Nesy
I blew it. I blew it. I blew it. How did I ever get myself into this mess? I know better than to let my emotions get in the way. Know how to avoid the likes of Azza and the other dark creatures that loom these shadows. And yet, I've managed to do everything...
Wrong
I think again about my human host. I've never lost control like this before, never felt so chaotic. It has to be this host, doesn't it? Some strange residue from her last assignment. Something Zane missed when she was cleaned. It can't be me—my memories, my erratic emotions. It just can't.
I sigh as the truth screams through me. There is no one to blame for any of this but me. Only me.
Aydan skulks away from his master, as the dark creatures retreat into shadow. I let myself slide down the cold stone stairwell, my body no longer able to shoulder the weight of my failures. The Council isn't going to like this. Not at all.
Moments slip into seconds, which slip into minutes. I wish I could stay here and pretend that none of this ever happened.
Not warrior-like I know, but sometimes it feels better to pretend.
The wind rustles around me. So much for fantasies.
"What happened? Why are you sitting on the ground in the cold?"
Zane. Leave it to him to find me in the midst of one of my less-than-Sentinal moments.
Perfect.
"Well? What happened?"
I stand, trying to make the words form. It's risky telling him everything, but he's always been a friend. No reason to assume he'd go all tyrannical on me now.
"Aydan's not alone." They're the only words I manage to force past my throat.
"Not alone? What do you mean?"
"Azzaziel. He's here."
"Here? That's not good." Zane, the master of understatement.
"Yeah, I know it's not good."
Zane begins to pace. "How did you find him?"
"He sort of found me?"
He stops midstep. "What does that mean, Nes? Does he know who you really are? Because if he does, you're in great danger and we need to talk with the Council. Now."
So much for not being a tyrant.
"Relax. I was careful. He interrupted Aydan and me. While we were...well, while I was about to vanquish him. I'm sure he doesn't know who I am. But, he doesn't trust me. I need a new plan."
"Stop worrying about Azzaziel. You know the rules. Focus on Aydan; let Mikayel deal—"
"No! No Mikayel. He asked me to do this and I said I could. I'll get it done. Without Azzaziel suspecting a thing."
"I don't know, Nes. It seems like an awfully big risk to take just to prove your worth as a Sentinal."
"This isn't about vanity. It's about doing my job, like always."
Okay, so maybe it isn't only the job. Maybe I do need to prove myself a little. After two botched attempts, I need this.
"Fine," Zane says, his voice stiff. "But get it done."
"I will."
"Soon."
I've had enough of Zane, enough of his expectations. Why is he so angry? So concerned? "I said I'd get it done. Now drop it."
Zane's focus narrows. "I think Cass and I should come along."
I open my mouth to argue, tell him that I don't need his help, don't want his help. But I can't. He's right. I do need him.
And I hate myself for it.
"Fine," I say, my jaw clenched. Doubt trickles through my hardened shell. I swallow it down. Failure isn't an option. Not now.
Not ever.