✾AOEDE✾
-main vocalist-
-triple threat-
「ρσιςοη」
full name » Han Hyo Ra
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nicknames » White Swan, Hyo, Cold Sweetheart, Puzzle
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stage name » Aoede
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date of birth » November 23, 1997
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ethnicity » Korean
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nationality » Korean
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birthplace » Jeju Island, Korea
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height » 170cm
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weight » 52kg
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blood type » B
welcome aoede to poison
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I have gotten used to celebrating my birthday alone ever since a very young age. Just like every other year, I now stand in Poison's unused dorm, all alone, staring at a white frosted cupcake that sits on the table in front of me, singing Happy Birthday under my breath as I stare at the food in mock happiness.
I slump down into one of the six wooden chairs that surround the table, eating the skin off my lip while I stare at the sweet as if it's some type of disgusting, rotting piece of garbage. To me it truly is nothing but a useless reminder that I am a year closer to hopefully getting cancer and dying.
The burning candle on top of the icing has already started to melt into the cream, but I'm lost in a world that is the total opposite of a usual happy and cheerful birthday that other normal people seem to have.
I had wished, wished so hard, that this day would not be like this. I was supposed to be celebrating today with my fellow bandmates, girls I should now, after two months, have become good friends with. We would have cheerfully smudged cake onto each others faces, then later watched a scary movie to scare the maknaes, and in the end called it a day – a good, happy, brilliant day that I would always have remembered as my best birthday so far.
But of course that's not how it turned out, because life is a pool of stupid wishes, of stupid hope that is worth nothing and is just a pathetic hole in people's heads that fills them with a false feeling that life will work out perfectly. After all I've gone through, I should have known better.
I had seen three of my members, Kim Haru, Kim Jangmi and Park Yeonha, a few days ago, walking around the SM building, arm in arm, laughing as if they had known each other forever. They all looked so happy and beautiful, so joyous and carefree, because no matter what happened they were happy just by being together. And somehow, by just looking at them, a hollow feeling had krept into my stomach, because I wanted friendship like that; I needed it.
But I didn't get it, just because of my own shyness, just because I truly couldn't have handled it. All I could do for now was stop and stare at my dream life that I would never get.
It is a Saturday afternoon, an afternoon I would have spent training if only I hadn't wished someone might realise it's my birthday. No one did, so now I can go back to my good, happy, brilliant life.
As if.
I head to the door, the cupcake left behind on the table, left there to later be thrown in the bin by one of my managers. It will be left behind, all alone, with no one around it, no one to keep it fresh and no one to keep the candle burning.
In many ways, it is much like me.
❝What do you mean we don't have a cleaning lady? I'M A FUCKING SINGER, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO CLEAN SOME NASTY ROOM! Too much cleaning might damage my voice.❞ A loud uprise of noise and walking suddenly stops my hand from opening the door.
❝Haru, if you don't shut up I will get a mop and stick it down your throat. Now that will definitely damage your voice.❞
I let out a small squeal and take a rushed look around me, trying to find a place to hide as I hear the clicking of heels and the squeaking of sneakers come closer to the dorm.
I practically fling myself across the living room, flying over the purple sofa, nearly breaking the TV and rushing into one of the three dormrooms our apartment has. The room is plain, walls unpigmented, two beds neatly made, the light black cupboards looking dead and dark between all the layers of white and a big wardrobe, so wide it amazes me how it can even fit in that small corner between a bed and the wall. It looks exactly like how I would imagine death in heaven, everything looking too simplistic, plain and boring – for now.
I open the wardrobe and climb in just as I hear the front door opening and four people walking in. The wardrobe is bare with no clothes, as I had expected it to be, and I am able to fold my legs neatly underneath me and sit on the bottom of its wooden inside as I nervously fidle with the bottom of my oversized blue shirt.
❝Upstairs we have two of the dorms, plus the lovely balcony view. Downstairs we have Yeonha and Yookyung's room, the living room area and the kitchen. The only toilet it beside the downstairs dorm. Yeonha, you can show Yookyung her room when she gets here next week.❞ I hear my manager's, Manager Kang's, sweet voice drifting in through the crack in the wardrobe doors. She is one of the only people on this planet who has ever shown me any type of love, and the first person I ever shared a hug with in three years. She is the loving mother I never truly had and I know for sure she had probably been trying to find me all day to celebrate my birthday, but I had simply forgotten about her. It's amazing how easily you can forgot about the only person who seems to love you when you are just trying to find others like them.
❝WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL! I have to go down a flight of stairs to get to the bathroom? Are you kidding me? These hot legs have a specific workout, and going down stairs isn't a part of it. Also I spend at least three hours doing my makeup in the morning so I'm not going to wait for any bi – ❞ I hear a loud slap as someone likely claps Haru over the face to shut her up.
❝The place is lovely, Miss Kang, I'm really grateful you were able to get it for us. So you said you and the other staff are going to be sleeping in other, smaller apartments in the building, right?❞ I hear a voice that is nearly as equally sweet as Manager Kang's say as the speaker makes its way over to her room.
Yeonha steps in just as I hear Manager Kang reply with a simple yes. I tighten my jaw and try to muffle my breathing so that I can't be detected, but I am unable to stop my hands from shaking against my bare legs. Through the crack I can see Yeonha looking around, seeming a bit sad that the room is so plain and unhappy.
