Being away for Thanksgiving was hard. Way too much, but we had to just hang on and I knew that we would. Her parents left for their cruise and finals were wrapping up. At least Christmas break was coming up and we would have some time together.
I watched her work on the exam hoping like hell that she had passed. She needed a good grade on it and with the stress that her dad had brought on hadn't helped. When I had offered to go through the study guide with her, she had rejected the offer. It wouldn't be fair to the others as she had said over and over.
This weekend, she had to go to a sale three hours from here and had to come back with something. I knew she would. There were a lot of horses and I urged her to find a few that she would like to work with this spring. When she came over last night, we had gone through a few of the prospects and she had her eye on a couple of really good ones.
Tomorrow night, I had planned on going to her place and help her get everything together. And I couldn't wait to see if she had kept her office in order. I knew that it would be a disaster when I had gotten there, but the argument would lead to making love again, something that I just wasn't getting enough of.
Her eyes had drifted up and I could see the tears filling in. She wasn't getting it. She wasn't doing as well as I needed her to. Damn, how I just wanted to get up and wrap her into my arms, comfort her. If I had graded her easily, red flags would be thrown up instantly. Not to count, if she had known, she would be mad. That was something that I had really loved about her. Even though she was mine and I was hers, she said that I needed to be fair and grade her as I would if we weren't together.
The phone vibrated in my pocket. Pulling it out, I looked at the message with my heart slamming hard.
Not worth a damn. Your money. Poor decision.
I wanted to jump up and scream. It had taken a long time, but before Thanksgiving, I had run into a dead end. Now, I would make her dreams come true as she had mine already. Even if I couldn't get that place that she wanted, I had found the one thing that still haunted her and I would give her that.
Sergei: I will take him. No matter what.
Hitting send, I glanced up seeing her biting her lip and the tears trickling down her cheeks. My poor love. Tomorrow night, I would just have to hold her instead. Who cared about her office. When we were able to be together, I would just have to take care of that part of the business while she had maintained the rest. I could still teach and she could continue to do what she loved the most, take care of broken hearts.
Available after the first. Come get the worthless thing then.
Sergei: Will do.
Nodding, I slipped my phone back in my pocket and rested my arms on the table as some of the students were bringing up their tests. Come on. The study guide was everything that was on the test. As long as they had studied everything on there, they would pass and do well.
When she finally finished, she brought her test up as the pain crossed her face. Taking it, I felt my chest clench hard wanting to ask her how she was doing, but with a few students still in the room, I couldn't. Nodding, her eyes drifted around before she walked out leaving her bag.
Grabbing her test, I started to look over the answers that she had given. She had done well so far, a few would only get half the points, but with the extra points on the back, it wouldn't hurt. My phone vibrated. Taking it out, my chest clenched harder.
Jay: I'm not feeling well.
Me: Love, go to the house and I will be there in a little while.
Collecting the rest of the tests, I watched her walk back in with the tear stained paths down her face and the tears housed in her eyes. She picked up her bag and walked out without looking at me. That had broken my heart. Seeing her in tears always got to me, more than with any woman. She just had that strong of an effect on me.
The time that I could leave hadn't come fast enough. When I had gotten to the house, I went straight to the elevator and went up to the bedroom. Finding her laying on the floor, the cries were coming from her.
"What is wrong?" Taking a seat on the floor by her, I collected her in my arms. She had been throwing up, but she hadn't complained about being sick.
"It just comes and goes. It's so bad, Sergei." She snuggled into the warmth of my chest tucking her arms in tight to her.
My heart stopped. Hell, it had been like this when Susie had found out that she was pregnant. No, Jay couldn't be. Could she? "Um, when was the last time that you had your...woman thing?"
"It was just....I just had it..." Her head snapped up as her eyes opened wide. "Um...I just..."
No, this couldn't be right. I mean, we were careful. I was careful with her. Well, wasn't I? This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not yet. If this had gotten around that I was the father of her child, it would kick us both out for good and she was still on the outs with her father. If she was, I would never be upset. It was the both of us that had made the baby and I would love to have my family with her, but we just couldn't now. At least until after May.
