Dedicated to first commenter, @ellbell1236 (:
Sam's POV
I sink to my knees, unable to stay standing.
I totally just blew it. I just know that when he said if I never want to see him again, he was saying the same thing about himself.
I take in a deep jagged breath, my breathing and heart beat still erratic and unusually quick.
"Oh my god, this is all my fault." Carly kneels at my side and tries to embrace me, but I push her away. There are only one pair of arms I'd let around me right now. Anyone else's would be a disappointment.
I sigh.
"No. It's mine."
"But-" Carly starts to try and defend me, but I give her a hard glare. This is my problem and I'm not letting anyone else take responsibility for what belongs on my shoulders. No one should feel the aching hurt and guilt except for me.
"Just leave me alone," I try to snap at her but it comes out broken, my voice cracking horribly.
"This is my apartment, you know," she reminds me.
"Fine. I'll leave."
"Sam, you don't have to go-"
"Yes. I do."
I slam the door on Carly's pleas for me to come back and stare at his door.
My vision starts getting blurry as I think about how he's probably never going to want to speak to me again, or if he does, it'll be terribly awkward and never the same again.
I've been so freaking stupid lately. Why did I say those things? I know it's not just physical, not only my hormones getting the best of me, its just...him. He's funny and smart and sweet like no other guy has ever acted like for me. He believes in me when no one else will and comforts me even though I'm a total monster to him. I'm not ever going to find another guy like him. Sure, he's a geek. So what? So am I. Not that anyone knows that but I am. I'm very experienced with computers considering my mom doesn't know shit about them and I've always needed to set mine up and do everything myself. I got hooked on reading, especially the Morganville Vampire series because Claire reminds me a little of myself. She's small but can be mighty when she has to be.
I have to make this tight between us. If I don't, he'll get over me quickly and move on to a real girl, a Carly or Jenna or someone like that. Girly and pretty and who doesn't threaten to rip his testicles off when he tries to eat their bacon.
Standing there staring at his door like a moron, I realize that I know him well enough to know that my worries are pointless. He's not even in there.
My feet lead me down the hall and I walk out onto the fire escape. I don't knock like last time. His eyes are closed and his pearphone is playing softly. "She's Killing Me" by A Rocket to the Moon fades out and a new song starts playing.
"She's cold and she's cruel but she knows what she's doing."
I smile and start singing along softly.
"She pushed me in the pool at our last school reunion."
Freddie opens his eyes and I feel him turn to look at me but I ignore him.
"She laughs at my dreams but I dream about her laughter."
I'm about to sing the next line but he cuts me off.
"Strange as it seems, she's the one I'm after." Freddie sings soft as a whisper.
I bite my lip and stare at my shoes. Well, Carly's shoes. Making a face, I kick them off and Freddie smiles a little.
The air is still awkward but I don't think he's really mad at me. His eyes are sad, not angry.
"Soo," I say. Now that I'm here, I don't really know what to say.
"I'm sorry," I say.
"Okay." He looks at me and raises his eyebrows. "You don't have anything to be sorry for though. You just told the truth and I let my feeling get in the way. Honestly, I should be apologizing to you."
I'm baffled.
"What do you have to be sorry for?"
"I basically told you off and um, violated your, um, personal space." He's blushing and I have to try and hold down the butterflies attempting to take over my stomach.
"Its okay, I didn't mind," I say, before mentally face-palming. "I mean, I uh, you were just giving your honest opinion." I backtrack.
He ignores me.
"You didn't mind?" His eyes twinkle a little. I see the hope in his big brown eyes and nod helplessly. I can't lie to those eyes.
"No, I didn't. Quite the opposite actually." I want to shove my words and apology back down my throat but I can't. I have to tell him this.
"Why did you kiss me?" I blurt out.
He swallows nervously and sighs before saying, "I don't know."
He stands up suddenly and turns to face me.
"You don't even see it, do you? It's like you're blind." He laughs bitterly.
"I didn't want to like you, of all people. You're mean and rude and a rebellious fool. You care nothing about your own safety and I am constantly saving you from getting thrown into juvie. Do you know just how much of a pain in the ass you are to me?!" He says loudly.
I look at the ground, hurt. I know it's true though.
"I understand," I tell him and turn to walk away.
"But," he says and I stop. "But then I think about how you're also the most determined person I know and I know you'd never give up on anything or anyone. You're brutally honest and you say it how it is. You're loyal and would fiercely defend your friends to anyone who dare say a single word against them. You're smart even if you don't show it the same way as others do. No one could be as clever and sneaky and conniving as you without having at least a decently intelligent mind. You're a great friend and your pride is extremely admirable. I wish I could be half the person you are." He stares at me for a moment, his eyes unfocusing.
"And last but not least, you are the most-"
But he doesn't get to finish.
