This was requested by _bookandmoviefeels , I really hope you enjoy it! And thanks again for putting in a request :)
Many months ago, you set out on a long and perilous journey. With orcs on your trail and danger lurking in the shadows, it was rare to find moments of peace such as this one. The company had stopped for in a small clearing to camp for the night. The sky was cloudless and the early afternoon sun shone like fire against the blue expanse. For the first time, your mind could rest. All the jobs had been done around camp and everybody was relaxing.
By your estimate it was around 3 O'clock, when you stood and wandered over to your good friend and leader Thorin Oakenshield. He had been burdened with the stress of this journey for almost a year now and you missed when you and he could go on adventures and explore the lands as you pleased, like you were children again. You were completely smitten for the lost-king, and had been for a long time. But how could you tell your closest friend that you were in love with them? Especially when you know that they would not feel the same? He was a king. You were a soldier. It was never meant to be. Yet, still each time his hand brushed against your skin, or his voice lowered for only you to hear, you couldn't help that longing feeling from clouding your mind. He never rested, hardly ate- he was slipping further and further away each day and you worried for his health. Why was he so blind as to see how much you cared? A frown creased his forehead as he mulled over his map of the mountain once again. When he glanced over at you, your heart fluttered and you turned away quickly, embarrassed that you had been staring.
The past few nights had been the worst for your feelings; for some reason they grew stronger while you were on the quest. The nearer to you got to your destination, the more you wanted to admit to Thorin that you loved him. Maybe it was because you knew that when you got there, you were so much more likely to lose each other. Just the idea broke your heart. Your troubling thoughts stirred you into action. Tonight, you thought, Tonight, I will tell him how I feel. Focusing on just how you would tell him, you strayed away from the camp and deeper into the forest.
You were so lost in thought, you didn't notice that you had been walking for almost an hour before Thorin came to find you. While you admired the wildflowers, he called out to you "Y/N?" Your head snapped in the direction of his voice and you stumbled towards him. "There you are." He sighed. You tucked a piece of hair behind you ear and nodded nervously. Thorin seemed irritable, almost angry. You asked "Is everything okay?" He scowled at you "You had everybody back there in an uproar! You know better than to walk off alone." He was right, you shouldn't have left, but you were so caught up in a daydream, you couldn't help yourself. "You're right, I'm sorry." You nodded apologetically, and then added "Thorin, tonight.. may we speak alone?" He narrowed his eyes at you, suspicious "We are alone now?" You laughed "I know, but after dinner would be better... It's important. Will you speak with me?" You looked at him with hopeful eyes. He nodded roughly and then stalked off. Something was bugging him, you just weren't sure what. But at least you had bought yourself some time before you were going to declare your love for him.
Nervously, you rolled your food around on your plate, lacking an appetite. You feared if you ate anything, you might wretch. A few of the dwarves, and Bilbo, watched you curiously. Bofur joked "You might want to hurry up and eat that darlin', before Bombur does." You laughed half-heartedly, but continued to fuss with your food. Your whole body buzzed with anxiousness. What would he say? You could already guess. What would you say? You weren't too sure. But it needed to happen now. Gradually, the other dwarves finished up their dinner, Thorin included, and you all dispersed. Standing at the edge of the camp, you stared out into the forest. Why were you so scared? You had never felt this way before, never felt so confused. Dancing from foot to foot, you waited. Suddenly, a gentle hand rested on your lower back and you turned to see Thorin smiling down at you. Taking a deep breath, you began to walk and he followed by your side.
"Y/N, I have to be honest; this secretiveness it's making me rather nervous. You know you can tell me anything, always." Thorin reassured you. You nodded and bit your lip before replying "I know, but this is different." He raised an eyebrow at you, in a way that said 'How so?' Halting, you found yourself in an unfamiliar part of the forest. The camp was in the distant, but still within sight. It was secluded and quiet which made you more anxious. "Thorin, we have been friends for many years and I have always appreciated your companionship, you know that." You began to explain "I would never try to ruin our friendship, and that is why I am so scared of what I am about to say... I-" You words got caught in your throat. Your lip trembled and you looked down at the floor. I can't do this. You thought sadly. Maybe it was the idea that he wouldn't believe you, or that he just wouldn't care. You knew Thorin to be reasonable at the best of times, but sometimes he just needed to stop and listen to those around him. He seemed awfully distracted which just unnerved you even further. Thorin just watched you carefully, scrutinizing your movements "What is it, Y/N? Come on, say it." He urged you. An unexpected whimper escaped your lips as you faced away from him unable to keep eye contact. "I just..." You tried again but it was so difficult. This could destroy everything. You couldn't lose him to your own selfishness. Thorin crossed his arms over his chest, slowly losing patience. He had never seen you like this before and a mixture of worry and anticipation was causing him to become annoyed with you. Why couldn't you just tell him? In his eyes, you were his most trusted friend and the thought that you were keeping something from him hurt him beyond belief. You tried again "Thorin, I.. It's just." Your incessant mumbling was enough to make him snap. "Goddammit Y/N! Just tell me!" He bellowed. You froze. Thorin had never shouted at you like that before. You knees were shaking as you said in barely a whisper "Don't worry, it's not important." And hurried back to camp.
