Three.
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↠ November 9: Afternoon ↞
Closed.
I was not too surprised. I was early today. She might not even work tonight, I was rarely in luck to see her here. She was here when I was not. Which wasn't too often. Perhaps she had another job somewhere else, I should have asked last night when I got the chance.
I didn't say much, unfortunately, neither did she. She asked me what my address was and then she drove me there. I remember how her eyes widened as she saw my house, it was like she had never seen anything like it before. I was not too shocked. I had seen that reaction on people before.
My home was not necessarily that big, I have lived in bigger mansions before. I realised recently that I was living off material things and my house was one of them. I thought, since I had a huge house, I could gain more confidence and step up my game in the social world. That was obviously a lie. All my big mansion did, was to make sure I knew how lonely I was.
I could spend hours sitting on my sofa, staring at a blank TV and wish I had friends. Just someone to talk to.
Of course, I said none of that to Bella.
Bella.
Her name frightened me. It was exotic yet had some kind of darkness poured over it. It fit her, I thought about telling her last night. Though, I put no energy into doing so. I'm sure she's heard that a million times before and if I told her, she would have thrown me out of her car thinking I was only there for the sight of her.
She seemed sweet, I don't understand why I kept thinking bad things about her. The negativity had taken over my mind completely and now had me judging people before I even had the courage to speak to them.
I was now standing outside the pub to say hello and thank her for the ride. I was certain I told her so multiple times last night but it gave me an excuse to see her. After all, I was now the only person who knew her name. Maybe she was never that dangerous to talk to, maybe she would like for someone to speak to her more than just alcohol talk.
Perhaps she was like me, lonesome and in strong need of company.
I can not even imagine working at a bar, super late, at night. It must be awful, having to serve drunk men that were crying over a lost girlfriend or job. She had to put up with seeing these people so unhappy every night that I could not understand how she could be happy herself, afterwards.
Don't you become like the ones you spend your time with? I had never seen anyone smile in there yet somehow, she was always wearing a smile on her lips. She was always alone when working and I had never seen another female around here. I wondered if she ever thought about the danger of being so young, beautiful and working so late, in a neighbourhood where women were rarely spotted. Only drunk men came here.
Maybe she was aware of it but liked the thrill. I have heard about people that act that way, they do things they know is dangerous but they only do it because it gives them an excitement. An excitement I haven't felt for years. Maybe I should try out that theory, though, I had nowhere to even start. What could possibly scare me so much that it would give me a thrill? Stealing? Leaking my own sex tape?
No, none of that. It would hardly work. I could not picture me getting a thrill of embarrassing myself, I would just go home (or here, to this bar) to grieve how low IQ I must have to be that stupid. A leaked sex tape? What was I thinking? Why would that help me get my excitement up? Plus, I had no one to make it with.
People would think I have lots of women around but the truth is, I have forgotten how to communicate with them. I have completely forgotten how to speak to women without stuttering my words or showing an interest in something that would make them catch their attention about me. I no longer can behave like a normal person, not around women nor anyone else either. I was a lost human soul that preferred to be alone.
If Bella doesn't count, that is.
I could picture myself together with her. She seemed similar to me and it both scared me and had me more interested. I didn't speak last night but neither did she, it was entirely my fault that the conversation died quickly and that the car ride continued with silence.
I had at least said goodbye, which I gave her no chance to reply with before I had shut the door harshly on her. I must have seen extremely bored or ungrateful. Which is, why I was here. I told her, thank you for the ride, but I could say it again. All I wanted to do was to see her.
But it was closed and I had to come up with something to do for four hours before it opened again. The opening hours told me so, at least.
I considered wandered around the neighbourhood but then realised it would only cause me to get my wallet ripped out of my hand in a street robbery by some drunk. I have heard lots about this neighbourhood and I knew that guns were a natural thing to wear around these corners. So, I changed my mind about taking a walk.
Instead, it occurred to me that I could sit in my car and wait. I had sixty percent battery left on my phone which should be more than enough to stream a movie. If not, I think I had left a charger somewhere.
I did as my thoughts told me to and sat down in the car. There were thousands of different movie options available but for some reason, I did not find any of them interesting. It was like having a gorgeous buffet in front of you but not feeling hunger whatsoever.
