CHAPTER TWENTY
PAYING THE PRICE
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At the Seelie Queen's words, a ringing started in Adrian's ears. He didn't understand. He had set the chalice on the cavern floor. He hadn't licked his fingers clean of anything like Clary had. His friends had gone completely still when the Seelie Queen said the words, and now all of them were either looking at the Seelie Queen, or looking at him. Alec was the only one who was moving. His kept turning, going from Adrian, to the Seelie Queen, and back again. He seemed just as bewildered as Adrian felt.
"What?" Alec finally demanded, his first words of the night. His voice seemed to shake everyone from their shock. Isabelle narrowed her eyes; her fist clenched, and then Adrian saw the tip of her whip slowly slide into the palm of her hand. She was ready to fight her way out with Adrian and Clary if she had to. Alec was still glaring at the Seelie Queen, and Jace was staring at her with narrowed eyes. He didn't even bother trying to hide his hatred for her. Simon and Clary were the only ones who weren't staring at the queen. Clary kept blinking, as if she thought she was having a dream. Adrian slid closer to her and grabbed her wrist, bringing her back to reality. Whatever game the Seelie Queen was about to play, she needed to be present for it. Simon just seemed lost. He was rolling his token between his fingers. Adrian saw it and then finally found his voice.
"No," he said, clenching his jaw to keep from shouting. He could see Isabelle's fingers twitching. The look she was giving the Seelie Queen showed him exactly who she was going to strike first if this turned into a fight. Adrian wasn't going to let that happen. If they fought their way out, there was no hiding where they had gone from the Institute, or the Clave. Adrian wasn't about to get thrown into prison—or worse, have his Marks stripped from him—just because the Seelie Queen liked toying with people. "I didn't eat or drink anything." The Seelie Queen raised a perfect eyebrow. She was smiling in amusement now. If Adrian hadn't hated her before, he did now.
"You kissed a member of my Court, did you not?" she asked expectantly, already knowing the answer. Everyone but Alec turned to stare at him. He ignored them all, his frustration growing.
"Yes, but—" He stopped, eyes going back to the token Simon was still nervously rolling between his fingers. He remembered Qwenndon slipping his tongue into his mouth and promptly let out a curse, his voice reverberating around the cavern. He had thought Qwenndon was just toying with him, but it seemed he had an ulterior motive the entire time. Of course. He was friends with many kind, if mischievous, members of the Seelie Court. Why had Qwenndon's name been the only one he could think of? He reached up and rubbed at his temples, ignoring the way the Seelie Queen grinned.
"Not every selfless deed earns you a reward, Adrian Dieudonne," she said. Adrian scowled and dropped his hands, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I can only assume you tricked us to consume something," he said, "because no one actually wants to stay here willingly." A muscle in her jaw twitched, the only sign that showed what he said had gotten to her.
"Adrian, what is she talking about?" Jace demanded, sounding frustrated. Adrian sighed and ran a hand through his hair, briefly closing his eyes in an attempt to soothe his sudden headache.
"In order to get that token for Simon—" He motioned toward the acorn in Simon's hand. "—I had to pay for it with a kiss. I guess something was on Qwenndon's tongue when he forced it into my mouth." Alec scowled and glanced away. Simon froze, guilt crossing his face. Adrian was in this position because he had been trying to keep him safe. Adrian opened his mouth to tell Simon that he would absolutely do it again, even now, but stopped when the Seelie Queen started speaking.
"Indeed," she said, confirming Adrian's story. She was sliding her middle finger around the rim of her chalice again. A soft, whimsical whistle note floated through the cavern. Adrian frowned. "He came here right after it was done, wanting to gain my favor. I must admit, I am rather pleased with the turn of events. Though, I much more would have preferred you, Jonathan Morgenstern."
"I should have expected tricks like those," Jace said, hatred clear in his voice. They all should have expected those tricks. Every single Shadowhunter in that room, besides Clary, had been trained to deal with the Fair Folk. It was ingrained into their heads how untrustworthy they were, how mischievous, how much they enjoyed their tricks and their games. They should have prepared. Now it was too late. "Why are you doing this? What do you want from us?" The Seelie Queen thought for a moment. Another note filtered through the room, this one softer.
