LUKE
"You what?!"
I sigh, my face taking on a grimace as Michael looks at me with big eyes and a jaw that's open wide enough to snap. I'm half tempted to reach over and knock his two rows of teeth together if it means dulling his reaction in the slightest.
"Mike-"
"No, shut up, let me process this new info," he places his fingers on his temples, massaging them roughly. His eyebrows knit together. "You finger-fucked your daughter?!"
No. She's not yours, Luke.
"Y-yes." An idiot. You are an actual idi-
"And she liked it?"
"I-"
"Please don't tell me you two fucked,"
I let out a slow breath, happy there's at least something that'll make Michael see me in a better light.
"We didn't do that-"
"You just kissed her."
"Right."
"And stuck your fingers up her fucking vagina."
"Michael!"
"I'm sorry!" I watch as he puts his hands up in surrender, eyes still wide. "I just find it very hard to believe!"
"Well, don't!" I'm frustrated now, messing my hair up with my hands because I'm preoccupied trying to forget how I used these very fingers to work my little girl.
I think Michael's thinking about it, too, because he shuffles to the other end of the couch away from me.
"What?"
"You kissed your daughter,"
"She's not my daughter."
"She might as well be!"
"Will you stop yelling?" I hit him on the arm and he hits me back, twice as hard, and suddenly we're trying to knock each other off of the couch.
"I thought you'd understand," I hiss, once Michael's on the floor and I'm left successful on top of the mound of pillows that encase him. "You're the one who always used to tease me about it!"
"That's because I never thought it'd actually happen!" Michael swats an arm out, barely missing my ankle. "Dude, get off of me!"
"Not until you agree to listen-"
"I am listening," he interrupts, attempting to wriggle out from under me. "Luke, seriously, you weigh as much as a damn giraffe! I'm only small, move!"
Sighing, I do as he says, slipping off of the plush mountain and sliding onto the floor. Michael huffs, sits up, glares at me, out of breath from the struggle I put him through.
"Dick."
"Cheers, it's nine inches." I scowl, brushing myself off as Michael rolls his eyes. "Now will you listen?"
"No."
"No?"
"No, because I already know what you're going to say."
"You can't know," mainly because I don't know myself.
"Fucker, I do," Michael narrows his eyes.
"You're the fucker."
"Nice comeback. What are you, a ten year old?"
"Yes."
"That would explain the pencil dick."
"Michael!"
"Daddy!" he mocks, falling back against the couch in a dramatic manner. My cheeks burn red. "Do you wanna hear what I thought you'd say or not?"
For probably the hundredth time this evening, I sigh again. "Go on, then."
Michael gives me a fake, thankful smile, before sitting up and clearing his throat. I brace myself.
"Well," he begins. I almost don't want to let him carry on. "First of all, you're gonna tell me that it's not like that,"
"What?"
"Will you let me speak?" he glares. I nod. "Alright. You're going to try to convince me that you don't love love her, you just love her like any parent would."
"Well-"
"Which is bullshit."
"You don't-"
"Daddies don't fuck their daughters, you sick dickstick."
My mouth falls shut because it actually is impossible for me to argue. Michael raises an eyebrow.
"You're gonna say that you kissed her because it was in the heat of the moment and you were sexually frustrated, whatever," he rolls his eyes. My lips purse completely. "And you're probably going to say something about it never happening again because it's wrong."
"Wha-"
"Even though it probably will happen again. But you don't want to admit that because the stubborn in you is fucking strong and you never want to give in until something bad finally happens,"
I frown. It's everything I've ever thought about and more. I want to open my mouth and disagree with him, save even a little bit of my pride and whatever front I'm still putting up, but I don't.
Instead, I stay silent, eyes trained on my fingers.
"Luke," Michael's voice is soft now as he leans towards me, awkwardly patting my knee.
I raise my head to look at him in the eye, skeptical.
