There was once a time when I couldn't wait to get back to school. But that all ended two weeks before school started. Everything ended two weeks before school started.
I was getting back from a run and about to work out when my phone rang. My caller ID said it was Draya. When I didn't answer, she called again. There was no avoiding her.
We'd hooked up back in June and nothing had happened since. I could barely remember if the swim had lived up to expectation. I'd been out of it all summer. It was all about my routine: running, working out, and playing basketball. The boys said it was unhealthy, but there was no thinking involved with my routine, and I didn't want to think.
Draya called again, and a look at my screen highlighted a missed voicemail as well.
This was getting irritating.
What did she want?
When she called yet again I lost my patience and picked up the line.
"What?" I snapped.
There was a pause and I could've sworn I heard her catch her breath.
"Draya?" My tone wasn't the nicest, but I wanted to get to the point. Whatever she needed wouldn't matter anyway, in two weeks—
"I was just letting you know I...I think I'm pregnant." Her voice was light, as if she'd been crying, but her words came at me loud and clear. Pregnant. "Sorry to be a bother."
She hung up and my hand fell to my side, my grip on my phone almost loosening.
Pregnant.
Goosebumps prickled across my sweat soaked skin and I felt dizzy enough to pass out.
Pregnant.
No.
This type of thing wasn't possible. I always used a condom, to avoid situations like this, to have fun and not be stupid.
But yet still...
Pregnant.
I didn't want to be a coward, I didn't want to ignore her and pretend that the phone call hadn't happened, because it did, her words kept echoing in my ears, taunting me.
As soon as I showered I forced myself to bullshit with two of Draya's annoying ass friends in order to get her address.
I had to see her, because running away wasn't going to stop the inevitable.
Of all my friends and between Devonte and me, I was the responsible one, and yet I'd gotten a girl pregnant.
The word "think" kept popping up in my head. She'd said she thought she was pregnant, as if she were unsure.
Perhaps a quick test would alleviate our issue and set us straight.
Hopefully.
The rumors were true, well, almost. Draya lived in a mobile home community. From a distance, it was actually pretty nice, resembling that of a small subdivision. Each house varied in upkeep, some gardened, others had random knickknacks loitering amongst their property, and at the worst was someone with a garden gnome collection.
Draya's house was void of yard fixtures. The driveway had what looked like two broken down vehicles and the wooden steps leading up to the front door were chipped as the railing was entirely broken off.
Crash!
A loud clutter of what sounded like pans and dishes fell inside the home.
"Now look what you did!" a woman screamed. "Pick them up and wash them again!"
"Mom!" a little girl whined.
Maybe this was the wrong house.
I knocked on the door anyway, just to see.
A moment later a short portly woman came and answered the door. There was nothing friendly about her. I had simply knocked on her door and she seized me with so much attitude in her green eyes as she pursed her lips.
"Hello, is Draya home? My name's—"
The woman rolled her eyes and leaned back into the house. "Draya!"
"What?" I overheard Draya shout back.
Ms. Young mumbled something underneath her breath as her fist squeezed the door handle tighter. "Girl get off that damn phone and get out here, now!"
In seconds Draya was standing in the doorway, one look at me and she shrunk, bowing her head.
Draya at home was nothing like Draya at school. Before me, Draya was so dejectedly dressed in a t-shirt and gray pair of sweats. Her hair was in a ponytail and on her feet were Minnie Mouse slippers. She looked less like herself, less confident, less happy, less of a person.
Her mother made a face. "Well hello." She gestured to me. "You've got company."
Draya nodded. "We're going to talk, okay?"
Draya stepped by her mother and joined me on their tiny porch.
Her mother watched her back with a look that could kill. "You better not be runnin' around here bein' all fast!" Ms. Young spit the words out with the most disgusted look on her face.
"Mom!" Draya groaned.
Embarrassment sagged on Draya's shoulders as she could barely look me in the eye as she walked past me down the steps.
"Cherise those dishes better be done!" Ms. Young shouted as she returned to the inside of the mobile home.
Watching Draya cross her yard to my car hugging herself made me feel like an asshole. I didn't need to be so rude on the phone.
I beat her to my car and opened the door for her, an act that caused her to smirk.
In the car I contemplated sitting there to talk, but then, the vibe was all off with the not-too-far presence of her mother.
I started my car up and drove us to the nearest drug store.
Beside me Draya sank in her seat, eyeing the building with dread.
Maybe this was too much of a push.
Silence fell upon us in a thick and suffocating blanket. My thoughts were running at me a million miles per minute.
The first thing I could really comprehend was the fact that my father was going to kill me. This all meant one thing: goodbye basketball, hello part time job.
For the first time in my life I had truly fucked-up.
The worst part about it, I wasn't the one who would have it bad.
It was evident that Draya's mother was a piece of work.
The thought made me regard her with sympathy.
"I haven't eaten, you hungry?" I asked.
Draya shook her head as her eyes remained down on the floor. "Is this the part where you pay me to get it over with?"
"So you know you're pregnant?"
Beside me she winced. "No."
