Greenwood T.H 2058
The weeks passed almost in a blur thereafter, and tomorrow would be the day all wood elves were looking forwards to the most throughout the year, Mereth-en-Gillith. For some lucky reason, I had no guard duties tomorrow night, neither did Charanthir nor Voronwë. A seldom treat for all of us, though I had a feeling Alagos had made that choice on purpose. Already now I was looking forwards to the feast, but primarily to spend some time with them without the constant threat of spiders or other foul things lurking in the forest. Their attitude had improved tremendously after I had found out what was really bothering them, so much so that even Aronhir and Nendir had noticed.
I only had to complete this shift and then I would have time to rest and prepare for tomorrow night. All elves had come together, helping bring up the wine, prepare food and all that required to prepare for the feast tomorrow. But one in particular was enormously stressed. I had seen it in his eyes for more than a few days now. Thranduil had looked worse on each occasion I had seen him. The final decision making fell to him along with the other things that needed to be tended to throughout the day. Just because we were having a feast, didn't it mean that the evil would rest for that particular day as well.
Some had to be on guard, Alagos and his company had been charged with this task. A crucial task, but I had seen it in all of them, the slight disappointment that the task had befallen them this year. That morning before I left, I had accidentally stumbled upon Thranduil in the main hall, surrounded by his advisors, all needing something different. It had secretly amused me, bringing a sly smile to my lips but it didn't linger for long because once again, as he always were able to, he felt my gaze and halted the conversation he'd had with Agenor to send me a look, that told me to be careful. I had swallowed nervously and tried not to look to guilty as I lowered my head before fleeing out of the hall.
Voronwë and Charanthir had been waiting for me in the clearing just outside the gate. Aronhir and Nendir came not long after which only left Feredir. He was somehow always late, and it annoyed Voronwë more than he let on sometimes, though today, we all saw it on his face. The knowing look Charanthir shot Voronwë made me smile because even he could read the annoyance in his tight shoulders as he relayed the tasks for the day. There weren't much to do other than prepare for the feast tomorrow, which was also why Voronwë dismissed Feredir after he had been late for the fourth time and sent him to help somewhere else. Everyone had laughed at his crossed expression but nothing else happened.
The way Voronwë sometimes were able to copy Rüdhon's old expression whenever someone annoyed him and the glare he shot them, warning them not to try something was exactly like Rüdhon. Even I shuddered under the gaze as Feredir left us with a slight frown. With a frustrated groan, Voronwë took the first step back before we all began to head out into the forest. We had been charged with watching the eastern borders. It didn't take long to find the platform near the border, the open lands completely deserted before us. A part of me hoped that today would be uneventful enough compared to our usual patrols.
I found a comfortable spot under some of the low hanging branches while watching the open lands ahead of us. Charanthir took a stand next to me, arms crossed against his chest as he smiled down at me. His smile so big that it revealed some fine smile lines around the edges of his lips. I chuckled and shook my head before giving him a gentle push with my elbow. "Ready for tomorrow?" I asked and wiggled my eyebrows, before stealing a soft glance at Voronwë standing somewhere behind us.
Charanthir grinned and nodded eagerly. "It's the first time in years I've been able to get off duty for that night." He admitted and stole a glance at Voronwë as well. "Even for him as well." He gestured to Voronwë with a small move of his chin. "And I'm going to take full advantage of that. You can say what you will about our ill-tempered king, but he has excellent taste in wine." He chuckled before turning his attention back to the open lands ahead of us.
I had to hold a hand against my lips to stop myself from laughing. Unfortunately, he was right. Thranduil had always been great at choosing wine, and at a feast like Mereth-en-Gillith we would all get to take advantage of that. I felt nervous at the same time because it was the first time I would also participate in such a feast, let alone be near my companions in a whole new way. I still sometimes felt that I knew very little about them all. This would surely remedy that. Then Charnathir sighed deeply, reclaiming my attention. "Though I have a feeling that Alagos might have had a say in the matter." He pondered, revealing that he had also been suspicious.
I nodded in agreement. "I have a feeling he might have had a say in the matter. Though I am eternally grateful if he has. This might be just what we all needed after these last few weeks, still, my heart reaches out to those tasked with guarding the forest while we lucky ones get to participate in the feast." I wrapped my arms around myself before looking up at Charanthir at my side. He nodded as well. "I'm looking forwards to spending time with you two, without it having to involve the threat of spiders and such." I admitted.
Charanthir arched a brow at me, but his features softened as he put an arm around me. "You and me both." He chuckled and squeezed me into a half hug before placing his hand on top of my head, rustling my hair, which for once had been unbound. I gave him a determined shove before trying to correct the damage he had done. I twisted my hair into a lazy braid and secured it with a piece of leather string. Charanthir was still laughing at my side when I was done and I shot him a glare, telling him to be careful. I might retaliate.
