Like every Tuesday Ian waited in the hallway for Mickey to come out of Dr. Newman's office. He was looking through some weird magazine about cooking because of the lack of other options but actually found some recipes that sounded okay-tasting when the door to his right opened and Mickey appeared in the frame.
"The fuck are you looking at?" Mickey asked as he saw the magazine on Ian's knees.
"Good to see you too" Ian answered and grinned as Mickey mumbled, "Yeah you too."
"Hey did you know there are seeds called quinoa? Apparently they're a superfood. Maybe we should get some."
"And shove money into these faggy hipster pants that sell shit like that? Fuck no."
"Still not the organic type?" Ian smiled and placed a kiss on Mickey's head who flipped him off.
"Hello Ian", another voice said. Ian looked up and saw Dr. Newman standing behind his boyfriend, "Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Sure." Every now and then she called him into her office to tell him how Mickey was doing and ask him a few questions. Although she never really revealed what Mickey said exactly. This was between patient and therapist, he knew that from his own visits to his psychiatrist. But today Ian had something to talk about as well.
"Wait for me here okay?" he asked Mickey who was looking for something else than a cooking magazine to read.
"It's not like I would come very far." Ian rolled his eyes as he heard that but also smiled. Mickey was slowly getting used to the fact that he couldn't walk and sometimes he would even make a joke about it. Something Ian was more than glad about because it meant Mickey was doing better. It had worried him how Mickey acted the first months after his diagnosis but he was becoming his old self again apart from the increasing number of gentle gestures which Ian definitely wanted to keep.
"So what do you want to talk to me about?" he asked when the doctor and him sat down in her office. She looked at him and seemed to be hesitating which he had never seen before. Newman was what he would describe as a woman who would rarely show it but was tough as fuck and definitely not a pussy when it came to embarrassing topics.
"Uhm... I asked Mickey about it but as I suspected he said it is none of my business and I would say he's right and I shouldn't even talk about this to you but-" she started and Ian interrupted her by saying, "What?"
"I really don't want to barge into this part of your life but have you- have you had sexual intercourse since you got back together?"
Oh. That really was none of her fucking business but he knew that Newman must have her reasons to ask something like this.
"Uhm no. I thought I should wait until he wants to... When he's in less pain and you know... ready. Why?" Sure he missed the sex with Mickey. They were absolutely great in bed but he had lived without it for four years until he made up with him. He didn't mind waiting another six months or longer since all he wanted was Mickey to recover and especially with all the cuddling and kissing it wasn't so hard to abstain from actual sex.
"Well glad to hear you're willing to wait until he's ready", she said and wrote something on the paper in her lap, "but even when he'll eventually say he is he might not be."
"What exactly do you mean?"
"You know that Mickey has very low self-respect although he doesn't really show it."
He nodded, hell yeah he knew that.
"So when you actually do have sex it could be the case that in fact he feels really uncomfortable and won't tell you. The fact that he couldn't stop you if he wanted to at least not in the way he used to be able to could make it difficult for him. Even if he doesn't want you to stop. I believe that the feeling of being extradited could be triggering for him. That's why I'm asking you to really pay attention to his behavior when you're about to sleep with each other. And you should-"
"Stop as soon as it becomes too much for him" he said before she could finish her sentence, "Of course I will." He was mad that she even felt the need to tell him that.
"Yes, I wasn't assuming you wouldn't I just wanted to tell you that he might not be ready even if he thinks he is and actually wants it. It could take years."
He nodded. "Yeah I know. Is there anything else?"
"No that's all thank you. See you next week?"
"Actually I also have something I want to talk to you about."
"Yeah, what is it?"
Now it was him who hesitated. "I... I thought maybe Yevgeny can live with us. But I wanted to ask you before."
She looked at him, smiling. "I think that's a good idea."
"Yeah?"
She nodded, "Yes."
"Okay... then... until next week" he answered as he got up and left the small room.
