Finally home!
Home meant the three room flat he had chosen for himself once he had become leader. Upon entering Eric stood immediately in the living room with an open kitchen at the right side. At the left corner in the back was an opening which led to the bedroom and the bathroom, where as a spare room was located next to the kitchen. Eric had painted the living quarters in crème-white while his furniture was of a dark brown wood with a dark red colored couch. After moving in he had considered a white and black style but quickly dismissed it as being too much like Candor. Next he had considered grey and black but decided he wouldn't feel at home in such colors. In the end he had decided on the warm crème-white to represent the stone-walls close to the chasm and for the furniture on a dark shade of brown because it was dark enough to be dauntless and still made him feel welcome. There were also some well filled bookshelves with a mix of fictional and non-fictional books, showing his Erudite heritage. He had decorated his walls with old pictures of Chicago, curtsey to the Erudite archive.
With a relieved sigh Eric closed the door to his apartment, went straight for the couch and settled down, shifting Teddy so he'd sit beside him. He was sure Teddy would break down any time now.
"He, Teddy. We are at mine now. No more strangers." Eric removed his jacked off the boy while trying to catch his mood.
"They are dead." Teddy sniffed. "Mama and Papa."
Eric started to run cycles on Teddy's back in hope to calm and comfort him. He didn't know what to say to the boy. Neither his Erudite-upbringing nor his training as a Dauntless leader had prepared him to handle grief. Eric clutched his hands to fists to get a hold on the rage that tried to take over. He longed to beat something or even someone to a pulp. If one of the attackers were still alive he sure knew how to interrogate them. Today he had failed to protect Ethan, after all these years he had failed! All the work, all the effort he had put into being a leader and protecting the people of this city and he had failed Ethan. And Abigail. And Teddy, who'd grow up without his parents. Rage was steadily consuming him. Rage against the factionless, rage about his failure. Failure was not an option, it always left him unsecure, an emotion he hated. Tight up with all this wrath, he had no outlet for, Eric sprung to his feet without realizing his actions, pacing the floor angrily, leaving Teddy alone, frozen by this eruption, following his movements wide eyed. It must have been the last straw for the little guy, since Eric hadn't quite reached the other side of the living room, when he heard Teddy brake down in convulsive sobbing.
'Fuck!' Eric cursed as he rushed back to pick the sobbing boy up in his arms, before he continued to walk the floor, while desperately working on nocking his rage and fury back, locking it up in order to be able to focus on his responsibility to Teddy. He took the back rubbing back up again.
Not often in his life had he felt so helpless and so awkward and Eric desperately wished he had more experience with children. Looking down at Teddy he felt the impact of the responsibility his friend had entrusted him with. If only he had a clue what to do and how to address Teddy. From his own childhood he clearly remembered the neglect and the carelessness with which he parents had regarded him. Perhaps he should take it from there and try to be a better father by doing the opposite of what his parents did, meaning to assure Teddy right from the beginning of caring for him and being his first priority. Eric hoped, that he could find the right way to show it, since he was well aware that he wasn't very good at showing his emotions.
His pacing had subdued to walking and Eric settled them both back at the couch, this time allowing Teddy, who was still crying unrestrainedly, to sit on his lap. As uneasy as Eric was feeling with a crying child in his arms, as eased was he at the same time, that Teddy was able to let go and hugged the Ethan's son tighter to his chest. As a chill had had sometimes observed parents rocking their small children when they cried and decided to give it a try. Eric himself was torn between rage, tenderness, grieve, helplessness and doubting himself as a father. All these emotion consumed him and unknown to him, he also took comfort in the little guy's hugs. When Teddy's subs started to subside, Eric lent back on the couch with Teddy on top, covering them both up with a blanket from the armrest. Shortly after, he felt Teddy going complete limp in his arms, passed out from exhaustion. After some time, when he was sure, that Teddy was now deep asleep, he carried him to the bedroom, took his shoes off and stripped him to his underwear to get him more comfortable, awkwardly trying carefully to somehow pull Teddy's limp arms out of the sleeves without waking the boy. Tomorrow he needed to go get new clothes and other things for Teddy. As gently as possible he tucked the boy under the sheets and then contemplated whether he should close the door or not, before he decided to leave it ajar, so Teddy wouldn't sleep in complete dark and he could hear easier if something was up.
Eric returned to the sofa, trying to come up with a plan for the next days.
___________________________
A knock could be heard at the door.
'Damn! Did Teddy hear it?'
If Teddy had woken up again, he would tear whoever was knocking to shreds. Straining his ears he couldn't hear anything coming from his bedroom and hadn't the time to check before another knock could be heard. Wrenching the door open with a scowl on his face Eric was about to bark at whoever had been knocking, when he looked at Sean's wife Christy who was standing there with a rather huge packet in her arms.
"Um sorry, hi, we must quiet, Teddy's asleep." Eric instantly deflated and whispered. "Come in."
She smiled and nodded at him.
Closing the door Eric continued: "I'm really grateful, Christy, for you doing this for us."