"Perhaps I am only curious," she eventually said, eyes roaming over the Shadowhunters, taking in the various different runes and weapons on their bodies. "It is not often I have young Shadowhunters so close to my purview. Like us, you trace your ancestry to heaven. That intrigues me." Adrian often forgot that the Fair Folk were rumored to be half angel, half demon. They never confirmed or denied it. Adrian always thought they didn't know where they came from, either.
"But unlike you, there is nothing of hell in us," Jace said coldly. The Seelie Queen just smiled.
"You are mortal; you age; you die. If that is not hell, pray tell me, what is?"
"If you just want to study a Shadowhunter, I won't be much use to you," Clary snapped. "I don't know anything about Shadowhunting. I hardly have any training. I'm the wrong person to pick. And if that doesn't change your mind, then I'm not going to cooperate with you unless you let Adrian go." The Seelie Queen cocked her head to the side, looking thoughtful.
"In truth, Clarissa Morgenstern, you are precisely the right person." Clary had paled at the use of her real name. She didn't like being reminded that Valentine was her father anymore than Jace did. "Thanks to the changes your father worked in you, you are not like other Shadowhunters. Your gifts are different. So different, in fact, that I am willing to let Adrian Dieudonne go in return for you." Adrian scowled. That offer wasn't any better, and did little good, because Adrian wasn't going to leave the Seelie Court without Clary. None of them would.
"I don't know if I should feel relieved or offended," Adrian said coldly. In truth, he was neither. He was just angry.
"Take no offense, young Shadowhunter," the Seelie Queen said, smile widening. The way her eyes traveled over him made him feel extremely uncomfortable. "I would normally want someone like you in my Court. Strong. Intelligent. Beautiful. Sadly, men who prefer only men cannot satisfy me." Face twisting, Adrian stepped closer to Alec, the warmth of him helping him relax after such twisted words. Isabelle's fingers were twitching again.
"What do you mean, my gifts?" Clary demanded. Even though Adrian was becoming more and more uneasy as the night wore on, he had to admit that he was just as curious. He hadn't known Clary had any other gifts besides being good at painting and drawing. The Seelie Queen smiled.
"Your gift of words that cannot be spoken," she drawled, which wasn't much of an actual answer. Adrian cast Clary a confused glance, but she was frowning at the Seelie Queen as if she were just as confused. A moment later, her eyebrows shot up, as if she remembered something. She pressed her lips together as the Seelie Queen turned her gaze to Jace. "Your brother's is the Angel's own gift. Your father made sure of it, when your brother was a child and before you were even born." After a moment of tense silence, Clary shook her head.
"My father never gave me anything," Clary said, voice quiet. "He never even gave me a name." Adrian wanted to go to her, to comfort her somehow, but he was reluctant to leave the warmth of Alec, who was hovering by his side, as tense as the rest of them. Isabelle slid closer to Clary instead, brushing her arm against Clary's as she continued to glare at the Seelie Queen.
"I think you have been the victim of a trick or a joke," Jace said, voice void of emotion. "There is nothing special about me or my sister." The Seelie Queen hummed.
"How deftly you downplay your charms. Though you must know you are not the usual sort of Shadowhunter, Jonathan." With a start, Adrian realized that she was right. Jace had always been a little bit faster than the rest of them, a little bit stronger, his senses better even without a rune to help him. Adrian had always thought it was because his bastard of a father had been training him since he could walk. It had never occurred to him that it could have been something else. "Could it be that you do not know?"
"I know that I will not leave my sister or my friend here in your Court," Jace snapped, losing whatever patience was left. He paused, then added, "I also know that keeping the Consul's son will not end very well for you." Adrian raised his eyebrows. He had never thought being the son of Malachi Dieudonne would have helped them at all, but of course it would have. He cursed himself for not bringing it up sooner. The Seelie Queen would never have started this nonsense with Adrian if she had known she'd be making a move against the Clave. Her eyes flickered to him, darkening.