"Took you long enough" Mickey said and put his phone in his pocket. It was only a short look at him but Ian didn't miss the insecurity in his eyes as Mickey asked, "I'm fucking hungry let's grab some food on the way back." He avoided Ian's gaze and pushed himself towards the exit. Ian quickly went with him and grabbed the handles of the wheelchair.
Mickey probably knew exactly why Dr. Newman had called him into her office and he for sure didn't like it.
"Thanks" Mickey murmured quietly and Ian gave him his gloves out of the little pocket at the back of his seat.
They got into the car again and Mickey motioned at the snack bar at the L stop they were passing suggesting it as a place to eat but he had a better idea.
"Where are we going? South Side is the opposite way!", Mickey protested as Ian turned left.
"I know but you said you're hungry and so am I."
"So?"
"So we're getting something to eat."
"Jesus fucking Christ" Mickey responded and gave up. He probably knew that Ian wouldn't tell him were they were going and he was right. He had just gotten the idea and wasn't sure if Mickey would agree if he knew.
About ten minutes later Ian stopped the car and parked it in front of a small but decent looking restaurant.
"The fuck" Mickey said but Ian just pushed him inside, ignoring his protests.
"Hey", a smiling waitress greeted them, "Please follow me." She lead them to a table at the window and quickly removed one of the chairs so Mickey could sit there.
"My name is Cara and I'm your waitress for today. Would you like to order anything to drink already?"
Mickey sent him a death glare but Ian just smiled at him and the waitress and answered, "Yeah, water for me please."
She nodded and turned to Mickey, "And for you?"
"The same."
"Okay, here are your menus. I'll be right back with your drinks." She disappeared into the kitchen and Ian looked around. He had seen this place before. It was almost downtown and he had passed it a couple times but he had never been inside before. The room wasn't big but very cozy with walls painted in a light grey, little armchairs with cushions on them instead of usual chairs, small lamps all over the place which spread warm light. It wasn't super busy but not empty either but fortunately they had the corner they were sitting in pretty much all for themselves.
"You didn't just drag me on a date" Mickey interrupted his thoughts and Ian looked at him. He tried to hide it but Mickey's eyes were definitely smiling and finally even the corners of his mouth went upwards.
"Well, you're the one calling it a date", Ian started and Mickey said, "Fuck you."
"But yeah a date was the intention and I think it worked pretty well."
"You're such an idiot."
Ian opened the menu, "Shut up and pick a dish."
His boyfriend mumbled something he didn't understand but started looking through the different foods.
"What the hell is penne arrabiata?" Ian asked and was pretty surprised when he got an answer.
"It's pasta with a spicy tomato sauce. It's Italian."
He couldn't hold back his smile. He had known Mickey for so long and he still could surprise him.
"How do you know shit like that?"
Mickey shrugged, "Don't know. Ate it a couple times when dad took us dining and dashing, it tastes good."
"Well if you say so I'll take it." Ian closed his menu. "What about you?"
"Risotto."
"What?"
"Jeez Ian it's rice. Italian rice dish."
Ian grinned and Cara came to their table balancing a tray with two glasses of water and placed them in front of them. "Well, are you ready to order?"
They had a fucking good time. Mickey loosened up after a little while and they just talked. Talked about movies, music, their siblings. Ian loved it and he could tell that Mickey enjoyed it too. He was more relaxed than ever and had a constant smile on his face. Not his shit eating smirk. No, his real smile that he only reserved for Ian and sometimes Yev. They were done with eating and talking about the worst movies they had ever seen and had just Cara taking their plates away when Ian said, "Are you serious? You watched Frozen?!"
"Fuck off, Mandy was blocking the TV and that stupid ass movie was on."
"And you had nothing better to do than to stay and watch it?" Ian chuckled and Mickey flipped him the bird.
"Shut up you obviously watched it too."
And Ian decided to take the opportunity and talk about the topic he had been dancing around during the last couple weeks.
"Speaking of movies for children", he started and stared at Mickey who was finishing his water, "Uhm... What do you think about Yev living with us?"