Thorin was entered the camp merely seconds after you and called out "For god's sake Y/N, what's the matter with you?!" You stared at him in shock "Nothing. You don't need to worry about it." He huffed "You got me all worked up, the least you can do is tell me! Or were you being dramatic for no reason?" Your argument had caught the attention of the company, and they sat watching you two in amazement. How dare he? "Me?" You cried "That's awfully rich coming from you," Your voice was thick with sarcasm as you added with a curtsy "Your highness." Thorin's face transformed to a mask of anger "So first you hide something from me, and now you're mocking me? How very mature." Bilbo tried to intervene by pulling you away from Thorin and saying "Come on now, there's no need for spitefulness." But you shrugged him off and confronted Thorin "And I suppose you're so mature, leading a band of homesick dwarves on a suicide mission? Stop acting so high and mighty. You're nothing but a child, Thorin." Thorin stormed across the camp but stopped short and turned to face you "Y'know, I'm not even sure why you came on this quest? You know nothing of the world, you know nothing of our home so why do you care so much about reclaiming it?!" Feeling anger bubble inside you, everything came pouring out at once. Forgetting those around you and all worries you had before about telling him, you let it rip. How could he not see?! If there was one thing you had to tell him, it was the truth. You screeched "I don't care about your home! I never did! But I do care about you! In fact, I loved you from the moment I met you! Though clearly you haven't noticed because you're so far up your own backside you can't see anything! I tried so hard- I was there for you when nobody else was. I cared for you and you never even said thank you! But it's okay, because those are the things you do for the people you love. And I love you! That's why I came on this quest!" Your chest heaved and a flood of emotions washed through you: embarrassment at what you had just admitted in front of the whole company, anger at Thorin's immature behaviour, and relief that you had finally said it. Not knowing what to do with yourself, you took off into the forest.
Tears flowed freely down your cheeks as you skidded over rocks and tree roots. An old tree stump caught your eye, and you were so weary from the fighting and the running that you collapsed onto it. Your small frame shook as you wept, your face hidden by your hands. What could have been minutes or perhaps hours, you weren't certain, passed and still you sobbed at your own pitiful state. So distracted, you didn't hear the approaching footsteps. It was only when a deep but gentle voice spoke that you squinted up into the darkness "Y/N" He breathed "Y/N, I'm so sorry. If I'd have known, I never would have spoken to you like that." You didn't respond, just cast your glance away. "Please, talk to me." He begged, sitting beside you. You sighed "I said everything I needed to say back there. I'm sorry if it isn't what you wanted to hear." A small smile played on Thorin's lips and you glared at him as he muttered "Actually, it's exactly what I wanted to hear. Why do you think I get so worked up when something happens to you, like this earlier today? It's because I love you too. And I get scared at the thought of losing you. Please, Y/N, I can't lose you like this." He took your hand and placed a kiss to the back of it. Your heart pounded in your chest, causing your ribs to ache. Was it a dream? It had to be. You gulped and replied softly "I just wish you had seen sooner." Thorin laughed "Of course I couldn't see, I was too busy worrying about how to tell you! But it's okay, because now we know, and I want to stay with you for as long as I've got." This made you giggle and you leant against his chest while he held you close. "What do we do now?" You asked. Thorin smirked "I've got some ideas." Slowly, he pressed a kiss to your lips. You melted into him, feeling as though everything was going to be okay as long as you were together. Remembering you were sat in the middle of the forest, you pulled away and stood excitedly. "Come on, let's go back. We've got a lot to explain to the others." The two of you chuckled and he put his arm around you shoulders as you wandered back to camp with your heads held high.
So guys, here's another Thorin story. I hope you enjoyed it- if you did leave me a comment and don't forget to vote :) Feel free to send in requests, as always. And I'll see you guys next time <3
~Niamh~