Unlike most people, waking up in the morning to have to go to work is a ghastly and dreadful task but there was a smile on my face all morning. This is what I've been looking forward to for the past week. I craved to be back in the office working and not sat on the sofa or in the bed sulking because I miss Hayden or because my leg is in pain. This is what I need, working is the best therapy for me not staying at home.
Maybe staying at home wouldn't have been so hard if Hayden were there with me. Even as I was surrounded by Erika, Luke, and Mrs. Sutter I felt so alone. When I was upstairs in the bedroom, I was alone in tears with nothing but a pillow to hold onto.
Hayden has been gone for two weeks and I was beginning to lose his scent on everything. The linens and his clothing in the closet smelt of fabric softener and detergent. I've tried spraying his cologne on one of his t-shirts that I was wearing but even that didn't work. It didn't have Hayden's scent. There are no words to correctly explain how much I miss him.
I've gotten over that fact that he had sex with Lina, I was able to move on from the fact that he has a book on every person and date he's ever had sex. It's still a little odd but I moved on. I just want to make it through my first day back with a good clear head on my shoulders.
Jessica's face is the first one I see when the elevator door opens on our floor. Her mouth falls agape when she sees me smiling as I make my way towards her desk. "There was talk that you were coming back, but I never expected it to be true, Alice, how are you?"
"I'm much better now that I'm back. How are you?" We haven't seen each other since she left with Jake at the hospital on the day of the incident.
"I have my good days and bad days. It's great to be surrounded by people that know how to help you sort out your problems. Dr. Reece, Dr. Horgan, and Dr. James have been great."
As if on cue Dr. Reece and Dr. James turn around the hallway immersed in conversation holding two different cups of coffee. Dr. James notices me first, a large smile etching onto his face, followed by Dr. Reece. Dr. James speaks first, "Miss Greene, it's nice to see your face again."
"I could honestly say the same to everyone else here. I feel like it's been forever."
"It's only been a week Miss Greene, if I had it my way you wouldn't be coming back for another two weeks."
"I have to agree with William on this one." Dr. Reece replies but quickly adds, "But it's nice to have you back here in good health."
"Thank you and I promise I'm fine."
"How's Hayden?" This is coming from Dr. James.
"Doing better, I believe." I haven't gone back to see him since he confirmed what happened between him and Lina. We talk briefly on the phone but our conversations are light and fun.
I've fallen into this habit of pretending. It's not something I'm proud of, it's it helps me get through the days. I pretend that I'm not in pain—mental pain, physical pain, emotional pain. I pretend that I'm okay. I pretend to care. I've gotten so used to doing it I can no longer differentiate between my true feelings and my faux feelings. I don't know if I'm genuinely happy or just trying to be for the sake of everyone else. It's getting more difficult to tell as the days go on.
Last night as I laid in bed I asked myself the question Hayden had continuously asked me, why am I staying? I know I love him, that's not something I ever struggle with believing. My love for him is genuine and sincere. I don't love him out of manipulation or control or out of pity. He opened himself up to me and I fell in love with him for everything that he was, everything that he wasn't, and everything that he aspired to be. And I don't doubt that Hayden loves me, my only fear for us is that Hayden can't commit himself to me wholly. He's an addict, the only things he can commit to are sex and his needs.
He didn't sleep with Lina to spite me or to fulfill his sexual urges, he slept with her for his own personal gain. In his mind he said he did it for us, but we all know it was for himself. He's so used to not have to care about the decisions he makes that when he decided to sleep with Lina he hadn't realized that decision was going to hurt the three of us. I'm including Lina in that because he did hurt her as he has plenty of times before then. As usual he didn't have sex with her because he loved her, he had sex with her to get what he wanted. She knew that and that's why she didn't follow through with her end of the deal. Even through all of this mess, his love is all she's really after.
"Alice," Dr. James voice pulls me from my everlasting thoughts. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, Dr. James. I'm fine. I'm going to go prepare for my first session this morning."
"Okay, and Miss Greene,"
I had already started walking when he called me back, "Yes sir?"
"Good luck today."
"Thank you." It was his kindest way of saying, he doesn't really think I'm ready but he knows I'm too stubborn to back down and return home for another week. It's a decision I'm thankful for. I can't continue to stay home, lately it hasn't felt l like a home. Sometimes when I'm there I begin to feel imprisoned, like I'm alone and trapped. On the surface I know that it isn't the case but deep down, the feelings are there. I hope those feeling will go away once Hayden comes home.