"You are Malachi Dieudonne's son," she drawled. "Of course. So many mortals share the same name, I did not notice the connection." She took a moment to study his face. "How odd. I see little of your father in you, though I see much of your mother." Adrian's back immediately straightened. He had always known he looked like his mother. The light blond hair, slender frame, brown eyes, even the structure of his face. Though he didn't know what his mother looked like, he did know that he looked nothing like his father. "What if I told you they could be freed with a kiss?"
"The people of your Court seem to have a thing for kissing," Adrian said bitterly, still remembering Qwenndon. The Seelie Queen grinned at him, suddenly very happy. It made Adrian nervous.
"That kiss was a price, and one asked from a place of cruelty," she said. "This one is a gift." Adrian frowned at her. She tilted her head to the side, still looking pleased. "I like you, Adrian Dieudonne, despite the crimes of your father. Why would I wish to torment you? It gains me nothing." The Seelie Queen thought she was helping him, then. Adrian started to wonder what he could possibly need help with, and then his stomach dropped. He remembered his conversation with Alec while in the tunnels, remembered the vines on the walls crawling with Seelie Court creatures. He briefly closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to compose himself.
"You want Jace to kiss you?" Clary demanded. She, like the rest of their group, hadn't caught on to what the Seelie Queen was about to do just yet. Adrian pressed his lips together as the Seelie Queen's entourage laughed at her question.
"Despite his charms, that kiss will not free the boy and girl."
"I could kiss Meliorn," Isabelle said thoughtfully. The Seelie Queen waved her hand.
"Not that," she dismissed. "Not anyone of my Court." Isabelle blinked, then turned her gaze to the five of her companions, eyebrows raising.
"I'm not kissing any of you," Isabelle said. Adrian scoffed, unable to help himself. Simon sighed.
"If a kiss is all..." he said, and made his way over to Clary. Adrian turned his gaze away politely as they shared a kiss. For some reason, he had a feeling it wouldn't work. He kept seeing how awkward and uncomfortable Clary had looked when Simon kissed her wrist at Magnus's apartment. He couldn't imagine a kiss from them was what the Seelie Queen wanted to see. It wasn't until Simon and Clary pulled away that the Seelie Queen spoke.
"No," she said lightly, enjoying the situation too much for Adrian's liking. He glared at her. "That is not what I want from the boy and girl, either." Adrian sighed and reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He knew where this was going, he could feel it in his bones. He just wished the Seelie Queen would stop playing with them and name her terms so that they could get on with it and leave.
"Well, I'm not kissing the mundane," Jace said at last, shooting Simon a distasteful look. Adrian was glad for the small bit of humor. He could always count on Jace for comic relief in tense moments. "I'd rather stay down here and rot."
"Forever?" Simon asked. "Forever's an awfully long time." Jace turned slowly, arms crossed over his chest, to give Simon a long, searching look. Adrian's lips twitched.
"I knew it," Jace said. "You want to kiss me, don't you?" Simon immediately scowled.
"Of course not, but if—"
"I guess it's true what they say. There are no straight men in the trenches."
"Did you really just say that?" Adrian asked dryly, earning a sheepish shrug from Jace.
"And it's atheists, asshole. There are no atheists in the trenches," Simon snapped.
"While this is all very amusing," the Seelie Queen drawled, still smiling, "that kiss that will free the boy and girl is the kiss that they most desire. Only that and nothing more." There it was, the terms that Adrian had been waiting for. He shot the Seelie Queen a harsh glare. He wasn't surprised when she just grinned back at him. Clary was glaring at the Queen as well, but it was Jace who looked the most shaken.
"Why are you doing this?" he demanded after a tense moment, voice strained. Adrian frowned at him.
"I rather thought I was offering you a boon," the Seelie Queen drawled, looking even more pleased with herself. Adrian's stomach twisted when he realized what she was referring to. Grimacing, he made a point to turn toward Alec, who had gone utterly still as soon as the Seelie Queen said the price they had to pay. Isabelle had left Clary's side and was now hovering by the two of them, almost like she thought she was a protective wall, as if her small body could block the sight of the two of them being forced to kiss. Seeing their hesitation, Isabelle clicked her tongue. Her whip had wrapped itself back around her wrist.