"Of cause we will help you Eric!" Christy replied. "You can tell me or Sean any time if you need further help. Now here I have some clothes for Ted to wear, until you will be able to get him more, also some pajamas and a toothbrush, for now."
Eric was flabbergasted. He hadn't expected this and bestowed Christy with one of his rare real smiles as a thank you. Then a thought crossed his mind: He wanted Teddy to have something to remember his parents by and also things he was familiar with in order for him to settle in easier.
"Actually I'd like to get some things out of his home in Abnegation for him, to remember his parents and to feel more at home here."
"That's a wonderful idea, Eric." Christy praised, making him feel somewhat proud. "I look after him, for you."3
"I want to accompany Sean when he's going to inform Markus Eaton tomorrow."
"Of cause, I tell Sean. Don't you worry."
When Christy was gone, Eric went to check on Teddy and since he found him sleeping peacefully, he went back to the living room to file a proper report about the ambush. He already had instructed Barry and Dan not to tell anyone about the child until further notice and would now have to fill them in about Sean's decision.
_______________________
Once the report was done, Eric rummaged his kitchen for food, not wanting to expose Teddy to the chaos in the mess hall. He knew he still had some bread and a glance in the fridge revealed some cheese, sausage and an apple though, he hadn't a clue how that one had ended up there. Soft pads were approaching from the bedroom.
"Hey pal." Eric greeted him turning around. Teddy was tussled and he had put his clothes back on. Good.
"Hi Eric." Teddy replied shyly.
"I was going to fix us some food. So, I hope you like cheese?"
Teddy nodded.
"There is also an apple once you finished your bread. Come on, we're going to eat them on the couch."
The counter with its barstools, were he'd normally eat, were no use since he'd risk Teddy falling off. He absolutely had to do something about his furniture and furthermore Teddy would need a room for himself. Raking his finger trough his hair he sighed. There was so much to think about. Quickly he refocused on Teddy whose eyes had gone big:
"Really?"
"Really!" Eric reminded himself to always remember Teddy's Abnegation upbringing. There would be so many things be different here, big things and smaller ones which could make it harder for Teddy to settle in.
Both went over to the living room and once Teddy had climbed up the couch Eric handed him his sandwich. The slice of bread looked huge in his small children's hand and awkwardly he tried to take a bite. Inwardly Eric scoffed at himself. He should have known better.
"Give it to me." He said gruffly.
Teddy looked at him the lack of understanding clear in his eyes.
"I'm going to cut it for you." Eric clarified.
Teddy handed him the bread gratefully. After cutting the bread in small pieces, which were easy to handle for a small child, Eric looked up to hand them over to Teddy and noticed the boy staring slightly afraid at the throwing knife he had used.
'Damn!'
"Sorry Teddy, I didn't mean to startle you." He apologized. He had to do something about this. Knives like this were much too common in dauntless and he didn't want the boy to run around scared. "It's nothing to be afraid of Teddy. You want to look at it?"
After a short while Teddy nodded.
"O.K. Come closer and take a look. But," Eric looked at the boy sternly "Never touch it! That's forbidden!"
Teddy looked him in the eyes and gave him one determinate serious nod, which put Eric a little more at ease. Apparently the whole education matter and especially the dauntless one had started. Eric carefully held out the knife for the boy to inspect and Teddy scouted closer to Eric, taking his time to look at the knife. When Teddy was done, Eric used the knife one last time to slice the apple for Teddy before he cleaned it and put it away.
"Now finish your sandwich Teddy."
While they ate, Eric started to tell Teddy what they would do the other day. At last Eric had to explain to him, that he would be with someone else in the morning.
"See, Teddy, I need to go to your former faction and home to clear things with them."
"Come with you?"
"No Teddy I'm sorry. That's not possible."
"I wanna be with you."
Eric winced, but it wouldn't be wise to take Teddy with him to Abnegation at this time. First they had to make it clear that he would be Dauntless now.
"I'm sorry Teddy, but you will have to stay here. There will be a nice lady coming over to stay with you. Her name is Christy."
Crestfallen Teddy nodded.
"I'll be back before noon. Okay?" Eric tried to console the boy. "Now we will go and brush your teeth. And after that, you will have to go to bed."
Eric lead Teddy to the bathroom, where he got the new toothbrush, Christy had supplied them with and handed it to Teddy. Noticing then Teddy to be too short to reach the sink, which was yet another thing he had to find a solution for. For now he decided to simply scout the boy back up.
"You already doing that alone?"
"Of cause!" Teddy sounded affronted, making Eric smile.
"Good. Then go ahead. I'm holding you up since you can't reach the sink." At this the boy giggled mildly which caused Eric to widen his smile.
After they finished this task Eric put the boy back on the ground.
"Next stop shower." Eric commanded playfully. "Oh, but you don't have to wash your hair." He made sure the water had the right temperature before handing the shower gel to Teddy.
"You want me to wait outside?" Eric asks.
After moment of thinking about it Teddy replied hesitantly: "No, stay and help me?"
Eric could tell that Teddy wasn't comfortable, but he obviously needed help.
