*Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.
*Author's Notes: Here's chapter 22 of 'Lost in the Fight.' It's a bit shorter than the previous chapters, but it's a significant one.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read, vote on, and/or comment on 'Lost in the Fight' as well as my other stories. As always, if you are enjoying this story, please vote on and/or comment on it. I really appreciate the feedback. Thanks so much for reading. ;) CJ
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Chapter 22 - Losing Hope
It had been ten grueling days since the incident at the warehouse, and yet, Donatello remained completely unresponsive, seemingly oblivious to anyone's presence or their pleas for him to open his eyes. The genius turtle continued to show no signs of waking and his family was left to wait in agony, desperately clinging to whatever hope they were still able to summon.
With each passing day, their hearts sank a little lower as the grim reality that Donatello might not pull through began to set in. The thought of losing him was slowly tearing the family apart, piece by piece.
The lair had never been so unnervingly quiet. For the most part, conversations were being kept to a bare minimum as they all tried to avoid an impending emotional breakdown. Most verbal exchanges still taking place between them occurred whenever there was a shift change. As the next family member would enter the infirmary to take over watching Donatello while he slept, the family member ending their shift would provide a detailed update on what they had done and observed during their watch, as well as what would need to be done on the next shift. Not that there was ever much to update on when they got to the 'what they had observed' part of the conversation. That's because Donnie hadn't 'done' anything noteworthy for days now.
While Donatello quietly seemed to be slipping away from them, his family was also slipping away. The overwhelming angst was gradually killing them inside. If they were to lose Donnie, they would never be able to recover. How could they possibly go on without him?
All would be lost.
Maybe it already was . . .
That was what Leonardo had been stressing out about for ten days straight now.
Were they lost beyond the point of return? Was all hope gone?
The oldest turtle swallowed thickly through his ever-tightening throat.
Presently, he was a little over an hour into his morning shift and it had already been a nerve-racking one.
Perhaps more than anyone, Leo was struggling to keep it together and put on the brave face that they all expected from him. Every day he waged a war against his inner demons, constantly fighting to keep his emotions at bay for his family's sake. It felt as though everything was going to collapse around him and he was at a total loss as to how to fix it. Fixing things had always been Donnie's department. Without him, everything was broken . . .
Leo pressed his lips into a thin line to silence his agony. He was supposed to be the 'fearless' leader. He was supposed to be the one to step up and guide his brothers through even the worst of hardships. The one who provided them with direction when there appeared to be none. The problem was, his own faith had been shaken to the very core and he was finding it incredibly difficult to convince himself to move forward, let alone his family.
A shudder ran through Leonardo's entire body as he thought about just how bad things had gotten. In an effort to comfort himself, Leo pulled Donnie closer to him and rested his chin atop his genius brother's head.
The oldest turtle was currently sitting on Donnie's cot with his unconscious little brother ever-so carefully propped up against his chest. Leo had one arm securely hooked around Donnie's waist and his other arm was wrapped across his injured brother's battered plastron, holding him up in a sitting position.
Donnie's fever had broken several days ago, but Leo still felt a great sense of relief now that he no longer felt the heat that had radiated from his brother's skin for far too long. It was one of the few things that had brought the leader solace these past few days.
While Leonardo used his body to support his most intelligent brother, his eyes remained sealed shut, just as they had been for the last twenty minutes or so. Not because Leo was asleep, but because he had been trying to meditate, hoping that he might be able to reach out to Donnie on the astral plane. Unfortunately, Leonardo's troubled thoughts continued to prevent him from quieting his mind enough to achieve the inner calmness necessary for successful meditation. His profound sadness was making it nearly impossible to relax or focus.
All he could think about anymore was Donnie. That's all any of them could think about . . .
Donatello had had another rough night. In fact, his lungs had gotten so clogged at one point, a very panicked Raphael had called them all into the infirmary at three o'clock in the morning because he had feared that Donnie was choking. Master Splinter had yet again administered the Healing Hands technique to Donatello, which had slightly helped to ease his irregular breathing. At least it had helped enough that the rest of them were able to go back to bed and try to get some sleep while Raph had attempted to get his own breathing back under control.
Several hours later, Leo had returned to the laboratory to relieve his hotheaded brother of his shift and the oldest turtle had immediately noticed that Donnie was still having a rather tough time inhaling and exhaling. Always the stubborn one, Raph had initially refused to leave Donnie's side until his breathing had improved, but Leo had somehow managed to convince his red-banded brother to join Mikey and Master Splinter in the Dojo for morning practice. The leader had seen that his immediate younger sibling was clearly shaken and had been in desperate need of a break from the dreariness billowing over the infirmary.