But then she abruptly puts on a smile and says to the others behind her, ❝We can paint the walls. Oh, and I can change the duvets and the curtains to something more colourful! We can start truly making this our home.❞ I feel like a little bit of me dies some more when she says home; home is the place you miss, the place you want to be in when you're far away from it, the place the people you love are. I realise as I watch Yeonha smile around at the things I had frowned at that I don't have anything that resembles a home, except my head, my imagination. But in there, there is no one to love.
My hands stop shaking and I feel my head go heavy, a bad feeling taking over my lungs like it had the first time I had seen my bandmates together – without me. And it's not their fault, it never has been these two months, but putting the blame on them makes it all so much easier. In my head I can imagine a girl climbing out of the wardrobe, jokingly saying surprise, it's me, your fellow member and then laughing the whole wardrobe thing off, in record time becoming good friends with her bandmates and finally being able to live life to its fullest and best potential.
But that girl isn't me, and it never will be. The image in my head is misty and cracked at the edges because that's all it is: a misty illusion that once cleared will show that it was never truly there, never truly real.
❝Um, yeah, I mean, it is pretty plain,❞ Jangmi says through a full mouth, eating loudly as she walks into the room with a cupcake in her hand – more specifically my cupcake – and takes two seconds to survey the whole room and then gets back to chomping loudly on my pathetic birthday cake. I haven't ever seen someone so careless about everything in general. I wish I was more like that.
Yeonha sits down on the bed farthest from me, beside the window, and continues staring innocently around at the walls, likely imagining different colours on them in her head. Jangmi on the other hand decides to explore, looking in the cupboards as she eats, tapping on the walls and then, of course, looking into the wardrobe.
Her jaw stops moving for a split second as she registers me, taking in my body in the enormous wardrobe and likely wondering why the hell I'm in there.
❝Looks like there's a dead body in our maknaes' wardrobe,❞ she says, clearly joking. She goes back to chewing, looking once again as if she doesn't care about a single thing. Behind her lashes though, it's as if I see a single bit of curiosity and – she obviously thinks I'm an absolute idiot, which I kind of am now that I think about it – laughter, as if finding a "dead body" in a wardrobe is something to laugh at.
I finally decide to move, blinking up at her and trying to get into a position that doesn't make me flash my knickers. ❝I'm your, um,❞ my mind races and I try search through my mind as fast as I can for a good explanation, ❝your cleaning lady! Yeah, I was just cleaning your wardrobe!❞
Even before I hear Jangmi let out a genuine snort, and before Yeonha turns her head around and gives me a confused look, I already know that is the worse excuse I could have ever come up with.
❝Jesus, have you heard my prayers? Thank God,❞ Haru shrieks as she moves into the room and sees me. Her happy face falters as she stares at me in the wardrobe. Even as it falters it still stays as beautiful as it was the second before.
A silence is in the room as Manager Kang enters. ❝Oh my – Hyora, what are you doing in there? Sweetie, are you okay?❞ Her shock turns into concern and part of me wishes I could just leap into her arms and let her hug me again. But would she even want to hug me back?
❝Uhh... yeah, I'm fine, I just...❞ I don't even finish my sentence as Manager Kang gives me a small smile, taking me by the hand and pulling me out of the wardrobe. The simple, little touch gets me blushing, and the fact that I just embarrassed myself in front of my members makes me go the deep colour of beetroot.
❝This, girls, is your co-member, Han Hyora, Main Vocalist and from my own company, Bighit,❞ she smiles, giving me a wink and squeezing my hand gently. ❝It's actually her birthday today, so... pizza?❞
Yeonha smiles and gives me a soft pat on the shoulder, Haru gives me one last disappointed look and goes on muttering about hiring a personal cleaner and Jangmi is just licking the last crumbs of my cupcake off of her fingers, not seeming to give much thought about the fact that she obviously ate my birthday cake.
Later that day, a blue frosted cupcake appears outside my dormroom. A single note is attached to it: "Sorry P.S. It tasted good though"
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+ Congratulations to Tiff, my dear child and friend, for getting this slot. Your form was so perfect and outstanding that every time I think about it I start fangirling. I love writing about Aoede, she feels like a female Shakespeare with her poetic and creative mind. I look forward to writing more with her character!
+ In case you are mixed up with the time, we are still back at the end of 2016. The girls will be practicing and preparing for their debut until we will come back to present day and they will debut in Summer. Do you get it? Anyways, I will start putting dates at the start of chapters to not get you confused ;)
+ Summer vacation has finally started AYEEEEEE! I'll be going on holiday in two weeks (??) So I won't be able to write then, but I will try updating as much as I can before that. I still have reading and helping my mom and life in general, but I will at least get all the character introductions up this summer. *sweats* I will still be excepting 20 votes per chapter and AT LEAST 100-200 comments, even though that's barley anything. Okay I'll stop being salty now
+ I am so exited to finally be able to tag all six members of this applyfic! Thank you for applying and spending time on this applyfic, out of all the million others, and sorry for my long ass procrastinating. To anyone who applied and did not get accepted, thank you so much for your support, I will forever be grateful. And now here are all six official members of Poison: -yejin vividtae okey-dokeyo guanlintrbl vnderrated cutievelvet Luv u guys ^^ Make sure to comment and vote~
-mimi ❥