While I was sat in my office waiting for my ten o'clock appointment it seemed like every few minutes my phone was ringing, and I intentionally ignored the ones that showed Ryder's name and picture. I have no interest in talking to him after everything that's evolved between us. He has no respect for Hayden and no respect for my relationship. I don't want to associate myself with him anymore. He was the one who made the decision to come to Hayden's house and try to choke him to death because in some way, he thought he was going to get me. I was going to tolerate him before but after that incident he was dead to me.
An unfamiliar knock sounded outside of my office door, "Come in." I shout averting my attention from the computer to the door.
My jaw drops slightly out of surprise before anger takes over my features. Speaking of the devil. "What are you doing here?"
"I just came to talk Alice, please, I have something I need to get off of my chest." Ryder's voice begging, and my curiosity and nosiness has me forgetting that I didn't want to talk to him ever again.
"What is it in reference to?" I get to decide if it's important enough for my time and attention.
"Hayden." This is most definitely an important topic. If it's anything like before—him stating reasons why Hayden and I shouldn't be together—I will definitely cut this conversation short. But there's something in his tone of voice that tells me that isn't at all what this conversation is about.
I point to a chair in front of my desk gesturing for him to have a seat and he closes the door before sitting down. He has my undivided attention. Though my eyes are on him, he hasn't looked at me since he sat. His eyes are glued to his hands, which hold splatter of black paint along with his light colored denim jeans. "I'm supposed to testify against Hayden next week at the hearing, you know."
"I'm well aware of this Ryder."
"And I keep telling myself that he and I were once friends. Though he fucked my mother and baby sister out of spite, he and I were once very close acquaintances." Hayden has done a lot of messed up things to people when he was younger. He didn't know how to react and how to behave, all he knew how to do was use his second brain. That second brain of his ruined friendships, relationships, himself, and he has to live with that.
"I'm going to be the reason he sits in jail for a maximum of ten years. And though I would love for him to be in there for all of the shit he's done, he can't go in there like this."
"What do you mean?"
"Lina is framing Hayden and I am—" He shakes his head and corrects himself, "I was helping her."
My jaw drops at his confession. Though Hayden said this long ago, I had never expected Ryder to be in on it, too. I didn't think we would ever find out the truth about this case and Hayden was going to be wrongly persecuted. His case from the beginning was being tampered with and this, just makes it worse. My and Hayden's ex friend has joined in this ridiculous plot to have Hayden arrested and jailed for a crime he didn't commit.
"What?!" The amount of anger laced in my tone shocked him causing him to wince slightly. "Why would you ever do something like this Ryder? What could you have gained?"
"Besides seeing him get what he deserves, she promised that I would have you and she would have Hayden. It was never supposed to be like this. She took this way too far."
"Why would you ever think after all of this, I would try to be with you? I can't forgive you for what you attempted to do to Hayden."
"I was in a dark place at that point Alice. A low point in my life and Hayden was to blame for everything that went wrong. He fucked my mother and broke up her marriage and my family. He fucked my little sister and she lost her virginity at twelve and she's been fucked up ever since. And he fucked you and took you away from me. Because he can't keep it in his pants for one moment, I lose everything and everyone around me. He ruined my life and I wanted to do the same to him. I've spoken to someone since that day and that's why I'm coming to you now. He said it's the right thing to do."
"How did all of this happen Ryder? How did we end up like this?"
"I let my affection for you turn into an obsession, and Lina—which we all know already—has always loved Hayden. Ever since they were kids. And seeing someone else get everything she always wanted from him drove her to borderline insanity."
I had always known she had a mania for Hayden. But I never made the connection with him taking her virginity at such an immature age. From that moment, she had an obsessive attachment to him. In her eyes, he was and still is her only one.
"She called me one night out of the blue crying and saying Hayden officially ended things with her and that she needed my help. I let her come over to my house and she made up this elaborate plan to get Hayden back. I asked her what was in it for me, and she said I get to have you so I was on board with it even though deep down I knew that it was wrong."
I don't even know what to say. Ryder is admitting what Hayden said from the beginning. Lina is setting him up and Ryder played a part in it.
"When she told me she was going to frame him for rape, I laughed at her because I didn't think it was going to be possible. She told me if you found out Hayden was a rapist you would leave him and once you left him she would drop all of the charges. She figured your relationship would be too broken to try to fix and he would have no choice but to bring her back into his life. All I had to do was be a witness for her saying that I saw her leave his house and she made me go over to your house after he was arrested to persuade you to leave him."