"Do it quick," she said. "Like ripping off a band-aid." Adrian snorted. It might be quick, but it wasn't exactly painless.
"What an accurate analogy, Izzy," he said before pinning Alec with a questioning look. Adrian was feeling oddly calm about the situation, but he supposed that was only because he had guessed what the price would be. Slowly, he asked, "This isn't going to help you become less confused, is it?" Alec grimaced.
"Probably not. I have a feeling that's exactly why she's doing this." Alec cast the Seelie Queen a dirty look, one she responded to by giving a smile so sweet that goosebumps rose on Adrian's skin. He had the oddest feeling that she genuinely thought she was helping them, doing them a favor somehow.
"Go on, now," she pushed, flicking her fingers towards them. "After all, there are two kisses that must be exchanged tonight." Alec glared harder at her. Adrian sighed and reached up, securing a hand at the back of Alec's neck, stepping closer until their chests touched. He didn't let himself think, didn't let himself hesitate. All he needed to do was give him one small peck, and then he would be free. The Seelie Queen hadn't clarified that the kiss had to be deep or long, so Adrian was planning on making it as short and impersonal as possible.
Only it wasn't impersonal, and Adrian was acutely aware of that the second their lips touched. Tingles erupted on Adrian's lips, spreading down his neck and throughout his entire body. A shiver went through him, and without thinking, his other hand came up to rest against Alec's jaw, the kiss deepening as he leaned into the warmth of him. The cavern was utterly silent, so when Alec actually kissed him back, hands finding their way to Adrian's hips, Adrian heard it when the Seelie Queen and her entourage collectively sighed. It was the type of sigh one gave when they saw something beautiful. They were nothing but a show to them, and Adrian finally found enough sense to break away, stumbling a bit, only steadying himself when Isabelle caught his arm. He looked at Alec. Adrian saw his dilated eyes and flushed cheeks and when Alec dropped his gaze to the floor specifically to avoid Adrian's own, he suddenly felt sick. His heart felt like it was going to tear itself apart.
All that talking and careful balance between them had been ruined just by one kiss. A kiss that never should have happened the way that it did. Adrian had wanted nothing more than to just go back to normal, but now he saw that it wasn't possible. Blinking away the tears suddenly clouding his vision, he turned and glared hard at the Seelie Queen, whose pleased smile seemed to dim at the sight of his anger. She truly had thought she was helping.
"Am I free?" he snapped. The Seelie Queen pressed her lips together before she nodded.
"Yes, Adrian Dieudonne, you are free." She waved her hand, then turned her burning gaze on Clary, who seemed stiff as a board. Adrian didn't know if it was because she was angry on Adrian's behalf, or because of what she was about to be forced to do. As Adrian watched, Simon and Isabelle both seemed to step closer to him, offering silent comfort. It wasn't their comfort or reassurance he wanted, but Alec was still staring at the ground, consumed by his own confusing thoughts. Adrian gritted his teeth together. "Your turn, Clarissa Morgenstern." Adrian didn't look at Clary and Jace. He just leaned his weight against Isabelle and closed his eyes, wanting nothing more than to just rewind the events of the day that led to this. It felt like days ago that Adrian and Alec were sitting on the steps leading to Magnus's apartment, seemed like days since they reached that lighthearted bit of balance where they could interact without it hurting. Adrian doubted they'd be able to reach that balance again, not after this.
It wasn't the kiss itself that made him so upset. It was the fact that Alec actually kissed him back, even after their conversation in the tunnel about false hope and leading people on. He didn't know if the feeling building in his chest was pain or anger.
"Was that good enough?" Jace spit out. Adrian opened his eyes. "Did that entertain you?" The Seelie Queen was smiling again, as if she was in on a joke none of them could hear.
"We are quite entertained." The Seelie Queen leaned back against her seat. "But not, I think, so much as the four of you." All of them glared at her then, even Alec, who raised his head to give her the coldest look Adrian had ever seen on his face.
"I can only assume that mortal emotions amuse you," Jace said coldly, "because you have none of your own." The smile slipped from the Seelie Queen's face. Isabelle cleared her throat.
