As soon as Renata opened the cafeteria door, the table near her turned quiet. Suddenly almost the whole room turned quiet. Everybody gave her a sympathetic glance, while others gave her a pity looked. She braced herself, put her head up, and walked herself to the food counter.
I am here to grab my lunch, she thought. I have nothing to do with the rest of the people here.
As she got closer to the counter, the whispers got louder. Adriana, one of the girls who clearly used to admire Nathaniel and used to sent him love letters in his locker, was standing near the counter queue line with her friends. She stared at Renata condescendingly.
"She got dump." Renata could hear her whispered followed by little laughters by her friends.
Renata took the food tray and grab some salad while giving a smile to the canteen lady. "Thank you." Renata said. The canteen lady replied her smile sympathetically.
She grabbed some yoghurt and orange juice next. When she was about to take her tray somebody stepped in front of her and took it. "Wait... that's mi.." She stopped.
Ruben is standing in front of her and holding her tray. What is he trying to do? She wondered.
"Do you want anything else?" He asked, rather politely than he usually does in public.
"I'm... o.. okay..." Renata stuttered for a bit. She didn't know why she has to feel so nervous and starstruck being in public with her ex-boyfriend, it's just Ruben. Her Ruben.
The whole room went quiet again, she thought everybody was looking at Ruben and her, but it is now Nathaniel turned to walk in. He stopped walking after looking at Renata and Ruben walking side by side. He seemed to hesitate on what he should do, everybody is already staring at him and Renata. Back and forth, back and forth. Everybody waited to see what happened to the popular couple in Rhapsody.
For some reason, Renata suddenly held Ruben's arm. She is too scared to see how Ruben would react, but wanted to avoid everybody looking at her too. Holding his arm and feeling his presence made her feel safe, protected, she didn't care what others would say. She only cared about Ruben.
Ruben was staring at Nathaniel and Nathaniel stared back at him for a split second. Nathaniel was about to say something, but decided to turn around to the table filled with basketball team and sit with them. As soon as he left the 'crime scene', cafeteria crowds went back to their own lunch business.
Renata is still holding on to Ruben's arm. "Do you mind eating with me and Brenda?" He asked, politely.
Brenda? Really? She thought. She could feel her heart sunk.
"You're still holding my arm by the way," Ruben added again, grinning this time.
"Sorry." Renata removed her grasp awkwardly.
"You don't have to stop." He said, smiling. His genuine sincere smile. When did he changed? She thought.
He carried her tray to the table where Brenda is. She looked ordinary, the way she usually looked. She didn't seem to try to dress up or anything after all the attention she got during the ball.
"Hi!" Brenda cheerfully waved. "We figured you feel uncomfortable with the gossip and everything."
"Yeah, Brenda thought you wouldn't want to eat alone." Ruben added. Turned out, it wasn't Ruben's idea to take her tray. It was Brenda. Renata wished she didn't get her hopes up.
"Thanks." Renata tried to give her most sincere smile, although she couldn't decide if she prefers to eat alone surrounded by mean school girls or eating while watching Ruben with Brenda, again.
Awkward silent filled their table.
"Nathaniel seemed to be doing fine." Brenda suddenly said, trying to break the ice.
"He loves the spotlight." Ruben answered rather annoyed as she always sounded.
"Really?" Brenda's eyes widened.
Ruben retorted Brenda's question while Renata decided to keep quiet, what is there to say anyway? Nathaniel is her best friend, he was there through it all. He stayed by her side when she passed out. She would never talk bad behind his back.
"What do you think, Renata?" Brenda suddenly asked, waking her up from her train of thoughts.
"Sorry, i wasn't listening." She apologized.
Brenda gave Renata an understanding look and kept quiet. Brenda isn't a bad girl, Renata knows it. She just disliked the little situations that always seems to bring Brenda and Ruben together, in contrary, Ruben moved further and further from her. As much as Renata does not want to hate Brenda, deep inside she hated this nice simple girl. What's more she hated what jealousy and her love for Ruben had turned her into. She never hated anybody like this before.
Brenda exchanged look with Ruben, as she finished her soft drink which makes Renata uncomfortable. Brenda was able to change Ruben when she can't, and the way Brenda glanced at him, it is almost like they knew what each other were thinking. She wished it was her who exchanged look with Ruben instead of Brenda.
"Okay. I'm going to go and found Gabby and Ashley." Brenda got up, carrying her tray. "I'll see you guys later, okay?" She cheerfully smiled.
"Oh, you don't have to go." Renata got up and stopped Brenda. "I didn't mean to intrude both of your conversations."
"What intrude?" Brenda laughed. "You stayed here. Accompany Ben." Brenda gave Renata a meaningful smile, gesturing to Ruben.
Ruben was still sitting next to Renata on the cafeteria table. He held her hand out of nowhere, "Let Bren go." He said rather pleadingly.
Renata hesitantly sit down as she watched Brenda walked away from their table.
"You don't have to stay with me if you don't want to." Ruben added while he played with his food, avoiding to look at Renata.
"I... just... you guys were talking. I'm not quiet as good of a company." She admitted.
"We were doing fine before." Ruben commented.
"Brenda thought we need sometime alone." He explained out of nowhere. "She is very much like CJ, that girl. They both felt that I need to say something, or do something, and not let things just happened."
Renata kept quiet, thinking what she should say. "Yeah." Was all she could say.
"CJ was the one who told me to take a chance with you." Ruben said again. This is probably the most words Ruben ever said to her throughout their relationship. Renata kept quiet while looking at her ex-boyfriend. Well, not-so-ex boyfriend. "Today she asked why should we be backstreet all those while ago." He added.
"I don't know." Renata muttered weakly. Listening to Ruben talking more and more makes her want to cry, she still couldn't believe he's sitting next to her now after she was drunk, and after everything she doesn't want to cry in public.
"I thought I was protecting you." He continued. "But honestly, i have been protecting myself. From the paparazzi, the media, the everything." He paused. "And I haven't been fair to you. I protected Jaclyn, Brenda..."
"Stop." Renata suddenly cut him off. "Please stop." She pleaded again.
This time, Ruben kept quiet. His expression looked puzzled.
"I can't, Ben" She sounded shaken. "I.. can't listen to you further than this." She paused. "I'm not going to cry in public. Not for you, or for anybody else." She said finally.
Ruben put her hand in his, he held it tight. "I.. lo... care... about you." He stopped mid sentence, and rephrase what he was about to say.
"I know." She answered, forcing a smile. "I do too."
In a count of seconds he hugged her, and pecked her forehead. Renata could feel people watching them.
"Are you done?" He asked.
"Yeah." She answered.
He combined both of their trays together and got up before carrying them with his left hand. He asked for her hand with his right hand. "Let's go?"
She nodded and took his hand, but unsure where this whole thing is going to go.