After Raph had begrudgingly left the lab, Leo had opted climb up on the cot with Donnie, thinking that maybe if he shifted his ailing brother into a more upright position, it might help to clear up his obstructed lungs.
Up until last night, the nasty case of pneumonia that Donatello had been fighting so hard to overcome seemed to have been improving. So much so that they had opted to remove his oxygen mask, but now, the illness had reared its ugly head once again, taking full advantage of Donnie's already compromised immune system.
Leonardo stared down at his smartest brother with the same concerned expression that had been painted on his face for days. The oldest turtle's sapphire gaze studied his brother's quiet form limply pinned against him. Though Leo was still burdened with worry, it pleased him to hear that Donatello's chest was rising and falling steadily with much less hindrance than when the blue-masked turtle's shift had started. Leonardo was suddenly reminded of the words that his father had spoken to him just yesterday while they had been removing some of Donnie's stitches . . .
"Small victories lead to larger ones, my son."
After another fifteen minutes had crawled by, Leo's back and legs started to cramp up on him, informing him that he needed to move around a bit. He carefully slid out from behind Donnie and gently lowered him back down onto the cot, being mindful of his brother's many injuries. Leo then grabbed a few of the extra pillows that April had brought for Donnie and cautiously tucked them underneath his genius brother's head and back to help elevate him a little more. Once Leo felt confident that Donnie was reasonably comfortable, he trudged over to the task chair next to his injured brother's cot and plopped down into it like he weighed a ton. He then straightened up his posture and stretched out his sore muscles, wincing as several joints popped and clicked back into their natural alignment. The extreme stiffness in his neck and lower back were telling him that he had been spending entirely too much time sitting around doing nothing. His body screamed out for more physical activity, but he didn't possess the time nor the energy to heed the call.
Rubbing his drowsy eyes, the older turtle let an audible yawn escape. Everyone in the lair was exhausted, both physically and mentally, but none so much as Leonardo. He had devoted the most time by far and away to keeping a close watch over Donnie. Ever since his genius brother had been gravely injured, Leo had stayed by his side as much as possible, just in case his condition changed. The leader in blue had religiously helped everyone clean and treat Donnie's wounds and administer his medications, even when it wasn't his shift. He had also taken to picking up some of Mikey and Raph's shifts in addition to his own, allowing his younger brothers a chance to get more rest and give himself more time with his second youngest sibling. When Leo would get to the point that his body was so fatigued that it required sleep, he would pass out on the table next to Donnie's desk, just like his genius brother would have no doubt done if it had been any one of them lying there fighting for their life.
The oldest turtle's insistence on spending nearly every waking hour in the infirmary had not gone unnoticed by his family. They had all assumed that it was just Leonardo's way of dealing with the guilt and Donatello's absence. It was obvious that Leo was doing his best to fill in for his brilliant brother in his stead. They had each developed their own form of coping with the pain of missing Donnie. Raphael would simply lean against the doorframe of the brainiac turtle's bedroom and glare down at the floor. Michelangelo would stare at the coffee pot on the kitchen counter and whimper over and over again. Master Splinter would sneak into Donatello's room and sit at the end of the empty bed while he silently attempted to meditate. April would thumb through Donnie's many journals and trace her fingertips over his handwriting, unable to actually read it through the tears in her eyes. And Casey – Well, he just did his usual Casey thing, but they all knew, deep down inside, he wanted Donnie back, too.
Leo blew out a defeated sounding sigh.
The constant feeling of helplessness and sorrow was more than Leo could take. It literally felt as if he was being crushed by the immensity of his own grief. He couldn't believe how utterly lost he was without his genius brother.
They all were . . .
Although the turtle in blue was well aware of the fact that it had been exactly ten days since he had last spoken to Donnie, it still seemed as though it had been a lifetime ago. Leo missed his younger brother so much it hurt. It felt like someone was twisting his insides, just as one would when wringing out a wet towel.
The oldest turtle opened his mouth to speak for the first time in an hour and was surprised by the brittle sound of his own voice. The powerlessness that it held was alien to him. It was like listening to some total stranger timidly plead with his wounded brother to return to them.
"We need you to come back to us, Donnie. Things around here . . . they aren't going very well. It's bad. It's really bad. I've never seen everyone so lost. I . . . I don't know what to do anymore."
Leo peered down at Donnie's still figure, half-expecting him to respond, only to be disappointed by his brother's unceasing silence.
"I could really use your advice right about now, little brother." As the oldest turtle choked out his words, he reached forward and placed a palm over the top of Donnie's burned hand.