"But how did she do it? With all of the evidence?" I say the word evidence using air quotes.
"She saved his sperm in a condom, that's how she got his semen inside of her. She also had me fuck her roughly so she could tear a little to make it seem like she had been sexually assulted. And brace yourself for this last one . . . she beat herself up."
My eyes were wider than ever, my jaw on the floor. This just shows her mental state is atrocious. She has gone above and beyond to prove herself true and Hayden's guilt. "She beat herself up?"
"Yes, it wasn't the first time she's done something like that to herself so it was easy for her."
My mind goes back to the night I was home alone and Lina showed up to the front door, battered and bruised. Did she do that to herself to get back into Hayden's life? Did Hayden know and that's why he didn't want to tell me? "This isn't okay Ryder, she needs help, and you need to tell someone else this so Hayden can come home free."
"Do you know how much trouble I would get in? I lied to the authorities for a long time and I'm going to continue to lie while under oath."
My brows furrow, a deep crease forming between my brows almost causing me a headache, "Why would you tell me this if you hadn't planned on doing anything about it?!"
This would have been the perfect opportunity to have my recording going. This is the type of information that could set Hayden free. No one is going to believe my word over this fake evidence that they have. Ryder has to speak up and be honest and Lina needs to let this all go. If she and Ryder get caught lying under oath, they can get in serious trouble. "Ryder if this comes out after you lied under oath, do you know what will happen? You will go to prison because in the state of Washington perjury is a felony."
"I know that Alice, that's why I'm battling with this. I want Hayden to get what he deserves, but not at the cost of my own freedom."
"Ryder do you know how sad and alone I've been since this has happened? I miss him every day and knowing that once again you tried to take him away from me makes it hard to even look at you. We were once friends Ryder, why are you constantly trying to hurt me?" I try to blink away my tears so I don't get caught crying on the job and having every one in the building ask me what's wrong and if I want to talk.
"I don't want to hurt you Alice, I want to hurt Hayden. He deserved it after what he's done to my family and what he's done to Lina after all of these years."
"But what about me? I'm hurting too, I cry myself to sleep most night. Lina had someone try to kill me because of all of this and I don't understand why."
"Alice I promise I had nothing to do with that. I told her she was taking it too far when I heard about that and I knew I had to tell you the truth."
"Telling me the truth and actually doing something about it are two entirely different things. If you don't fix this Ryder, I will hate you forever. Please get out of my office."
"Alice—"
"No Ryder, please." I turn my attention back to my computer reading over the same paragraph trying hard to understand the words on the screen. "Close the door on your way out."
I don't look at him as he leaves the room, closing the door behind himself. As soon as I hear the door shut I drop my head into my hands releasing the tears I tried to force back. A lot has happened to Hayden and myself this past month and just as Hayden believed he was being set up. All of this was a lie and it ruined not only our relationship and our well-being, but also Hayden's reputation.
Jessica's signature knock sounded through the quiet room and I hurry to wipe away my tears before she can come in and see me like this. Less than an hour ago I was telling them that I'm okay, for her to see me crying in here will counteract everything that I've been saying. "Come in!" I call, sniffling one last time as the door opens.
"Hey Alice, Austin is here to see you."
"I'll be there in a moment."
"Have you been crying?" She notices upon further inspection. "Alice, is it about Jack? Being back here reminded you of what happened?"
"No, it's nothing about that." In order to avoid talking about it and getting emotional again, I don't give her a chance to comment before dismissing her from the room. "I'll be fine Jess, please tell Austin I'm going to be right out."
"Okay." This time she doesn't believe me, but she gets the hint that I won't talk about it. She closes the door behind herself leaving me alone.
Get it together Alice. The news is upsetting but it could be a good thing. It could be a great thing actually. If Ryder speaks up Hayden can be free. Hayden can finally come home.
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[a.n]
I know these chapters are long overdue so I guess I should explain. I had so much going on in my life writing wasn't even a thought and when I did try to get back into it to type up chapters, I couldn't. I went through MONTHS of writers block and I lost the plot of Hayden and Alice's story. But with lots of patience and new ideas coming to mind I was able to continue on. I'm excited to finish this story and I hope you all are still excited to continue reading.
I have no idea when I will publish again so I updated these chapters to make up for that haha. Happy reading, and don't forget to comment and vote. ❤️