Phil pushed the off-button from his Camera and exhaled. "Fffhhh...huh."He leaned back and slowly laid down on his bed, thinking what he could to do the rest of the evening. He recognised he was really hungry and got up. He thought about tidying his room after filming the video when he heard something. It was a very quiet noise, he could barely hear it but it was still there...it sounded a little bit like a howling dog but it was too human to actually be that. It had to come from Dans room, where else should strange noises come from? He got a weird feeling in his stomach and without thinking about it, he ran out of his room. Phil was just about to open Dans door to check if everything was okay when he painfully remembered their fight a while ago. He stopped abruptly, his hand freezing in the air just above the door latch.
Dan had told him to stop making Dans problems into his own but Phil didnt want to listen to him so Dan angrily left the room and- Phil shook his head like he wanted that memory to disappear. He pulled his hand back and listened. He could hear something whimpering every now and then. If you listened carefully it sounded like someone was laughing. There was Phil, standing in front of Dans door, too scared to walk in, dying on the inside because he was worried about Dan. He knew Dan was crying. But he couldn't help him. Dan didn't want Phil to help him. After standing there for like 5 Minutes, Phil decided to go to the kitchen to make himself some food, telling himsef Dan was just laughing. He got some things out of the frigde and roasted eggs when he heared Dans door getting opened. His stomach cramped into a small ball and he ran out of the kitchen to check if Dan was okay. He was too late, Dan had already gone into the bathroom. Phil got to the bathroom door and stood there, thinking if he should check if Dan was okay. Would it be awkward if he knocked and asked if everything was alright? He could hear the sound of the water, pouring into the bathtub. He couldn't just knock, he was too afraid of Dans reaction, too afraid of the truth he could find out if he would interrupt him now. He knew Dan had been into selfharm and the last time he saw Dan in the kitchen, Dan had stitches on his one hand and said he just"scratched his arm on a tree he ran into when he went out with the trash". Phil turned his back and slowly walked back into the kitchen, feeling like the most horrible person in the world. Back in the kitchen, he realised his eggs were getting kinda dark but he didn't care at that moment.
He sat down and placed his head in his hands, thinking about Dan. Dan, his best friend, he trusted and believed in all this time...but something was wrong with him. For one month now Dan had been very...different. At first Phil thought it was just a bad mood or some bad thoughts that were depressing Dan but it got worse. Dan often had red eyes from crying or he was silently sitting somewhere, staring at a wall with this deep sadness in his face. A week ago,Phil would've asked what's wrong. But after their fight, even talking was difficult. A few days ago, Dan let out all his anger on Phil. He shouted at him, told him to stop caring so much, told him to just leave him alone and go buy that shitty house in the forest that Phil always had dreamt of. He told him he didn't care about him, didn't need him. When he saw the tears in Phil's eyes, he whispered something like "sorry" and ran into his room. The two following days they had eaten in their rooms and only said things to eachother when they met in the kitchen or in front of the bathroom, never looked into each others eyes and only had smalltalk like "Oh you can use the bathroom first. I can wait." This cold strain between them hadn't been easy for both of them and Dan didn't seem happier.
Phil got dragged back into reality when the firealarm started making a squealing sound loudly. He realized his eggs were burnt to dark muck and were smoking as hell. He got onto a chair and tried stop the alarm which was sat on the seeling when suddenly a completly wet Dan with a towel aroud his hips appeared at the kitchens' door. They awkwardly stared at eachother until Dan said "...are you okay?". Phils heart made a jump. "Ye it's..nothing really..just the firealarm again" he said with a shy laugh at the end. Phils heart was beating fast. Had Dan been afraid that something had happened to him? "Oh...kay. Were you making scrambled eggs because it smells disgusting." Dan said with a giggle while he was walking towards the window. Phil laughed nervous and put the burnt scrambled eggs in the sink while Dan opened the window and cold air flooded into the room. Dan walked to Phil and put one of the spreads Phil had taken out of the Fridge back into the fridge and said quietly "You know I don't like this one, why do you keep putting it on the table every time?" Phil just laughed a bit and put the pan back in the cupboard. He turned around in order to take the bread and the spreads but he nearly bumped into Dan. He didn't apologise, didn't say anything, he just locked eyes with Dan. They were kinda red-ish pink and the normal, adorable brown. Dan stared back while his wet, slightly curly hair dripped water on the floor. They stood there for what seemed to be ages until Dan looked away. He whispered "Well...I'll finish the shower then. Uhm...are you putting a plate on the table for me as well? Phils stomach seemed to explode into butterflies.
Is he gonna eat dinner with me?