Then, much to Leo's astonishment, Donnie actually responded to his touch. For the first time in days, the comatose turtle started to moan and stir in his sleep. For the first time in days, Donnie did something other than just lay there.
"D – Donnie?" Leonardo gasped, suddenly finding it nearly impossible to breathe. There was a hard lump caught in his throat as he watched and felt his younger brother attempt to move his hand away from his own.
After Donnie had been critically injured, there had been so many times that Leo had been naively duped into believing that his brother was going to come to, the oldest turtle had lost count. The steady nightmares and fever and pain killer-induced hallucinations that Donnie had suffered through had continuously and cruelly tricked Leo into thinking that his brother was going to regain consciousness, but they had all proved to be false alarms. The genius turtle would always fade back into darkness, unknowingly breaking Leo's heart and spirit, shard by shard.
Then, those periods of activity stopped, presumably because they had taken Donnie off his heavier pain medications. After the nightmares and hallucinations had gone away, the injured turtle had slipped into a catatonic state. He had been that way for days now. Just lying on his cot, completely unresponsive. None of them had seen Donatello move or heard him make a sound – other than his raucous breathing – since the sixth day after he had been attacked.
To see him moving again . . .
To hear the sound of his voice again . . .
What Leo was feeling inside was indescribable. Even after all of the false alarms that he had experienced before, the blue-clad turtle couldn't help but to get his hopes up that his younger brother was going to awaken.
Finally . . .
"Come on, Donnie. Open your eyes for me." The words were no louder than a whisper with what little air Leo was able to rally from his lungs. He was still struggling to regain his breath after the initial shock of seeing his comatose brother start to show signs of waking.
Then, Donnie began to whimper in his now restless and troubled sleep.
"N – no . . . n – no . . . p – please . . . "
Hearing the hoarseness in his little brother's sobs as he begged for mercy tore at Leonardo's heart strings. However, seeing the pain etched on his little brother's face as he twisted his head from side to side made anger curdle in the oldest turtle's gut.
Leo softly shushed Donnie and caressed the top of his head in an effort to pacify him, but the genius turtle only grew more and more agitated by the contact. He started to wiggle about as if he was trying to frantically free himself from something.
Looking down at the faded ligature marks that encircled his brother's wrists and ankles, Leo quickly concluded that Donnie must have still thought that he was tied up.
It took everything in Leonardo's being to bite back a growl. Just thinking about how badly those monsters had hurt his gentle-natured brother was filling the oldest turtle with an inconceivable sense of rage. The kind of rage that he knew his father would never approve of, especially after all that had happened.
Leo exhaled sharply and forced himself to table his malicious thoughts so that he could focus his attention on his brother rather than on his anger. After all, it was anger that had caused all of this . . .
The leader in blue would be shelled before he ever let his own temper hurt his younger brother again.
While the oldest turtle made his silent vow to better control his emotions, Donnie's fussing continued to worsen.
Afraid that his genius brother was going to further injure himself, Leonardo pressed his hands down against Donnie's plastron to hold him still, but it unintentionally frightened the already distraught turtle. In reaction to his older brother pushing him down, Donnie attempted to lift his hands up to shield himself from what he thought would be an incoming blow, but he was unable to move his one arm because it was taped securely to his chest. This caused him to whimper in fear while he shrank back down into his pillows. He then buried his head into his wounded shoulder, as if he was terrified that someone was going to hurt him again.
Pushing back another surge of anger over his younger sibling's frightened response, Leonardo set his face into the sternest of frowns as he held fast to his brother's plastron to keep him pinned down to the cot. He hated that he was upsetting his brother by doing so, but he couldn't risk Donnie aggravating any of his injuries.
After about a minute, Leo felt Donnie's body start to slacken underneath his grip and he had to wonder if it was because his younger brother had actually calmed down, or if it was just because Donnie had spent what little energy he had.
Then, a low piteous moan came from deep within the wounded turtle's raw throat and he once again began to cry out for mercy.
"N – No . . . S – Stop! L – Let me . . . Let me go! W – Want . . . b – brothers. N – No more! P – Please . . . D – Don't!"
Strangling back a sob of his own, Leo took one of his hands off Donnie's plastron to wipe away the beads of sweat that now covered his distressed brother's forehead. The line of perspiration that had broken out along Donnie's brow served as an unpleasant reminder of the fever that had plagued him for so long.
"It's okay, Donnie. It's me, Leo. You're safe now. You're home." As Leo spoke in his most soothing tone, he continued to tenderly brush a hand across his brother's brow and he noticed that Donnie flinched.
