Do you ever feel like you're worthless? Like, the world would be a better place if you never existed. I do all the time. I just put on a pretty smile and try to brighten other people's days bc that's what keeps me going. To see someone else happy, while I'm suffering on the inside. I would rather see someone else happy, than enjoy happiness myself, bc I care about others WAY more than myself bc other people, like my friends and family, are more important than a worthless piece of garbage as myself. Tbh, I probably would have tried to commit suicide by this point, bc of my past, but I couldn't hurt the ones I love and they, who love me back. But the one person that I cant NEVER tell any of this too, the one person that I NEVER EVER want to hurt, is my mom. I love her so much and is always here to support me with whatever I do, even when she strongly disagrees with it. She is the one person that cares the most for me, and I can tell, bc of thousands of little and big things she's has done for me, throughout my whole life. Even though I'm too stupid to understand, bc I'm just a teenager. Her words of encouragement are always the best, and the way she hugs me, just makes me feel so appreciated and loved. I could never hurt her. Shes the main reason why I'm still on this planet today. I love her with all my heart, and it breaks my heart whenever she's sad. I want to make her happy, in any possible way, unlike my dad could.. some say that I grew up too fast, but you got do what you gotta do when the person you love needs help. And it breaks my heart when she thinks she's a terrible mother, bc that is not true, NEVER in a million years bc I know she's doing her best, and I appreciate everything she's done for me, for good or for bad. That's why, I can never share my feelings of why I feel worthless, bc then she will feel worthless and that would break my heart. I cant hurt the ones I love, bc I want them to be radiant, even though I'm referred to sunshine(bc if my ginger hair and my attitude) I want to make the world a better place, but from behind the scenes, by encouraging others to be their best, when I can't..
2-6-17