"Ye!..Of course uhm no problem." He said obviously happy and blushed rightafter because he noticed he said almost screamed that. Dan smiled and mumbled something before he turned around and made his way back to the bathroom. Phil quickly looked at Dans wrists while Dan was about to leave the kitchen. His heart broke and the butterflies died. Stitches on both arms. Phil wanted to run after Dan, hug him, tell him he was there for him or yell at him for doing such a stupid thing, punch him and ask him how he could do something, kiss him and slap him. Phil wanted to fucking cry. He got himself together and started putting things on the table. He was so cought up in histhoughts that he nearly dropped their plates. As some time went by,he got more and more nervous. Was Dan gonna apologise? Was he gonnabe quiet? Were they gonna start fighting because Phil was definetly gonna lose control if he saw those Stitches again? Phil had finished making dinner and sat down, pretending to check his Phone while sinking into his thoughts more and more.
Suddenly Dan came into the room. He was wearing tight ripped jeans and a hoodie, everything black of course, and didn't straighten his hair which was a messy, curly, floofy thing to look at. Phil wanted to go through it with his fingers but ,obviously, this wasn't the right moment. Dan had bags under his eyes and a weak smile on his lips. In his yellow Adventure-time sweater and grey sweatpants Phil looked like a shining Star compared to Dan. Phil put his phone down and took a piece of bread, still looking at Dan who was slowly coming closer and looking on the ground. Dan sat down on the other side of the table and started eating. No one said a word, Phil didn't even dare to breath normal and the tension between them was getting worse with every second.
After Phils brain was literally exploding of bad thoughts and the fear whats gonna happen if he tried to start a conversation, he coughed and silently asked "could you..hand me the water?"
Damn,I should've said nothing!
Dan looked up at him and they locked eyes for a second before he raised his hand to take the bottle of water. His hoodie slightly slided back and revealed a bit of one of the stitches. Phil couldn't help himself but stare at it while his stomach slowly twisted. Dan looked at Phil and immediately got what Phil looked at and quickly pulled back his hand. He blushed deeply read and Phil looked down at his plate. He was fighting against his brain that was screaming 'Jump up and yell at him!!' while his heart was telling him to run around the table and hug him but everything that came out of him was heavy breathing. Dan suddenly said "..oh...I already told you that was...just the tree I ran into...it's nothing seriously." Phil looked up and saw Dan, holding his wrist while staring at his plate, his curls hiding his face. Phil didn't say anything. He knew, and Dan knew he knew. Phil tried to get his head clear and find an excuse to leave the table but Dan was faster. He stood up but kept facing the ground and whispered "Thanks for dinner."
Phil just stared. He couldn't say a thing. He knew if he opened his mouth now he'd start crying or screaming. Maybe both. Dan pushed back his chair and slowly turned around without saying a word. Then he sobbed.
This sobb broke Phils heart.
Dan ran to the door but Phil already jumped up and yelled "Dan wait!"Dan opened the door and stepped out in the hallway but Phil grabbed his hand and pulled him in a hug. He could feel his shoulder getting wet from Dans tears and he kinda just wanted to stay like this until Dan stopped crying but his brain had other plans. Phil let go of Dan and now he was crying too.
"...How could you?!" he yelled and took a step back. Dan looked a little bit suprised while tears were streaming down his face.
"Dan why?! I'm here, I'm right here all the time and I care! You have no idea how much I care, how much you mean to me! You have no idea how much...th-" he sobbed and locked eyes with Dan. "You knew this-" he pointed at Dans wrists "was going to hurt me too. But you,obviously, really don't care about me. Now I know you didn't just say those things out of anger. You meant it." Phil rubbes his tears away. "You meant all of it. You did."
Dan just kinda stood there while Phil was yelling. He didn't move, didn't blink, just tears were coming out of him. When Phil stopped talking, Dan blinked a few times and stepped back. "...Am I....loosing you..?" Phil could feel how calm Dan said that, how his emotions were dead. And Phil hated it.
Stupid boy! How could you ever believe this was going to be alright again!?
"Well seems like it!" Phils tears stopped coming and his voice was totally cold and calm while saying those words. "I'm leaving right now."
Phil walked through the door and didn't look at Dan. He didn't dare to look. Phil just waited for one last reaction, a last word or something that told Phil Dan did care. But there was nothing.
Phil walked past Dan and Dan looked at him with empty eyes. No tears, no nothing. Phil walked a few steps and this little hope, this little wish of a word to come out of Dan got overhand.
Phil turned around and slapped Dan right across the face.
Dan groaned and tripped, then tumbled onto the ground while holding his face with one hand.
"Ph-il...!"
"Shutup! And never..-" his voice broke. Phil couldn't say it. He felt tears coming up again but before they left his eyes he turned around and ran out of the apartment.
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Hellooo everyone
Ye I know this is shit but I just wanted to try okay xD
So...this story goes on but it's gonna be a while 'til I upload again soo...
bye for now, Nox :)