"No, no. I can't be. We were careful. We can't have a baby now."
"Are you on anything?"
"Well, no. I just... I was going to, but then my dad turned me into one of his hired hands and I didn't... This is all my fault." A cry wailed from her as she dropped herself into my chest. "I am so sorry."
"No, don't be. I think that there was a time or two that I failed you." Picking her up, I put her in the bed and swallowed hard. "You might not be, too. We must not jump ahead. I will go and get a test. You take it when I return and we will go from there."
A baby? The last time that I was in the partnership of making another life, my world was destroyed. How could I be excited about it? Sure, I had plans with Jay for good, but a baby right now would not be good. Not for her, not for me. Not yet anyway. With her father on her case about working more, she couldn't if she was in fact carrying my child. And how could she ever tell him that it was mine too?
Susie and I had been together for over three years and had talked about getting married first. Now, I was grateful that nothing had worked out as it was coming. I was glad that she had gone behind my back like she did. But, Jay, she was the love that I had been wanting all my life. The love that, looking back on my long relationship with Susie, wasn't there.
Like I told Jay, I went to the store and bought a test. Holding it all the way home, I prayed that it would be negative for her sake. Maybe a part of me wanted it to be positive, but the thought of going through another backhanded loss was going to absolutely kill me. But this was Jay, not Susie. Jay, my whole hearted woman, the love of my life.
I screwed up a few times with her, but I thought she would have been on something. I should have never just thought. A few times, I had no control and had make love to her, not standing to be apart for a second longer. Now, I would ruin her dreams, her life, because of this.
There would be no way that I would be able to share the appointments to see our baby growing inside of her. There would be no way that I would be able to be there without showing our relationship off. Not that I minded, but I just wanted her to finish school. If she was, I would have to cut my losses and quit. There would be no way that I would leave her to go through this alone. I couldn't.
It was silent when I had gotten back to the house. Jay was snuggled in the bed with her eyes still filled with tears. Helping her up, I walked her to the bathroom and handed it over. Leaving her in there, I waited outside pacing my bedroom floor.
When she had come out, the tears rained down her face as she came directly to me. Something else that was different with Susie. She hadn't even cared when that test had come back positive.
"I will take the semester as a leave of absence and you will graduate. We will have the baby and begin our life together."
"And if I just have the flu?"
"Then, I will take a leave of absence this semester and you will graduate. And we will begin our life together and have a baby."
"Sergei, my dad will hate me for good now. He just got on me about working and he will fire me." Her eyes had come up to mine as she snuffled a little. "I should have just gone and got the appointment."
"I think that it might have been too late." Turning her around in my arms, I spread my hand over her belly. Pressing my lips to her shoulder, I imagined a baby growing inside of her, my baby. All else just washed away. If she needed me to pay her way through the final semester, I would in a heartbeat as long as it meant that she had graduated. Money wasn't anything to me. I had more than enough and if this meant that we were able to start our life together, then I was going to take it. I would take it in a heartbeat.
Releasing her, I went into the bathroom to check seeing the pregnant in the window. Letting out a breath, I smiled as I looked at myself in the mirror. I was going to have a baby with the woman that fixed my broken heart.
Turning off the light, I walked out nodding as I wrapped my arms around her. "You have made all my dreams come to. All of them."
"So I am? Her eyes drifted down to her stomach as she pressed her hand there. A little smile had come to her face as she shrugged. "I guess I am then."
"We need to get you into an appointment and I will call the school tomorrow and put in my leave for this semester."
"No, you can't do that."
"I will. It is the only way, love. I will not miss a beat with this. I will be there every time." Kissing her forehead, I laughed a little. My dreams, the ones that were shattered two years ago were actually coming more true than ever. Those dreams...weren't dreams then. Maybe hopes. Not dreams, I should say. Jacki Montgomery was my dream. Nothing would ever take this away from me. Nothing could possibly take this away.