"Tell you what, pal" Eric addressed him trying to keep things from going too awkward. "I turn around, you strip and then I will hold the shower for you and I won't look."
Teddy definitely looked less stressed now and Eric gave himself a mental high five.
Once Teddy said he was done and all clean, Eric wrapped him up in a huge towel, big enough to nearly swallow the little boy whole, helping him in drying up.
"Now let's see if the pajamas Christy brought over for you will fit." Eric handed them over and left for the living room, after he told Teddy to call for help if needed.
After a short time Teddy emerged from the bathroom, his pj's too long and making him stumble, but Eric was able to catch him in time. Teddy had the back of the top on the front as Eric could now see.
"I've got you." Eris said getting down on one knee. "Now let's see." With that he was adjusting the length to the legs and arms. "There you go. Okay, one more thing: We need to turn your top..."
Teddy frowned, looking down at him. "But this is the outside."
'Okay. So outside out is apparently already something at this age.'
Eric tried to quickly adjust and decided to praise Teddy for it: "That it is Teddy and you did a great job so far. We only have to get the front of you pjs to the front. So, pull your arms out the sleeves..."
Teddy followed his orders with some difficulty.
"...and now we just turn it. Doesn't that feel nicer at your throat?"
Teddy nodded.
"Now get to bed. Until I can get an extra bed for you, you will sleep in my bed and I take the couch. So, hop on in."
Eric remembered how he had always liked the few times his parents had tucked him in and so once Teddy had crawled into bed, he tucked him in, his huge bed making Teddy look even tinier, strengthening Eric's wish to protect him. Taking in the slightly bothered expressions at the little child's face Eric asked:
"You want me to stay until you are a sleep?"
Teddy looked at him hopefully: "Will you? Please?"
"Any time. All you have to do is ask, Teddy." Eric told him earnestly taking a seat on the bed. "Now try to sleep."
Teddy tussled himself into the cushion and after a short while Eric noticed that his breath had already evened out. Silently he got up and padded into the living room and from there into the kitchen to clean up the dishes. Remembering the knife incident, Eric suddenly became aware of the danger his weapons posed to Teddy.
'Well shit! He couldn't have Teddy stumble across them!'
Some were lying openly around and some were hidden, just in case. First things first: Eric tiptoed over to the bedroom and removed the gun out of his nightstand and a hidden knife under the mattress, carefully not to wake Teddy. Back at the living room he continued his task. Some weapons stayed but those within reach for Teddy were taken away. Frowning he looked at the collection on the couch table. He would need to find new places and rethink how he want to handle things. Since he was leader and not liked by most of his faction, he felt more secured if he had a weapon at hand. The surveillance could only do so much. But with Teddy in the picture he had to make sure the little boy would be unable to get a hold on them. Eric shuddered at the thought of Teddy injuring himself with one of his weapons out of curiosity. He may be too shy and too afraid now, but things could change. For now Eric decided to put those weapons he hadn't been able to relocate simply in one of the top shelves were Teddy could neither reach them nor see them. Then, pouring himself something to drink, he sat down at the counter to think through about how to handle things at Abnegation the next day.
__________________________
Night had come up and Eric was sleeping on the couch covered with a thin blanked, when he was suddenly awoken by a cry. Due to his training he was instantly alert with the adrenalin flooding his system while, his thoughts went to his ward. Getting up, Eric went to check on the little guy and, finding him trashing out and whimpering in his sleep, he gently nudged him at the shoulder to wake him up.
"Teddy." He called him, when a slight nudge didn't help.
Suddenly the boy jolted awake and Eric found himself with a little shaking bundle in his arms, instantly closing them protectively around him.
"Sh. It was a nightmare. You're safe now."
"They were shooting, Eric. I was so afraid."
"You can tell me about it, Teddy."
The next hour Eric was listening to Teddy, who told him everything on his mind. Every so often he would start to cry again and Eric then would gently rock him, trying to comfort him. It was the only way Eric could think of. He wouldn't tell him some nonsense how everything would be alright again. With losing his parents nothing would be alright for the boy for a very long time, though, he intended to do everything in his power to make him feel at home with him. When finally Teddy had calmed down, Eric still held onto him, only now it was more like cuddling. A foreign experience for the young leader. They stayed like that for a while, before Eric asked:
"Are your ready do go to sleep again?" Then, seeing Teddy hesitate, he offered "You want me to stay with you?"
Eagerly Teddy perked up at the offer and admitted: "I don't wanna sleep alone."
"Okay."
Once Eric had gotten his blanket from the living room he took over the other side of the bed and switched off the light. It was only after he was sure Teddy had fallen back to sleep again, that Eric allowed himself to drift to sleep too.
AN
I wanted to write about the struggle about the daily things and how awkward and foreign they would be for Eric. I hope, I got it right.
I know 'mama' and 'papa' is outdated but that's exactly why I find it fitting for Abnegation. By the way: it's still up to date in Germany; also used as 'Mami' and 'Papi'; which would be slightly tenderer.
About weapons: I myself have a different opinion on them, but this is Eric...