I raked a hand over my head, feeling uneasy. "Look, I don't think that that is the best option if you are. I just want you to know I'm here for you, okay?"
Draya faced me, a gleam in her eyes. "So you want me to have your baby?"
"Do I want to be a teen father right now? No, that was never the plan, but if on the off chance you're pregnant because of what we did, then I'm willing to take responsibility."
Draya peered out the window, nibbling on her bottom lip. "Good to know."
The whole thing felt bizarre. Even if I couldn't remember enjoying the act, one thing was certain. "I wore a condom."
Draya flinched, as if I'd accused her of something. "I only slept with you, DeAndre."
Okay, that wasn't the best approach either.
I reached out and placed my hand on her shoulder. "Let's just go in there and get a test, you can take it at my house and then we'll know."
Her eyes doubled in size at the idea. "No! I'm not pregnant, I just...maybe I'm just late. I've been late before."
"This late?"
Draya looked scared—I was scared, but I needed to know.
"Draya—"
"You don't understand! I can't, I can't," she sobbed. "She's gonna kick me out. I have nowhere to go. And I can't be pregnant." Draya's shoulders shook as her lips began to tremble. She quickly covered her face as she began to cry.
For a moment I watched her break down in the passenger seat, rocking back and forth as she kept repeating that she couldn't be pregnant.
The sight tugged at me.
I crossed the space between us and took her into my arms, allowing her to soak my tee. I held her close, as gentle as I could. "Hey, it's okay, I'm here."
Truly, I didn't know what I could do. My father would kill me and possible worse, blame Draya for the whole thing.
I wanted to believe she was just late, but an entire summer without her period didn't really seem to be in our favor.
I was scared, disappointed in myself, and not prepared to be responsible for another human being—but I wasn't going to place the entire thing on Draya. My mother hadn't been there for me or my brothers. I couldn't live with myself if I did the same thing for a life I'd created. I didn't feel anything about my mother's absence, but Darnel and Devonte did, they questioned it, and it made me sick to think of doing the same and leaving a child out there hating me or wondering what they did wrong that I couldn't love them for it.
I reeled back and met Draya's eyes, trying to be strong enough for the both of us. "I'm not letting you do this on your own."
Her eyes watered once more. "I'm scared, Dre. My mom's going to kill me."
I didn't know what to do. Taking a test seemed most logical, but peering at Draya let me know she wasn't ready to face the truth for what it was.
I swallowed.
Fuck.
"Okay, let's say you're late. When do you usually get your period?"
"At the end of the month."
It was only the thirteenth, maybe we'd get lucky and she wouldn't be pregnant. "If you don't want to take the test right now, let's just wait and see if you get your period this month, okay?"
This last shred of hope was the only thing that made Draya lighten up as she bobbed her head. "Okay."
Once more I took her into my arms, and did the only thing I could do. Hope for the best.
I held Draya close and promised her she wasn't alone, all the while knowing everything had changed and what could've been no longer mattered.
We weren't officially together or trying to be a couple.
It was the end of August and my stomach was in knots at the thought of her finally getting her period on any day. Really, the picture wasn't looking too good for either of us.
Senior year may have been off to a chaotic start, but at least the majority of my morning classes were shared with a mix of my friends and as we grabbed our usual table for fourth period lunch, we were fortunate enough to still have our free period together.
Draya sat by me next to Tremaine while I occupied the head of the table. It was Cree's spot she was sitting in, but Cree had yet to show up for lunch.
The others thought Draya didn't belong. It was obvious as they all barely acknowledged her. Troiann acted as though she weren't there and Tremaine practically scowled at her when she sat beside him.
It all annoyed the fuck out of me.
"Hey, guys." Cree was standing at the table, looking around at all of us. She was right by me and I caught sight of the watch on her wrist. She still had it and wore it.
Her hair was different, her clothes weren't the same, and even her skin radiated in a new way. She wasn't entirely the same Cree Jacobs who went away for the summer. But the watch remained.
I didn't reflect too long on the revelation. I looked down at my lunch tray, not wanting to think or feel.
Tremaine glared at Draya. "You're in her seat."
Draya looked at Tremaine and rolled her eyes. "There's only so much room at this table, Trey."
"Troy could be sitting over here but she playing," Marcus said as he shot Troiann a look.
Troiann had always sat next to Tremaine as did Cree, just like I always sat at the head of the table and Chris and Marcus sat on the other side. There was room for Cree, just not next to Tremaine.
Cree waved them off. "Oh, it's okay. I'm going to sit with Omari, I was just saying hi. I'm glad we all have the same lunch period."
Tremaine's face twisted. "The new dude?"
Cree nodded while Chris appeared clueless. "Who?"
Troiann got this devilish grin on her face. "The new boy. He's got some pretty eyes and he's fine as—he's okay really." She quickly changed her tune with one swift look from Marcus. He tossed her a smile and she rolled her eyes.
Omari was a new senior I'd shared two of my morning classes with. Troiann was definitely not the first girl to gawk at his looks or his eyes. Most of the girls in our class were like dogs in heat whenever we got a new male student. Pathetic.
Cree's face reddened. "He's okay, Troy."