Eventually, I gave up. I sunk down in my seat, thinking of other possible things I could do and just as I was thinking of driving home again, I noticed a shadow sneaking into the bar's exit door. I could tell who it was by the curves and dark hair and before I could even think things through, I was already hurrying out the door.
"Hey, Bella!" I shouted after her. She froze before she turned around, by then I was already close enough to touch her. Which I, of course, did not. "I wanted to say thank you for last night."
She looked me up and down, making me feel judged and I instantly regretted my choice of outfit. Perhaps I should have thought about impressing her a bit more. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"
"Yeah?" I said with a little laugh, feeling stupid. "Uh, you met me last night at this bar."
Once again, she looked me up and down and I could tell she was trying really hard to remember me. I felt ashamed and realised this was the exact reason to why I could no longer speak to women. I had already made a fool out of myself and I had only spoken a few sentences to this girl. My chances with her were basically thrown out the window already. I was completely embarrassed.
"Oh, yeah!" She suddenly said and snapped her fingers quickly. "You were the guy with the hat!"
Now I was thinking she was doing this on purpose. Something told me she did remember me and that she was just playing around with me but at the same time her reaction felt so real. She then smiled, proud of herself for remembering and I hated myself for telling her the truth. I should have just gone with her lie but it was already too late because I had already shaken my head to her.
"No, you drove me home."
She squeezed her green, hazel eyes and tilted her head slightly. It took her a few seconds before she let out a whistle, "Yeah, I remember now. Well, that's a tad awkward."
"You have some British in you?" I asked but it came out rather as a statement. She looked confused and shook her head, mumbling something about why I would think that. I laughed, "you used a British slang so I figured."
"I could be British if I wanted to be."
I tried to ignore her weird way of speaking and followed her inside the bar. It smelled strange and I could not help but notice the dust laying everywhere. It was a kitchen but an unused and old one. "You used to serve burgers too or something?"
"I don't know," She shrugged, "I only work here at night. I recently applied for this job so I've only been working for a few months. This kitchen seems to not have been used for ages. Maybe it was already here when the owner bought this place."
I nodded, looking around. The place was untouched but as quickly as she showed me into the familiar bar place, just on the other side of the door, I saw that the kitchen was useless anyway. All the alcohol was standing in front of me, underneath the disk that I usually sat on the opposite side of. I was standing in the same place as her.
Then I realised that the time was too soon for opening hours. "Why are you here so early?"
"I am here when I want to be."
I nodded, though, I didn't understand. My eyes wandered over her body as she bent over to grab some empty, dirty, glasses and put them in the washing machine. I couldn't help but lick my lips at her delicate curves that made her waist look super thin but her ass big. She had an incredible body figure from head to toe.
I took a few steps forward, some sort of confidence kicking in as I suddenly found myself touching her waist. Bella froze. I had come this far but now I didn't know what to do next. Slowly but carefully, I moved her hair to the other side of her head and pressed a kiss, two kisses, onto her shoulder and neck.
She took a deep breath, I could feel her entire body moving upwards underneath me. I waited for her to let out the breath but she held it inside. It wasn't until I let go of her that she puffed out the rest of the air.
I waited for some sort of reaction but only a few seconds later, she acted as if nothing happened and continued cleaning some glasses.
Suddenly my confidence died again, apparently, that was not what I should have been doing. Thing is, she didn't seem to care about my touch. It was like it never happened and it was barely even awkward between us. She completely denied the fact that I had just tried something.
Instead of thinking too much about it, I tried to not make a huge deal out of it and calm my nerves. The way she had pushed me away unnoticeably and continued doing, whatever it was that she was doing, made me feel rejected and I could feel the anxiety build up inside of me. If she only knew how nervous I was around women. I kept feeling that I wasn't welcomed around girls, that they for some reason had heard all the rumours about me using women and then after that decided that they don't want me anymore.
I was no longer playing games because I had no one to play it on. If that even made sense?
I felt terrible for touching her without reason all of a sudden and I felt the need to apologise. It had been quiet for over five minutes between us and I had to collect a lot of courage to break that silence, "I didn't mean to do that."
She stopped dead in her tracks, freezing her movements as the water kept running harshly on her skin. It didn't bother her. For ten seconds, I thought she would turn around and slap me. It looked like she was considering it but in the end, she simply stopped the water from running and turned around to face me.
"I'm sure you didn't."
