Last time I passed out, I woke up to the sound of the clock and a pen scratching against paper. Everything was peaceful then.
This time, it is all different.
I'm gasping for breath, sitting upright. Confusion engulfs me. Where in the world am I? Who are these people standing around me? Well, that little girl looks familiar. Last time I saw her, she was covered in mud, a doll in her hand. None of the people speak as my eyes scan them. There is Isaac, my partner. His eyes are wide, full of concern. Then, the giant and his Jack standing beside him. Then, there is Ollie, standing with her arms crossed, and then there's me.
Wait. No. That's not me.
That's my mom.
My dead mom.
"Are you okay, Muney?"
That comes from Isaac. I know, because his voice trembles a little.
"Don't call me that," I snap, rubbing my head.
"She's fine," he tells the others, sighing, "I was worried about you."
"It's perfectly normal to pass out when people hit you with heavy objects," I say, keeping the snap in my tone, "Stocks of guns or dead mothers."
Isaac looks hurt, standing up.
"Sorry, Isaac," I mutter, exhaling. He just shakes his head, walking away. "Hey, I'm sorry." Calling after him is no good, though; he's already gone. Belle chases after him, Zeus trailing behind.
"Don't take your anger out on him," a much calmer voice says, "He was the most worried out of all of us. Call it overreacting if you will, but it was rather sweet."
I follow the voice, right to my mother.
There's no holding my temper back now. No amount of willpower could stop my tongue.
"Who are you to tell me who I can and can't take my anger out on?"
She seems taken back. At that, the giant and Jackson both leave, giving us our privacy. Only Ollie remains, taking a seat on the floor beside me.
"Jay, I get why you're mad, but you have to let me explain," Mandy continues, kneeling onto the concrete. At the impact, she winces, rubbing her joints.
"I don't want your explanation," I continue, glaring at her, "You've been hiding out here for almost twenty years. You missed my entire life."
"And I regret it daily."
We are both silent, staring each other down. In the quiet, I feel the heat receding out of my cheeks. The pounding behind my eyes has gone down a little.
"You can talk," I mutter, picking at the bandage on my arm. It's brown with caked blood and dirt. Eventually, I will have to change it.
"After I got sick, Jacob took me back to his CDC office for examination. I was there for months, undergoing tests and experiments. I can't remember much, because time didn't seem to pass in the room I was in. There wasn't any windows or clocks," she says, referring to my father by his first name.
"They kept giving me this red liquid, and I wasn't getting any better. Eventually, I blacked out for good, and I have no idea how long I was out. When I woke back up, I was sitting outside the facility, covered in blood and grime. I was still sick, but I felt better than I had in a long time.
"It was cold outside, so I knew a few months had passed. There was snow on the ground. Strange thing was, there was no one around. The entire city of Knoxville was empty. I remember screaming and screaming for anyone, until I finally gave up and went back to the facility. I don't really know why, but there was a bed and food there.
"I didn't fully recover for another month. I was completely alone in the building; no sign of bodies or anything. At night, I could hear what I thought were animals trying to get in, but I never went close enough to the windows. I think I was too scared.
"One day, I tried turning on a TV in one of the offices, and there was this news broadcasting on repeat. It was telling people to find shelter in the new compounds, specifically Compound 4, because it was the closest. That's how I found out about the virus. I stole some files and hitchhiked to Dunlap, which was as close to Compound 4 as I could get. The military had the place on constant watch, according to our sources. Plus, the people here were a mess. They needed me, too."
"More than I needed you?" I interrupt, unable to hold it back for any longer. The whole story sounded like a lie.
"I figured you were safe within the walls," she says, shaking her head, "I knew I had a better chance if I didn't get myself shot trying to break in."
"They wouldn't have shot you. Dad wouldn't have let them," I say.
"Jacob isn't the person you think he is."
"Don't start on Dad."
"Your father was feeding me the virus, Jaelyn."
"That's crazy. Dad wouldn't do that. He loved you." He did love her. At least, I think he did. I didn't have too many memories from before the incident. It was so long ago.
"He knew I was immune," she continues.
That took a minute to set in. It made sense if immunity was genetic. I wasn't the only one.
But, still. Why would Dad do that? And how did he get ahold of the virus before it had spread?
"What about Cupcake?" I blurt out, eyebrows knitting together. Mandy looks at me, confused. "Dad said you ate Cupcake."
"The cat?"
I nod.
"That's crazy, Jay," she says, shaking her head, "Of course I didn't eat Cupcake. I'm allergic to cats. That was your father's pet."
"I don't believe you," I say, tugging a knot out of my hair.
"About Cupcake? Look, I didn't- "
"About any of it."
She lowers her eyes, taking a deep breath. Crossing my arms, I continue.