Troiann smirked. "Really, Cree?"
Cree laughed. "I gotta play it cool, leave me alone." She looked around the table once more and avoided me. "I'll see you guys later."
Cree headed inside and tension set in. Tremaine made a show to scoot away from Draya and Troiann flipped some of her hair as she looked elsewhere.
Enough was fucking enough.
"Trey," I said with more edge in my tone than I'd ever really used before. "If you don't like Draya sitting here, why don't you go inside and sit with Cree and Omari?"
Tremaine sucked his teeth. "Nah, I ain't cockblocking."
"Still," I went on, "if you have a problem with who's sitting at this table—"
Tremaine wasn't hearing it. "You fucked her and got her pregnant, not us. Don't make us have to deal with her."
Troiann was quick to step in, coming and ushering me away while Tremaine shrugged as if his words weren't that big of a deal.
Troy dragged me over to the bench nearest the back parking lot, giving us a full view of the quad, our table, and the inside cafeteria.
"Calm down, Dre," Troiann instructed.
"I'm not going to have any of you disrespecting her," I said.
"Trey's right. None of us fucked with Draya before this happened and you can't expect us to start liking her now that she trapped you."
Leaning over, I planted my elbows into my thighs and took a deep breath to calm down. If Draya was pregnant, that was it, there was no way in hell I'd let anyone talk shit about her or the baby. I was too loyal to let the guys talk shit about her if she wasn't pregnant either. That was the difference between Tremaine and me, he'd fuck a girl and not give a shit as soon as he pulled out. I may not have ever wanted a relationship or more than just a one-night stand, but I still kept it respectful.
I focused on Troiann. "She didn't trap me."
"Oh so you went in raw?"
"No."
"Her box is made of lava and it melted the condom?"
"Troy."
She held her hands up. "You know what, I'm leaving it alone. That's not why I wanted to talk to you."
I looked her way, finding her appearing soft and friendly. "It isn't?"
She gave me a lopsided smile and reached out and patted my shoulder. "I'm proud of you."
"For?"
"Doing this." She gestured across the quad where Draya sat at the table with the boys. Tremaine had his arm around her and was saying something and Chris was speaking as well. They may have not cared for Draya, but my boys cared for me and we stuck by each other no matter what. Marcus would bring Troiann along if we were supposed to kick it and none of us cared to complain. We'd all been friends for too long to let the littlest things get to us. I didn't want to force Draya on any of them; she was just emotional and wanted to sit with me. It wasn't permanent. It didn't feel right to kick Cree out of the group.
"Taking responsibility for my actions?"
Troiann snorted. "You don't know how many boys would bail on Draya if they were in your shoes. Half of these fools would've denied the actual fucking or called her all types of hos. A year ago, being on the outside, I would've expected a Balla to bounce too. If this was Marcus and me..." She stopped and shook her head.
Marcus had this thing he'd do. If Troiann was in the room he'd stop and peek at her every moment or so. If we were talking and someone said something funny, he'd look at her to see how she took the joke and to just watch her laugh. He had a thing for looking at her and being proud of her, as if she were the perfect piece to his side. It was scary, because being around Darnel and Ashley, I knew without a doubt that Marcus had fallen.
Troiann had her guard up, I could see it each time she inched away or played off their relationship. I couldn't really blame her. Marcus used to be an asshole with girls prior to Troiann and had no examples of being honest and faithful. We'd all hung out over Troiann's house a few times over the summer and I could tell she was extra guarded due to her parental situation. She referred to her father by his first name and rolled her eyes each time her mother brought him up. I knew Troiann was scared, but I was willing to gamble that Marcus wasn't going to fuck up what they had; it was too real and deep for him at this point.
I patted Troiann's thigh. "Marcus would be doing the same thing, Troy."
Her bottom lip trembled. "I think you're right, but sometimes I still wonder."
"He's not that guy anymore."
"It's hard to believe guys like that can really pull a 180, you know?"
"Don't hurt my best friend, Troy." If she did, there was no telling how far gone Marcus would be. He'd probably top Tremaine and be Marcus 2.0 and be extremely worse than he'd ever been. He would hide in his feelings and pretend he didn't care, when inside he'd be hurt.
"At least Cree's year is off to a good start, huh?" Troiann nodded towards the inside cafeteria. I could just spot Cree inside sitting at a table alone with Omari. They were smiling and talking about something and even if she wasn't with her friends, Cree seemed to be enjoying herself. Good for her. I wished the same could be had for Draya. She was in a bad spot and needn't the extra stress.
"He seems like a cool, dude," I said. I'd briefly overheard him say he was from Cleveland and ran track and maybe wanted to play basketball while at Moorehead. If he was down to ball, he was cool in my book.
"About time she got her some action."
I cracked a smile. "I have a feeling she's going to be fighting a lot of girls to get to him."
Troiann smirked. "Look at the way he's leaning into her as they talk, the way he smiles, he only sees Cree Jacobs, Dre. She has no competition and neither does he. I'm for it."
I continued to look on at the pair inside, noticing all those things Troiann had stated.
Nothing mattered any more.
"Maybe it's for the best," was all I could say.