"Easy, Jace." She grabbed onto Adrian's wrist, then reached over to grab Clary's hand. "We're leaving. Now."
As they exited the Seelie Court, Alec and Adrian didn't say a word to each other.
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Isabelle's bedroom door was unlocked when Adrian twisted the handle, so he walked right in, not bothering to knock. He shut the door before he flopped down face-first on her bed, waiting as Isabelle did whatever she was doing in the bathroom. There were a few thumps, and then Isabelle was opening the door and walking out. She released a small shriek when she saw him, stumbling back and releasing a small curse. Adrian twisted around and sat up, offering her an apologetic smile. She scowled at him before she continued to dry her hair with a white towel. She was in nothing but an over-sized t-shirt that fell to mid-thigh. She sat down beside him before she slid to the middle of the bed, curling her legs beneath her. Adrian followed suit, sitting directly across from her.
"You couldn't have waited until I was done showering?" she asked dryly. Adrian shrugged.
"I haven't been here long, just a few minutes. I heard Alec coming down the hall and I just..." Isabelle's face softened. She set her towel down beside her before she reached across the small gap between them to grab his hands. She gave them a squeeze, a silent assurance that he could go on. His shoulders slumped. "You know what we did today? We talked it out. We came to an understanding. You know what he said to me? He said that he was confused, and he wasn't sure what romantic love felt like. He basically admitted he had feelings for me that confused him—and the Seelie Queen must have heard our conversation somehow, because..."
"If it's any consolation," Isabelle whispered, "I think she thought she was doing you a favor. She did say she liked you." Adrian just scoffed at that.
"Alec and I won't be the same after this." He released Isabelle's hands, resting them in his lap. "How do I even act now? What do I say? 'I kissed you and you kissed me back after admitting you're confused about your feelings for me, want to go to Taki's?' Izzy, this is such a mess." Isabelle was silent for a long time.
Weakly, she finally said, "At least you're not Jace and Clary." Adrian snorted.
"Don't even get me started." He paused, then sighed and straightened from his slouched position. "Are we even sure that they're actually siblings?" It was a good distraction, thinking about that rather than how Alec's lips felt. Isabelle frowned at him, cocking her head to the side.
"What do you mean?"
"What do I mean?" he echoed with another scoff. "Izzy, Jace has no resemblance to any of his family members. He and Clary couldn't look more different. Jace doesn't look like Valentine at all, and he definitely doesn't look like Jocelyn. I mean, Clary, she looks like her mom, and she has a bit of Valentine in her face. She has the face shape, the cheekbones, the shape of their eyes are the same..."
"What are you saying?" Isabelle asked.
"I'm saying that there's a chance Valentine lied." It wouldn't have been the first time. Everything that came out of that man's mouth, it seemed, was a lie. That was how he manipulated people.
"Maybe he is," Isabelle whispered. "Either way, everything is screwed up." Adrian nodded in agreement. In the silence that followed, Adrian's thoughts returned to Alec. There wasn't anything else to distract himself with, and a hollow feeling started growing in his chest. He swallowed.
"Including me and Alec," he mumbled.
"Don't say that," Isabelle whispered. "Look, just give him time, alright?" Adrian scoffed. Suddenly, he wasn't hurting anymore. Now, all he felt was anger. Perhaps it was a selfish type of anger, but Adrian felt like he deserved to feel selfish, at least once. The Seelie Queen's words echoed in his head. Not every selfless deed earns you a reward.
"I'm always giving him time," Adrian pointed out, a bit of anger seeping into his voice. "That's all he's had during this entire situation, and I've been stuck waiting. I'm tired of waiting." He paused, taking a deep breath. The anger disappeared as quickly as it came, and now he found himself wincing. The tears he had blinked away in the Seelie Court were coming back, and he couldn't hold them back this time. His voice cracked when he whispered, "If he figures out his feelings and realizes I'm not...it's going to hurt so bad, Izzy." Isabelle shot forward, wrapping her arms around him. He pressed his face against her neck, taking in deep breaths to calm himself down.
The only thing Isabelle said in response was, "I know."
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edited: 11.4.19