( This will be a long chapter with a lot of different things happening and being explained, so please stick with it, I'm doing this as a special treat and then will be returning to my normal length chapters. Enjoy the story!)
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???
I could feel something strange inside me.
It felt like a rush in my blood, and a string in my chest.
But it wasn't a sting that I wanted to go away.
It was one that was feeding me strength and making me feel strong.
I didn't move or speak, fearing that if I let myself out again the same thing would happen as last time.
So I just sat with my gaze forward and tried hard not to smile.
My body felt heavy as I began to feel myself lose control again.
I didn't want to leave.
I wanted to stay and explain why it happened.
I wanted to show who I was.
But I couldn't.
He wouldn't let me.
But He wouldn't hold me back for much longer.
I just had to wait.
And that was certainly something I was good at.
Marinette
I felt like I couldn't breathe.
I didn't.
I would never do that.
This couldn't have happened, not to me or to him.
I didn't even remember fighting him or the...
"No..." I mumbled, the words hurting my throat and sounded like sandpaper.
"Mari..." said Chat, reaching a hand for me.
I slapped his hand away, my heart burning.
I felt like I was going to puke.
"I-I...killed..." those two words felt like acid on my tongue.
I didn't want him there.
I needed him gone so I could think.
I needed to process everything and...find out how I was going to handle that.
"I'm so sorry Marinette," Chat said, moving towards me even though I knew he knew I didn't want him to.
My eyes felt dry instead of spilling with tears.
I was so stunned at what he had told me.
I felt like my stomach was doing backflips, and that my throat was going to tear up inside me.
My heart was pounding so fast it hurt my chest, and my head hurt so badly.
Chat continued to gradually scoot closer to me, making my breathing harder to do.
"Stop," I barely whispered.
I couldn't speak to him.
I couldn't even look at him.
There was no way he could love me, so why was he doing this?
Why was he looking at me with sorrow and looked just as hurt as I felt.
He should not be speaking to me, fighting alone and be afraid of me.
"Please," I said, louder this time, my throat aching and my stomach churning.
He stopped for a second and put his arm around me, pulling me into him.
I couldn't take that.
I pushed myself away from him and huffed.
"What are you doing?!" I yelled, my face heating up, but it wasn't with anger.
I felt a strange new emotion that I couldn't describe.
I just knew I hated it and wanted it gone as soon as possible.
He looked at me with glassy eyes of confusion, "I'm just trying to help Marinette."
I clenched my fists so tightly my nails pierced my skin.
"Stop trying Chat! Why are you still here?!" I was so frustrated with myself that I cried and cried.
I felt the blood drip from my palms, but couldn't feel the pain.
I felt so much pain in my heart and soul that a few cuts felt more like relief then hurt.
He grabbed my wrists and forced my hands open, making the icy cold winds hit my bleeding hands.
I wanted to scream and kick at him, but I just watched him take off one of his gloves and wipe my blood away.
I didn't even know he could do that, but it didn't matter to me.
His hands against mine felt so good to me, but I had to get away from him.
I knew I had to run, to somehow get away from Chat and my own home.
I had to go, and I didn't know where or why.
"Please breathe Marinette," Chat whispered, focusing on my hands and threw his glove on the ground once the blood was cleared.
"I can't," I said, tearing my hands away from his.
"Yes you can, just be strong for me," he tried to instruct, making me wince.
"Please stop saying things like that," I said, wiping my eyes even though there weren't anymore tears.
He bit the inside of his cheek and put his hand on my face.
"I just want to make sure you're okay. There's no way I could leave you in this condition," he said, rubbing circles on my face with his thumb.
I closed my eyes for a second and tried not to scream.
I could feel the strange emotion bubbling inside of me and try to break out, but there was no way I was going to let it.
I had never felt a temptation so strong, but I just breathed and focused on how he was moving on my tear-stained cheek.
"I love you," he whispered, making me shake my head.
"No you don't. Don't say that," I said, knowing there was no way he could love me after what I had done and become.
"Of course I love you, I've loved you since the day I met you," he assured, sounding more aggressive then he did moments ago.
"I killed someone Chat. Do you realize what that means?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him and my voice growing frail from his blank stare.
"Of course I do. But I know that wasn't you, I could tell from the beginning of the fight that wasn't you. You acted off and then came back when you woke up on that rooftop, " he argued, moving his hand away from me and down by his side.
I didn't say anything to him, I just stared and lowered my eyes.
"How can you be sure? Just because I don't remember something and wake up fine within hours doesn't mean I'm not that person, " I said, making him sigh with frustration.
"Why are you saying these things? Don't you know I've already forgiven you? Paris forgives you because they think that's what you had to do," he tried to explain.
I scoffed, "How is that supposed to help? I didn't have to kill anyone Chat! But I did, explain to me that logic, " I said, folding my arms across my chest and groaning with frustration.
"You weren't yourself Marinette, I just know it. So please, stop yelling and being upset for something in you past," He said, his ears flattening out and the anger leaving his tone.
I blinked back more tears and tried to be tough, but I couldn't.
I was breaking.
I didn't know how or why, but I could feel everything inside of me breaking.
My bones, my stomach, my throat, my chest, and my already-shattered-heart.
(This chapter is dedicated to ForTheRebellion, thank you for being a huge supporter of my book)