Nothing more happened thereafter as the sun slowly began its decent. It was almost sunset when we were relieved and allowed to return to the kingdom. Nothing much worth mentioning had happened after that, and for once it had been wonderfully uneventful. A certain peace had fallen over the forest. I kept ahead of Charanthir and Voronwë the whole way back, but not once had I expected Charanthir to retaliate for what I had done to him.
After he had ruffled my hair, I had already begun plotting my revenge. Sometime during the hours following midday, I had managed to crawl unnoticed into the branches above the platform. There I had gathered sticks and leaves, a whole handful before I had hooked my legs around a branch, swung myself down to sprinkle the handful over his head. He had been picking leaves and sticks out of his hair for a while, to the great amusement of everyone else. I had hung upside down with the biggest smile I could muster when he reached for me, but I had been quicker and escaped out of his reach by simply climbing back onto the branch I had been hanging from.
It wasn't until we were almost back at the kingdom, he executed his revenge. I felt a hand on my back, the gentle push had me stagger before forcing me to jump down onto the ground, stumbling a few steps forwards. Charanthir stuck his tongue out at me before hurrying away. I frowned before picking up my speed. I ran below him, keeping an eye on where I put my feet but also where he was above me in the trees, skeptical that was all he plotted to do.
Voronwë kept a few paces behind us, not really in the mood to join our quarrel. When Charanthir finally jumped down onto the ground, I was ready and launched myself at his back, arms wrapping around his neck and my legs around his waist from behind. Charanthir laughed and wrapped his arms around my thighs, carrying me through the clearing as he slowed into a walk. I didn't mind it to be honest. Our laugher mixed while he carried me to the gate, Voronwë right behind us the whole time, shaking his head disapprovingly. "Children—" He sighed when we entered the main hall.
I only smiled wider before Charanthir let me down, only to go for Voronwë instead, but he had been prepared and weaved out of his reach before he could even touch him. Voronwë eyed Charanthir warningly, a finger lifted to make him understand he was serious and not joking in this matter. Charanthir frowned and sighed in defeat as we moved further into the hall, only to be greeted by none other than Agenor in a very foul mood. All of us tried to become smaller when he neared but it didn't dissuade his course, his eyes fixed on me in the middle. "You—" He pointed at me between Charanthir and Voronwë. "Where is our king?"
I pointed at myself and blinked at him, not entirely comprehending what he had said. I was voluntarily making a show of it because I would not let someone speak to me that way. It was clear that Agenor was frustrated but it didn't permit him to take it out on me, nor on the others. I arched a brow at him before taking a deep breath to calm myself. "I have not seen Thranduil since this morning before I left for my guard duties." I tried to keep my annoyance out of my voice, but it came out a little tight. Agenor scoffed and turned to his brother at my side instead.
"If you've lost the king, that's on you. Do not turn to me." Voronwë spoke before Agenor could and held his hand up in surrender. "We've been in the forest all day." Voronwë warned when Agenor scoffed disrespectfully again. His behavior began to irritate me, and I shot him a glare that relayed just that, but it seemed to bounce right off him. "Now, that attitude of yours—pack it away." Voronwë growled before placing a hand on my shoulder. "She does not deserve your anger, none of us do." Voronwë scowled at his brother before tugging on my shoulders so that I followed him.
Agenor scoffed again but remained silent while we left him in the main hall. I was blinking at Voronwë's sudden bravery towards his brother, even Charanthir was smiling with glee. "Don't!" He warned and pointed a finger at Charanthir who was about to open his mouth once we had stepped into the nearby hallway, and out of Agenor sight. Charanthir grinned even wider before he put an arm around Voronwë's shoulders and brought him closer to him. He pressed a kiss against his temple before hurrying away because Voronwë had been ready to lash out at him.
I chuckled at the sight as Voronwë chased Charanthir down the hall. It was a welcomed sight and I felt so happy for them. What they shared was so pure. I on the other hand walked slowly through the hall, not in any hurry to return to my room, well aware that it would be cold and empty. I didn't have anyone waiting, no matter how improved my relationship with Thranduil had become over the last few weeks. No matter how much I enjoyed seeing them, Charanthir and Voronwë, it still reminded me of what I had once had with Thranduil, and deep down still craved so badly.
I brushed a few tears away from my cheeks when finally reaching my room. I took a deep breath before entering the empty room. However, I was proved wrong for once. The room was not empty. Surprise dominated my features as I beheld Thranduil in the rocking chair next to my bed. I had halted awkwardly half-way through my next step, attention wholly on Thranduil. His eyes had been closed, one hand on his thigh, the other on the armrest and one leg swung over the other. The chair was rocking ever so slightly, leaving me to believe he was asleep.