"I don't have to believe you. Why you are here doesn't matter, and neither does your immunity," I say, trying not to sound as mean as it comes out, "I'm sure that's not why you wanted me to come here."
"Oh, it's not," Ollie says, suddenly, making me jump. I had forgotten she was there. "That's where I come in. You see, the people here don't care about a cure. Once we found Mandy, it was pretty clear that the cure was probably a genetic anomaly. We don't care to be saved; we just want to survive."
Ollie is probably the smartest person I've ever met.
"Yet, Mandy has been irreplaceable when it comes to protecting us and finding resources. Her immunity is a strength, because she doesn't have to fear the infected like the rest of us do. We use her on supply missions. When I found out she had a daughter, I wanted you here to help us survive. We could only assume you were immune, too. We've been spreading your name all around the country since then."
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Mandy look away, playing with a strand of her hair. Something's not right. I do that when I'm uncomfortable with a situation.
"I've been sending groups out every now and again, when we get really low on supplies. The first group we sent out was Duncan's group. When no one came back, it took people a long time to regain morale for volunteering."
Duncan. The man in pinstripes that couldn't speak to me. The man who I accidentally got killed the first time.
"Duncan made it to me," I say, quietly, looking at my boots, "But long story short, I didn't know why, and he didn't make it inside the walls."
Ollie just nods.
"I figured as much. We've done our mourning. That was almost ten years ago, when we were first coming together. The last group was a bigger hit for us. Belle's twin volunteered to go."
I take a breath quickly, remembering the paisley dress and doll, the whimpering, the mud and dirt. I close my eyes against the memory. It hurts deep in my chest to think that little girl was someone's sister, someone's daughter. She was someone that was important to another little girl. And I got her killed because I had to try and be a hero.
"She made it to me as well," I mutter, voice trembling.
"Oh? Belle will be happy to know. Mandy, will you go get her?"
"No, don't," I interrupt as Mandy stands up, "She was infected when she showed up. I tried to save her; I thought I could do something." Right hand going over the wounds on my arm, I continue. "She got me when I tried to protect her. Probably out of hysteria. Either way, they shot her."
Ollie is staring at me, the gap between her two front teeth showing.
"Don't tell Belle," I say, shaking my head, "Tell her I never saw her."
The both of them are quiet.
"We do not lie to one another here," Ollie says, motioning to Mandy who stands up the rest of the way. "Mandy will tell her the truth later, when she can sleep it off. I'm sure she saw it coming, anyway." Ollie follows her up, offering me a hand. "For now, though, we have work to do. So, stop sitting around and crying over how awful your life's been."
Scowling at her, I take her hand, standing up.
Mandy leads the way through the aisles, back to where the people are just beginning to settle down for the night. I can barely see, now, because there is no light filtering through the holes in the ceiling. Stephen, Clare, Justin, and Isaac are standing at the door with Zeus, each of them holding a different weapon. Stephen has a gun the size of me; Clare has a much smaller gun, packing it into the back of her jeans. Justin is carrying what looks like a massive piece of wood with nails sticking from all angles. Isaac has a backpack on that looks like it might be stuffed with more weapons.
Funny, that he can't touch the gun he gave me, but he can carry a backpack full of them.
"Everything set?" Ollie asks Stephen, who is readjusting his sash.
"Yep," he says, the southern accent coming out, "We're all set. Isaac volunteered to carry the extra ammo and other supplies. He's also our lookout."
"Wait, if he's going, so am I," I say, shaking my head.
"You're not my guardian," Isaac snaps, a strand of black hair falling over his face.
"Yes, I am."
"I don't want you to go, Muney."
I suck in air fast, hurt by his use of the nickname against me.
"Please, children," Ollie says, "Of course you're going, Jay. You're immune. You go in first and make sure the area is clear of infected before the normal crew go in. Mandy needs a break."
I make a face at her, nose scrunching up.
"I'm your bait?"
"Yes, but I was being nice."
Looking back at Isaac, I notice he's putting in ear plugs. That's probably the best idea he's had all day.
"Why don't we go out during the day, when the infected can't come out?" I ask, taking the pack that Clare hands me. She returns my gun as well, not answering my question. It's like she can't even hear me.
"Because we need to go into houses," Mandy says, from where she sits by Belle, playing with her pigtails. I have to turn my face away, biting my lip. "The infected bunch up in the houses during the day; so, it's not safe to wander in. At night, though, they come out and leave their nests unattended."
I nod in understanding, wincing as Stephen pulls open the metal door.
"Let's go," he says, waving us out, "Jay and I will take the front. Justin, you take up the back. Clare and Isaac will stay in the middle."
We all nod, and the five of us start walking.
Somewhere in the distance I can hear an animal screaming. There's a crippling feeling in my chest that tonight isn't going to be easy.