February 7, 2017~
That feeling of your chest getting tight
As your lungs begin to close and your knees buckle.
The warmth of the air turns to chills
And your world becomes dark.
The feeling of not being able to breath and not wanting to.
When your stomach turns to knots and then you want to throw up. When you feel to tired to even go to sleep.
So you sink into your mind
And begin to wonder why.
Why everything fell apart, why feel when you've felt to much. Why see when you can barley stay awake. Why speak when you can't get through.
When you leave your body to bare your soul.
That sinking feeling keeps you awake.
That sinking feeling makes you regret
Those feelings that tug your insides making you cry
Hurting is the least of your problem.
Being left in oblivion where no one can see, touch, hear, or stop you leaves you wanting to ease the pain somehow.
To ease your mind
To make it tolerable.
You itch, you scratch,
you save yourself by not being yourself.
And then, as you feared before, the oblivion shreds you apart and you're left with empty thoughts,
The itching returns,
And so does the feeling.
The feeling of not being wanted
The feeling of falling and having nobody to catch you
The feeling of being alone
The feeling of being captured with no escape, no more doors
The feeling of your lungs exploding and the dark numbing you.
The feeling of regret and when you lay back in bed. You feel like a mold for depression.