My heart ached with the sight. He looked utterly exhausted, though the crease between his brows had softened substantially. A soft smile claimed my initial surprise and I slowly moved further into the room so I could close the door behind me. The soft click all that disturbed the silence. I kept my steps light and barely audible while I moved towards the desk on my left. I loosened the straps to the quiver on my back along with the sword before gently placing it down on the ground next to the desk.
I made little sound, and Thranduil didn't wake up not even when I somehow managed to shift out of my guard uniform and into the cobber dress I treasured. At first it worried me until I remembered just how exhausted he had looked this morning. He had properly come here, seeking some peace and quiet, somewhere Agenor wouldn't find him straight away. I smiled when nearing him again. My steps still light because deep down I didn't want to wake him. I knew he didn't sleep much these days, though it had been weeks since I had been woken to one of his nightmares.
Thranduil was back in the burgundy red tunic, hair running straight without any adornments nor crown. His hair was longer than ever, almost reaching his waist now, though still delicately thin at the edges. I observed him for a few minutes, his breathing heavy even suggesting he was sleeping somewhat peacefully today. I debated whether to wake him or not because I didn't mind his presence, and deep down I wanted to give him this opportunity to rest. Unable to control myself, I stepped closer, so close that I practically stood right next to him.
With a deep breath I dared brush my fingers against the back of his left hand resting on the armrest of the rocking chair. Thranduil sucked in a deep breath, hand instinctively reaching for mine. He opened his eyes, the motion weak and heavy with sleep while he held my hand. I offered him a small smile when our eyes met. It wasn't one he reciprocated but he squeezed my hand again, his thumb running over the back of it. The action so affectionate as he straightened up in the chair, the back of his head still against the chair as he pushed it back just a little more to accommodate the height difference.
His hand was cold against mine but no less comfortable around it. I retained the smile while several minutes passed where we just looked at each other as Thranduil drew circles with his thumb against the back of my hand. For once he looked so defeated, eyes heavy with sleep as he also took this moment. Neither of us said anything before he gently tucked on my hand, urging me to stand in front of him before pulling me closer. I was guided to sit down on his lap after he had uncrossed his legs.
The comfort Thranduil needed but also provided me were a bit overwhelming as I lent my head against his shoulder. I sat sideways on his lap, my shoulder against his chest while Thranduil allowed an arm to move around me. I sucked in a deep breath and fought against the tears that threatened to emerge when I pressed my face into the crock of his neck. Thranduil felt the shift in me and put a hand over mine that was on my thighs.
A soft rocking began while I breathed deeply, taking in the all too familiar scent of his. It was almost as if it had been come stronger since last. The earthy scent, more like a forestry scent, reminiscent of the invigorating scent of rain on parched earth, like petrichor. Thranduil rested his cheek against the top of my head before he squeezed my hands reassuringly. "Goheno nîn—" Thranduil exhaled deeply but didn't move. "I only desired a moment away from the constant badgering of Agenor."
I chuckled and relaxed against Thranduil. It was understandable and I didn't blame him at all. It had only surprised me that he had sought refuge here. "There's nothing to forgive. Agenor can be a handful sometimes, I'll grant you that." I agreed with a soft nod of my head. Thranduil chuckled, the sound reverberating through his chest. I lent heavier against him and even turned my chest to rest against his. Thranduil lifted the hand that had been on mine and brushed a few strands of hair behind my ear, his fingers slowing down when they brushed over the arch of my ear.
I shuddered at the motion, but he did it again, only slower before resting his palm against my cheek. The touch so loving and affectionate it made my heart soar. I blinked the tears away before reaching for his hand. I moved it from my cheek and held it to my chest instead. Thranduil tensed underneath me and lowered his chin to take in our hands. Then I felt the back of a finger brush against the exposed part of skin where the pendant from Rüdhon rested. I still wore the necklace because it was the only part of Rüdhon I had left.
My feelings were in such turmoil I couldn't find my words and just lowered his hand, making him unable to touch the pendant. Thranduil saw, like he always did and shifted his hand out of mine before placing a finger under my chin, forcing me to look up at him. "I know—it's the only thing you have left of him." Thranduil sighed before resting his forehead against mine. "But it is hard not to feel envious—" He admitted, taking me off guard. I pushed away from him, attaining a more seated position while meeting his eyes again. "De melig? (Did you love him?)" Thranduil asked, reluctantly meeting my eyes. Then he swallowed. "Ni melig? (Did you love me?)"