Mickey stopped and looked at him. His eyes filled with excitement. "You mean now?"
Ian nodded.
"Yeah", Mickey gasped, "Yeah!"
It was only eight pm when they arrived at the Gallagher house but darkness had already taken over the streets and it was freezing cold. A few houses in the street had Christmas lights in their windows because Christmas was right around the corner.
Debbie was running through the living room yelling something about a lost toy from Franny when they came through the front door.
"Hi Debs!" Ian said but his little sister ignored him.
"Teens" Mickey chuckled.
"Teen moms" Fiona corrected as she came down the stairs, "We already ate but there's-"
"Don't worry we had dinner already", he grinned, "I took Mickey on a date. Our first one."
She smirked and Mickey flipped both of them off.
"Movie night?" Fiona asked and they nodded. Maybe there weren't as many Gallaghers in the house as there used to be but that didn't mean they couldn't have a good old Gallagher movie night. Plus, less people made choosing a movie a lot easier. His big sister went into the kitchen and got chips and drinks for everybody and they all sat down on the couch. Liam joined them too only Debbie kept running around and blocking the TV. Fiona sighed, "Jeez Debs, she can sleep without it for Christ's sake!"
"Yeah but it's the only one she has since I don't have any money!" Debbie answered still looking for her daughter's stuffed animal.
"We have like a hundred different old animals from Liam" Ian said, "I'll get them from the attic for you. But only if you sit down and let us watch the damn movie."
That connived Debbie and she slumped into the old armchair and shut up.
Tonight it was the girls who were the most tired people and as soon as the credits appeared on the screen Fiona took Liam and went upstairs with him to get ready for bed. Debbie followed them about five minutes later which left Ian and Mickey who were both wide awake alone on the sofa.
"Inglorious basterds?" Ian asked and sent a questioning look at Mickey.
"Hell yes."
Ian popped the movie in and they watched Christoph Waltz being a giant nazi asshole, Michael Fassbender and some German guy shooting each others' dicks off and Brad Pitt trying to speak Italian. They had watched this movie very often already. But every time it was great.
And when it was over Ian got up and took Mickey on his back and they went upstairs. After they had brushed their teeth they went to their bedroom and Ian let Mickey down onto the bed.
Before he could turn around to get some sweats Mickey held him back and pulled him down. Their faces were only an inch apart and Ian closed the distance as he pressed his lips on Mickey's. He was laying on top of him, covering his smaller body their legs tangled together. Ian noticed how Mickey parted his lips and he deepened the kiss, trying to be as close as possible to Mickey.
His hands were all over Mickey's body, feeling his hips, his arms, chest, neck. Reexploring every part of him although he knew Mickey almost better than himself. He could have kissed him for hours, just feeling Mickey's lips on his, smelling and tasting him. But his boyfriend had other plans. Suddenly he felt Mickey's hands on his chest starting to unbutton his shirt, struggling because his fingers hurt from the movement. Ian stopped the kiss and opened his eyes.
They just stared at each other and Ian could see a mix of different emotions in Mickey's eyes. There was happiness and hope and fear and nervousness and excitement.
"Are you sure?" he whispered and Mickey nodded. "Yeah."
"Okay." And Ian closed his eyes again and lowered his head until their lips touched before he gently grabbed Mickey's hands which were still resting on his chest and took them off. Then he unbuttoned his shirt himself and dropped it on the floor next to the bed. He could feel Mickey's hands tracing over his skin, leaving heat wherever they touched him. Trying to not get lost in the different world Mickey was putting him in he grabbed the lower end of his boyfriend's shirt and pulled it over his head their lips only parting for a split second before crashing back together. It wasn't heated, not in a we're-horny-as-fuck way. It was gentle and slow. They were enjoying every moment and didn't feel the need to rush. Ian undressed them both step by step until they were only in their boxers.