"C – Can't. N – No. Let them . . . d – down . . . F – Failed," Donnie stuttered, his voice barely audible. His words were coming out slurred and choppy, as though he was inebriated. His sentences didn't sound at all like the grammatically sound ones that he normally used, which didn't sit well at all with Leonardo. He knew that his smartest brother had always prided himself on being somewhat of a wordsmith, so it was only natural that the oldest turtle would fear the worst when he noticed that his brother's speech had been affected by the trauma.
In the back of Leo's mind, he suddenly heard his father's voice telling them that Donatello may have brain damage . . .
"I am afraid there is no way to tell at this point just how much damage the repeated blows to his head and the oxygen deprivation may have done. If Donatello does wake up, there is a possibility that he . . . he may not be the same."
This wasn't the first time that those words spoken by his father that fateful night had replayed in Leonardo's head. They had haunted him ever since they had been uttered, but the turtle in blue couldn't allow himself to be brought down by those pessimistic thoughts. He had to focus on the positive ones. He then remembered something else that his father had said to him that same dreadful night . . .
"I sense your brother's presence is with us. We must remain optimistic and encourage Donatello to return to us. Your brother . . . he needs us to help him and for us to be strong, Leonardo."
The oldest turtle's expression promptly became the very epitome of determination as he assured himself that Donnie would be all right. And even if he wasn't quite the same, Leo would cross that bridge when he came to it. Right now, he just needed to remain optimistic and strong for his brother, just as his father had said.
"No, Donnie. Listen to me. You have never let us down or failed us in any way. The only way you ever could is if you leave us like this. Please, Donnie. It's time to come back to us. All you have to do is open your eyes." Despite the fact that he was doing his best to be strong, several of Leonardo's gathering tears inadvertently dripped down onto his little brother below him.
Leo leaned over Donnie and waited with baited breath for his injured brother to look at him for the first time in ten days, but the genius turtle's body instead went back to being disturbingly still. Other than the lifting and sinking of Donnie's chest, all other movement ceased, leaving the oldest turtle to wallow in his endless misery. His hopes were once again shattered.
As Donnie subsided back into unconsciousness, Leonardo hung his head down in grief, but just for a moment. The leader in blue was quick to remind himself that he was supposed to remain optimistic. After all, his brother had just shown signs of waking after days of no activity whatsoever. Even though he had only been active for a short time, it had still been progress nonetheless.
Small victories, remember?
Lifting his head back up, Leo decided that it would be a good time to check his brother's wounds since he hadn't done so at the beginning of his shift like he usually did. Donnie's labored breathing had caused 'doctor' Leo to change up his routine a bit.
As if it was second nature to him now, Leo gathered up the necessary medical supplies and set to work. He started by carefully unwrapping Donnie's injured shoulder so he could examine the wound for any signs of infection. Leo opted to leave the tape holding Donnie's arm against his chest in place, just in case his brother had another nightmare.
The oldest turtle's piercing blue eyes quickly took to studying his patient. The swelling around the gaping hole in Donnie's shoulder was nearly gone and the red streaks that had once branched out on the skin surrounding the puncture wound were almost nonexistent. There were no visible indicators of infection and Leo noticed that there was new skin starting to form over the wound. Still, the injury was frightening to look at and was nowhere near healed. The wound still needed to be cleaned regularly in order to prevent it from getting infected.
Wasting no time, Leo thoroughly rinsed the wound with clean water, and then, carefully started to apply the antibiotic ointment that Kirby O'Neil had attained for them the day after Donnie had been 'attacked.'
As gentle as Leo had been with his ministrations, Donnie still cringed and whined when his older brother massaged the antibiotic over his wounded shoulder. While it was good that the injured turtle was obviously responding to his brother's touch, it was not so good to hear and see that Donnie was suffering. At first, Leo felt guilty for causing his brother pain, but the guilt was instantly forgotten the second that the blue-clad turtle saw Donnie's eyelids suddenly start to flutter, not just once, but over and over again, like he was trying to pry them apart.
The glorious sight made Leonardo's heart start to flutter just as erratically as Donatello's eyelids.
For a moment, the oldest turtle's breath was stolen away from him and all he could do was gape down at his little brother in slaw-jawed amazement.
Finally, the change in Donnie's condition that they had all been praying for was about to happen.
Finally, after ten agonizing days, Donnie was about to open his eyes . . .
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To be continued . . .
*Author's Notes: I know it's kind of a short chapter, but I think it's the one that you've all been waiting for.
Yay! \(*U*)/ Donnie's waking up!
Once more, please take a moment to vote on and/or comment on 'LITF' if you are enjoying it. I would love to know if you like it. Thank you for reading! ;) CJ