"Agóren—(I did)" I whispered and nodded while brushing a few tears away from my eyes. "Annin—Thranduil, le velethron e-guil nîn (Please, Thranduil, you are the love of my life.)" I cried while reaching for him. My hands came to rest against his chest as he held them fast. I saw a soft smile on his lips while he watched my tears. Then his hands shifted to my cheeks, cupping them gently before bringing me closer to him. He brushed more tears away from my cheeks with his thumbs before leaning closer.
Lips brushed against mine, seeking accept before being pressed against them. His lips pressed against mine until I accepted him and deepened the kiss. Thranduil still tasted of charred salt and embers, with a hint of the fruity wine he treasured. It had not changed at all during the years. I melted into the kiss and was the first to break it before wrapping my arms around his neck. Thranduil returned the embrace and rested his chin against my shoulder. "Ah im, ú-'erin veleth lîn? (Do I not also have your love?)" I whispered weakly.
"Gerich veleth nîn (You have my love)" Thranduil professed with a deep exhale but without hesitation as his arms wrapped around me as well. I cried out in happiness and tightened my embrace. Thranduil shifted a hand to the back of my head as he pressed his temple against the side of my head. Thranduil kept rocking the chair while he held me, tighter than he had ever done before. The fingers of the hand on the back of my head intertwined with my hair as he sought a better grip.
Everything culminated in that moment, all the hate, all the longing, the jealousy, the frustration, everything clashed as the love I still felt for him won over everything else that had happened between us. For a long while, we just sat like this until I retracted my arms and shifted so that my side was against him again, my head on his shoulder. Thranduil smiled before lifting his hand to my cheek again. He brushed more hair behind my ear, prolonging the touch whenever his fingers brushed against the arch of my ear. He did this multiple times, repeating the loving gesture.
I shuddered but relaxed against him, that along with the subtle rocking of the chair lulled me into a sense of security. For a while, it was all I could comprehend until the door were opened and someone entered without knocking. We both straightened up, but I didn't get to stand before Legolas came into view, rubbing his eyes. It was obvious he had been crying. I sighed and reached for him when he closed the door behind him. "Ada?" He sniffled when noticing Thranduil behind me. "I had a bad dream." He continued when I lifted him from the ground and took him into our embrace.
Thranduil wrapped his arms around us both after I had positioned Legolas on my lap. I leant back against Thranduil while just holding his son as tightly as he held me. When I started to hum, Thranduil relaxed underneath me and sighed deeply, pleased with the melody. He kept the rocking motion going while I hummed and before long Legolas was fast asleep again in my arms. Sleep was heavy within me as well, and it took much out of me not to fall asleep as well though everything inside me wanted to give in. Unfortunately, it won eventually.
When I came back around, I had been moved to the bed. I stretched my arms over my head and rolled to my side, only to find Thranduil next to me and Legolas between us. Thranduil was on his side as well, one arm bent underneath the pillow his head rested on and his other hand on Legolas's back. The young prince was on his stomach, arms spread wide but sound asleep next to me. It was a sight I never thought I would ever get to experience, and it kept me silent long enough to take it all in before I had to suppress a sob.
The sight was more precious that I could ever put into words as my tears fell silently. Legolas sighed, the soft childish sound was so pure and yet so fulfilling. I brushed a few strands of his hair behind his ear before lying back down, shifting only a little to get comfortable. However, the motion roused Thranduil from his sleep. He sucked in a deep breath, claiming my attention as he opened his eyes. His blue met mine, first heavy with sleep but when they dipped to the tears falling, they cleared. The hand he had kept on Legolas's back, shifted to my cheek, and dried a few of them away but I shifted out of his reach and sat up.
I felt him shift upright into a seated position as well before crawling over to my side of the bed where he sat down and forced me to look at him by lowering my hands from my face. "Goheno nîn—" I managed to whisper through my tears as Thranduil shifted up onto his knees again and pressed a kiss to my forehead.
Thranduil offered me a soft smile. "Û-moe edaved. (There's nothing to forgive.)" He assured before turning to Legolas next to us. The young prince barely stirred when Thranduil picked him up and took him into his arms. It was nearly dawn. The sun had almost broken through. Thranduil shifted off the bed and kept a tight hold on his son before he reached for his tunic, which had been hung over the back of the rocking chair. I watched him but didn't leave the bed until he turned back to me.
My steps were careful when I neared him. Once close enough, Thranduil lowered his head and rested his forehead against mine. He took a deep breath before turning away again. "See if you can find more rest. There will not be time to rest tonight." Thranduil urged before he moved through the room towards the door. I sat back down onto my bed after he had exited the room with my head in my hands, trying to wrap my mind around everything that had happened last night.
I blushed with the thought, but my broken heart had healed just a little after that. I was well aware that there would be long yet for it to completely heal, but we were slowly getting there.