His chest almost hurt, his heart bursting of the feeling of love and letting it crawl into every cell of his body, making it hard for him to breathe.
Suddenly he noticed how cold Mickey's skin was were he wasn't touching him so he reached behind him with one hand and pulled the blanket over their bodies. As soon as he put his hand on the back of Mickey's neck he could feel him leaning into him even more.
But he was unsure how to continue. Mickey seemed pretty damn comfortable right now and even said he wanted to but he remembered Dr. Newman's words. If they went too far too soon it could be too much for Mickey. And the last thing he wanted was to hurt him.
Ian could feel Mickey's heart beating fast with his hand laying on his chest. He could feel Mickey's fingers in his hair and on his side right beside the eagle tattooed there. Making it impossible for him to think straight. He knew he was ready and he felt like Mickey was ready too. And they would never know if it was okay if they didn't try right? So he pulled away again and opened his eyes to not miss any signs telling him about Mickey's emotions. He needed him to be sure about this.
"What?" Mickey asked now also opening his eyes.
"Are you sure you want to Mick?"
"Yeah."
He tried to read in Mickey's eyes to figure out if there was the slightest bit of a lie in his words but couldn't find anything except truth.
"Okay but I need you to tell me if you want to stop" he replied.
Mickey resisted his gaze and nodded, "Okay."
They closed their eyes again and his mouth found Mickey's. Slowly he began tracing his hands down Mickey's body beneath him, feeling his smooth skin under his finger tips only interrupted by his many scars. He reached the waistband of his boxers and Mickey's breath hitched as he pulled them off.
When he had removed his own as well he prepared both of them for what was about to come next. Mickey remained silent eyes closed but Ian could feel him flinch as he moved closer. He froze.
"Maybe we should wait."
Mickey opened his eyes and shook his head, "No."
"We got all the time we want. Waiting a little longer won't hurt." He chose his words carefully not wanting to pressure him.
Mickey didn't respond looking away lips pressed to a thin line.
"Hey", he tried to save the situation, "let's just keep doing what we were doing."
He could see him swallow hard, still avoiding his gaze before he asked, "Why?"
Ian looked at him surprised, "What do you mean?"
"Why do you stay?" Mickey's voice was barely audible, "With someone like me?"
He couldn't help the sting of hurt in his chest as he heard these words. Knowing Mickey was beating himself up about the fact that he wasn't ready.
"Because you're you. Because I love you. Thought I made that clear." But he knew the truth. He could say it a thousand times a day, show his love with every move he made. There would always be a part of Mickey that thought he didn't deserved to be loved. Another reason adding to the long list he had of why he would love to stab Terry to death if he ever got the chance.
Mickey took a deep breath before he said, "I'll tell you to stop. If it's not okay I'll tell you." He was looking up at him his eyes flickering but oddly sure at the same time.
"Okay."
He tried to ignore the fact that his heart was beating like he had just run a marathon.
Mickey was everywhere. On his skin, his mouth, his mind. They were slow. Gentle. Intense.
Ian could hear the hitch in Mickey's breath and grabbed his hand reaching around his waist, holding him in his arms, his back against his chest. He held Mickey's fingers tightly in his own until they were done. Afterwards Mickey turned his head around to face him and he leaned down and pressed their lips together another time. He knew Mickey was okay, felt it because he knew him and he felt relief that it was okay. That it hadn't been too soon.
"I love you", Mickey said quietly.
"I love you too", he whispered against his lips, "I love you Mikhailo."
When he had cleaned both of them up he let Mickey snuggle into his side and wrapped his arms around him. His fingers drew invisible lines on Mickey's body following the lines of his muscles. He listened to his breath evening out as Mickey drifted off into sleep. Looked at him, still trying to wrap his head around the fact that they actually were here in this situation. A smile lifted the corner of his mouth as he thought back to the time he first hooked up with Mickey. Who would've thought that they would be here one day? No one. But if he was being honest Mickey had found a way into his heart the day Ian went to his house to get the gun back. And he would always stay.