protective hold and made a promise. "I'll get back to you somehow, love." His voice had gone several octaves lower. She could feel him speaking. His rumbling chest reached every inch of her body. She just wanted to stay here forever in his arms.
"They're ruthless. You won't make it out alive. Please," she whispered, realizing the inevitable. She slid her hands to his forearms once again, his embrace allowing her to hear his rapid heartbeat this time in syncopation with her own. "I don't want you to-to die. Please."
Her plea nearly sent him over the edge. He held her tighter and clenched his teeth until they ground together painfully, and a single tear ran down his cheek. He took a moment to try and gain control of his voice. "Don't think of it that way. I will try my best to come back, I promise."
"I don't think I can live without you." She swallowed, resisting the urge to cling to him and never let go. James smiled sadly.
"You must. You have people that care for you as much as I do. Like Jazmin, what is she going to say when she finds out you left her all by herself?" he teased. Levinia laughed breathlessly. He always knew how to brighten the mood, but reality sunk back on her again like a shot to the heart.
"It won't be the same." She paused. Not even close. " You aren't them."
"I know, but you're going to have to let me go."
For a minute, Levinia savored just being in his arms. She debated in her mind on whether to say the next three words playing over in her head. Eventually she said it impulsively. "I-I love you." She told him, hesitantly. She immediately regretted it. She couldn't get attached. She had to be strong and not feel.
Feelings caused heartbreak.
James didn't look surprised, as if he knew all along. He brought her close and pressed a protective kiss to her forehead.
"I love you so much, Levinia." He told her painfully honest and hating himself for having to pull away.
The words healed and yet broke her.
But that wasn't enough for her. As he started to detach himself she grabbed his arm with surprising force reaching up and pressing her lips to his. He melted easily into the kiss and she felt more tension leave his body. It was the kind of kiss that made you weak in the knees from the fleeting passion. James had to keep her upright with his arms wrapped around her, letting out a low noise from the back of his throat when she took his bottom lip in between her teeth. The desperation and urgency amidst them growing, the knowledge that this moment may be there last. This time he really did have to pull away and heard her sniffle as he did so, his hands leaving her arms, no longer providing her with much needed support. She sunk to the ground, her back resting against a tree.
"Okay... I'm okay." she inhaled sharply, trying to tilt her face away from him to hide her tears but failing. "I'm not crying."
"Liv..." he called, looking down on her in concern.
"I'm fine. Just-just go."
"Will you be alright?" he asked, but he already knew the answer.
"yea."
"Is that a lie?"
"Yea."
James felt an almost gravitational pull that inclined him to kneel beside her and brush the tears away. That same usual look of love and adoration on his face but this time tinged with pain and sadness. It was becoming harder with each second to leave.
"I wish I had another hour to spend with you... Please don't be sad." he moved a strand of hair away from her face.
"Well this isn't exactly the time to be happy..." Levinia let out a wet laugh from her sobs. "I'm guessing you want your jacket back." She shifted to take it off but he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. The touch scorched her.
"Keep it. I'll get it when I return."
"I'll be waiting." She forced a smile.
With great difficulty and reluctance, James stood, trying to memorize each one of her features and bury it deep in his mind where it couldn't be taken away.
"don't wait too long." he warned her. She deserved to live her own life. To find love.
"I'll be waiting no matter how long it takes." she promised.
James knew he shouldn't ask, but he had to know. "Even if its forever?"
Levinia smiled. "yeah, even if it's forever."
Then he turned his back and walked away.
In the dark.
Alone.