I couldn't tell if her voice was sarcastic or not. She was smirking and didn't sound too sad about it, no sympathy at all. Not because I was sure I needed sympathy anyway. I think I was the one who should have sympathy for her considering I touched her without her permission. Her smirk told me she was fine with it but the tone of her voice told me different.
It was impossible to read.
"I hope I didn't do anything wrong," I said and immediately cursed myself afterwards for sounding so stupid. I did something wrong and I was aware of it but I couldn't phrase myself on the situation, "I mean, I'm sorry I... Uh... That I... touched," I cleared my throat, "I mean-"
"It's okay," Bella smiled and it looked like her face could outshine the sun itself. She was suddenly very happy instead and her mood swings almost scared me. Maybe I was being paranoid, though, she had nothing to be suspicious about and nothing to be sad about. It's just my mind playing games on me again, making me feel worthless as usual. "You didn't do anything wrong but I'm at work and I want to keep things professional around here."
I nodded, a huge relief washing over me.
I interpreted her sentence as if she didn't exactly reject me - it just was not the time nor place. It made me question myself whether or not I should ask her out tonight. Take her out somewhere nice. She would fall into my arms immediately and then she could stay there. I could make her happy for one night and then she'd realise she'll need me to make her happy for the rest of her days too.
I asked her out multiple times in my head, searching for the best way to say it out loud but each time I tried to open my mouth; the words never made its way. They stayed unsaid and once again I felt completely useless. God, where did all my courage go? When did I become such a coward?
Just ask her, Justin.
"What time is it?" She spoke just when I was about to open my mouth to say the words. If I would have done it two seconds earlier, it would have been done and said now. A part of me was happy that she interrupted while the second part was furious because I knew my chance just got blown off.
I checked my iPhone, seeing the screen light up to tell me it was nearing five pm. I told her so and she suddenly looked up, something terrifying came across her face as if she had seen a ghost and it took her two seconds to grab my hand and flew out of the bar together with her through the dusty kitchen.
"I'm not supposed to be here right now," She whispered in explanation to her sudden outburst to get out of there. I gave her a confused look but she didn't tell me more than that. I figured she had her working hours and if she worked more than that, her boss might think she's going to require more money. Maybe she just really liked that bar.
I didn't question her about it but instead, let her drag me to behind the bar. She squealed with laughter as she pushed me up against her on the wall. I took a quick, deep breath and stared down at her eyes. She was definitely shorter than me. About eight inches shorter, I would guess.
For some reason, none of us moved positions. We locked eye contact and even though the silence was uncomfortable, it was still not awkward between us. I wish I would have known what to say in a situation like this but it was more comfortable knowing she didn't say anything either.
Kiss her, stupid.
I hesitated, knowing how my confidence will be wrecked if she rejected me. It was like my brain was telling me not to take the chance. Still, I felt braver than I had in a long time. Maybe it was the way she was shining of confidence, that brushed off on me. So I took the chance.
I leant down and was just about to touch her lips with mine when she tilted her head slowly. Immediately, I felt a huge heavy weight on my shoulders and I wanted to disappear through the earth.
"I'm too young," she whispered, "I don't want you in any trouble."
My brain told me to back off after hearing her words. She was too young and I should simply accept that, knowing it wouldn't end too well for me. But my heart was telling me that it couldn't be that bad. I knew she was young, I had been able to tell for a long time, but I was still here, right? Why should I stop getting close now? This is all I've been wanting for weeks. "How old are you?"
"Seventeen," Bella looked down at her hands, fumbling with them and it looked cute because I could suddenly tell she was nervous. "And a half."
A teasing smile showed up on her face and she slowly looked up to me again. Once again, she knew exactly what she was doing when she got those big puppy eyes and fluttered her eyelashes. Seventeen wasn't too bad, in fact, she was soon about to legal. How much harm could it be?
I shrugged, "I don't care."
//
Hola! How are you, my friends? I am still just as excited about this story even though it's only the second (third) chapter of it. I haven't decided whether or not to count that first one, ha. How are you feeling about this?
Since it's a new story and you have no idea of the direction of it - I would love to hear your expectations on the story. What do you think will happen? What's your feeling of the story?
I have literally not given out any clues about this story at all or why/how I've written it (since it's already completed with all drafts) so it would be fun to see if you think it's going to be like romantic and they'll get married or if she's going to kill him?????? idk????? what do you think?
I obviously already know the answer myself :)
xoxo,
maybelline