"Look, I'm sorry for how I reacted, alright?" he starts. "It was childish and it wasn't the best way to deal with things,"
"Thank yo-"
"But all of me aside, you need to make your mind up," he shakes his head, interfering yet again, only this time I don't mind.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean what you think I mean."
"You've lost me."
"Luke," he sighs. "You can't be her Daddy and her boyfriend at the same time. It doesn't work like that. It can't,"
"It can't?" I repeat. "Wait, no, who said anything about being a boyf-"
"Dude, can you imagine trying to meet her parents? You'd have to introduce yourself to a fucking mirror, first," Michael laughs humourlessly and my lips can't help but to form a small smile. "What about the fans?"
"What about them?" they won't be too happy, I already know this, but it'll stick to my mind even more if I hear it from someone else.
"They won't be too happy." There it is. "I mean, first she's a groupie-"
"Don't call her that."
"-then she's a friend, then she's your daughter, and now you're dating her?"
"We're not dating-"
"Oh, let's be real," he says. "You kissed her and she told you she liked you. There are literally only two outcomes of this and one of them you can't even consider after what you two did."
"After what I did."
"Mate, correcting me isn't gonna make this situation any less of a weird one," he reminds me. My shoulders slump. "I know you know that. You're just gonna have to make a choice."
"It's not that easy,"
"Nothing's ever easy. You just have to pick the best out of a bad bunch,"
I watch as Michael stands up, before holding a hand out to help me do the same. Once we're both on our feet, I give him a faint smile, still confused as to what I should do.
"You've been a father figure to that girl since you were fourteen, Luke." Michael says, exhaling a breath as he stares at the floor. "That's eleven years you just threw away for a one minute kiss."
"What should I do, then?" I ask him, borderline irritated that I'm not getting a straightforward answer. He's been contradicting himself so much that I have no idea which side he's on.
I don't really know why I'm unloading all of this onto Michael, but if anyone's willing to help me through anything, it's him. Even if that anything regards Sophie, a young girl we've known for eleven years and a bit, the girl who deserves so much more than a Daddy who doesn't know what to do with her because everything's too confusing and my feelings are going haywire.
Michael slips his jacket on, arms through the leather sleeves as he puffs his cheeks out, thinking of what to say to me.
"Do you love her?" he asks, a serious look on his face. I don't even have to hesitate.
"Of course I do."
"No, Luke," he shakes his head at me again and I feel like a child getting an answer wrong in class. "As in, do you love love her?"
His words resemble a ten year old's trying to get their secret admirer's confirmation on Valentine's Day, but nevertheless it makes me pause, drifting deep in thought.
Do I love Sophie? I know I do- that's a stupid question to even ask- but do I love her like that?
Do I love her as a spouse? Do I love her like I'm sure I would if we didn't share such a shitty situation, if we led entirely different lives?
I love her enough that I'd die for her, I'd run to the ends of the earth if it made her happy. I'd do anything for my little girl- from the littlest things, like carpooling to a far off 7/11 just to get her a packet of green candy, to the bigger things, like making her feel good and tucking her into bed straight after.
I love her to an extent where I'd do my best to keep us private, abstaining her exposure to the public because the music industry is much too harsh for someone like her. I love her and I won't ever stop loving her and it scares me that that feeling may grow.
I can't be her father, not anymore. She can't possibly be naive enough to think that I'm her real dad, anyway- she said so herself.
I can't be Sophie's dad because Dads don't do what I do, and Dads don't think like I think. It's absolutely sick otherwise, and the last thing I want to happen is for her to feel as if there's something wrong with her because of me.
I can't be her Dad, that's the obvious. I can't be her dad, but I can be her Daddy.
❥
This chapter was probably so boring but listen,,, LUKE IS CONFUSED so yus pls don't hate me ily
Also I wore this long ass shirt w rips on the sides of my thighs today and me being stupid I didn't think I'd need shorts but I did bc the rips reached rly far up and long story short I had to get 2 buses home just to put some shorts on to hide the sides of my papaya,,,,, fun
I fucking love you all omG thank you so much for reading. You're all amazing, take care :-)
-M xxx