Chapter 8
"I've got some stuff to do today, so I won't be in the office. You should stay with Mason's band and help them out though, I'll pick you up at five," I notified Calum, grabbing my keys and stepping into a casual pair of brown boots.
"Yeah, sure. See you later."
Harper and I had an appointment with our doctor today, just as a quick check up on the baby. I hadn't told Calum because... well... it was a weird topic to be talking about with the guy I'd slept with the night before. It was easier for everyone if the secret was kept between Harper and myself.
Speaking of Harper, she'd gone to work for the morning since there was some important shooting she had to be there for, so I decided to go to the department store near her studio to wait.
Stores were unusually quiet in the mornings, I found. Once I'd gotten bored of the first floor's men brands, I headed up to the kid's section for some random reason, feeling an inclination to have a look at the sort of clothes kids wore these days.
A little spark was ignited within when my eyes caught onto a small baby penguin onesie on display, one that had little gloves and a cute hood. I went over with instinct and took it off the rail, giving it a spin and imagining a small child filling the empty space in the middle.
"Hi sir, is there anything you're looking for in particular today?" a friendly sales assistant chirped all of a sudden. I shoved the item of clothing back on the display rack, clearing my throat.
"U-uh, no not really – just looking."
"Well I could recommend a few lines if you're interested? How old is your child?"
I heated up, and my face turned into a tomato as I swallowed nervously. "Um... uh..."
"Our child hasn't been born yet!" a voice from behind exclaimed. Harper...? The sales assistant grinned at her. "We're just about to go to the doctor for a check-up, but I guess Luke was too excited and wanted to buy a little something!" she giggled, linking arms with me. I wasn't feeling it though. All of a sudden, the only thing I wanted to do was jump out a window and escape.
"That's so cute! Congratulations, I hope everything goes smoothly for you both!"
We thanked her and left the shop, making our way to the escalator to go all the way back down to the ground floor. "So Luke, were you thinking of buying some clothes? I can't believe you, you're too cute," Harper smiled, tightening her grasp on my arm. I let out a shaky breath and smiled back. "What do you think the doctor will say?"
I shrugged. "Beat's me. I guess they'll do a scan and ask you some questions."
"Only one way to find out, right?"
~
"You baby is completely healthy as of right now," Dr Swan said, holding the iPad showing the scan for us to see. "Would you like to know the gender?"
Harper nodded excitedly next to me. "Boy or girl?"
"Girl!"
She squealed and looked at me with her glossy eyes. "Yes, Lukey! I've always wanted a girl!" I tried to smile but honestly, it just didn't feel right. "What's wrong Luke? Did you want a boy?"
Dr Swan chuckled. "Well, you can always have more than one baby."
I wanted to tell them that wasn't the case, but the words got stuck in my throat.
"Harper, Luke, although things are looking very good so far, I want you both to be prepared for anything that could go wrong. I have a leaflet for you to look through that explains the topics we don't really want to think about, but that we ought to if we don't want any nasty surprises. Harper, you will begin to show in a few weeks' time so I think now is a good time to start buying maternity clothing and Luke, please look after Harper very well. It's a vulnerable time for both the mother and the baby."
I pursed my lips and nodded robotically, eyes flitting to the clock to check the time. 1pm. Four hours before I could see Calum again.
No, that wasn't right. I had to focus on my fiancée and my baby girl, that's what was important, that's what was directly in front of me. "Thank you very much Dr Swan," I thanked, standing and shaking hands with her.
"Yes, thank you! When should we come see you again?"
"About two to three weeks, or earlier if you're having any doubts. Be careful on your way out."
We walked past the other couples in the waiting area of the gynaecology clinic, all of whom were looking pink-faced and excited, like Harper – but not like me. Believe me, I wanted to feel happy about this baby, but I just couldn't. The guilt was killing me slowly, and I had to do something about it – yet I had no idea what.
"Want to get some lunch?" Harper questioned, opening the door to the stairs.
Not particularly, I thought, but the words, "Sure that sounds great!" came out instead.
~
As the day moved along, I began to find myself wondering why we even wanted a baby in the first place.
"Hey, Luke, what do you think about having a baby?" Harper asked as we sat down for dinner that evening. I smiled sweetly and thought hard.
"I mean... we both have stable jobs and a fair bit of money saved... I think we should go for it!" I exclaimed happily, with no idea what we were signing ourselves up for.
Harper giggled and perched on my lap. "Can you just imagine? A small little baby in our arms, resembling us both... my cycle starts soon so we should think about... you know."
"Do we need to think or can we just do?" I smirked. She shook her head in disbelief but nonetheless we ditched the freshly made dinner for something way more exciting.
It was almost impossible to believe that those words were only exchanged a few months ago. My life had been flipped 180 degrees when Calum turned up again, and truthfully I wasn't prepared to have a baby anymore. Calum needed my financial help, and slowly but surely, I was giving it to him. Just last night I'd transferred him a few hundred bucks, and yet there was still at least nine thousand left.
Did I really have a responsibility to help him? Or did my responsibility lie within the family setting?
The journey to the Hi or Hey offices seemed to go on forever, but when I got there, I couldn't help but stare at how mesmerising Calum looked when he was teaching the boys how to write.
"Lyrics should come from the heart, not from the head. You see radio headliners sing about love, betrayal, sex – but a lot of those words are made up to make you happy. The best songwriters don't need to refer to a dictionary or a thesaurus – they find their lyrics inside, they jot them down when out and about before linking them together at the end. Song writing is more a journey than a task, if you ask me."
Mason, for probably the first time in months, began to show signs of love for music. He'd been stuck in a never-ending whirlpool of negativity ever since he joined Hi or Hey, and no matter how much I'd tried to help him, I hadn't been able to break down his wall.
He was a great musician – I saw it in him. But that talent had been locked away by some unknown force within him, and Calum had just found the key to open it once more.
"So do you think you know how to write a good song now?" Calum asked, pushing the pad of paper and a pen towards Mason. He nodded with a grin, immediately writing a few lines down from the top of his head.
Once Mason was happily writing, I discreetly entered the room and beckoned Calum over from the table inside the recording studio. "You've done a great job Cal," I whispered, patting him on the shoulder. He gazed deeply into my eyes, but something about it was colder than usual.
"He's a good kid, I can see why you guys signed his band; they just need some motivation, you know? Are we heading back now? Cause I wanna stop by the job centre to see if they've advertised any new jobs."
I checked my watch and saw that it was quarter past four. "Yeah, we can go. You know you can just work here, right? We can explain to Mikey, he'll understand."
But Calum shook his head. "I don't want to disappoint everyone when I leave again."
"Then stay!" I suggested in exasperation. "Stay here, then you won't have to disappoint anyone."
"Sorry Luke, but my life isn't in this place," he replied calmly.
"Where is it then-"
"Let's just leave it at that, yeah?"
***
If only we knew what Calum was up to😉
Kimmy xx