"Freddie, there you are!" Mrs. Benson interrupts him. "I'v been looking for you everywhere! I saw the show end so abruptly and then you never came homa and-"
"Oh my god, would you just stop?" I say exasperatedly. She just never shuts up.
She ignores me and gasps.
"Freddie! What are you doing out here alone with that delinquent?!"
"Mom, I-" Outraged, she grabs his arm and drags him back in the building. I sigh and contemplate following them back in before shrugging and sitting down. I notice he left his laptop next to the chair, so I pick it up, with the complete intention of bringing it back to him. But then I see its not the one he usually uses. That one is black and doesn't have iCarly written on the cover like this one. This one is a deep purple color that I wasn't aware they even made laptops in. Curious, I start to lift the cover.
'That's an invasion of his privacy.'
Great. My conscience is back.
'I don't care.'
'A good friend wouldn't open it.' My conscience tries to persuade me.
'I've never been a good friend.'
'Freddie thinks you are.'
And that's where it gets me.
I sigh and get up, carrying the computer back to Carly's apartment. Freddie's busy dealing with his psycho mom. He's not going to miss it for a while. I think I've cooled down enough to face Carly and her incessant questions, so I walk in without knocking, just like always.
She's there watching tv with Spencer. They both turn to me.
"Hey," I say casually. "What goes on?"
"Sam!" Carly jumps up and tries to hug me again, to which I push her away for the same reason as before. I'm less bitter about it now though.
"Where did you go? I was so worried about you!" She pauses, taking in my facial features. "Did you talk to Freddie?"
I hesitate before nodding. "Yeah."
"And?" She coaxes me.
"We're cool now." I say, heading to the fridge.
"What do you mean, you're cool now?"
"I mean, he isn't mad at me anymore and I'm not mad at him. We're. Cool. Get it?" I pull a tray of meatballs out and go in search of a fork, hoping the conversation is over. No such luck.
"He calls you a temperamental bitch and then kisses you and you guys are now 'cool'?"
"Yup." I say. I smile when she groans at my lack of details.
"You aren't planning on telling me anything, are you?" Carly asks sullenly.
"Not right now." I tell her.
"Why not? I'm your best friend, we're supposed to tell each other everything. No secrets, remember?"
I groan internally.
"When I-"
The door swings open, cutting me off.
"Have you read the comments on the last show?" Freddie asks. He blanches when he sees me but moves on and walks briskly over to our computer.
"Take a look at this."
We crowd around the monitor.
Comments:
What a rip off! They promised that the winning ship would kiss at the end of the show!
This is jank! If I don't get to see that kiss, I'm never watching iCarly again!
They lied! Neither Seddie nor Creddie kissed! Sam just left in the middle of the show!
WHAT HAPPENED??!!! WHY DIDN'T THEY KISS?!!
There were a lot more comments but they all said basically the same thing:
iCarly is a fraud and lied about the shipping kiss.
"They're right." I finally say.
Carly and Freddie look at me, and I see the surprise in their eyes.
I continue. "We promised them something and then didn't fulfill it. We are frauds and liars."
"What do we do?" Freddie asks.
"We have to finish the show." I look at the clock. It's ten. "It's too late to do it tonight but we can do it tomorrow. We can post it on the site that we'll be conducting the shipping poll tomorrow."
Carly slowly nods but Freddie looks at me, concerned.
"Are you sure?" he asks.
I nod. "Yes. I'm positive."
"Okay," Carly says smiling. "So I'll add this new update to the site and then we can go watch a movie or something?" she asks us. We agree. Freddie and I head over to the dvd cabinet while Carly types away on the monitor.
"So, what kind of movie are you up for?" I ask him awkwardly. It feels like we're going to pretend that all that was said not twenty minutes ago never happened. We'll talk about it later maybe.
"I don't know, how about a horror film? I don't think I've ever watched one of those with you." He replies, trying to act casual.
I gulp nervously and from the corner of my eye, I see Carly stop typing and glance over, concerned. She's the only one that knows of my fear of scary movies. Not all of them, only true horror movies.
I never used to be afraid but when my dad left, it was like a real life horror movie for me. He left and my already drunken mother became even less of a parent than before. It was bad. So during those first few months after he left, while my mom drank herself into a stupor and brought home everyone 'cept God himself, I stayed in my room and watched horror after horror, relishing in the fact that they had it worse than me. The people in those kind of movies were the only ones that did. So now I get scared easily and I hate that weakness I have.
Freddie, oblivious, holds up Final Destination 3 and I stiffen. I've heard those aren't really scary but since I've never seen that one and the first one was one of the movies I watched over and over again in my room in that first month, I shiver.
"Unless you're scared?" He challenges me, smirking.
I glare at him playfully but inside, I'm terrified.
"I can do anything. A silly movie is nothing to me." I say, too proud to turn down his challenge, no matter my fear.
"Great! Is this one scary enough for you? Or maybe you'd rather see Mama or The Conjuring or-"
"No, this one will do. Come on, let's put it in." I say, snatching the disk from his fingertips. He chuckles at my aggressiveness and I trip him on his way to the couch.
"Hey!"
He stumbles and catches himself on my shoulder. I steady him, snickering.
"What? It's your fault I tripped!" He cries.
"It's my fault that you're clumsy?" I ask.
He rolls his eyes but answers me. "Yes, its your fault. I'd probably be a lot less 'clumsy' if there were less feet in my path."
"Yeah, yeah," I taunt.
"Enough!" Carly shouts behind us and we both jump.
"Did you guys at least pick out a movie?"
Freddie holds up the Final Destination 3 case and Carly looks at me wearily.
"Okay, is something wrong?" Freddie asks, finally getting the hint from our exchanged looks.
"No," I say quickly, at the same time as Carly says, "Sam can't watch scary movies."
"What? Why?" he asks, completely ignoring me.
"Its not my story to tell." she answers and looks at me.
"And I'm not in the mood to get all deep and personal right now. I'll be fine. Its just a stupid movie." I scoff.
"If you say so." he says, obviously not believing me.
"I do." I say back.
"Then I do too," he says, shrugging.
"Okay, okay, I now pronounce you Seddie, you may now turn on the dvd player and put me out of my misery at your incessant arguing." Carly says impatiently.
"Sorry," Freddie and I say. I glare at him.
"I can't help thinking similarly to you!"
"I'll deal with you later." I tell him and he gulps. I smile. Maybe we can still be normal.
Freddie and I sit down and Carly goes into the kitchen to make popcorn.
"So, why'd your mom let you go so quickly?" I ask him.
"Um, I told her she needs to back off if she wants me to stick around," he replies quickly without looking at me. I know he's not telling me the truth but instead of calling him out on it, I sit back and nod. I don't want to make things any more awkward than they already are.
Carly walks over and sits between us and I frown.
"So, who's winning so far with the poll?" she asks.
Freddie looks over at me and smirks. "As of last night, the two most awesome people on the planet of course," he says sarcastically, trying to keep the mood light.
"The world's fattest priest and Chuck Noris?!" I say, faking surprise. Inside, the butterflies are threatening to overtake everything. Does he mean me and him? Or him and Carly?
He gives me a look. "Hilarious."
"As always," I say, flipping me hair like Carly does when she's trying to attract a guy. Subtle, Puckett, subtle.
"Um, guys? Am I even still here? You've kind of been just talking over me."
Oh, right. Carly's here too.
Freddie's POV
I glare at Carly through the first twenty minutes of the movie. Sam's sitting on Carly's other side, away from me, frozen, her eyes focused intently on the screen. I wanted to sit next to her. This was going to be my move! Stupid Carly is messing everything up. I thought that maybe if Sam got afraid, I could be the strong macho guy there to hold her and say everything's okay. But noo, Carly just had to screw it up.
I sigh.
I know Carly didn't know what she was doing. I shouldn't be mad at her. She's used to being the center of our world, the glue that holds iCarly together. She's probably thinking how things with me and Sam are kind of unstable right now and we'll appreciate her separating us. But that not how it is for me. I don't know about Sam.
About halfway through, Carly gets up again to use the bathroom. Sam immediately scoots over to me and lays her head on my shoulder. Surprised I look down, but she's refusing to look at me. Not about to pass up an opportunity to cuddle my demon, I don't say a word, instead choosing to wrap an arm around her and continue watching the movie. I don't want to scare her away.
Carly's POV
Walking back to the living room, I think about what a good friend I am, helping Sam and Freddie out in this awkward time. I feel bad leaving them alone with each other, but when a girl's gotta go, there's not really many other options.
So I hurry up and rush back out there, but skid to a halt when I see the sight before me. Obviously, I was misinterpreting the situation. The two lovebirds cuddling on the couch do not need an oblivious brunette butting in and ruining their moment.
They really are going to be the strangest couple ever. But hopefully, the best as well.
Well, at least they will when they acknowledge the giant freaking purple Seddie elephant in the room.
A/n: hey guys, I kind of rushed this so if you have any questions, ask and I'll answer them. As always, sorry if this sucks, I feel that it does but I sincerely hope you can forgive me for the suckishness. I love you my fellow seddie shippers! And Oh My God!! $@&$@#!! Anyone else die multiple times during the Killer Tuna Jump? I loved it. Freddie was so perfectly awkward and adorable. Anyway, this story should have maybe two more chapters and an epilogue and then it'll be done!! Omigod!!
COMMENT, VOTE, ENJOY!!!